Marissa was nothing if not true to her word. Two days later she was still sitting by Bianca's bedside, waiting for her love to open her eyes. Numerous people had come to visit, most of them had tried to coax Marissa into taking a break, offering to wait in her place, but she refused. Just a few minutes ago she had even found the courage to refuse Erica, something Bianca would have found amusing had she been awake to witness it.
"You don't have to do this alone, Marissa," Kendall said, placing her hand on the other woman's shoulder. "We love Binks, too."
Hazel eyes looked up at her, blinking in surprise. "I know that."
"Then let us help you." She sat down beside Marissa. "When Bianca wakes up, she's going to need all of your strength. You won't be any good to her if we have to put you in the room next door."
Marissa shook her head. "I can't leave her."
"You know," Jake walked into the room, having overheard their conversation, "Kendall has a good point. When was the last time you slept? Or ate?"
"I've been eating," Marissa defended.
Jake sent her a disbelieving glance. "Anyway, I have to take Sleeping Beauty here for some tests to see why she hasn't woken up yet."
"I'll wait."
"They'll take a few hours," Jake explained. "Go home, get a change of clothes, have something to eat and when you come back, she'll be here waiting,' he promised.
"And Mom and I will be here," Kendall added. "If anything happens, I will call you."
The redhead's expression turned stubborn. "I'll wait," she repeated.
"Please don't make me have to admit you to the hospital, too, Marissa. Pine Valley Hospital can only accommodate one Montgomery family member at a time. Two of you and we'll have to build an extra waiting room." Jake's tone suggested he was only half teasing.
Marissa heard the underlying seriousness in his words and reluctantly nodded. She whispered a soft goodbye to Bianca, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and tried to stand up, only to collapse back into the chair.
"You know what, you shouldn't go alone. I'm going to drive you," Kendall told her.
"You don't have to…"
"Are you kidding? When Binks wakes up, do you know how mad she'll be at me if I don't take care of you? Now I don't know about you, but I do not want to be on my sister's bad side," Kendall grinned.
Marissa couldn't help but smile. Bianca could be very protective. "You'll be here, right?" she asked Erica.
"I will be here the entire time, darling."
It didn't take them long to reach the big white colonial structure on Park and Crescent. Walking inside, Marissa felt like a stranger in someone else's house, the emptiness settling around her; the silence was so loud it was deafening. Her gaze immediately went to the dining room, the wilted flowers and unused wine visible from the foyer. Had it only been two days ago that she had sat at that table, looking forward to spending the evening with Bianca? Suddenly, she didn't want to be there any longer. This wasn't her home.
Kendall came in behind her, putting a stack of mail on the hall table. She saw what Marissa was staring at and it didn't take long for her to put it all together.
"You go up," she encouraged, gently nudging Marissa in the direction of the stairs. "I'll take care of everything down here." Marissa nodded mutely and slowly climbed them.
Shortly after, she exited the master bathroom, feeling a bit more stable. Kendall and Jake had been right. At the very least she needed to keep her strength up for Bianca. Toweling her hair, she pulled an overnight bag from the walk in closet and stuffed a couple of changes of clothes in it. On impulse she also packed an outfit for Bianca. She would need it eventually.
Marissa dressed quickly and surveyed the room, making sure she had missed nothing. Sunlight glinting off something metal on her nightstand caught her eye. She crossed to it and ran her hand lovingly along its edges. Her music box. But it was so much more than just that. It was the most perfect gift she had ever received and had been the key to unlocking the happiness she had been searching for. Her mind wandered to another summer's day, just over a year ago, standing with Bianca by the lake in the park, so sure of what she wanted and desperately trying to convince the other woman of the same. "The music box plays a song that my father used to sing to me when I was scared. And it made me feel good about myself," Marissa had confessed. "It made me feel like I could do anything in the world, as long as I had the courage to try. You are that song, Bianca. You make me feel the way that song makes me feel."
Back in the present, she lifted the lid and the tune began to play. Marissa didn't realize she was crying until she felt the warmth splash on her arm. One tear was followed by another and then another, each one coming more quickly than before. She'd held them back for so long that now they wouldn't stop. With the tears came the other forbidden thoughts she had pushed away for the past two days.
What if Bianca didn't wake up?
What if she lost her like she lost her parents?
What if Bianca died?
The weight of the "what ifs" pushed her down until she was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to her chin. She stared at the music box through blurred vision.
What if this is all I have left of her?
Marissa's tears turned into body racking sobs.
That was how Kendall found her a few moments later, having rushed up the stairs when she recognized the anguished sound coming from the bedroom. It was the same pain she'd felt when she thought Zach had died. Kendall dropped to the floor beside her and wrapped her arms around the other woman, drawing her close. "It's okay," she soothed. "Let it all out."
Marissa wanted to talk. Felt the need to explain, but she couldn't form words. Every time she opened her mouth, all that came out were more sobs. "Shhhh," Kendall told her. "It's okay. I understand."
