Of course, she loves Shidou. She likes him; but every time she thinks that, she remembers one important fact.
Why would Shidou love a kid like her?
Well yes, she does have the ability to transform into a 'nee-san' for Shidou but just that factor can never cut it. There are much more viable options rather than her after all. Just what can a small girl like her even do?
All she did with her life even before becoming a Spirit was copying. It was like the copy-paste kind. She copied those she got interested in. Once, she had a favorite singer and tried to copy her, almost fully. Once she became a Spirit, it was like a complete copy.
Doesn't every girl start off like that? Being dishonest with themselves and eventually losing grasp of their true self? This actually applies to both genders. Copying so much will prevent you from knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. Everyone in this world had these thoughts before. The usual, "What if I was…" would always be in the mind of a person.
Not even Natsumi is an exception. Her love for Shidou is indeed noticeably true but the one thing she doesn't know the truth of, is herself.
Natsumi. The spirit who can copy any object and any person. At first, she was glad with having this power. She was able to be whatever she wants. Consequently, she had no idea how to cope with love.
She does pretend all the time. She is genuinely anxious to know if her love for Shidou could also be a lie. She would always throw this feeling away. She wanted to genuinely feel confident that her love for Shido is real. To catch her breath, she takes a walk out of the apartment.
Moments later, she takes a stroll outside, all alone. The sun annoyed her eyes. She wasn't that used to being outside. She allured many guys with her voluptuous body in her 'nee-san' form but her 'loli' form did not receive any of that love…except from Shidou.
Every time she was very near him, her heart pumps faster and her breath grows restless.
She was worried that this was some kind of obsession but slowly figured out that this wasn't just a regular feeling.
She hides it but she genuinely appreciates his praise, his time, and his love. No matter how small this love is. She knows that he kissed much more girls before and after sealing her but at that time she didn't mind. What affected her most was her thinking that there was nothing Shidou could love from her. Yes, she was cute but that was most likely not enough to capture his attention.
Every time she speaks with him, she experiences being tongue-tied and ends up quietly dismissing him as if nothing happened. Just how cruel was the word called "love"?
Just as she was strolling under the sun, she spotted a certain someone walking out of a house.
His hair was dark blue and his eyes were a calming hazel. He had no masculine qualities to speak of but Natsumi still loved that part about him. He was like any average high school boy willing to help anyone in trouble, like a main character in a slice-of-life genre. He was just normal Shidou with a knack for cooking… so why did he make Natsumi's heart beat like never before?
Natsumi wished that he didn't notice her but unfortunately for her, he does notice her. He waves his hand, attempting to greet the small girl. Natsumi flusters a bit in the inside but managed to keep her feelings in check.
She thought it would be just like the usual routine but she was surprised to hear Shidou's request of accompanying him. Even if was just an errand, Natsumi was glad to be with Shidou, no matter the reason.
With a short nod, the two walk together.
Walking together is actually an overstatement. Natsumi kept her distance from the boy. She wanted to feel as if she was Shidou's one and only but that was impossible. Her fantasies involving being with Shidou was shattered into countless pieces after seeing him being all friendly with everyone else. Though that didn't mean she resented the others. In fact, she was somewhat happy for everyone else. Herself? That was a different story.
Even if Shidou was into younger girls, he'd probably still pick Yoshino instead of me… Natsumi's pessimistic side made her thoughts get darker, Even if Shidou wanted an older woman… he'd pick Miku or Nia over me being his nee-san…
Despite all these negative thoughts chipping at her sanity, she still wanted to believe the small probability of Shidou picking her over everyone else. Was this love or was it just her own meaning of obsession?
It took some time before the two enter the market. There were many selections available such as sales on food and many bundles on different kinds of products. She was just helping Shidou get groceries after all. She tried her hardest to start a conversation.
"Umm…Shidou?"
Natsumi tugs on Shidou's sleeve as they were browsing on one of the aisles.
Shidou notices this and glances at the young girl by his side.
"Something wrong Natsumi? Did you want something from the previous aisle?"
"Why invite me?"
A simple question from the small girl. Because of how much she looks down at herself, it was easy for her to feel this way.
Shidou then understood. He gently smiled at the small girl.
"Did you not want to come with me?"
"Eh? Of course I did… I was just wondering why me."
Shidou's too nice…
Natsumi flusters a bit. She then turns her face away, hoping that Shidou wouldn't notice...
"I just wanted to spend time with everyone," Shidou says as they continue their walk through the aisle, "ever since that incident a year ago, everyone became busy again with their daily lives. You and Yoshino even started attending school now. I couldn't see you both as often as the rest."
Shidou was in senior high school while Natsumi was still in junior high school with Kotori and Yoshino. Due to this, he wasn't really able to interact much with Natsumi or Yoshino at school days. Furthermore, Natsumi has recently become the assistant of Nia for her manga (which surprised Shidou quite a bit at the time but he's very proud of it).
Natsumi nods, finally understanding why the boy invited her in the first place.
Shidou's just looking after me… That actually makes me happy.
Natsumi didn't have her usual pessimistic train of thought after he said that. Maybe it was because those genuine words of his made Natsumi forget about the numerous problems she keeps making for herself.
"T-Thank you Shidou."
Natsumi formed a small smile in response, earning a pat on her head from Shidou.
"Mhmm…"
That action made Natsumi fluster even more. Moments later, they went on with their shopping trip.
The originally quiet trip became one of minimal chatter. Natsumi started talking to Shidou as they walked. It was indeed true that it's been a long time ever since she's been alone with Shidou. It was just idle chatter but Natsumi was now talking more than usual.
Several minutes later, they were now falling in line to pay for the groceries.
"You've bought quite a lot…Is there something special going on?"
Natsumi tilts her head as she looks at the basket Shidou was asking.
For she was a small girl, it was easy to mistake Natsumi as a litter sister from afar. If not, maybe a young relative. The way she was looking at the basket gave the impression of her child-like curiosity.
"Hmm…not really. I just wanted to cook for everyone. I don't get many opportunities aside from the weekends after all."
With the addition of Kurumi to the group of sealed Spirits, the cooking was now split with Shidou. This split has gotten smaller once Mukuro saw this as a challenge for Shidou's affection. Mukuro was learning how to cook as well now. He had no reason to stop them so instead, he appreciated their help. Natsumi would try to cook as well, if she wasn't so pessimistic about her abilities.
"I-I look forward to it! Shidou's cooking is really…" Natsumi felt embarrassed as she kept going, "the best cooking I've tasted…"
Shidou was caught off-guard from that comment. He turns away, scratching his cheek. He was clearly flattered by her comment. Of course, he knows he isn't the best cook around. It's just his hobby after all.
Shidou could only smile in response, even if the embarrassment made his smile look a bit crooked.
"You too, Natsumi."
"Ehh?"
"You were the one in the kitchen the other day right? When I went downstairs to check who was there, it was completely empty. Except for some semi prepared rice balls on the counter."
Why'd he think it's me!? Well… it was me but how did he know?
"I'm…not sure."
"Whether you're telling the truth or not, I just wanted to say it was good. It would have been a waste to just leave them on the counter so I tasted one and kept the rest for the next morning's breakfast."
"S-So everyone was eating my—"
I wasn't supposed to say that…Now Shidou knows that I've been trying to practice how to cook…
Shidou noticed his plan worked.
"Don't always look down on yourself, Natsumi. I can assure you that you do many good things even if you don't admit it. Cooking aside, ever since you became Nia's assistant, Nia's been constantly sending me the drawings you made for some of her characters. There were your proposed ideas for the characters as well."
T-That lying otaku! She promised she would never tell what I did… Even told Shidou among all people…
"I-It's nothing special really… The only reason I'm good at drawing is because of my past experience with «Haniel»…"
"I would still like it either way. Nia sounded like some proud parent when she kept sending those."
A proud parent…What would happen if she did have a child? She'd probably spoil her. Mhmm.
Before Natsumi could respond, it was finally their turn at the counter. After placing the items on the counter, Shidou glanced at Natsumi.
"I'm serious when I say this Natsumi. Like Nia, I'm very happy to see how much you're growing. You should feel prouder of what you do. If ever you do doubt yourself, I'll keep praising you so that you smile."
Those words made Natsumi's heart flutter once again. She really wasn't used to this constant praise.
…
But she didn't hate it either.
"Haha…Though I guess Nia will be the one to praise you non-stop I guess."
Shidou jokingly remarked, earning an inaudible giggle from Natsumi.
Natsumi glanced at the boy. She sounded very nervous as she slightly trembled.
"…Will you really eat the food I try making?"
"Of course."
"I'll also look forward to seeing your drawings on Nia's next volume. Nia seemed even more energetic when she brought that up."
Hearing that, she couldn't hold herself from smiling wide.
This is…why I love you Shidou. You would always accept me even if I, myself, would always doubt myself. Yes, I love you. That one emotion is the only real one I can be confident in.
Natsumi's heart was now clear of doubt. As they head out of the market, Natsumi leans on Shidou's shoulder.
"…Is it selfish of me to ask? That I want to lean on your shoulder as we walk back?"
"I don't mind."
"Hey…"
"Hmm?"
"I love you Shidou."
