Fox got off his bed, the springs groaned with relief as his heavy lug was removed from it. He only had two weeks to get ready, and he would need help. But because this situation was so delicate he would need to enlist the help of the best of the best who wouldn't talk. The first person who came to mind was Peppy but that would be flat out awkward. He felt uncomfortable with Fara who was going to watch him actually strip. But Peppy was different, he was like a second father and asking for advice how to excite an audience by dancing around while getting naked was too much. That still didn't make it a sensitive subject and highly unappealing.
'Only one person can help me now.' Fox thought. He moved to the computer at the desk. He closed the information on Fara and looked up on old friend. She was, according to the last report, doing just fine, making her way by flying escort for important freighters. 'Like Falco.' Fox thought.
Fox dialed the number on his wrist com and waited patiently for the woman to pick up. Finally a pretty, pink well combed face of a cat popped up above Fox's wrist. She seemed exhausted, looked sweaty and he could hear her panting. He could almost see her chest heaving up and down, up and down but it was a long time ago when he would have cared. Katt and him just wouldn't work. She was all out crazy but in a fun, best friend good way while he was often serious, humble and calm. So all in all they decided mutually and without words to just remain friends despite the fact that neither one would refuse if the other made a move.
"Hey Katt… I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
"No nothing it all…." Some sounds like a really tough scrap then her head disappeared temporarily to be replaced by a bobbing video of a chair smashing into some random guy. Once the guy was confirmed to be out cold she returned and started squinting at Fox's holographic head on her end of the line. It took her a few seconds until she realized. "Oh my God FOXY IS THAT YOU?"
"Yep it's me." Fox chuckled despite his extreme distaste for being called Foxy. The first time they met in person just after Star Fox and she liberated Zoness she randomly called him Foxy and since then it has always stuck with him when she talked to him. Of course Slippy tired to get cute and call him that… it didn't end well for the foolish green toad.
"Oh my God I haven't seen you in... fuck how long has it been?" She asked when she couldn't remember.
"Two and a half years." Fox admitted.
"Wow that long? Christ I've seen Falco at least twice since we all last hooked up."
"You don't say? Well if you see him again tell him what up douche bag?"
"You two still fighting?" Katt asked not in the least bit surprised.
Fox shrugged "I guess."
"That's a shame…. So how are you doing Fox? Is being a mercenary what it's cracked up to be?"
"When Corneria is at war it is but…." Fox said avoiding her gaze. Katt had two qualities about her. One was the ability to get under your skin and become a permanent friend and the second was to send someone into a guilt trip with just one look.
"Fox what's wrong? Are you having money troubles?" she asked half concerned half angry he was avoiding her venomous gaze. She knew if she could just get him in one look, one quick glance he'd spill it all.
"Kind of… listen I need to talk to you in person so could you…?"
"Hitch a ride and come see you and your sorry firm butt? Sure! Have the coffee warm when I get there though, I hate traveling on shuttles."
"Will do…. Wait what was that about my butt?" Fox asked just as her head disappeared.
He stared at the floor for a while since Katt's head was no longer there. 'Why am I so off today?' He wondered. Shrugging it off Fox stood up and went to place an order for coffee. It would be some of the cheap kind since Fox was using the last of all his money which was coincidently in his wallet. Two fives and a one.
"Fuck my life." Fox said aloud. As he typed in coffee in the order list on a computer program. In no time at all some cheap coffee would be rushed to the Great Fox, Fox would hand over the last few bucks he had left to cover the shipping and handling and over all price and then Katt would spit it all over him because she was expecting the good kind. Just like last time.
Fox left his room and walked around aimlessly and eventually found himself in the gym. He passed the treadmill wishing he didn't burn out the motor by going faster than it's fastest setting for ten straight minutes.
"I'll just buy a new one when I get paid." Fox sighed out loud.
"So you took the job huh?"
Fox jumped and quickly spun around. Peppy was standing next to the climbing pole watching him pass by the broken equipment. He had in his hand a rag and in the other a tub off something that looked like polish. At his feet however were a few articles of clothing ranging from a cowboy suit to a business stiff.
"Oh hey Peppy… what's all this?"
"Well since you took the job it's your training props." Peppy said passing the box to Fox by kicking it square at his head. Fox didn't manage to catch it but did manage to deflect it. A leopard print piece of cloth fell out and was dangling from off his muzzle.
"Where did you get all this? And what is this thing?" Fox asked taking the leopard print cloth from his muzzle.
"This was my old gear and that thing in your hand is what we referred to as a 'banana' hammock."
Sometimes a sudden fact can take a while to register with the brain and in this case it took Fox two whole minutes to realize that the clothes in the box were Peppy's old stripper outfits. He shivered because he couldn't believe Peppy kept those antiques but then he yelped like he was just electrocuted by the "banana" hammock. He threw the "banana" hammock as far away from him as possible and clasped the hand he held it with wrist. It had begun to burn all of a sudden…. Banana!
After a quick five minutes filled with horrified screaming of fear and pain Fox began to calm down enough to start swearing. "Oh my God what the fuck you crazy old fuckin' bastard?"
"Relax Fox I had them washed twice."
"I don't care if you fucking bleached them! What the hell is wrong with your mentality?"
"Fox calm down other wise I won't be able to teach you the ways of the dance."
Fox's face was comical at best. It twisted to that perfect blend of fear, disgust, and pain. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?" Fox shrieked. "I am not going to stand here and watch you str- do things!"
"Well don't worry I won't be doing things… you might though."
"Oh hell no!"
"Fox there is no one else and I'm afraid if you are to get the money then we will need to do this." Peppy said while making the mistake of taking a step towards Fox.
"You stay away from me!" Fox said matching Peppy's one step with five steps back.
"Fox I know that this is uncomfortable for you, hell I want to go throw up right now but how else are you going to-"
"GET AWAY!" Fox shouted as Peppy took another step towards him. Before Peppy could do another thing Fox booked it. He tore out of the gym so fast bowled Slippy over.
Peppy hobbled after him but picked up the banana hammock before yelling after Fox once he reached the hallway "Fox I know this hurts but it hurts me than you but we need to do this if we are to overcome this obstacle!"
Slippy blinked rapidly, he heard and understood exactly what Peppy was saying but not what he meant. Slippy's eyes fell on the tub, cloth and lion cloth and put all the pieces together in all the wrong places.
"Can you believe that… boy?" Peppy asked Slippy but when he turned to look at him he was gone. Peppy grumbled and shook his head "Young people today."
Fox didn't stop running until he tripped on a loose metal floorboard. Of course when he hit the ground pretty hard he realized just how foolish he acted but then this was a sensitive subject.
"What am I thinking? Can I really do this? If not in front of my own fa-" Fox caught himself half way, he never addressed Peppy as dad or father. "What makes me think I can do this? Just for money? Bah, nothing is worth this!" Fox growled as he got off the ground. His nose was bleeding slightly and he ripped the last pair of good jeans he had left. "No I have to, for Star Fox's sake, for everyone's sake really. What would happen if war broke out? Who would be there to rally Corneria to victory if not Star Fox?"
Fox sighed. Clamping his nose shut he strolled back to the gym. His nose had stopped bleeding and when he got to the gym Peppy was already waiting for him. Peppy moved to talk but Fox held up a hand to stop him. "First things first, I need lessons from you but they will be lectures and notes only. Second I'm sorry for flipping out on you like that but you have to admit, we've seen better days."
Peppy just shook his head "You're father was this nervous when I suggested it. He didn't want a single thing to do with it but he eventually came around…. Alright, notes only which was how it was going to be if you had let me finish we would be halfway done by now."
"So what's with the stuff then? Why bring it out if we aren't going to use it?" Fox asked.
"I wanted to show you the differences in material and what chaffs and what doesn't." Peppy said plainly.
Fox relaxed slightly "Oh, thank god."
"Right…. Well basically anything cotton works wonders but you don't get the same reaction out of the crowd if you wear only common normal garb which brings me to costumes." Peppy said pulling out a firefighter's outfit. "The firefighter was a popular pick. Your mother didn't complain when James-"
"No recaps please!" Fox said forcing the bad thoughts out of his mind.
"Oh sorry but it was always fun to rip on James that Vixy actually liked him to-"
Fox started to shout and mumble weird noises. It was his way of saying "shut up you old weirdo! I can't believe you're telling me this! Shut up right now!" when all he really said was "Ahdadadadada errapa!"
"Right sorry but you'll get the picture later."
"I hope I don't." Fox mumbled.
"So anyways can you tell me the difference between spotted leopard bana-"
"Speedo." Fox stated.
Peppy sighed "You're not making this easy Fox…. Anyway can you tell me the difference between a leopard Speedo and a red one?"
"Of course I can, one prevents aids and the other prevents cancer!" Fox said sarcastically then snapped. "Of course I don't know!"
Peppy sighed again but this time it was deeper "Oh boy we got a lot of work to do."
AUTHOR'S NOTE~~~Well... not my best moment . but perhaps you enjoyed. As far as I can see everyone either likes or loves this story, thanks for the positive reviews and do awards really exist here at FF? I don't think so but still it would be cool. Anyways this one was a little dirtyer but not quite that dirty. Just wait till Katt gets here X3. I'm going to try to keep the sexual things to a minimum but the inuendo and sugestivce humor stays! Baisically there won't be any "Fox heaved a great sigh of pure passion as he thru-" you get the picture.... No I'm keeping it like this at least for now, it might get a little hrmm hrmm but not much I swear! X3
