Peyton opened her eyes to a warm wind that blew through the downstairs window, it seemed she had fallen asleep in the hallway last night. Taking a deep breath, she got to her feet and walked slowly up the stairs towards her bedroom only still half awake.

She remembered just mere days after the rape she would smell semen and sweat with no source of either. The scent would be as strong as it was on that hot August night. Her heart rate would accelerate and she would attempt to control her breathing rate. Always she would check her nails for dirt. After the attack they had been ripped, broken and bleeding from clawing at the sides of the door to escape. For that reason she would never wear nail polish. Seeing was believing. Otherwise she would be dragged back into a full blown flashback, checking herself for the blood that had run down her legs from the rips, seeing the face of her attackers on every man that walked by in the street. She had endured some of the worst flashbacks in her life, lost in psychosis, fighting her torturers off again and again. But clean nails and drugs could stop the cycle. If her mind ever manufactured the dirt like it did for the smell she would be lost in that nightmare world once more; reliving, refighting, hurting, terrified.

She lazily arched her back as she walked in rubbing her eyes. She was so not ready for this day. She walked to her computer desk and looked at picture of her, Lucas and Brooke taken before everything had gone to hell, she took the picture ripping it up into tiny pieces before chucking it in the bin, then gave herself a satisfied nod. It was the first time in a month she had properly cried last night and she was determined to not let it happen again. So she was back to being numb Peyton officially.

She walked lethargically into her bathroom before, splashing the warm water on her face. 'god that feels good' she thought to herself as she took in a heavy breath. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. She watched as the droplets played around on her face and then slowly dripped down her chin. She needed another hit.

She paced over to the stash under her bed pulling it out. And her heart skipped a beat at what she saw next…nothing was left…just nothing. She immediately felt nauseous and her hand flew shakily to her mouth. Maybe she could go get a fix before school right? She looked to the clock next to her bed. Guess not? Perhaps she'd be fine she could arrange for Rick to meet her after school and pick up her shit.

She had cheer practice today that meant another day of facing everyone else and especially Sammy, the very named made her blood freeze over and she closed her eyes shaking her head as she could feel the memory about to wash over her. But she shut it down quickly. she got dressed into a vest top throwing a loose black jumper over the top and put on grey baggies, she couldn't give a shit less how she looked as long as it kept everybody else's eyes of her, she brushed her teeth.

When she was ready to go she placed the picture frame of her mother down then grabbed her keys from her desk. 'I can do this I did yesterday, first days the hardest right' she thought to herself as she nodded mutely and made her way out of the house placing on her own counterfeit smile. Peyton took a deep breath and buried the pain away deep inside of her, like she had done for a month. Somewhere inside her fortress she had dug a hole that no one could get to, ever. Her pain was her business nobody else's and that's how it was gonna stay. She strolled over to her car secretly hoping that they would all just drop the subject now and prayed for the day to be more or less decent.

The bell for first period rung but Peyton was in no hurry to go to her first lesson. She walked around for a bit down the halls when a familiar face caught her eyes it was Sammy, her heart begun to pick up pace as her breathing became more erratic. She turned quickly on her feet and begun walking towards English. "Peyton" came his voice but she ignored it closing her eyes desperately trying to get him out of her head. The memories we starting to resurface. "Peyton" came his voice again and she wasn't aware of how close he had gotten until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She let out an ear piercing shriek squeezing her eyes shut.

When she opened her eyes she found him standing in front of her at his full height of six foot. His brown hair sticking to his face and green eyes boring into hers. "we need to talk about what happened between us that night, where do we stand?" he asked as her mouth fell open agape not quite believing what he had just said. He seriously didn't even know what he'd done. "NO YOU JUST NEED TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" She screeched he grabbed her arm but she wriggled out of his grasp before walking shaky kneed towards her English room. She needed a hit and bad otherwise she didn't think she could do this.

"Miss Sawyer I'm getting a bit bored of you being late all the time?" Mr. Turner said but she didn't even dignify him with a response. She fell back heavily in her chair, just praying for everybody to back the hell of her. No one could ever know what she was going through. She knew she was hurting Lucas by pushing him away by pushing all of them away and to be honest it's what they deserved. Peyton stared down at the picture she had thrown down her desk. Nathan and Haley. They were proof of the wonderful effect she had on people, she pushed the thought out her mind. But then it was replaced by guilt. She picked up her pencil and begun to draw. Her hand carefully drew the detailed faces.

It was then she noticed that her hand had stated shaking, the chills suddenly taking over her body although it was like one million degrees outside. The page blurred in front of her as she trained her eyes to the spot desperately trying to rid the feeling. "Ok I want you all to go back to the groups you were working in yesterday and make a plan of an essay" Mr. Turner said everybody else moved but Peyton stayed in her seat her mouth slightly parted the shakes wracked her body and she stared down at her artwork before crumpling it into nothing.

She turned around and noticed Lucas's eyes on her. For a brief moment she was caught by those majestic blue storms but quickly bowed her head and trained her eyes back to the front. Lucas sighed and turned back to the others as they babbled on about why Othello killed his wife. His mind was racing with thoughts of her, the pain churning inside him. He felt like it was tearing him apart. Piece by piece by his own misery.

Her eyes occasionally shifted to his ruffled blonde hair. She still remembered the night of her confession to him so clearly she had gone around his house about a week before all that shit happened. Telling him she wanted all the same things he did and was ready to let him in. Then Brooke had come in dressed in nothing but his massive grey hoodie that she loved so much. Asking him and she quotes 'Ready to score' she had felt the what she thought was the worst pain in her life that night but after that night that pain looked like a fucking success story.

She was jolted from her thought by a chair being scooted in front of her. It was Nathan. "Hey Sawyer how you doing, we haven't spoken?" he asked as his sea blue eyes looked into those of her green ones. "I've been busy" She lied hiding her shaking hands inside her sleeves. "You haven't seemed yourself lately it's just I can't shake the feeling that somethings going on with you" Nathan stated watching to see if her demeanor would change at all but it stayed the same.

"No your wrong as you can see everything is fine" she spoke firmly gesturing at herself, he looked at her worry evident in his eyes before saying "So I'm having a party this weekend at mine do you want to come?" she pretended to think hard then said "I don't go to parties".

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Since when…from what I remember you love a good party" he grinned trying to lighten the mood but she didn't respond.

"I don't go to parties Nate so just drop it please, that was the old me before and why are you even here were not friend anymore…" she said annoyed as her eyes stared into his so that he knew she was serious "what do you mean before and what do you mean were not friends PEYTON?" Nathan asked as confusion clouded his face "you don't understand I knew you wouldn't understand" she stressed her eyes never leaving the spot on the desk, "understand what?" he queried the worry taken over his features again. She opened her mouth to dismiss him but then her focus was taken away from her.

Sammy had returned back into the room his green emeralds shifted to hers. She swallowed hard and looked down, her shakes becoming almost uncontrollable now.

"Woah Sawyer you ok?" Nate said seeming to have picked up on this. "You know what I need Nate" she uttered looking him in his eyes before standing to her feet. "I need to get out, I need all of you guys to just stay out of my life and stop trying to talk to me I don't want anything to do with you any of you" she declared, her breathing becoming shallow and her shoulders shaking even more than they had been earlier. Her vision had started becoming little specks of black that she thought desperately to go away. "what's your problem, Peyton?" Haley spoke up she had obviously had been listening to her and Nate's whole conversation seeming they were only a few meters away from her. The whole class went silent their eyes all trained on hers, she looked around the room her eyes meeting those of Luke's blue ones that looked pained.

She let out a bitter laugh before stating, "right now Haley you my problem always sticking your gigantic nose where it isn't wanted, maybe you need to go to a hospital since your incapable of following any of my instructions" she seethed trying to keep her voice calm but her rage was becoming fast out of control, Haley's mouth hung agape not quite believing how Peyton had just spoke to her.

"Do you want me to put you in the hospital" Peyton queried starting towards Haley but Nathan grabbed her by the arm. Making her jump out of her skin. "DON'T TOUCH ME NATE JUST DON'T!" She shrieked as she shook. She started backing out of the English room.

"Miss Sawyer sit back down" Mr. Turner orated, "I'm not gonna sit back down sir" she declared as she kept walking. "MISS SAWYER IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR DON'T BOTHER TURNING UP FOR MY CLASS AGAIN" came Mr. Turner's roaring voice. Everyone expected her to come back in to sit down and obey but she kept walking. She walked down the corridor biting her lip to prevent the tears from falling that were desperate to spill from her eyes. Everything was such a mess.

She kicked a locker to try and get out some of that pent up frustration and sunk down it cradling her head in her hands. She just needed everyone to just chill the hell out.

Peyton was already fully dressed in her cheer outfit, her hair a mess and her skin pale as anything. She needed that hit otherwise she wouldn't survive. Beads of sweat lingered on her forehead as she made her way out into the gym all the basketball players Lucas and Nathan included in action. She walked over to where the cheerleaders were practicing and past them sitting heavily on the bench.

"What are you doing Peyton, you're meant to be practicing" Brooke hissed for spite, her and Brooke used to be tight but it turned to hate when Brooke found out her feelings for Lucas. "Whatever" she gritted out her breathing becoming erratic as she rested her head to her knees. "Get up Peyton and try not to go all 0 to bitch on us in ten seconds this time" She stated as Peyton stood up uneasily.

She got in line with all the other cheerleaders and started practicing. Her heart was going about one hundred miles per hour. "You're not doing it right" Brooke shrieked that was the last straw Peyton threw her pompoms down and tackled Brooke to the floor then hitting her with kinetic energy of a train crash. "PEYTON STOP!" came Lucas voice and before she knew it she was being pulled of her.

"What is wrong with you" Lucas shouted in her face as the tears sprung to her eyes. She instantly saw the look of regret cross his features. "Come on Peyton I'll take you home" came that skin crawling voice she knew all too well. She felt him touch her and that was enough to make her freak out again. She screamed as she felt him loop his arms around her waist the same way he did while he was power driving her in his car.

"GET OF ME, GET THE FUCK OF ME!" She sobbed out hysterically as everyone in the gymnasium stopped. Lucas and Nathan looked at her shocked not understanding why she was acting up like this so much and having outbursts. "I quit, I quit this fucking squad you can have back your stupid Pompoms I'm through" she cried as she chucked them towards Brooke and Lucas.

Lucas watched as the tears made their way down the blonde's face. Feeling helpless why couldn't she just let him help her with whatever it was she was going through.

"Peyton where are you gonna go?" Lucas asked stepping in front of her retreating form. "WHO CARES!" she screamed as she walked around him, as she walked her vision blurred and her head felt like it was gonna explode.

She sucked in a sharp breath a high pitched gasp erupting from her and found she was unable to exhale.

"Peyton" came a voice she rested her hands on her knees trying desperately to breath. "BREATH PEYTON!" came Lucas voice as he was suddenly in front of her but his voice was becoming nothing but a mere whisper. She watched as Lucas's body started to fade.

The painful knot only growing in her throat, everything had started to burn. his frantic voice seemed to be fading away even quicker now. A pained look came over her facade. Her eyes rolled back into her head and then everything was inky black.


A/N: intense huh? Lemme know what you think, I'd love to here your idea they'll be another update soon xx

Love,

LeytonFan4Eva xx