Chapter Three
If there was one thing Tahiri was absolutely certain about it was that she would never be any good at Jedi mediation. How was it that a person was expected to completely clear their mind of everything – especially when that person had the kind of emotional baggage she did? In particular, a Yuuzhan Vong alter ego named Riina running around in her head making her feel like she was losing her mind half the time. But even that was different now. When she had given in to Riina on the Drifter something had changed. While Riina still existed as a separate personality, she felt like there had been some kind of merging of minds between them. To what extent, she wasn't sure but even now could feel the residual effects of it. That probably explained how she was able to sense Yuuzhan Vong.
Not that these things hadn't been achieved without consequences. Connecting with Riina had been overwhelming, so much so she had let both her anger and Riina's control her. Both hated what had been done to them; both wanted to be free and above all else both wanted to make the Yuuzhan Vong suffer for what they had done. She had slaughtered countless Yuuzhan Vong without remorse and if Master Horn hadn't stopped her Tahiri shuddered to think of where she would be right now.
She had experienced firsthand the kind of power available to her. She was strong and with her ability to sense Yuuzhan Vong she had been all but unstoppable. It terrified her to know that she had that kind of darkness within her – had always been inside her. If she wanted it, that kind of power and control could be hers again. She could put an end to the war, make the Yuuzhan Vong suffer for their crimes...
Tahiri let out a shaky breath. She definitely did not want to start down that path again. So where did that leave her? She was a half trained Jedi at best and every chance Master Horn had given her she had managed to screw up either in complete disobedience or because she had been arrogant enough to think she knew better than a Jedi Master.
"As long as we don't run into any Interdictors, we should reach Hapes before tomorrow," Corran announced, strolling into the back cargo hold of the small Mandalorian freighter. He tossed a cylindrical-like object to her that she caught with ease.
She threw him a quizzical look. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"I didn't realize you had developed a case of amnesia. It's a lightsaber."
"I know what it is," she said, frowning. "But why are you giving me yours?"
"To practice with since you don't have one at the moment. Last time we trained your footwork had improved but it could still be better."
Tahiri was silent for a time, running her hands over the cold metallic object in her hands. "I already told you not to waste any more time on me. Haven't I disappointed you enough?"
Corran sighed. "Look, we both screwed up. I should have been paying closer attention and you should have listened more. But I'm willing to put that behind us and move forward if you are."
"What if I can't?"
The Jedi Master briefly touched her Force presence, feeling the fear and doubt swirling around her like a thick fog. "You're scared. That's good – you should be after what you've been through. That fear will remind you of what can happen when you let things like anger and hate control you."
"I thought fear was a dark side emotion."
"Everything in moderation. It's unrealistic to expect a person to never be jealous or spiteful or even fearful. It's human nature. What's important is how you choose to deal with it – you can either drown in it or accept it and move on."
Drown in it or accept it and move on. Tahiri mulled over the Jedi Master's words, feeling like she had done more than her fair share of drowning over the past couple of years. According to Corran, the only way for her to break that cycle was to accept what had happened – what had been done to her – and move on. Easier said than done.
Moving her thumb over the switch, Master Horn's lightsaber hummed to life in her hands. Tahiri realized the first step toward that was to stop sitting around feeling sorry for herself. She could feel his renewed belief in her and what she was capable of if she just applied herself. She vowed not to let him down this time.
[*[*[*[*[*[
As she returned to her quarters late at night, Jaina wondered if Kyp was starting to think he had gotten more than he bargained for by taking her on as his apprentice. She would certainly keep his ego in check. The same could also be said of her. More than once that night he had put her in her place during a sparring session. Surprisingly he didn't gloat or rub it in. He actually used her defeats to point out where there were holes in her fighting style and made recommendations on corrections. It had only been a couple of days but so far he had proved to be a pretty capable teacher.
Of course there were certain problems her Jedi teacher couldn't help her with. One of those problems was standing outside her quarters waiting for her. She slowed her pace, giving herself a bit more time to think before she reached him. If she was honest with herself she had been avoiding being alone with Jag since leaving Vjun.
Whatever had started between them before he had been ordered back to the Unknown Regions was very much at the forefront of Jaina's mind. But when he had returned weeks later to help initiate an alliance between the Ascendancy and Empire his attitude toward her had been extremely cold. She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve such treatment. She had been angry at him for awhile but after some time it began to bother her less. What did it matter anyways? The reality was she couldn't see a future that involved herself and Jag together. They lived on opposite ends of the galaxy and she would never ask him to put her first over his military duties, or vice versa. Even knowing all that from the start she had still let herself fall for him and that was why his leaving had hurt so much – though she had never admitted that to anyone.
She hadn't expected Jag to seek her out like this and now she had little choice but to speak to him.
"I hope you haven't been waiting long," she said as she approached him.
"Only a few minutes," he responded.
"What were you planning on doing if I didn't show up?"
"I would have waited," he said in all seriousness. "Sooner or later you would have returned. May I come in so we can talk?"
"I think we can just talk out here. It's late – no one's around."
"Here it is then." He didn't appear put off by her refusal to speak with him inside her quarters.
She looked at Jag expectantly. When he didn't speak, she did a quick probe of his aura and found it hard to keep her eyes from widening in shock. He was nervous! Jag had incredible mental discipline for a non-Force sensitive but it was there, a small chink in his mental armor that allowed Jaina to read him. To pry any further would be an invasion of his privacy so she waited patiently for him to finally speak.
"As you know, I've been given a new assignment to help train the Empire's pilots on how to engage the Yuuzhan Vong in battle," he started. "It was one of the conditions the Empire threw in as part of having an alliance with the Ascendancy. Most of their current pilots have never seen actual combat, so it was an expected request. I wanted to ask for your help with this task."
"Me?"
"You have years of combat experience against a number of different Yuuzhan Vong weaponry and ships. You are perfectly qualified."
"I'm flattered you would ask."
"If you're worried about it taking you away from your squadron it won't," Jag added, feeling like she might decline. "That will still come first. This will be more of a side project."
"With just the two of us?"
"Yes, at least to start. I'm not sure how well this is going to work. Once we have a proper training plan figured out I'll consider asking others to help us." After a moment, he added, "it will also give us more of an opportunity to spend time together."
Despite her best efforts, Jaina felt her cheeks flush. It was crazy the kind of effect Jag could have on her with a few words.
"You still haven't given me your answer."
"Yes. I'd be happy to help out."
The gap between them had closed considerably over the last several moments and now Jag's face was only inches away from hers. She knew what was going to happen, what she could have easily let happen but her conscience got the better of her.
"Jag... wait."
"What is it?" He said, his lips still very dangerously close to hers.
"I'm... Zekk and I..." She struggled to find the right words but one look at Jag's face told her she didn't have to worry about saying anything more.
He straightened. "I see. I guess I incorrectly assumed that it wasn't serious between the two of you."
"Hang on, what are you talking about?" How could he have even known they were together? Last time they had discussed Zekk, she had confirmed for Jag that they were nothing more than friends.
"When I first came back to galactic space I ran into Zekk on my way to see you. He made it fairly clear there was something between the two of you."
Jaina's mind was spinning. There had most certainly been nothing going on between the two of them at that point in time. She wasn't sure what Zekk had said to make Jag believe that but it certainly explained Jag's hostile attitude toward her afterward.
"He's in there right now, isn't he? That's why you didn't want me to come in."
"Jag, there's some things I need to explain – "
"It's obvious you've chosen Zekk," he cut her off. "I will respect your decision and not interfere."
"Jag – "
But it was no use. He was already walking away.
[*[*[*[*[*[
Jaina glared at Zekk, hands on her hips. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"
The only thing that stopped Jaina from unleashing her temper on him the moment she entered her quarters was their years of friendship. She thought she should at least give him the benefit of the doubt even when she was pretty sure she had every reason to be angry with him.
"Is there a reason why talking to Jag should make you this upset?"
Of course he had eavesdropped on their conversation. She wondered how much of it he had heard. She pushed that thought aside. It was only derailing her purpose then. "You tell me. He seemed to be under the impression you and I have been something of a couple for awhile now. What did you say to him?"
Zekk shifted uncomfortably, not quite meeting her gaze as he spoke. "I ran into him when he came back. It was early in the morning after we'd spent the night going through all the Holo security footage on the Ralroost. He saw me leaving your quarters and I may have implied that we spent the night together."
Jaina's eyes became dangerous slits. "Define spent the night together."
"You know what I mean. I may have also used the Force to help make him believe certain things happened."
"You're unbelievable!" Jaina exploded.
Zekk took an involuntary step back from the smouldering anger rolling off of her. "I'm sorry, Jaina. I regretted it afterward. I know how you feel about him and how he feels about you – "
"Congratulations, Zekk, you got what you wanted. He was pissed off at me and I didn't even know why!"
"Jaina, I'm sorry."
"You said that already."
"I don't know what else to say. I was jealous and it was a childish thing to do. You can be angry at me for this but it doesn't change the fact that something has started to happen between us. It's the reason you couldn't kiss Jag just now. You were going to tell him about us."
By this point Jaina was too angry to speak or even acknowledge that what he said might be the truth. At that moment, however, she couldn't stand the sight of him. She stormed out of there and Zekk did the smart thing by not trying to stop her.
[*[*[*[*[*[
Tenal Ka disembarked from a small shuttle to find herself in the company of about hundred politicians and nobleman. That number didn't even include the armament of ceremonial Royal Guards that flanked either side of her as she walked down the landing ramp and descended onto the ground. There was applause and cheers of excitement for the Queen Mother having returned home.
"Better get used to this, your Highness," Jacen whispered, close to her ear.
She could hear the teasing sound in his voice and it only made her dread the current situation even more. She knew it was Hapan custom to greet the Queen Mother in such a fashion but that didn't mean she had to like it. She could at least take comfort in the fact that her grandmother, standing in the front row of the crowd, was scowling for any number of reasons – wearing her familiar lizard hide armor, having her Jedi friends accompany her, leaving for an extended period of time and who knew what else.
"Are you sure Ta'a Chume can't use the Force? I feel her stare burning into my skull," Jaina quipped from the other side of her.
A hush quickly fell over the crowd as Tenal Ka raised a hand. "Thank you all for coming today," she began, projecting her voice so she could be easily heard by everyone. "I regret being away as long as I have but there were responsibilities to be fulfilled that demanded my immediate attention. With those tasks completed, I can now devote my full attention to the safety and well being of each planet in the Consortium. Should a time arise when the Yuuzhan Vong dare enter our borders we will prove to them what a vital mistake that is."
There was a roaring applause as Tenal Ka finished. She knew she had to address her prolonged absence – her mother had advised her as much – without going into specifics. She was certain if the actual truth were known – that she had put the needs of her closest and most trusted friend before the Consortium – it would not sit well with the majority of those present.
She had only been Queen Mother for a few months but in that time had broken one of the most sacred rules governing a Queen Mother – and really, without giving it a second thought. Jacen had been in trouble and his rescue had been the only thing that mattered. She knew that she could not make the same decision so hastily again. Jacen was a Jedi and they were in the middle of a war. She wouldn't be able to take off and help him whenever he found himself in trouble.
Her parents stepped forward at that moment, embracing her lightly. Tenal Ka suppressed the urge to smile as her grandmother's scowl deepened. It was unbecoming of a Queen Mother to accept signs of affection - such as a hug from one's parents - in public. Tenal Ka, however, planned to re-write many of the outdated and archaic traditions during her reign.
"Your Mother and I are glad to see you return safely."
"I am glad to be back, Father. Although the decision may not be a popular one, I will be having several Jedi remain on Hapes to help deal with our potential Yuuzhan Vong problem. Jedi Master Horn and Jedi Veila should be arriving soon as well."
Isolder nodded. "You are the Queen Mother. The decision is yours to make. I'm sure if the Jedi are able to uncover any infiltrators the Royal Court will warm to their presence."
"I better get going, your Highness. The rest of us have a long trip back to the Remnant," Jaina spoke up then.
"Take care, friend Jaina."
The two long time friends exchanged a hug, with Jaina saying, "look after my brothers."
"Of course. What of Alema?"
"She can take care of herself, but I'd still keep an eye on her just in case. She can be a bit unpredictable."
Jaina hugged each of her brothers in turn before climbing back up the landing ramp and disappearing inside the shuttle.
Tenal Ka watched her friend fly away. Once the shuttle was out of sight, she turned back to face the line up of advisors who were waiting to brief her on every matter she had missed while away.
