This is an Elsanna pairing fanfiction. It's been formulated to be the most hidiously emotionally-jarring story ever. You've been warned. Also: will contain much smut. And whatever else I'd like. Read at your own risk. Also, see the stardoll Elsa I made here: en/user/?id=290381350 (WIP)
Chapter Three: Darkest Day
Elsa POV
My heart is pounding out to the same rythm as the dull ache in my head. I massage my temples and lean back against the smooshed pillow, wishing Anna was hear to plump it up for me. All I would need is her comforting smile, her hand on my shoulder- something, anything. I have to admit I'm still not over what happened in her room earlier. She seemed so antsy, and then as soon as I left to get her cocoa, she stripped naked. Well, not entirely. I won't think about it. I'm still not sure what she was doing. It was enjoyable for a while, sitting there, watching an old recording with her. But then my head started to hurt and here I am now. Alone. Wishing I was anything but. The cold grips my stomach like a vice and I find myself shivering. Me, the queen of ice. Cold. Ironic. But not really, because it's not the temperature that's chilling me. It's fear. I wish I could be rid of it once and for all, but it doesn't seem that easy. A small part of me wants to cry out for Anna. Another part of me, the reserved part, holds me back. But Anna would want me to call her, right? She'd want to spend time with me. Even if I'm poor company. I'm almost decided on the fact, almost raise my voice for her, when she comes in as though she sensed the need. But that's not it. She's holding a purse and her hair is done in a tight swirl along her scalp.
"Elsa! You're coming, right?"
"Oh. Of course." It is my idea, after all; to hike the mountains and have a picnic with our friends. Anna's friends? I'm still not sure how all of this is going to work out. Kristoff isn't an enemy of mine, but I didn't invite him. I planned this as a family outing. Somehow he and his reindeer Sven, and Olaf, and a few other random ice guys got invited. And I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this. But it was originally my idea, so I have to go, right? I don't even need to glance at Anna's face to know that she wants me. To come. I mean-
"Are you ok?" She sits on the edge of the bed.
"Of course I am. I'm just tired. And..." I can't say 'I feel cold'; she'll know that something's up. "I'll be ok."
"Oh, good. Because Kristoff promised he was going to teach me how to skate better."
Anna's face is split into a wide grin, but my stomach suddenly churns. Who ever told Kristoff he could butt his nose in our business anyway? I'm Anna's sister; I'm the one who's been teaching her how to skate. That's our thing. But I don't want to upset her, so I force half a smile. "Cool. I mean...that's chill. I-"
Anna giggles, and I can tell that she's really excited about this. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Kristoff's been super nice to me lately. He even asked me help him pick out the picnic spot. He almost never lets me help him with that kinda stuff. You know. Since we've gotten back, he's declared it his turf." She chuckles, and I almost smile for real; not at the content, but at her gleeful rambling. No matter why my sister is happy, it makes me happy. Only, it would make me a little bit happier if...well, if Kristoff wasn't involved. It's not that I don't want Anna hanging out with guys. Not at all! It's just Kristoff...well, he...He's weird. And untidy. And he's not a good match for her at all. I just can't see my sister with him. That's all.
"Elsa, are you ok?" I'm snapped out of my reverie, noticing that Anna is inches from my face. "You're flushed."
"Um, yeah. I was just thinking about...the picnic. I'm excited." I lie, forcing myself to throw my legs over the edge of the bed. I'm barely shivering, but Anna's perceptive eyes pick up on it immediately.
"Elsa, if you aren't feeling well...we could stay home. I could look after you."
My thoughts whirl around in my head, brewing over this tantalizing option. I can just picture it: me, lying in bed with Anna by my side, cuddling in for warmth. I could hold her hand, or maybe she could massage my neck to relieve the pain. Maybe she'd put her head on my shoulder like she did earlier, and maybe I'd be ok with it this time. Maybe we'd change into our pajamas or just strip down to our underthings and hide under the blankets and tell each other stories of our lives from all the years we missed out on. I'd rather hear Anna's stories than tell her mine. Mine are sad, but hers will be sweet and hopeful and happy. And then after the stories, we could snuggle in and go to sleep, with her head on my chest and me leaning over her protectively with an arm slung over her slender hips and her breath warming in my face, blowing air from her lips into mine-
"Elsa? Do you wanna stay home, then? You didn't say."
"Oh! Um. N-no. I can't!" I can't believe I was thinking those things! It's totally...unnecessary. Besides, getting out will be good for me. I get to blow off some steam by creating the pond and then...they can skate and...
"What do you mean, you can't?" Anna looks up at me curiously. Did she purposefully make herself look twice as pretty as she did earlier? Is she trying to impress Kristoff?
"Um. I can't miss the oportunity to spend time with family. Especially mom. I haven't seen her lately."
A light frown creases Anna's brow and I wish for the millionth time that I didn't have to tiptoe around what I say to her, that I could just speak my thoughts plainly. But I can't. That's not an option here. So I take a deep breath and playfully touch her arm, just barely.
"And to spend time with you too of course. Silly."
The corners of her mouth twitch, and she suddenly jerks at me. Before I know what's happening, I realize she's planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I feel myself blushing and put my hand to the spot.
"Thanks for coming, Elsa. I'll be waiting with mom."
And she's gone before I can get my thoughts together.
"Elsa! Come on, skate with us!" My sister erupts into giggles as she flies by, spraying a thin layer of my homemade ice off of her skates that desposits itself over my thighs and the waist of my dress. I'm sitting much too close to the pond, attempting to take in every detail of this terible situation. As I do, Anna skates by without a word of apology; our eyes don't even so much as lock. Well, at least she thought of me.
She's skating with Kristoff; their hands are intertwined, and hes akting backwards, showing off to her, teasing her about him tripping and them both going flying, prteending to slip, though I can tell he has total control. Something starts tightening in the pit of my stomach.
Don't tease her, you oaf; she's already had one guy play with her emotions. She doesn't need you doing it too.
All I want is for Anna to rip her hands from his, to come over and look me in the eye and beg me to skate with her. And then, somehow, I'd have the strength to go on teaching her. But I don't have the ability to stand up, to make myself smile, to put one foot in front of the other and follow the wayward couple in their adventure. Anna has clearly made her choice; she's skating with Kristoff. Not me. I try to resign myself to my fate.
"Hey, um, Elise."
I turn to see another 'ice guy', as I refer to them. Kristoff's friends. This guy's tall and lanky, with a headful of unruly dark curls. He holds his hand out towards me. "Would you like to skate, miss?"
I haven't the heart to correct him on my name; it's a waste of energy. Elsa, Elise, Emma. Who cares what people call me? It's not me they love. It's Anna. I flit my eyes over them one last time before turning back to the guy who can't get my name right.
"No thank you. I really shouldn't."
"You're not...cold are you?"
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Did he not see me make the ice pond with my own two hands? But even I have to admit that, despite his naivety, he's being polite. I see the kindness in his big golden eyes and I sigh. Maybe people would like me more, I consider, if I was nicer to them. I force myself to let my hand fall into his, and he pulls me up. I have no problem with this kind of contact because he's just some guy. I don't have, never will have, an emotional investment with him. If it was Anna who's hand I Was holding right now, well, then-
"Are you alright Miss Elise?" He's looking at my face and I know I'm blushing. Terribly thoughts, every one of them. I really should fight them harder.
"Uh, it's Elsa." At least he can get my name right if I'm going to spend any amount of time with him. "And yes, I'm alright."
"Elsa." He nods, leading me softly to the pond. "You know how to skate, right?" he prompts. And now I can't resist any longer. I pull myself up to my full height and look him square in the eyes.
"I built this pond." And, channeling all of my frustrations of today's events, I send a giant iceball hurling into the forest beyond. I turn back to see that he's gaping at me.
"El-elsa. How did you-?"
Seriously? I guess not everyone in the kingdom believed the hear-say about my powers. Well, this guy certainly does now.
"You never gave me your name." I say, sorely tempted to deposit his chin back in its proper position with my pointer finger. I've seen it in movies, and it'd be an impressive end to my display. For a moment I actually feel good about myself, my abilities. Then I hear Anna giggle and I barely catch his name.
"Ralph. Wow, Elsa. You sure can handle ice. My apologies."
I can barely manage a wan smile now, where moments before I was proud. "Yes. Let's um, skate."
I accept his hand, which at this point I'm entirely certain is a politeness, and we step onto the ice. I try not to gawk at Anna and Kristoff, but when I see him place his hand on the small of her back- they're skating so closely now- the breath is nearly sucked out of me. I feel anger burning my stomach and the ice at my feet gets sloppy. I have to confront her, now. I break away from Ralph and start across the pond in quick, steady streaks.
"Miss Elsa-!"
I ignore him. I have to talk to Anna, now, look her in the eyes, see what this is all about. I nearly bump into Kristoff in my haste, and he tightens his grip on Anna. He's got both of his paws on her now, and I grab his arm and pull him away.
"Hey!" he yelps, staring at me with a mix of confusion and frustration on his face. "What are you doing?"
"What am I doing? Hah! What am I doing." I stare at them, eyes turning from one face to another distastefully. How sick of them. What a display. "Anna, we're going home."
"But, Kristoff was gonna show mw how to-"
I raise both my hands and in a shuddering instant, all of the ice vanishes into little pools of water. Skaters fall and slide, and gasps and little yelps are heard all around. But I don't care about any of them. I grab Anna by the wrist and yank her further from Kristoff.
"Anna, we're going home." I say, an icy fury in my voice.
Then I see her eyes. Enormous, owly. Filled to the brim with tears. No- overflowing. First one cascades down her cheek, then another, and I look down at my hand in shock. There's a ring of ice around her wrist, encasing it as though it's a prison. Gasping, I jerk away and hold my hands up to melt it. Then I reach out to push up her soggy sleeve. But it's now Anna who jerks away. She pushes the sleeve up herself, whimpering, and examines the damage. Where her soft skin used to be is now an angry red circle. She rubs it tentatively, wincing. My throat suddenly tightens and I can scarcely breathe. Tears burn angrily at the back of my eyelids but refuse to fall and give their relief. I gasp and fling myself away from them. No, no, I have to make sure Anna is ok.
"Anna? Do you need-"
"Shut up, Elsa! Just shut up!"
And then to my eternal horror, I watch Kristoff put his arm around my sister's shoulders. And the other under her butt. And he picks her up and cradles her like a baby, and carries her to his sled. The last thing I can bear to watch is him ever-so-gently pushing up her sleeve, and her letting him, and smiling at him as she tells him that it's nothing.
It's nothing.
It isn't nothing.
I have hurt my sister and nothing will ever be the same again.
