Something was different. Buffy opened her eyes slowly, trying to figure out why she had the strangest feeling that her skin was to tight for her body. She was restless but at the same time she felt the need to keep completely still until she could figure out the source of her odd feeling. She immediately noticed that she was at home, curled up in bed with mr. Gordo. The real problem was she didn't remember how she had gotten here. While she took stock of her situation she heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs. They were walking like Dawnie but the footsteps were much louder than the one's her sister normally made. Buffy wondered on this for a moment until her bedroom door opened and let the light in from the hallway . Buffy sat up and looked at Dawn as she stood frozen in the doorway, juggling three of those green thermoses her mom had used for coffee when the coffee maker at the gallery had broken.
"Buffy?" Dawn whispered as she stood in the doorway just staring at her.
"Yeah, unless Faith has been by and body swapped us again." Buffy looked down at her familiar body." Yeah, same body. What's with the thermoses?" At Buffy's questions Dawn seemed to suddenly come unglued from her spot in the doorway and rushed to the bed. Buffy watched as Dawn, with shaking hands put two of the thermoses on the bedside table before handing her the third one.
"Hurry and drink this please," Dawn insisted as she almost shoved the thermos in her face . Buffy leaned away from the sudden onslaught, confused. With Dawn so close the restless feeling was growing and Buffy was fighting to keep herself in place on the bed.
"You're being weird Dawn. What's going on? I feel strange," Buffy asked confused. Dawn bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes tight. When she opened them again Buffy could see the tell tale traces of tears being held back.
"Just drink it Buffy, please," Dawn demanded as she shoved the thermos closer to her sister . Buffy took the thermos from her sister. She kept her eyes on Dawns face as she unscrewed the lid. Dawn was watching her intently and it was making Buffy feel even more on edge. All was forgotten though, as soon as the lid was off and Buffy caught the fist wif of what was inside of it. Buffy felt as if her stomach was going to turn inside out and felt something else break out from deep down inside of her. The feeling she had of her skin being too tight disappeared as she felt all the muscles in her face shift and the fangs break through her gums. She quickly put the thermos to her lips and began to chug. Somehow she knew it was blood that she was pouring into her mouth and sucking down like she was starved. She knew what the shifting muscles and the new set of teeth meant because she had felt it once before. As she drank down the last of the first thermos she was forced to remember what happened when she first moved to Sunnydale. Specifically that little boy, Billy, and what had happened to everyone when he was in a coma. Buffy finished off the blood and threw the thermos against the wall in a sudden rage. Dawn jumped but instead of running away she stood her ground and grabbed another thermos. Dawn shoved it towards Buffy again without a word, her eyes downcast. Buffy angrily took it and drank it as quickly as she could. This time, instead of throwing it at the wall, she held it in both hands and stared at it.
"How am I a vampire Dawn? The last thing I remember is fighting Glory. Then she turned into Ben and Spike broke his neck before the chip fired and knocked him out," Buffy demanded an answer from her her sister who still wouldn't meet her gaze. Buffy still felt the rage, but what she didn't feel was sad about Ben's death. That was different. "Well that answers the soul situation for now," Buffy whispered while she waited for Dawn to answer. When Dawn heard Buffy mention the soul she looked up hopefully. Buffy laughed bitterly. "Sorry, nope. It's flown out the window. I'm pretty sure if I still had my soul I'd be upset about Spike killing Ben. But right now I just don't care. I'm just glad the hell bitch is dead." Dawn looked stricken at Buffy's admission and she could tell her attitude was beginning to scare Dawn. She was so hopeful when Buffy had first woken up but the moment the blood came out things seemed to go down hill. Dawn gulped audibly.
"I'm so sorry Buffy... I just," Dawn paused as the words choked her. Buffy sighed at the look on Dawns face and forced herself to calm down. Buffy used the same inner strength she had learned to harness as the Slayer to push down the violent urges she got after a fight. It was strange how familiar these urges were, they just seemed less filtered than normal, more raw. It took more effort on her part but she managed to calm herself. She felt her face go back to normal and she could tell it helped Dawn relax a little.
"Hopefully everyone can figure out what's causing this soon because it is really hard to keep my temper in check right now. How's the research coming?Do we even know what's causing this?" Buffy paused as she waited for Dawn to answer. Confusion flashed across Dawns face before it went oddly blank.
"I know what caused it," Dawn said with a tremor in her voice that did not match the look she was giving Buffy.
"Well what is it then? Are the Scoobies working on fixing it?" Buffy demanded to know. She could actually hear Dawns heart rate pick up. The fact that she could hear it was wigsome but not as freaky as she had once thought.
"The Scoobies don't know. I couldn't take the chance that they'd dust you," Dawn said as the shake in her voice increased. Buffy's eyes widened.
"What? I'm so confused. What do you mean dust me? Last time we just took out the baddie?" Buffy exclaimed, raising her voice as she struggled to remain calm.
"There is no baddie this time, Buffy. You died and I'm so sorry but I couldn't lose you. I tried to get the bleeding to stop but it just kept coming and all I could think was that I was going to lose you, like mom. I couldn't just watch you die and do nothing!" Dawn rattled out quickly. Buffy suddenly had a Blurry memory flash across her mind of Dawn leaning over her, crying and begging her to be okay. Buffy was at a loss for words but Dawn continued speaking so she didn't have a chance to voice her confusion at how that had caused her to become a vampire. "I was just sitting there watching you slip away and then I looked over and Spike was still passed out. The chip went off when he killed Ben and I realized that since you were dying from blood loss that it was almost like being drained by a vamp. I figured if I got you vampire blood you would be able to come back, so that's what I did. I dragged Spike to you while he was passed out and gave you his blood," Dawn finished as her face crumbled and she let the tears fall. Buffy sat stunned. Rooted to her spot on the bed while she watched as Dawn cried.
Normally, she would comfort her little sister and tell her it was okay, that they would make it through this like they had made it through the divorce and then losing mom. But normally Buffy had a soul to help her empathize with the youngest Summers. Normally, but not anymore. Buffy could feel the metal thermos in her hands changing shape as she gripped it tighter.
"Get out of my room Dawn," Buffy ground out quietly through clenched teeth. Holding her anger in check as best as she could. Dawn sniffled loudly but stayed rooted to her spot. Buffy was aware Dawn might be scared but she didn't care. She needed breathing room and she needed it now. When Dawn didn't move after another few seconds Buffy's grip on her anger slipped slightly. "I SAID GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW DAWN!" Buffy felt her face shift again as she yelled. Dawn let out a surprised squeak and immediately turned and ran out of the room. Buffy heard Dawns bedroom door slam followed by the sound of the her sister sobbing. Buffy felt herself breathing hard as she stared out her open bedroom door. She held her breath to try and calm down and was even more angry when, after several minutes, she realized that she wasn't feeling that panicky urge to take a breath. She let the air out of her lungs and put her hand on her chest. The absence of the familiar thumping was terrifying. Her eyes burned with tears as the situation really began to sink in.
Buffy placed the empty thermos on her bedside table and stared daggers at the last full one. Her stomach was full but just thinking about the fact that it was there and within arms reach had her stomach demanding she pick it up. Buffy dug her heels in and refused. Instead, she got up out of bed and slammed her bedroom door closed. The wood protested under the force she used but it remained in one piece. Buffy walked over to her vanity and sat down. She knew what she would find in the mirror but seeing, or rather not seeing the face that had always looked back at her had Buffy breaking down, letting the tears finally fall. When she put her face in her hands she felt the ridges on her face and though the sobbing continued she let her anger loose once more and punched her vanity mirror, shattering it.
The next morning when Dawns alarm went off for school, Buffy still hadn't been to sleep. The sun was just rising and Buffy could feel it almost like a physical presence just on the edge of her awareness. When the alarm was snoozed Buffy heaved a heavy sigh and got up out of bed. She was an emotional roller coaster right now and just the fact that she was actually feeling all those emotions had her even more confused. She needed the house to herself so she could think without having to worry about Dawn being in the next room. Getting her off to school would be a great way to solve that problem. Buffy decided that she would put off any decisions about how she was going to deal with Dawn until later. Right now she just needed her out the door.
"Dawn! You need to wake up and get your butt ready for school." Buffy banged on her sister's door. She heard Dawn scramble to get out of bed before she ran to the door and opened it. Dawn looked at Buffy with a hopeful smile on her face that slowly fell as she realized the look Buffy was giving her was not a good one. Buffy noticed Dawn was still wearing the same pink t-shirt and jeans she had been wearing last night. "Get changed, you will not be late for school today. We don't need social services breathing down our necks right now," Buffy told her with ice in her voice. Dawn felt the distance between them like a physical ache. "I'll be down stairs making breakfast," Buffy stated before she turned and walked away.
Once in the kitchen Buffy set about making herself stay busy by scrambling some eggs and burning some toast. She smelt the charred bread as it began to smoke just as Dawn made her way into the kitchen. Buffy unplugged the toaster to get the toast to pop out and then played with the eggs before she put the blackened slices and eggs in front of Dawn, who was sitting at the island doing her best to see through the countertop.
"Thank you." Buffy heard Dawn mutter dejectedly. When Dawn began to slowly eat her food Buffy sat down opposite her.
"I have some more questions," Buffy said, causing Dawn to stop chewing and look up at her. "Who all knows?"
"Just me and Clem," Answered Dawn.
"Who's Clem?" Buffy asked, trying to put a face to the name.
"He'a a demon friend of Spikes. One that he trusts. I didn't know who else to call that would help me get you home and not want to hurt you or Spike," Dawn clarified.
"Did Spike call him? And wait, doesn't Spike know?" Buffy asked. Dawn shook her head no.
"As of last night Spike was still unconscious. The chip hurt him pretty bad. Clem said it didn't help that I had you take almost all of the blood he had before you, um, you know, died. And I'm the one who called Clem. Well, I didn't know his number but I got lucky and I called Willy's and asked for him and he was there. I told him Spike needed help so he came. He took Spike back to his place to heal after he helped me get you here," Dawn elaborated.
"Okay, we'll talk about you making demon friends later. But just to clarify, none of our friends know? Not even Giles? There's no chance anyone of the little scabby guys got away and have been spending the last few days blabbing to everyone?" Buffy asked again choosing to put the Clem issue on the back burner.
"I've been giving everyone the run around saying you were still recovering from the fight and that you were sad because you had to kill Ben. Willow and Tara dropped by but Willow looked in on you and it just looked like you were sleeping so she left. I told them all you'd call or come to the Magic Box when you were ready to talk" Dawn finished. Buffy let her story sink in and got hung up on one part.
"Hold up, you told them I killed Ben? Why would you do that Dawn?" Buffy demanded. Dawn shrank back a little at her brisk tone.
"If I told them Spike did it they wouldn't care that Ben was the host to a hell god bent on destroying the world. Admit it, even you would have been, 'Spike killed a human, we have to dust him now.' It wouldn't have mattered that he was protecting me and helping you. He fried his brain to save us, Buffy. He could have just let Ben run." Dawn actually met Buffy's eyes in challenge to defend Spike. It made Buffy pause and think. As much as she hated to admit it, Dawn had a point. So she put that on the back burner too. Buffy had so much to think about while Dawn was at school, and apparently some phone calls to make. She saw Dawn look at the clock. "I gotta go, Janice's mom will be here any second." Dawn got down and headed to the front door, grabbing her book bag off the dining room table on the way. She was about to head out the door when Buffy finally pulled her thoughts back together.
"Dawn, one more question. I know you said you're sorry ,but be honest. Do you regret it?" She asked Dawn wearily. Dawns hand paused on the door knob. Without even turning around to face Buffy, she shook her head in an obvious negative.
"No, I don't," Dawn stated quietly before opening the door and heading out into the morning sunlight, leaving Buffy alone, trapped inside the house to think about the turn her life had just taken.
