There's two chapters coming up about Chris mainly, and then it slips more into Jal and Jacob and their lives I think.
DISCLAIMER: don't own, though want to.
Chapter two:
Jal Miles made her way quietly through the graveyard, her footsteps leaving slight indents in the coarse overgrown grass. She had left Jacob with his godfather for the day, knowing that both would appreciate the time spent together. Maxie doted over Jacob, and Jal was lucky that he was there as a babysitter whenever she really needed it. She had contemplated bringing her son with her today, but had decided that it probably wasn't the best idea. After all, he was still only young, and while today was special in that it marked him being six months old, it was also in a way even more special for another reason.
Sighing softly, Jal sunk slowly onto the cool grass, which still showed an indent even now, six months after she had left it. She guessed, as tears began to pour down her cheeks, that six months of just sitting there could have even left a permanent mark. She sat there, just thinking, and somehow became reminded of the last time she sat there, all those months before, the day Jacob had been born. She had sat and sung to him that day, and told him everything, spilled her heart. And she'd sworn that she'd move on that day, but she hadn't. She hadn't had the strength to get past him and move on with her life and find someone else, because if she was honest she didn't want to. She wasn't ready and there was no-one else for her. There never had been before and she didn't think there ever would be. After all, Chris was the one for her, her world and the person who would always and forever be her love, the man of her dreams. Her life line. And even now, a year down the line, after she had promised she would move on, she hadn't managed it. Not quite, as those around her could see, because sometimes she would just become lost in her memories. The photos would surround her and she would become nothing for hours at a time, as she just got lost in everything that was and would never be again. And on these days Cassie or Sid would come and take Jacob away from her for an hour or so, to give her time to herself so she could be ready to face the day later on. And they thought they were helping her, but more often than not they weren't. If she was to surround herself with the every day of bringing up Jacob then maybe the pain of not having his father there would lessen, because she would be distracted. Sighing, she placed her hand onto the cool grass and bowed her head, and began to talk to the man she would always love.
Oh Chris, I miss you so much. I said I would move on but I haven't, and I can't. Its only been a year, its not that long really. And I want you here with me, I want you to help me bring Jacob up, I want you to see him grow to be just like you, but at the same time I'm afraid that he will. I'm afraid he'll have your problems, or turn into you. I don't know what I'd do or where I'd go if I lost him. I miss you babe, every day, I just wish you were still here with me. I wish you were here to distract me from my worries or tell me that everything will be okay. Because i'm so afraid, so very afraid. And I get so upset over it all even though I should move on. What's wrong with me Chris? Why cant I move on? I know I should but I just can't. And then I feel like i'm a bad mum to Jacob because I'm still so lost in the past. I hate myself for it.
She sat silently for a few minutes waiting for his reply, but no reply came. Because of course, Chris wasn't there any more to reply. Even though he had before, he had given himself up when Jacob was born, and became a part of him. That was why there was no reply from Chris, and why Jal sat there for another half hour with no reply from the man she wanted to hear from most in the world. Because he wasn't there to reply any more, and the graveyard was simply the place where his body lay, slowly becoming part of the earth. And as she sat there Jal started to understand that, and started realising the truth. That coming back to the graveyard that day wasn't really worth it. There was no part of Chris left there for her, because he was with her in other ways. He was with her all the time, and she didn't need to come to the graveyard to find that connection to him. After all, he was with her all the time, just in a different way. And sometimes love wasn't shown through the physical, through having someone there, but instead through the mental, through the feelings of trust and faith which would survive even from death.
Jal rose from her seat, and taking one last look back at the quiet grave she began to walk back the way she had come, towards her friends and her son who she had left behind a few hours earlier. Looking briefly at her watch she smiled, because she had thought she'd only been there for ten minutes, but in reality it had been two hours. And she felt a sense of relief in a way, that she had gone there, but also joy because she had realised that he was still with her. Grinning to herself, she walked steadily away, already looking forward to the night to come.
