Warning: Chapter may contain triggers for self harm.


In the darkness and silence of her own bunk, Melinda tossed and turned, tangling herself with the sheets. Her eyes squeezed tighter as she threw her arms out to fend off imaginary attackers. The nightmare held her tightly in it's grip. Her breathing came faster as she saw the same image over and over in her mind: Katya, her chest filled with bullet holes, arm outstretched.

Finally, mercifully, she woke. Her eyes blinked fast as she tried to remember where she was. Her fists clenched around the sheets, reminding her that she was far away from Bahrain. As her mind caught up, it suddenly hit her that she was too far; that she was missing seven years of her life.

All at once, everything she had tried to bury felt like it was going to bury her. Melinda choked out a sob as she stumbled out of bed. She had no idea where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away. She tripped over herself in her rush, hitting the floor hard.

Melinda could no longer hold back the sobs. She curled into a ball on the floor and buried her head with her knees. She bit down on her lip, desperately trying to quiet herself, but the cries kept coming. Her whole body shook as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

No matter what she did, she couldn't get Katya's face out of her head. She could still feel her fingers on the trigger, and she could still hear the sound of the bullet rushing through the air, straight into her flesh. She could still feel the child's blood clinging to her hands as she held her lifeless body, her hands absently stroking her hair. Katya may have been a monster, but she was still a child, and Melinda killed her. No matter how hard she tried, she was never going to escape from that.

She bit into her hand, hoping to quiet her cries. Her teeth dug hard into her soft flesh. It hurt, but at the same time, it was a relief. Melinda bit down harder, hoping to erase her mental pain with the physical pain.

Once she tasted copper, she yanked her hand away. She stared down at it in surprise. Etched into her skin were bright red teeth marks. She quickly wiped the blood off onto her shirt, then turned the fabric to her wet cheeks. The tears had stopped, much to Melinda's relief. Her whole body had calmed, subdued by the pain.

Experimentally, she gently touched the bite marks on her hand. They stung, but when she dug her nails into them, she felt more relief than she did pain. Her breathing slowed, and her heart rate steadied itself as she pressed harder.

As soon as she realized what she was doing, shame set in. Her cheeks grew hot as she stared down at the mess of nail marks she had made on her hand. Her stomach twisted up as she tried to wipe them away. She needed to hide the mess that she had become, but she had no idea where to look for a bathroom. Another tear trickled down her cheek as her body threatened to panic again.

She tried to stand, but in the darkness and unfamiliarity, she walked straight into the wall. She grunted as she slid down it, curling up on the floor once again and letting her sobs take over.


Skye couldn't remember the last time she had gotten a good night's sleep. Everything that was happening kept dancing around in her mind, making it impossible to even close her eyes. HYDRA, Ward, her father, Coulson's carvings, the alien drug- all of it was adding up to something she couldn't figure out. She had no choice but to work her body into exhaustion until she passed out most nights. Luckily, no one was ever awake to judge her for it.

She had learned from May that punching a sand bag was a quick way to clear her mind. Every night, she snuck down to train, and while it was beginning to take its toll on her body, at least she was able to eventually sleep.

As she walked down her usual nightly path, Skye heard a thud. She froze, straining her ears towards the sound. She walked closer to where she thought it was coming from, which was a door to somebody's bunk. As she pressed her ear to the door, she could hear someone crying on the other side.

Her heart ached as she reached for the knob, but as her fingers touched the door, she hesitated. As tired as she was, she couldn't remember who's bunk this was, and she didn't know if she would help or only make it worse. The sobs only increased in volume as she waited. Before she could change her mind, Skye turned the knob and quietly entered.

Sitting against the wall was her S.O., curled into herself. May's body shook, even as she tried to still herself. She looked up, wiping tears from her cheeks as she did so. Her bloodshot eyes met Skye's with such raw pleading that Skye felt as if the breath had been knocked out of her.

"Skye?" May asked weakly, her voice faltering.

Wordlessly, Skye crossed the room and sat next to May. She threw her arm over the other agent and pulled her close. May curled into her, hiding her face. For a few minutes, the two sat in the dark, with Skye holding May as her sobs turned to silence.

"Did I wake you?" May finally asked, her voice weak with exhaustion.

"Do I look like I sleep?" Skye returned gently. "I was just on my way to train when I heard you."

May looked up, meeting Skye's eyes with her uncharacteristically vulnerable ones. "At this hour?"

"I can't sleep, and my mind needs it," Skye replied.

May pulled herself away from Skye's arm sheepishly. "I don't know what's happening to me," she admitted.

"You've been through a lot," Skye answered gently. "Any normal person would break under so much stress."

"I know this was seven years ago, but to me it feels like just days ago," May said.

Skye's eyes widened as she realized what May was talking about. "It was just days ago as far as your mind is concerned," she replied.

"I couldn't save her," May admitted miserably.

"You can't save everyone," Skye reassured her. "I've been an agent long enough to know."

May remained silent, staring down at her hands. Her eyes were full of self-hatred. Gently, Skye reached out and took one of her hands in her own. "I know you're not okay," she continued. "But you're going to be."

"I keep forgetting that you know me better than I know myself," May replied almost bitterly. "I don't even know you."

"But you will," Skye said firmly. "I know this is crazy, but you will remember soon. You'll get through this."

"You probably want her back," the other agent replied. This time, her voice was unmistakably bitter.

"What?" Skye asked, wrinkling her brow in confusion.

"Your Agent May."

"Hey, you are still her," Skye said, squeezing May's hand. "You're still the same, just confused and scared, which is completely understandable."

May met her eyes again. Hope lit them, and they began to look like hers again. "I may not remember you, but I would like to," she said. "If you're not going to sleep, maybe you could tell me about yourself?"


After awhile, the agents moved onto Melinda's bed, leaning against opposite walls. As Skye's voice droned on, Melinda's mind began to relax. She no longer saw the face of Katya. Instead, Skye's stories came to life inside her head.

"And then Ward yanked the parachute and the antiserum out of Fitz's hands and jumps out of the plane after her."

The image of the agent she met (or re-met) this morning falling through the air towards her death worried her, but she knew how that story ended. She smiled to herself, admiring her fellow agent's bravery. "He seems like a good agent," she commented.

Skye's smile faltered, and her eyes moved down to her hands which were clasped in her lap. "I thought so too," she said softly.

"What happened?" Melinda asked, her eyes narrowing in worry.

"Coulson told you about HYDRA, right?" Skye asked.

Melinda nodded in response.

"Yeah, well, he was HYDRA," Skye continued bitterly.

"I'm so sorry," Melinda replied, leaning forward to touch Skye's hand.

"He loved me," she admitted, eyes wide with disgust. "He's a murderer and a traitor, and he fell in love with me. What does that say about me?"

"Absolutely nothing," Melinda answered firmly. "You're a good person, Skye. I can tell."

"Thanks," Skye whispered. "I just wish he wasn't in our basement."

"He is?" Melinda asked, worry for her friend growing.

"Yeah. And of course, he'll only talk to me, meaning I have to be the one to go interrogate him."

"Can't Coulson find another way?" Melinda asked.

"He's tried," Skye answered. "But Romeo's determined to only talk to me."

Deep in Melinda's stomach, feelings of protectiveness settled, causing her to squeeze Skye's hand. She wanted to protect the agent in front of her from all harm, and that included Ward, who she assumed that she knew. She knew that she would do anything to keep Skye safe, and given the intensity of the feeling, she knew that it came from before she lost her memory. Skye was someone she cared for deeply, but she was more than that. She was proof that Bahrain hadn't completely broken her.

"Anyways, Ward caught up to Jemma, gave her the antiserum, and landed safely in the ocean," Skye continued. "We fished them out, and the antiserum worked. Which was great because then she didn't blow our plane out of the sky."

"I wish I could remember her," Melinda replied. "I wish I could remember the whole team." To Melinda, the team Skye described sounded just like the family she had always wanted.

Skye's eyelids began to droop. She opened her mouth to continue talking, but yawned instead. Her eyes shut, and her body shifted down on the bed. As soon as her head hit the mattress, her whole body relaxed, giving the appearance of sleep. Given how exhausted she had looked, Melinda didn't doubt that she was asleep. The stress that had been etched into her face seemed to disappear completely. She no longer looked like the agent sworn to protect, instead looking like the friend Melinda wanted to protect herself.

She shifted into a more comfortable position, closing her own eyes. The other agent's presence was a comfort as she let her mind wander. Instead of returning to her darkest moment in Bahrain, it stayed with Skye.


The first thing Skye felt when she woke was exhaustion. It had been a long time since sleep had made her feel better. Every limb protested consciousness. She groaned and searched for a pillow to cover her head with. Her hands hit skin, causing her to startle fully awake. She sat up quickly, staring at the sleeping form of May beside her.

As what happened last night came rushing back, Skye relaxed. She smiled fondly at the sleeping agent. May's face was relaxed, giving no sign of nightmares. With a sigh, she collapsed back onto the bed. There was so much that she needed to do, but she didn't even have the energy to move.

Her eyes closed, and in her mind, she could see the lines and dots that made up Coulson's carvings. If it was a map, then she needed to find out where it led to. It was eating away at her, robbing her of rest. For her own health, she needed to unlock its secret.

She rubbed at her eyes, hoping to scrub the carvings away. It felt as if they had been carved directly onto her eyelids. She couldn't keep herself from obsessing over them. Every time she closed her eyes, they were there. She was beginning to believe that her obsession was worse than Coulson's, and he was the one who kept carving.

Beside her, May stirred. Skye cracked her eyes open, hoping to find her still asleep. The other agent was sitting up, rubbing her eyes. Skye sighed again, knowing that she would have to move soon.

"G'morning," May greeted her, sounding amused.

Skye smiled sheepishly in response. "Good morning to you too," she replied, sleep clinging heavily to her voice.

"You look like you haven't slept in days," May commented.

"I feel like it too," Skye groaned. She pushed herself up into a sitting position, leaning her head against the wall. Her heavy eyes closed again, and her mind returned to the carvings.

"You know that isn't healthy, right?" May asked, concerned.

"Yes, mother," Skye grumbled.

May snorted, causing Skye to open her eyes again. The other agent was staring at her fondly, looking no different than she had before she lost her memory. Skye grinned back at her, happy to be able to make her happy.

"Thank you for last night," May said, changing the subject.

Skye nodded. "You know, you can call me anytime you need anything, even if it's just to talk. I'm here."

May dropped her eyes, looking slightly embarrassed. "Thank you," she said softly. "I know this must be difficult for you too."

"Between HYDRA and aliens, this is something I can handle. I know you think you're different, but you're really not," Skye told her. "You know, if you're going to be off field duty, maybe you could help me."

"With what?" May asked, looking curious.

"I'm researching a pattern that is connected to HYDRA and the alien drug, but I'm getting nowhere."

"Alright," Melinda agreed. "And maybe you could fill me in on the alien drug too. Coulson glossed over those details."

"Deal," Skye replied. She stretched her arms, listening to her joints popping. There was no going back to sleep, so she may as well get up.