Chapter 3: Nudist Griffins

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Quahog. Everyone was greeted with the smell of sausages cooking in the kitchen.

"Good morning, everyone," Lois said cheerfully as everyone came downstairs.

"I hope we can have a pleasant morning without you talking about your sex with Peter," Stewie mumbled, still feeling tired.

"I was thinking today would be a nice day to go watch a movie, just the two of us. It could be like a date," Lois suggested.

"Oooh! Oooh! I want to see the new Planet of the Apes movie," Peter said excitedly.

"Peter, are you sure you want to see another lousy remake?" Lois asked skeptically.

"Lousy? Oh come on! That movie's gonna kick ass!"

"I know. How about we see Contagion? I heard it's pretty good."

"Lois, that movie sucks."

"How would you know? You haven't even seen it yet."

"Because Lois, Matt Damon is in it. Matt Damon."

"What! That's ridiculous! Matt Damon is a terrific actor. Good Will Hunting. Saving Private Ryan. Bourne Identity. True Grit."

"Lois, all those movies suck!"

"I bet you've never even seen any of those movies," Lois shot back.

"Of course I haven't seen any of those movies, Lois. Matt Damon's in them."

"I wouldn't recommend seeing the new Planet of the Apes movie because monkeys are evil," said Chris. Suddenly, he saw the evil monkey pointing at him from the stairs. "Ahh!"

"See? Chris agrees with me. If you don't want to see Contagion how about we see the new Harry Potter movie or the new X-Men movie?"

"No. My mind is made up. It's either Planet of the Apes or nothing."

"Oh, fine," Lois sighed in disappointment. "We'll go see Planet of the Apes. But you owe me."

Meanwhile, at the theater, Lois and Peter were in the back row with everyone else in front of them. Peter was snacking on some Skittles he had purchased from the concession stand. Lois was extremely bored. Come on! It's just a bunch of stupid monkeys trying to take over the world. What could possibly be so interesting about that?

Awesome! Peter thought to himself as he watched an ape blow up a helicopter with a bazooka.

Hmmm… Lois was thinking hard of a way she could make her boredom go away. Suddenly she came up with a naughty idea. She unbuttoned a few buttons on the top of her shirt, took the bag of Skittles away from Peter and poured them down her shirt.

Peter, who had not yet seen what Lois was doing with the Skittles, was caught off guard. "Lois… what are you doing?"

"Why don't you reach in there?" she whispered seductively, turning her chest toward Peter. Peter stared into her enormous cleavage. At first he was a little nervous and hesitant about reaching down there to get his Skittles in a public setting. But her breasts looked so tempting that he ignored his initial fear and reach into the depths of her bosom to get the Skittles. Peter loved the way Lois's boobs felt. He had now lost all interest in the movie and kept sticking his hand down Lois's shirt to get to his snack. Lois became very turned on by being felt up in public. But soon the Skittles bag was empty with still at least another two hours left in the movie.

"I'll be right back, Peter. I'm just gonna go to the concession stand to get more Skittles," Lois said kissing her husband.

Lois approached the concession stand forgetting to button back up the top few buttons on her shirt. "Yes, can I help you?" asked the man at the concession stand.

"Yes, I'd like 3 bags of Skittles please."

However, the man became distracted, noticing an array of colors all over the skin of her chest.

"Did you hear me?" Lois asked when she realized the man was drooling over her chest.

"Oh, sorry," the man said blushing when he realized he had been caught staring at her breasts. "Yes, 3 bags of breasts, I mean Skittles, coming up."

Lois returned with the bags of Skittles. "I hope you like the rest of the movie," Lois said, giggling naughtily as she opened a bag and poured some down her shirt. Lois looked in front of her while Peter reached down her shirt. Everyone in the audience had their eyes glued to the screen as the apes were busy killing people, but the idea that someone might turn around at any given moment and catch Peter fondling her made her very horny.

Soon the movie ended, and Peter and Lois started walking back toward their car holding each other in their arms. "So did you enjoy the movie?" Lois asked slyly after they had left the theater.

"I sure did. My favorite part was my snack. Hehehehehehehehehe!" Lois giggled at Peter's joke. "But seriously, I am so horny right now. We need to hurry up and get back home."

Lois drove on the way back.

"Come on, Lois. Can't you go any faster?" complained Peter. Lois smiled liking how her ideas for increasing her husband's sex drive had worked so effectively. As soon as they arrived at home, Stewie was there to greet them.

"Mom, dad, can you change me? The dog refuses to change me, and I think I'm getting a rash."

"Hurry, Peter. There's no time to deal with Stewie right now." Peter and Lois both ran upstairs past Stewie and straight into their bedroom.

"Ahhhh! That was wonderful," said Lois after they finished making love. "You know … foolin' around in public was kind of hot!"

"It sure was."

"I kept thinking we would get caught, but we never did. Don't you think it would be hot if we did it in a place where we could get caught?"

"I sure do, Lois."

"I think I have some ideas where we could do it."

That weekend Peter and Lois went out of town to a hotel by the beach.

"Yes, we'd like to check out a room for two, please," Lois told the receptionist at the hotel lobby.

The receptionist gave them their key, and they went to their room. However, when they got there Lois was completely dissatisfied.

"What's wrong, honey?" asked Peter.

"This room has no view of the pool," complained Lois.

"So?"

"So there's not enough danger in getting caught," she said sadly. "I want a different room!"

Peter sighed. "Alright. We'll see if we can get a different room."

"Yes, can I help you?" the receptionist asked when they returned.

"We'd like a different room, please. Preferably one on the second floor that has a view of the pool," Lois stated.

"We can do that, but there will be a $50 fee."

"What! A $50 fee! That's outrageous!" cried Peter.

"Come on, Peter. Can't you just do it? For me? Please," begged Lois.

"Ah, fine!" Peter handed the receptionist $50.

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll make it worth your while," she told him seductively.

"Here's your key for your new room."

Peter and Lois went to their hotel room on the second floor. Lois opened the blinds of their room on the second floor, allowing them a view of the pool where they could see plenty of kids playing and their parents watching them. She also left the door to their room slightly ajar. "Let's have sex right here in front of this window."

They began kissing each other in front of the window. Peter's hands wandered along her curves and found their way toward her butt cheeks. Peter bent down his head and stuck his tongue in between Lois's boobs.

"I brought you all some extra towels," said a hotel maid entering their room. "Oh dear God!" She ran upon seeing them naked.

"Peter we just got caught. Now I'm feeling really turned on!"

After they had finished making love, Lois looked out the window to see if anyone from the pool area had looked up. The kids were busy splashing each other and playing Marco Polo. The parents were still looking over their kids. It seemed that no one had glanced up at the window while they were doing it.

The next Saturday Lois was getting ready to go to the gym.

"Why don't you come to the gym with me?" she asked her husband.

"I don't know. I'm kind of tired right now. I think I'll go sit outside in my chair with my beer and lemonade."

"Peter, every Saturday you either sit outside or just watch TV. Why don't you do something different for a change? Besides you could really use the exercise."

Peter just sat on the couch and moaned.

"You owe me after I took you to see that Planet of the Apes movie. Remember?"

"Well alright," Peter sighed. "I knew that was gonna come back to bite me in the ass." Little did he know that Lois was actually dragging him to the gym for a different reason.

Lois and Peter were the first two people to arrive in the room where the gym class was being held. Then Jillian came in. "Hi Mr. Griffin," said Jillian. "I haven't seen you here before."

"Yeah, Lois made me come," Peter replied.

"See those bikes over there?" said Jillian. She was pointing to a set of bikes that one would use for a spin class at the gym. "I keep peddling on them, but I always stay in the same spot for some reason. They don't ever move. I see other people peddle on them, but for some reason they never move either."

"Yeah, I know. What is up with that?" Peter replied sharing Jillian's confusion.

Are you serious? Lois thought to herself. I mean I love you, Peter, but my God you're as dumb as Jillian.

Then the other members of the gym came. These people included the Black Knight's wife, the sexy women at Quagmire's party that Stewie sang Hungry Eyes to (the women from Emission Impossible), and the sexy woman who wanted to give Stewie a Barney pen when Peter had a bar in his basement. Other people came in too, but these were the people that Peter took the most notice of. Then the gym teacher who happened to be Bruce the Performance Artist came in.

"Okay everyone. Let's do some stretching exercises for 10 minutes," said Bruce.

"You know, Peter, if you don't want to do any of the exercises, you can just sit back and watch," Lois told her husband. She was really hoping he would do this instead of the exercises.

"Okay," Peter said glad to be getting out of doing the exercises. Peter sat back and watched everyone else stretch. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by all the eye candy in front of him as he watched all the women bend over. He couldn't stop staring at the fantastic bodies of all the women in front of him with the way their large breasts and nice butts swayed. First his eyes were on the Black Knight's wife. Then his eyes wandered over to Jillian, then to the sexy women from Quagmire's party, and the Barney-pen woman. He imagined all sorts of sinful acts he could do to their bodies. Then when everyone was finished with the warm-up stretching, his eyes darted toward his own wife who was staring right at him.

Uh-oh! Peter thought to himself. She's probably angry at me for staring at all those women. I can't help it, Lois. I'm only a man. Of course, she did notice him staring at all the other women, but she wasn't angry. In fact, it was exactly what she wanted him to do. Pretty soon everyone was finished with their warm-up stretching and Lois came over toward Peter.

"Peter, I've got a naughty idea," whispered Lois. "Why don't we go into the massage room while everyone is doing their exercises?" Lois knew that Peter would be in the mood after seeing all those women.

Lois and Peter walked over into the massage room nearby while everyone else was getting ready to exercise. Lois began massaging Peter's back and then moved her hands to the lower part of his body.

"Lois, how did you get so good at this?"

"Bruce gave me some lessons on giving massages. That and it's sort of a natural talent."

Then she took off her shirt, got under the covers with him, and started rubbing her breasts on his crotch. Anyone exercising in the room next door could easily walk in on them, and that made it so much more enjoyable for Lois.

Lois and Peter came out of the massage room after everyone had finished exercising.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin. Where did you go?" asked Jillian.

"Oh, my husband was having back pains so I gave him a massage in the other room."

"Yes. It was very pleasurable," said Peter as he and Lois started laughing.

"Well okay," said Jillian not sure why they were laughing. "I'll see you next weekend I guess."

The following Friday Lois saw an advertisement in a newspaper about a carnival that was coming to town on Sunday. There would be all sorts of games, clowns, acrobats, monkeys, and elephants. It was a carnival that attracted around a thousand people every year.

"Peter, come look at this," Lois said showing Peter the newspaper article. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked slyly.

Peter nodded happily.

When the day for the carnival arrived Lois came downstairs wearing some short shorts and a white shirt with no bra while Peter had on his usual clothes.

"What do you think of my outfit?" she asked her husband.

"I love it. Let's go."

When they arrived at the carnival the first thing they did was purchase some ice cream cones. Peter had his hand on Lois's ass while enjoying his ice cream. They saw a woman walking by with her children and her husband, looking at them in a disgusted manner.

"Stop doing that in front of my children!" she cried angrily. "Do you really think it's appropriate for children to see that kind of behavior?"

"Oh, sorry, ma'am," Peter said, feeling ashamed of himself and about to take his hand off Lois's butt.

"Keep it there, Peter," Lois whispered to her husband. "I want other people to look. It's a turn-on."

The woman grew extremely angry when she saw that Peter was keeping his hand on Lois's butt. "Just wait till I tell the manager about this! I have connections with him, you know." Then she turned and saw her husband checking out Lois and slapped him hard. "Richard!"

"Oww!" he replied in embarrassment.

"She can crawl under a rock and die," Lois whispered to her husband when they were a safe distance from her. Peter laughed.

"Oooh! Peter! Look!" Lois said pointing to one of the games. It was a game in which there were six bottles stacked on top of one another with 3 on the bottom, 2 in the middle, and one on the top. You had to throw a ball and knock down all the bottles in one try to win.

"Win me that giant teddy bear, Peter," Lois told her husband. Peter played the game and successfully knocked down all the bottles.

"Yay! You won me the teddy bear!" Lois leaped into Peter's arms and kissed her husband.

Then they saw another game. It was a game in which you would shoot water out of a gun and into a hole. There was a ball that would rise when water was shot through the hole. You had to make the ball reach a red line.

"Oooh! Let's play this game," said Lois.

They both played. Lois got her ball to reach the red line first.

"Ha! I beat you, Peter. In your face!"

"Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna get you." Peter pointed his water gun toward Lois and sprayed her. Lois laughed really hard. She was having so much fun at the carnival.

"I'm gonna get you back for that," Lois shouted. Lois charged toward Peter as if she were about to attack him and then leapt on him. They fell to the ground where they began making out passionately.

A man, who happened to be the guy that worked at Cheesy Charlie's from Chitty Chitty Death Bang, tapped them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but a woman just complained to me about the way you two have been acting."

"Oh, yeah? And who do you think you are telling us what to do?" Peter shot back.

"My name is Charlie, and I am the manager of this carnival. And if you don't stop this inappropriate behavior I will throw you out."

"Charlie? Wait! I remember you," said Peter suddenly recognizing the man. "You're that jackass from Cheesy Charlie's who cancelled our reservations for our son's first birthday party."

The man's face grew extremely red. "You've been warned. And should you not heed my warning, I will make sure you two get banned from my carnivals permanently! Got it?"

"I bet something crawled up that guy's ass and died," joked Peter as soon as he walked away. They started walking toward a concession stand for some food when Peter came up with a crazy idea.

"Hey Lois, I'll race you to the food stand."

"Your on."

Now keep in mind that Lois was feeling very sexually aroused from just making out with Peter which made her nipples hard. Also remember that Lois was wearing a white shirt with no bra and that Peter has just wet her with his water gun. A bunch of crazy hormone-driven teenagers took notice of Lois's big breasts bouncing up and down as she raced Peter to the food stand. They reached the food stand at about the same time and purchased some hot dogs and fries. They sat under a tent to enjoy their food.

"So … are you excited about our big plan for the night?" Lois asked Peter. Peter nodded excitedly.

"Why don't I help you get in the mood?" she asked her husband seductively. She did this by sitting in Peter's lap while putting fries in his mouth. Lois could tell Peter liked the way her butt felt against his crotch when she felt something hard touch one of her cheeks.

"The show's about to start," Lois told Peter after he had finished eating. Indeed one of the performers was about to do a tightrope walking act under the main tent. Lois and Peter snuck in the back where all the performers kept their outfits.

"Alright Peter. Let's do it right here."

Lois and Peter had taken off all their clothes and tossed them over by a monkey cage.

"Oh, Peter," Lois giggled. Peter was being very aggressive and Lois liked it. She could see that she had really gotten him in the mood by sitting on his lap. Little did they know that the monkeys in the cage had taken their clothes and eaten them.

Meanwhile Charlie the manager was about to announce the event but couldn't find his microphone.

"Are you about to announce me?" asked Dave Campbell, the man about to perform the tightrope walking act.

"I will as soon as I can figure out where my damn microphone is."

"Are you sure you can do this?" Dave's wife Dottie asked him.

"Of course I can, sweetheart. Trust me. I'll be safe."

Suddenly, a loud noise rang through the entire tent.

"SHIZAM!"

"I think I know where that noise came from," said Charlie. He then turned toward a couple of security guards. "Guys, go check the back and see if anyone is there. There shouldn't be any performers back there right now."

"Uh, Peter …" Lois began fearfully. "Why did that noise sound so loud?" They looked at their surroundings and saw a microphone lying on the ground. They heard footsteps coming.

"Quick let's get our clothes back on," said Lois. However, they soon saw that the monkeys had eaten their clothes.

"Oh crap!" cried Peter.

"Peter, you big idiot! Why do you have to go and make that damn noise every time you have an orgasm? Now we're gonna get caught because of you."

"Me? You're the one who keeps trying to tempt me with more sex. Besides, this was your idea." Peter and Lois began arguing with each other.

"Hold it right there!" a voice yelled. It was the manager of the carnival. "You two? I should've known you two wouldn't behave yourselves. And I did know. Officers, arrest those two."

The security guards were about to handcuff them when someone came to the rescue.

"Don't arrest them!" cried the tightrope walker.

"And why not?" demanded the manager.

"Because they're nudists!" he replied.

(A/N: Yes, this is Dave Campbell, the nudist in From Method to Madness.)

"Hold on. I don't buy it. I saw you two wearing clothes earlier today."

"Yeah, well this was their first day as nudists and they were nervous," explained Dave.

"What were you two doing back here in the first place?"

"Uhh… we were just checking out the monkeys?" Lois replied nervously.

"Only employees are allowed back here."

"Oh, sorry. I invited them back here. I forgot to tell you. So will you let them go, please?" Dave asked nicely.

"And why should I do that?"

"Because if you don't, I won't do my tightrope walking act."

"All right! They're off the hook." Then Charlie looked on the ground and found what he needed. "Hey, here's the microphone."

"I've got an idea," said Dave. "Why don't we invite them out? That way other people who are nudists at heart won't be afraid to express themselves."

"That sounds like a great idea," said Dottie.

The manager cringed. "Fine. You can introduce your friends to your fans before your act." Peter, Lois, Dave, Dottie, and Charlie all walked out on the stage before the audience.

"Everyone before I begin my act, I want to introduce you to my friends, the Griffins. Say hi to the Griffins everyone."

"Hi!" they all shouted.

Lois and Peter waved to the crowd shyly while everyone stared at their naked bodies.

"When my wife and I first decided to become nudists we were scared. Many people still don't accept us for who we are. But you know what? We're proud of who we are, nudists. And we're proud to have Lois and Peter Griffin as nudists. And to all those who are nudists at heart, don't be afraid to be who you are."

The audience applauded Dave's speech. Then everyone started taking pictures of Lois.

The woman Lois and Peter had bumped into earlier glared angrily at the two new nudists. Then she turned toward her husband and caught him ogling Lois again.

"Richard!" she yelled and slapped him again.

"Ladies and gentlemen," began Charlie. "Are you ready to see Dave walk the rope?"

"Yeah!" they all cheered.

"Then … HERE! WE! GO!"

Dave climbed up the ladder and successfully walked across the rope to the other side.

"Yay!" everyone cheered.

Dave ran back to his wife and kissed her.

"You were wonderful, Dave."

"Thanks, honey."

"Well, I guess Peter and I should get going. I can't thank you enough for saving us back there."

"Well it's the least I could do after your husband rescued me from the harsh ocean waters."

"We'll see you two later," Lois said. And with that, Lois and Peter headed home. When they opened the door, they saw Chris was there to greet them.

"Uh … why are you two naked?" he asked.

"It's a long story, Chris," Peter answered.

First Submitted on 09/14/2011