A/N: Phew. Deidara-being-evil is out of my system…I think. Thanks to all reviewers…and especially Daisycutters because without her reminder, I wouldn't have picked this fic up again for weeks.
Disclaimer: I make no money from the Naruto franchise.
Holding out for who, Sakura? Itachi asked with polite interest as he took a long step towards her. She couldn't see his mouth, but she could tell he was smirking. Those damn Uchihas…always smirking.
I…no…uhmm…can I have a minute to myself? Sakura stuttered, backing away from both the snickering Deidara and the approaching Uchiha.
Of course. Think as long as you like. Itachi replied with a gracious nod. He stopped coming towards her.
Testing. Testing. Itachi thought Hidan's scythe was an anal thermometer. Sakura thought, hoping that Itachi meant what he said about having a minute to herself. She figured she'd test the waters with the Akatsuki most capable of restraining his rage.
Bwa ha! Kisame fell over on the floor, clutching his heaving sides. This girl… is too good he said, wheezing from laughter.
Idiot! We're supposed to make her think we can't hear her Kazuzu snapped. He seemed to be suppressing laughter as well, though. He was looking at the aforementioned weapon to Itachi…and back…and then back at Itachi.
You said I had a minute to myself! Sakura yelled, feeling a little hurt.
And you made use of it rather poorly Itachi said. He was behind her, glowering at the back of her head. Apparently he didn't fancy the idea of having that big a stick up his ass.
Deidara and the others were finding it difficult to contain emotions. It was difficult—but possible after practice--for them to hide their thoughts from the congregation in usual circumstances. Sakura was making it very difficult to stifle emotional responses, though.
Enough, Itachi. Pein rumbled, not liking where this conversation was going. The last thing they needed was a sobbing Kunoichi drooling over her lost love. The time for that was later.
Itachi looked back at Pein expressionlessly. Maybe it was the slow, painstaking pace at which he turned his head that alerted the others that the Uchiha was not pleased with Leader's directive. His eyes were hard as he bowed slightly and retreated from Sakura's gasping form.
Arigatou he whispered. He was still behind her, practically breathing on her neck. He teasingly brushed at the spot on her neck that Sasuke used to knock her out all those years ago as he moved away, sharingan glinting with a suppressed smirk.
It took moments: BASTARD! How did you hear about that?! Damn it! Stop grinning; you don't sound anything like Sasuke-kun…well maybe a little…but he's still more dark and mysterious and sexy.
I'm sorry Sakura-san. There are no benches around here for me to lay you on. If there were, I might be able to resemble my foolish brother more completely for you. Perhaps if I ignored you and called you annoying…or constantly reminded you of your weakness…
Sakura's arms wind-milled as she tried to attack the darkly chuckling Uchiha, but she was restrained by Kisame, who'd teleported behind her to grab her shoulder. He was grinning and shaking his head. And I thought you were a frickin' zombie he said as Sakura tried to struggle out of his hold. It wasn't clear if he was talking to the kunoichi or to his partner.
I said, 'enough' Uchiha, Pein said, carefully observing Itachi. He was concerned by the man's sudden malice. Ice Bitch was actually snarling, and it wasn't exactly an improvement from the glare-you-to-death approach the Uchiha usually used. Maybe using this report as a way to break their captive was actually a bad idea…
We're moving on. Deidara, you should not have done that. Sakura san was going to report the peculiar aspect of your anatomy on your chest. Tsunade would have known what it was even if Sakura was too…flustered… to put two and two together. Pein said.
Kisame, you are the next person compromised by this document. His tone suggested severity, urging the others to be silent. "Compromise" was their code word, meaning "Stare at the kunoichi, laugh at her, or do anything else to make her uncomfortable". He hadn't had to use it before, but some members were beginning to get bored…
Kakuzu was fidgeting. He thought things were going too slowly.
Zetsu was fidgeting. Images of Sakura with salt and pepper, Sakura with a garlic-butter sauce and a nice salad, and Sakura with fries and a milkshake all danced in his bi-tonal head.
Tobi was fidgeting. He wanted to see what the pretty kunoichi thought of Tobi.
Hidan was fidgeting. Damn. The girl had a bad ass mouth to match that bad ass.
Deidara was smirking. He was thinking that the Ice Bitch had done a good job on the cute little kunoichi.
Konan was fidgeting. Did Sakura think she was fat? It was just the volume of the paper! The pink haired girl knew how much space paper took up right?
Kisame wasn't fidgeting. He was completely still behind the kunoichi, who'd gone stiff at the prospect of more of her notes being read out.
Pein cleared his throat and shuffled the document in front of him.
"They train without shirts on. Yeah, I know…wow. Remember when Kurenai got drunk and told us that the person in the Bingo Book she'd most like to see naked was Kisame…just to see if he had fins. Well, I agree with her now, but only because our favorite sharky is RIPPED. He gets the 'best body' award hands down!
If you can catch him, you have to do an anatomical study of that fine specimen, Tsunade-sama. I don't mean the official kind, either. Ugh, I sound like a horny teenager, don't I? I have to keep myself sane somehow though right? If I'm thinking about something awkward, I won't be tempeted to talk to them though, so I think this is a good strategy"
Pein looked up here and interjected coolly, You misspelled 'tempted'
I don't care, damnit! Sakura retorted. She shook off Kisame's hand, which had gone limp on her shoulder.
Well, well, now. All you had to do was ask, Sakura Kisame said. He smirked widely and crossed his arms over his –yes, very nice—chest. Somehow, Sakura didn't think he was talking about her tacit request for him to remove his hand.
Ugh! I was just saying that the blue-boy over here could do more than swing his stupid sword around, okay! Warning them not to underestimate taijutsu potential, you know!
Of course Konan purred. She actually sounded understanding before she lifted her head out of her collar in order to cackle loudly. You would be the type to disregard color-prejudice, wouldn't you Pinky? she added, almost as an afterthought.
On the other side of the cave, Deidara was scowling. He held up his hands, making his fingers into a box like he was putting Sakura and Kisame in a picture frame. Two extra tounges made obnoxious noises as the bomber cried out Hell. No un.
Silence. Pein said, frowning at Sakura's report. Apparently, he'd missed a part when he read over her notes initially.
"I don't know how he keeps his body like that. So many nice, hard lines. It has to be all that training he does, because his diet sure doesn't help. Ramen and tempura like the rest of them, but he drinks like a…ha ha. He drinks like fish. You might be in shape if sake had the same effect of you as it does on Kisame"
Is this true, Kisame? Pein asked.
Kisame tried to grin while biting his lip…making him look like a feral guppy. Like she said, it sure doesn't hurt he said.
It hurts our budget! Kakuzu hissed. His green, beetle-like eyes narrowed in the darkness.
I buy it myself, jeeze Kisame grunted.
Sure you do, Fishy Sakura interrupted. The green disks in her own eyes sparkled with revenge. You buy it yourself with money taken out of the rag-doll's stash above the fridge.
Kisame! Kakuzu hissed again, though this time it was a hiss of considerably more volume.
And so the fish became Sushi, a delectable piece of nigiri-sushi Sakura hummed. She sounded like she was reciting the last lines of some cute little children's story, but her smirk was decidedly malicious.
And so the pink little girl turned crimson as a large pool of her own blood spread around her lifeless body the shark-man growled back, taking a hesitant step away from the writhing tendrils of Kakuzu's body. The stitched man was still on the other side of the cavern, but he was radiating a violent chakra.
Stop it! Pein barked, for once letting his composure slip a little. There had never been this much disorder at a meeting: never. Kakuzu, hide your money better. Kisame, no more booze. And you, Sakura Haruno, need to be more respectful.
Well, that's a little difficult because only the disrespectful part of my brain is here to sit in on your little pow-pow. Sakura retorted, rolling her eyes.
The seven concentric circles in Leader's eyes flashed, and Sakura immediately felt his chakra wash over her, warm with killing intent. Someone had control issues, apparently. Well, duh, she thought. You have to have control issues to keep authority among this merry band of freaks.
Who are you calling a freak? Many voices called out to her. She noticed Deidara's growl, Kisame's sigh, and Hidan's roar among those voices…and also one that she hadn't heard, before.
It was deep and harsh, intrinsically cruel. A new Akatsuki?
Leader-sama, a group of Konoha ninja is approaching the base, led by the Copy ninja Kakashi Hatake Zetsu said, bowing.
How…? She was wondering how Zetsu had acquired such information. Sakura barely had time to ask before that mysterious voice emerged again.
Che. He's really on a rampage this time. Even left his porno! The black half of Zetsu said.
So he did see me take her Itachi mused. His sharingan eyes were cold and calculating.
I told you Mr. Electrified-Opossum-Hair was still conscious Deidara scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.
He's using a pack of nin-dogs to track her scent Zetsu's white half supplied.
Took him long enough to pick up the trail. Legendary, my ass replied Zetsu's freshly returned black half.
Sakura couldn't contain her glee. KAKASHI-SENSEI! She yelled, spinning around one the ball of her right foot. Finally!
Why are you so fucking happy? Hidan asked, grinning. That just means you get to stay with me for a while…or do you have some pleasant fucking thoughts about me in your fucking little report? You want to come stay with me and Stiches again, princess?
Sakura could only gape in response. She couldn't even formulate a thought before she felt Itachi's hands on hers once again and a jutsu carried her away from the dark, dank hell of the Akatsuki board-room.
Erm, well, I don't like this chapter at all. Nope nope nope. To be honest, I have no idea how to continue this. Suggestions would be great, or critical reviews would be even better. Hell, any input would make me do backflips. My funny bone is dead.
