Not Such a Badass after All – Supermarket Aisles
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Dear Readers,
Assuming that most of you readers are female, let me remind you about that time of the month where you just don't want to deal with people. Ah, yes you catch my drift? So when Rose was visit by our red river friend, poor Dimitri was send on an errand. Can you guess what it is?
Dimitri stared down the aisle.
Good God, it's so bright, he thought.
Don't worry Dimitri, just get in, grab the box and get out. Easy.
It was like a life and death situation. If he didn't go in, Rose will kill him, if he did go in then she probably spare his life for the next couple of hours… he hoped.
Taking a gulp of air, he stepped pass the imaginary line between the good and bad, or more precisely, the supermarket and the personal hygiene aisle.
Yes, Dimitri was in the personal hygiene aisle at Wal-Mart on a bright and sunny morning on a Saturday. And here the thought that fighting a Strigoi was hard, this was harder. At least your male dignity was still intact when fighting not this. How can he look at his grandmother straight in the eye now? Oh the shame!
"Think of Rose, think of Rose…"
Looking around warily, he began to walk deeper and deeper into the aisle letting the colourful packages envelope him like quicksand as he continued to chant her name.
As he slowly trudged through the aisle, passing sections of make-up, shampoos and other colour products Dimitri held his breath afraid that the scent will eat away his lungs.
It's not like he hadn't been in this aisle before, it was just that he usually ran in grab a razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap and shampoo and he was out. That was it. There was no fuss and didn't care for the brand name anyways.
Okay, that was a lie, he did care for the shampoo part since his love his hair so yes, he grabbed a conditioner bottler as well, but that was it. He just hoped that Rose never finds the bottle. It was his secret weapon and kind of an embarrassment since when do men use conditioner? Never.
Once he finally made it to the shelves that was filled with these… products, Dimitri let out a silent victory as he congratulated himself for getting there – which, he thought sarcastically, was in the middle of the aisle.
There was no escape now from his duty since he was standing right in front of it.
Whatever … it was.
Looking at the packages, Dimitri was about to grab one when he was taken into a flashback.
It was early this morning actually.
Dimitri got up from bed and smiled at the clothes on the floor. It was a crazy night last night with all the…
Walking over to the bathroom to brush his teeth and all, he turned the knob only to find it locked.
Rose must be inside taking a shower.
I wonder if would let me join in, he thought with a smile.
Knocking on the door, he called out for Rose to open the door that was only answered by Rose's own shout about stop getting horny and go buy something for her.
The flashback ended and Dimitri frowned at the package in his hand.
Rose said to get some… something with 'wings' and it has to be a 'regular' for a 'regular flow'.
What the hell was a 'regular flow'?
Christian was right, he should have hidden in the academy at this time of the month.
Looking up at the shelves he once thought was just full of colourful harmless boxes; it now looked like mountain of colour boxes with different pictures and names on them, possessed and ready to tear him limb from limb.
What is this? Dimitri thought as he placed the package back. Was this some sort of conspiracy?
Dimitri whipped out his cell phone as a bright and desperate idea hit him. That's right! I can always ask her what she wanted again.
Once he started dialling with a stupid grin on his face, he remembered that she was locked in the bathroom.
The grin died.
Crap.
Ending the call, Dimitri looked up at the shelves again and sighed. This is going to be harder than he thought.
So much for getting in and getting out, he though wryly and walked out of the aisle.
A few minuted later, he came back with a shopping trolley and marched up to the aisle like a fierce Guardian he is and did the only plausible thing: He took everything. He took a sample of each brand and placed them into the shopping trolley.
It was a like a déjà vu but this time instead of ice cream, he was carting around boxes of … tampons.
Dimitri grimaced at the thought.
How he thanked god every day he was lucky to be a born a man since he had seen some of his sisters suffer this fate.
As Dimitri continued to take a sample of each box, ignoring as the people around gave him weird stares or a smothered laugh.
Laugh all they want, at least this will save his life.
When he had finally took every possible sample there was of these personal hygiene objects, he rolled his trolley to the check out.
The young boy who was lazily scanning the objects, widen his eyes as he saw the amount of products he rolled in.
"Whoa," the kid let out a small breathe and looked up at Dimitri with respect.
"Dude, you are brave. What happened to you?"
Dimitri shrugged, as the kid scanned all the boxes.
"Man, I respect you. Last time I went to get this for my mum, sister and girlfriend, my brothers laughed their ass off at me," the boy said with a shake of his head, as if it would relieve him of the memory.
"If I were you, I say go hide in a cupboard or something and grab a few cartons of ice cream. They have cravings this month and man," the boy let out a low whistle, "they eat like a line backer."
"Yeah, I'll think about that," he smiled at the thought of Rose eating. Oh the poor thing eat so less, maybe he should make a game out of this… Then he winced as he remember Rose's mood this morning. Maybe not, he kind of grown attach to this family jewels to lose them.
Grabbing a few chocolate bars at the counter, he placed them on the conveyor belts along with the millions of boxes.
When the boy finished scanning, the receipt came out and the price was:
"One hundred and fifteen dollars!"
Dimitri was going to faint.
How can he waste this much money on just… womanly products?
No, I shouldn't think like this. I am making Rose happy. That's all that count.
Feeling weak at the knees as he handed over the money, he soulless grabbed all the plastic bags and made his way to the car.
At least their cheaper than a diamond, he thought wryly as he drove home.
In the middle of the traffic, his cell phone rang. Picking it up he answered only to find Rose's voice telling him that she didn't need it anymore.
"I found a stash of them in your underwear draw next to some conditioner bottle, weird right? I never knew we had a spare bottler. Though I don't know why the …"
Dimitri let the phone fall from his palm as the shock radiated through his body.
"Dimitri? Dimitri?" Rose's voice from the phone called out, but Dimitri's mind was in shock.
NOOO!
AN: Thank you guys for reading. Now if you love me for me click on these two links. One is my blog and one is my own story. PLEASE READ THEM!
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