Chapter 3

"Erik? You're not trying to suffocate yourself are you?"

Undoubtedly Nadir had been mildly alarmed to discover me not on the balcony this time, but instead flopped down in the chair with the entire down comforter hastily torn from my bedroom and crammed tightly about by head. I shifted my hand to inform him I had not passed on from this world.

Through the muffle of the fabric and feathers I heard him emit a relieved chuckle. "Good heavens, what are you attempting to do?"

"Block-it-out." Biting off every word for emphasis, I had to wonder just what effect all this insulation had upon my unusual voice.

Locating him via sound alone, I noted his footsteps carried him over toward the balcony. "And what precisely are you trying to block out with the incredibly protective shield comprised of feathers?"

I continued the lock jawed punch to each syllable. "La Serenissima."

"Oh, wonderful. She is back in town." His mocking joviality only served to grate further on my already taught nerves.

Grabbing the edges of the blanket, I pulled it tighter around my head to suppress the undignified growl before flinging my refuge aside to the floor. "Her name is an insult! She is anything but serene! I have such an abominable headache. An hour, one full hour with that overindulged brat beside the piano! It was enough to drive one to put the cow out of her misery!"

Nadir was smiling with grand amusement at my torturous experience. "But she is the Eastern voice of the West. She says so herself. Shame to destroy such a gorgeous instrument."

"Stop teasing me, Nadir. You were not forced to listen to her godawful caterwauling. And to think, she calls that singing. I feel the greatest pity for the audiences who are made to pay a fee to have their ears bled!"

Leaning against the balcony door frame, his grin broadened. "Perhaps it is a new exotic form of medicine. A blade-less way to renew the vitals."

I dug my nails into the arms of the chair and shot back. "It certainly cannot be accounted as without agony! Give me the blade any day, far less painful and maddening than enduring that sow emulating a barn yard!"

Shaking his head, Nadir erupted into laughter at my expense. "So she has become a pig now. I'm sorry, Erik. I shouldn't be making light of this. But surely you were not too busy to perceive there were other areas of the building you could have gone to work on."

"Not possible when I was the one at the piano." I snapped with a roll of my fingers across the arm of the chair.

My friend froze for a moment, his bewildered eyes widening in the dimmed lamp light. "You … " He began, taking a step toward me he held forth a shaking hand. "You were at the piano? Why? Erik, you are an architect here, a contracted stone mason. Not a musician."

Nadir was no fool. It would only be a matter of moments before he recalled that crucial detail of last night's conversation. "The regular accompanist had been taken ill." Admittedly it had been a vain attempt to distract his attention.

Flurried steps carried him across the room to loom over me. Nadir had always been of short stout nature. Only when I was seated was he afforded the benefit of being eye-level with me. I found myself far too mentally fatigued to strip that from him. "Erik!" his tone was overwrought with hints of shock mingled with something else, was that suspicion? "You didn't! We were going to discuss how to get through this. How could you poison another man just to get to the stage!"

I let a frown spread across my mouth slowly, looking him full in the face as the accusation hung in the tense air between us. "You really trust me that little."

Holding up an accusing finger, he nodded his head. "I know what you are capable of."

Leaning back in my chair, I folded my hands before me. My words came out slow and precise. "Poison a man I have not even met? A man I did not even know existed until Carnegie requested my assistance because that very man was ill? Think, Nadir. Is that even logical, even for the phantom of the opera?"

A long silence filled the air as I studied him, watching thoughts unravel in his mind. Slowly he sank down on the edge of the desk, his tone quieter and more hesitant now. "You really had nothing to do with it?"

I shook my head, my expression painstakingly devoid of all humor.

He exhaled slowly. "Good. Last night I had to carry you to your bed. When I discovered in the morning you were already gone, I was quite worried that some dark plan had stolen your senses."

Unable to refrain, I rolled my eyes with a sigh. "I was wondering how I got there. I did not recall a single step toward my chambers."

"That is because you didn't take even one. I quite literally had to drag you there. It is beyond belief just how much you weigh given how thin you are. At least you were sound asleep for once. It had been my hope I would have a chance to speak with you before you took off this morning."

My thoughts drifted back to the little bird that had joyously greeted the dawn with its swansong. Had it not been for his unfortunate perch on my sill, Nadir might very well have gotten his wish. "There was much I had need of attending down at the hall. It required an early start."

"And yet you found time to sit at the piano? I find that little detail most interesting."

I was growing weary of his prying questions. My hand balled into a fist and I lowered my gaze, isolating the tops of my eyes as they glared through the holes in the mask. "My time is my own, old friend. Keep to your own affairs."

A deep frown creased his aging features. "They become my affairs when they threaten our chances of remaining here. Though I do enjoy venturing out on trips, Erik, I have no desire to be uprooted once again due to some insidious plot invading your rationale."

The nails on my right hand dug into my palm just short of drawing blood. "How many times must I declare to you! I did not arrange it! If you must know the additional task caused a number of unfortunate disturbances in the work which included correcting a rather serious issue with the lighting. It left me with insufficient time to explain the essential details to the work men. I was forced to leave them to complete the work unsupervised. If you wish to have witnesses, I can provide them. Ask Tuthill, we were discussing the very matter at the time that Carnegie requested my assistance."

Nadir released a leaden sigh. "I sincerely hope you are telling me the truth."

"Trust me, Nadir." I insisted wearily. "Why would I endanger every achievement I have built here when we are so near to seizing the brass ring? Long ago I may have been foolish enough to compromise that in the chase of an insane folly. I will accede that much. There is far too much at stake now." I stood up and strode past him onto the balcony to cast my gaze upon the corner of the Music Hall. Solemnly I laid my hands on the railing in the stagnant night air. "You seem to forget, this is not my dream alone I bring to fulfillment. My investment in the success of the Music Hall is for this child of brick and mortar to become the everlasting cornerstone of every great musician's career. To grace her stage will be to mark the moment when the world recognizes you are worthy of her affection." A tinge of poison crept into those words lending them an unconscious double meaning I had not initially intended. Hastily I bit my tongue trying to push back the dangerous connection with my dark past. This time it wasn't about me. I clung to the desperate desire that the world would never be subjected to that harsh destructive side of me again.

"Erik … are you even listening to me?" I swung around to find Nadir directly behind me, brow furrowed in deep concern.

Standing up a little straighter, I brushed off my vest and straightened my tail coat. False dignity is hard to portray in the face of one who knows your secrets so well. "My apologies, old friend. I was lost in thought."

"Clearly. No less than three times I had asked you about who rehearsed with you today. It was like you were not with me anymore." Leaning against the railing, he locked eyes with me, searching to see that I had returned fully to my senses. "Was everyone in attendance?" The way he said the word everyone implied an interest in a specific name.

I kept the eye contact unbroken and offered him the information he sought. "She was there."

He blinked. Not a word, not a gesture; just the slow blink of his eyes was the only response. In truth, I found it a little amusing. For all my prior concern over our rendezvous it seemed that the old Daroga's exceeded my own by great strides. "If you were at the piano … " he began and was reluctant to finish.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I watched as he struggled to come to terms with how the encounter must have proceeded. Readily, I empathized with him. After all, if he had even half the ideas my feverish mind had churned out in the last days, it must be driving him insane. Gradually his eyes began to drift from me back inside the open doorway, a slow marked pace that encompassed the entire room. He took a tentative step back into the study and soon abandoned all futile efforts to hide his obvious intentions. Dashing toward my bed chamber he slammed the door open and cried out, "Christine?"

Withdrawing from the balcony, I casually made my way across the oriental rug toward the frantically searching Persian in the other room. While trying to decide if I should be annoyed at once more being found suspect of trickery or amused at Nadir's distressed tossing of my living space in search of fresh evidence of such a treachery. He stuck his head out of my door and exhaled. "Where is she?"

I offered him a detached shrug. "I can assure you that is not within my knowledge. Logic would state, over being tucked within my wardrobe, she is in her hotel rooms with her family."

Closing the door gingerly, he withdrew from my personal chambers, face colored by embarrassment.

"Now." I leveled my gaze even though his eyes would no longer meet mine. "Can we please abandon this wild goose chase and return to being the civilized men we have set out to become here?"

Hesitantly he shook his head in disbelief. "How … how did you do it?"

I sighed, if he insisted on pursuing this it would be far simpler to give him what he wished. "With grace." At least that was what I hoped I had accomplished. "No fancy illusions, no jumping out from a special mirror, no leering over her—I did the one thing the Phantom never would have done."

Nadir stared at me, wide eyed. Clearly struggling to bridge the gap between the man I had been, overbearing and with an insatiable obsession, with the man I was now, claiming to be capable of restraint. He could not find the words. So I gave them to him.

" … I surrendered all my power over her."

"How?"

This might take a while. I slid down onto the black leather couch and let the cool soft pillows cradle my weary frame. The physical toll of this last year had finally caught up with me. "I have come to learn how to naturally sway the will of others. Have I not told you some of my tricks that human nature renders highly effective? The sole reason they are made possible is that so few victims are aware they are even under the power. While I was cursed in one fashion, I have apparently been blessed in others. My height, strength, and dexterity allow me quite easily to manipulate a subject into believing they are powerless; even to the extent of an unhindered mode for escape nearby. The singularly unique properties of my voice to bespell and entrance those of lesser will, well—much of the human race—supersedes all others. Above this, you are well aware of my genius and gift of outwitting those at my whim. While having mirrors and strings preset at my disposal are convenient, it is hardly essential." Realizing I had been wandering a little far from the main topic, I cleared my throat and returned back to the truth he so desired. "But I digress. When she came into the auditorium only to find a white rose on the piano, I was concealed behind the wing. When I called out to her she came to find me seated upon the floor. That was it." With a wave of my hand I dismissed the whole thing outright. "She could have fled at any time and even with my reaction timing I could never have hoped to have stopped her."

His color, if it could be believed, turned paler; gaunt with complete disbelief. "And did she … flee?"

I shook my head slowly. "To my own amazement, no. Though I offered her sufficient opportunities to gracefully withdraw, she made her choice to remain and rehearse with me. Had one been eavesdropping, one would have sworn I was pushing her away."

"You played for her?"

"Only some warm up exercises, singing drills. There was not much time left between our conversation about the obvious and the arrival of ou—" A knot caught in my throat. That little shred of reality I had yet to bring to the light and examine fully. " . . . her son."

Thankfully Nadir, still wrapped in the dulling effects of shock, had apparently missed the near slip of my tongue. "She brought a son from Paris?"

"Yes, a delightful little boy. I'm sure you will get a chance to met him." I caught my hand toying with a tassel on a cushion and instantly subdued the betraying gesture.

The corners of his mouth turned up in an expression of astonished wonderment. "I am stunned, Erik. Somehow, you have managed to do the impossible yet again."

I smiled back, it was an act of false confidence, but he was unaware of the facade as I flippantly replied. " It is after all what I specialize in."

"Has she forgiven you for deceiving her?"

"Mostly. As much as I can tell, she recognized why the events had unfolded as they had." Rubbing a finger across my chin I mused. "I should say I do not believe she agreed it was right … and to be honest, I am no longer certain your idea was so wise."

"Now Erik." He swiftly held up a hand in a gesture that reminded me of those impotent attempts many made to evade my Punjab cord. Where had I left that? Come to think of it, I had not seen its whereabouts in well over a year. "You did agree at the time. We cannot go forward while locked in hindsight."

"But, Daroga, I am not looking back." My gaze to him was sidelong. "I am only interesting in moving forward."

His reply was broken by a panicked knock at the front door. Through the open balcony I heard my name frantically shouted. It sounded like one of the workmen. This was not the first time one stood at my door after dusk and likely not the last. The final days before opening were always the most hectic.

My stride carried me down the stairs before Nadir even made it across the room, and before any of my servants could reach the entrance. In anticipation, for these unplanned visits always concluded in much the same fashion, I grabbed my cloak before tearing open the door and glaring out into the dark at the frightened young man before me. I did not know his name but he had been quite a worker on the site for the last month. "What is it?" I barked at him coldly.

"S-sorry, Master Erik to disturb you so late—but but—" Even in the darkness I could see that he was white with terror beneath the flush of having run the many blocks to my doorstep. "I've been sent to report an accident! Ple—"

Not another word was needed. I was out the door, the cloak flying into its place around my shoulders. I left the boy to collect his breath. His task was now complete. Now it was my duty to once more clean up another man's careless mess. As I drew closer to the six story Music Hall with its Renaissance style frescoes, my eyes searched for signs of smoke or a crumble of stone. No evidence of such greeted me. Thus the problem must have been within.

Flinging the door open, I tore into the lobby relying on my ears to discover the location of the trouble. I had to travel well into the back halls of the main auditorium before I heard the commotion. Faint voices echoed out from the open doors near chamber music hall. If my suspicion was correct, the accident was in the very one they had been resetting the lights in. My measurements had been correct. I had checked them no less than three times, just as Giovanni had instructed me to do when I had been his diligent apprentice. It was a sacred rule: never trust the first time, always check to be sure you were right. Then one more time to be certain. Lives depended upon what we calculated. Commit to a mistake and your entire work can crumble into one immense tomb.

I hated when my graver instincts were right. I found the workers in the very room, the rigging for the chandelier having swung down from one side and slammed up against stone wall. Beneath the shards of metal lay Jacob's shattered body. He had been a promising worker, quick to take instruction in that steel trap of his mind. That mind would hold no more knowledge in a skull split wide open.

"Why are you all standing there?" I flared the moment I crossed the thresh-hold of the now bloodstained recital hall. "Where is Herman? He should have prevented this from happening!"

Like sheep from a wolf they shied away from me, unsure of what to do.

"He … he ran off the moment the lights fell. Master—" A timid voice offered.

Furiously I grabbed the collar of the workman who had spoken. "Get Jacob out of here! Take his body to his wife and console her!" Releasing him to stagger back and numbly conduct his duty, I swung around to the remainder of slack-jawed workers. "You, get Herman! I do not care if you have to drag him back here every step of the way! And you, fetch me the plans I left here earlier." They were not moving fast enough. "NOW!" I induced every ounce of my raw power into that one word. The master was not happy.

While waiting for the plans, I studied the damaged end of the lighting brace, the telling signs of the execution whispered insidiously to me. Someone had modified my instructions. I did not look up as the roll of paper was nervously shoved into my waiting hand. "You may go." I muttered with quiet intensity. This was not his fault, he should not bare the brunt. Behind me I heard the scuffling of feet as the unfortunate Herman was dragged towards the stage approaching my seething rage.

"Please … no … let me go! It was an accident!" The poor man pleaded as he fell on his knees.

My back to him, I unrolled the plans with slow deliberate motions. "Herman, do not move. The rest of you may take your leave."

"T-thank you, Sir." As a flock of birds escapes a hunter, the men disappeared from my sight.

I began in a falsely calm tone; far calmer than the situation warranted. "Tell me, Herman, are you a master architect?"

The trembling man wrung his hat between his fingers. "N-n … no, Master Erik. I am not."

Turning to provide him the full view of the scowl on my lips, I let my unnerving eyes bore into him. "Then, tell me why you took it upon yourself to alter a master architect's plans?" The tone of my voice was still dangerously level. A sure signal for those who knew me best that my mood was approaching its darkest.

"I … I … thought … " he stammered.

It was the last I would take, my temper snapped like a winter dry twig. My voice rent the air in a torrent of rage. "You were not hired to think! You were hired to follow instructions! Your decision cost a young man his life all for following your instructions instead of mine! Actions have consequences, some of the gravest nature!"

The man before me shrank in terror from the verbal onslaught. He was unaware of how fortunate he was I had not had the chance to locate my old cord or he may have found himself a permanent fixture of the Music Hall in place of the chandelier. Inside me I could feel my heart pumping, my fists tightened yearning to teach this young fool the extent of his folly. I had to stop this before it went too far. Before I lost my final thread of control.

"Get out of here! You are permanently dismissed! If I see you on this site again it will be the last your eyes shall ever see! Understood?" He nodded with a tense gulping motion, taking a timorous step back. "Now go!"

He required no further bidding. Turning on his heel he fled from the hall as though the very hounds of hell were in hot pursuit. A flurry of footsteps followed in his wake. How unsurprising that the dismissal had not gone unwitnessed by the crew. Pulling my cloak off my shoulders, I tried to shed the remnants of the outburst. My coat came off and I rolled up the sleeves of my white shirt. The first task I needed to do was remove the blood from the wall. Then I could finish the repair of the lights. Do it correctly. Keeping on task would get me through this. Fortunately the glass work had not yet been installed on the chandelier's framework. By morning, I pledged to the silent hall, no one would see this had happened.


A sunrise need not be witnessed to have knowledge that it had occurred. Enough of my days had been spent dwelling in darkness to have a sense for the inevitable passage of time. Having spent my anger on repairing the damage to the electric lighting rig and the essential wire tracks, I had calmly observed all that remained was to install the delicate glass work. Once certain the angles were proper, I had found myself seated at the organ bench up in the main auditorium staring blurry eyed at the keys.

For far too long, I had been exiled from the glorious tones of a pipe organ. Though this was hardly the immense organ I had built in my underground house, it still felt like a bitter reunion to sit on the throne before the beautiful keyboard. The organ was small and compact, the bulk of it tucked between the few feet of hollow space behind the stage left wing's wall and the outer wall of the structure. Regretfully, the music hall had a stubborn neighbor restricting the initial size of the hall. Carnegie's efforts to purchase the brownstone house had failed to find the man's extortionate price. I had offered to assist in convincing the man to relocate so we might have constructed the hall large enough for access on both sides of the great stage to do it justice. The reception to my suggestion had been a mere shrug, Carnegie was convinced our neighbor would sooner or later grow weary of all the carriage calls beside his home. Time would be our ally. So, we had let the issue lie, building the wall as far as we possibly could; less than a meter between the hall and his residence. It was among some of the tightest stonework I had ever undertaken.

The crew and performers were not set to arrive on site for at least another hour, affording me time for this selfish little indulgence. Like an automaton, my hands slid up into position, muscle memory locking my fingers into a chord. Likewise, my feet as if driven by some mechanism found their place on the pedals. I hesitated, hands hovering over the ivory and ebony bars. Without an organ to play it on, the music that longed to escape me had only existed on paper. It had never in all my years graced a stage. Should it now, even with no audience with which to experience it? Did I really wish to lend voice to it now?

Yes. It wasn't so much a want but a visceral need.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. With it, my fingers dropped onto the keys, caressing the first bittersweet chord into life.

Chord after chord poured out of the pipe organ, filling the resonance chamber with a hauntingly rich music, a lingering melody that purposefully was left unresolved to hang in perpetual limbo. Closing my eyes, I let it cascade out, releasing the flood waters behind the dam of my emotional turmoil. It had been too long since I had access to a pipe organ, ten long years isolated from the glorious throne I once resided upon. Attending a concert in an audience and listening was one thing. But feeling the breath of the instrument vibrating beneath ones fingers and feet was quite remarkably another. Once I had reached the end of the introduction's notes my throat was prepared to give in to the music. It had been years since I had dared to unleash my singing voice.

Shadows deepen in the darkness

Lengthened by the light,

Cold and bitter lies the soul

Banished to the night.

Time will rend even the strong

To fall before its might,

Worn on from the endless trial

I hold on to your sight.

You were the light

That drew me from shadow

You were the promise

The world could never know!

Teach me to live

Hold me in memory

For I cannot walk

By your side!

Angel of the Light

Cast your eyes upon me

Though I am not worthy

Of your heart.

Angel of the Light

This world has cast its justice

Broken is the promise

Laid upon this grave.

The final chord of the song hung in the air, bereft of resolution. The acoustics of the hall showcased the full power I had unleashed into its embracing heights. My fingers rested on the keys as I had despaired the lack of another verse, one less penned in tragedy. But it was what it was. For all the power I had once held, my tricks had only ever been illusions. I could not alter the past regardless of how hard I tried. I opened my eyes to find Carnegie standing beside the organ, his eyes glazed, awestruck and silent. I had no doubt what had brought him here so early. Clearing my throat, I withdrew my hands from the keys, casting my eyes to the side.

"I know why you are here," I muttered softly, hoping to break the spell I had inadvertently placed upon him. "The situation has been remedied and the man responsible dismissed. Though I am not proud of my tone with him, I do not regret it."

"You are correct in my original intentions to speak with you." His distant voice betrayed that he was still spellbound. "But that is no longer what keeps me here. Your actions were justified, give it no more thought. Clearly the proper adjustments were completed. As the crew reported, they were sent home. Am I to assume you finished it yourself?"

I simply nodded.

"Good, then that affair is finished." His hand now rested on the edge of the organ as he widened his eyes, the glazing gradually subsiding. "Erik, I should have come listen to you yesterday! Why did you not tell me you were that spellbinding?"

Idle fingers caressed the keys beneath them, morosely I replied, "I have not played in years."

"Great heavens." He thrust his hands into the air in exasperation. "I do not understand why ever not. Did some critic horrendously slight you in the past? What would compel you to abandon such a talent?"

If only he knew. Unable to bare the weight of his adoring gaze, my own eyes cast down to rest upon my restless fingers. "I had reason enough, Carnegie."

"Your voice … such a captivating instrument of unparalleled beauty. Never in all my years have I heard anything so singularly commanding of attention." He was breathless in awe. "Erik, I had assumed by the natural timber to your speaking voice that you must be in possession of a great singing voice. But I was gravely mistaken in that assumption. My expectations had fallen markedly short of reality." Casting his eyes to the ceiling, he continued. "The voice of an angel come down from heaven."

My hand shot up from the keys in a sharp slash, abruptly cutting off his words. "Enough. Carnegie, you say too much!"

Forbidden to speak again of my voice, his hand caressed the polished organ's edge. "This is the first I have heard the organ actually being played, not simply being tuned. That music was so completely captivating. I could not resist being drawn to the auditorium." He raised a hand toward the empty music stand. "I have never heard that piece, what is it from? Who wrote it? As there is no sheet music before you, I can only assume you have it memorized."

The lament has been the song of my heart every day since. How could I not have memorized it? My head hung lower, accompaniment to my reserved reply. "Of course you have not heard it, I wrote it. It has never been performed."

"You?" He shook his head in utter disbelief. "A composer as well? No wonder you were capable of designing the acoustics of the hall. Are you certain creating buildings is your destiny, Erik? A voice like yours and hands that can create such wondrous music . . . truly you could own any stage!"

"That is why I co-own this one." I tried to make light of it, but the jest only served to add greater injury to the old wound.

"If you had but told me, I would have given you a place in the grand opening's program." He paused. "There is still time. You should perform." Carnegie smiled broadly, hopefully. "Damrosch will be on stage, it would be an grand honor to have you on here as well. Please Erik, say you will at least consider it?"

My heart was pounding against my chest, threatening to escape the confines of my rib cage. I glanced over to see the man who had unwittingly given me a chance to share his dream … and I glimpsed his determination to share another one. Without the consent of my will my head began to nod. "I will consider it. But I make no promises."

"Fantastic." He placed a hand upon my shoulder. "There is no argument that will convince me the level of talent I just witnessed is unworthy of this stage for any reason upon this earth."

The pride filled conviction in his eyes drove into my chest, stabbing like a knife. I could think of an argument that clearly would strike me as unworthy of the stage. Simple enough, what I had done with those talents back in Paris. The actions of a bitter recluse that nearly destroyed two of his greatest creations. Blessedly, Carnegie had remained entirely ignorant of my past. I feared if he ever suspected my involvement at the Paris Opera had been the obsessive haunting of her massive hidden passages, the shameless manipulation of the management, countless incidents of the most insidious nature including wanton murder, and crowned with the horrors of the night I unleashed the chandelier from the ceiling for the sole purpose of creating a distraction to cover my theft of Christine from the stage; our days as trusted colleagues would be over and I would return to the hopeless wretch I once was.

"In the meantime," his voice interrupted my thoughts. "I hate to ask it as you have clearly been up all night, but Lloyd is still ill. Would you be willing to fill in again?"

A sigh escaped me. "Going without rest is something I am well accustomed to. I will not fail you, Carnegie. Consider the rehearsals covered."

He held out a list to me. "Thank you, Erik. The first will begin at ten o'clock. I will try and stop by later if I get a chance." Placing his hand on my shoulder he gave it a squeeze before passing on to the rest of his business.

I gave the list a home on the edge of the piano, replacing my jacket with a gentle sweep. There was time enough to take in a little air before rehearsals started.