February 13, 2009 7:23PM
Three Days After Full Moon Cycle
"He's been that way since Monday, he's a Grizzly sized wolf Bobby...you think he's gonna be stuck like that since Von's dead?"
Dean scrubbed his hand over his face and tried to work a knot out of the back of his neck, he had a headache the size of Texas and the alcohol was barely making it better. The two hunters had decided to leave Sam in there not wanting to be duped into thinking that Sam would be a good puppy if they let him out which was obviously what he wanted now by his compliant behavior. Dean was a little worried because his werewolf brother also appeared to be sick, he'd pant until a viscous trace of foam formed around his mouth, he was prone to shakes and he kept biting at his fur like it was crawling with bugs. The raw slabs of meat appeared to help and Dean wasn't the only one wishing Von was still around to lend her expertise.
"Where the hell is Cas anyway, he has to know something?" Dean peeked into the hole and watched Sam's head perk up and the tip of his tail wag. He knew that look from seeing it on many a dog's face, the werewolf wanted to go out for a walk and if the situation was any different Dean might have granted Sam's request, he knew Von would have because Von loved her giant puppy.
"I don't know Dean and again, I don't know," Bobby replied, "I honestly have no answer. I'm just about in the blue as you are."
Glancing at the door and catching a glimpse of the brown werewolf with flecks of red and black in the coating stare at them all happy and ready. Hopeful. It was as if Sam had really become a dog instead of a ravenous beast and it wasn't even like Sam was really there at all. He could tell that he was though but the thoughts were overly dog-like that he shook his head. Sam had really lost himself, he had fallen into a dark hole and this was the product of that falling. Scrubbing his hand over his beard he sighed.
"Think we should at least let him out for a little walk? He might have to go bathroom and he can't keep goin' in there with the way it smells like I'm runnin' a zoo. Cas!"
The angel appeared without a moment's hesitance and brought his attention to the hunter that had called him. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"We need ya to explain the situation with Sam. How much do ya know about what's goin' on?"
Castiel moved over to where Dean was to get a good look. Sam hadn't turned back to human form, which was strange and he could see what they were fretting about. "He's learning to accept what he is as well as the withdrawal of demon blood that is in his system. From the tics you see him do that is the lack of what he hungers yet it appears that he's not as bad as I had thought he'd be. Might be the diet he's been on."
"Could it be that this is a way of copin'?" Bobby asked.
Stepping back at Dean's discomfort, his blank face focused on the question and answering it. "Possibly, but this could also be that he's been in this form for a while and forgotten that he is indeed human still in some structure and that might make it why he can't shift. Hypothesis not necessarily actually firm data."
Now it was Bobby's turn to stare back and blink like he was constipated. Turning to look at the wolf he could kind of see what Castiel was saying but it worried him. Hell he could tell it worried Dean. After all, even though Sam did something horrible, Sam was still his little brother and Dean was concerned for him. Sam on the other side in the other room listened, ears twitching at the voices and the new smells and continued to wag his tail. He was going to go outside. He hoped he was, maybe he was and maybe they'd let him. He'd be real good, he promised he would. Sam sniffed and opened his mouth appearing as if he was smiling as a bark escaped him. He waited panting with eyes wide, and excited.
A howl escaped him and slowly changed into a long whine and another bark followed as he stood. Stretching, letting one hind leg at a time stay in the air to gain the stretch needed before putting it back down and then walking forwards a tiny bit and then sitting down. Tail wagging once more and a third bark to boot.
Had Sam forgotten? Sorcha didn't want him to forget, why was he allowed and the others weren't, the pain was as sharp and clear as the day it happened and it always would be. Sorcha growled angrily at the door, she couldn't see Sam with it closed but she could smell him and his eagerness to be outside. The black dog looked expectantly at Dean, hoping he would see reason and not let the monster out of the box. He deserved to be in there unable to taste the fresh wind or feel the sun on his fur or to see the rich blue of the sky, what he deserved was to in there until he went mad and truly forgot who he was.
"Keep your fucking tail on!" Dean shouted at Sam kicking his boot against the door. He didn't know what to do, he was angry and drunk and still pissed at Sam and literally giving him puppy eyes wasn't going to help his case. Groaning he craned his head up searching the ceiling for an answer, Bobby was giving him that insistent look. "If he bites your face off don't come cryin' to me," he pointed accusingly at the elder hunter and glared at the angel before stalking up the stairs in an angry huff.
Sam's ears went back and his went low, tail stopping at Dean's outburst and he ran over to the left side of the room to remain against the wall. He'd go bathroom in the bucket again, but he didn't guarantee he'd be a good aim like he hadn't been the rest of the time. Bobby peered in through the peephole. He couldn't let Sam out, he wanted to but it appeared that Dean wasn't any happier and Sorcha was about as tight as an asshole with digestive problems. Closing it he moved to the stairs and Castiel stared at him confused.
Walking up behind him and to the main floor, Bobby headed straight into the living room where Sorcha and Dean were stationed. "Now hold up Dean. Same with ya Sorcha. I know ya both are pissing on Sam's tail till he breaks a new one and decides that maybe life ain't so dandy and that dyin' would be a lot more of a thrill ride and the only answer to his problems. To both ya problems but this is my god damn house and he's your god damn brother Dean. And Sorcha, do ya think Von would accept your attitude? I don't think so ya idjit and I most certainly am not acceptin' it either. From now on, instead of actin' like terrorists, here's a thought and a new rule from yours truly..." He paused as the last line he was preparing for was full of a huge bucket of anger. "Try to be more considerate and think of those ya lost, what they would want and not being so damn selfish to bully on yourselves and Sam. I may not be the best role model for drinkin' and batterin' my self to an all time low. But realizin' somethin' while watchin' the two of ya has made me glad that I haven't fallen that far. That Alex and Von aren't here to witness this horse shit."
Stalking towards the door he opened it and gestured with his hand as he continued. "If ya can't handle that, then maybe ya don't deserve Sam. Maybe ya never deserved Von and Alex. And maybe ya don't deserve my hospitality."
"Bobby," Dean sounded as if the hunter was the one being unreasonable and closed his eyes as he bowed his head warring with his anger and his want to accept that Bobby was right.
He hated that the hunter always had a way of getting to him, even in his drunken state where being rational wasn't a priority. Sorcha considered Bobby's words and her ears flattened sadly against her head as she looked to the floor, the hurt was still too fresh but the elder's words rang true. Von would never wish Sam to be left alone in his misery, Von would stay with him with the world falling down around them whether it was his fault or not. She wouldn't be able to make it easy on him though that wasn't her style, she would constantly be testing him. And if he had forgotten what he had lost she would make him remember.
"I need time to think," Dean stood and grabbed his coat exiting out of the door Bobby had opened and disappearing into the yard. He was mad at everything and needed to let off some steam, bringing up Alex and Von like that made him feel lower than the dirt under his boots and he knew he was being harsh on Sam but how could he not be, maybe in time he could let it go, maybe.
The elder watched the hunter go and he sighed, bone weary and not in the mood. Dean knew better than to talk back to him when he knew that Bobby was right. So he shut the door, leaving it unlocked for Dean and that if he didn't come back within a certain space of time he was going to search for him. Going to his desk he sunk down into his chair, his eyes traveling the area before landing on Sorcha. Relaxing, it was evident on how tired he was. Tired of all the fighting, of all that was going on and what they were doing was just adding onto everything. He was right, and his words were definitely the hard truth but it didn't mean that he felt great about it.
They were all down in the dumps and going through so much. He worried it made things worse, but hoped he made them a bit better. Patting his leg, he motioned her over. "Come here girl," he said and when she tentatively did so he leaned over and began to pet her with two hands, running along her face and under the ears to give a good petting. "I'm sorry for yellin' at ya. Ya know why I had to. Now do ya think ya can do somethin' for me? I'm goin' to run an errand and I need your nose to get the job done. Cas!"
He had completely forgotten that the angel had been in the room during his lecture and he jumped when he looked up to find him still standing in the room. Quite and blending. "You want me to watch over Dean and Sam."
"Yeah. I'll be back as soon as I can. Make sure that nothin' bad happens, Sam gets fed when needed and that Dean gets back safe, if he doesn't get back in an hour or a half an hour then go lookin'," Bobby said, standing up and grabbing his keys to head for his truck, whistling to Sorcha to follow before he exited the house to run a hunting errand. Maybe he could find some answers and get a fellow hunter to do some dirty work with the situation they were in.
888
Dean faced the girls' cars, eyes on Alex's the longest; he hated those damn racing stripes. Wiping at his face he blinked, sniffed then found he hadn't brought out a bottle with him. Letting it go he leaned against a stack of cars huddled into his jacket and let out a sigh though it was more like a sob then his eyes flicked to the Nova. "I don't know what to do with Sam, it's only been a couple of weeks, I can't stop being mad at him and now he's turned and can't or won't turn back...I..." Dean swallowed and shook his head wiping more tears from his face with a swipe of his hand.
He missed them both and how things used to be before they became complicated and he wished that there was a way to bring them both back. There were ways a deal could be struck but which demon worth their sulfur would seal it, it was too soon to go through either Alex's or Von's things to know if they had a way out of death. Blinking Dean stared at Von's car, was it too soon to go through their things, wouldn't Von have something, didn't she mention a spell that could really bring someone back? A light bulb went on over Dean's fogged up brain and he staggered over to the matte black Nova, finding the door unlocked he opened the passenger side and crawled into the car to begin his search.
888
Castiel checked on Sam and he was still the same. Checking the clock as he waited awkwardly out of place in the Singer's household it wasn't even close to being a half an hour and so he couldn't go looking yet. Bringing his attention to things around the house he landed on the television and remembered being introduced to it once at a motel before he had to rescue Alex from Von's feeling that turned out to be right. The own agenda hunt. Sitting on the couch he stared at the remote and picked it up, recalling from watching one of the others turn it on and then flicking through channels before tilting his head slightly to the side as on the screen was a woman.
The story seemed opaque and completely useless until the pizza boy came. It didn't make sense why that livened the story. That is, him coming inside and waiting for the bill to be paid while she searched for her coin purse. Castiel sighed and about to change the channel to continue looking up things that's when he froze, face still blank and his eyes squinted ever so. "I have your tip right here," the woman spoke on the television.
The pizza boy widened his eyes before shifting uncomfortably. Castiel mimicking by shifting on the couch a little. Something was making it hard to sit down below and he wasn't sure what it was so he hoped shifting would help. It didn't, even as the woman came closer, took the pizza box, removed the man's hat and met his lips hungry. Separating and staring into them, the pizza boy smiled and shot his head down to recapture the two delicate things of flesh.
"I don't understand," Castiel said as gasps came from the screen.
888
Sam brought his head up when he heard the sounds from the living room. Not long had passed with the yelling of the elder, but now it was something new. Familiar. The sounds of sex. He blinked and inhaled, catching so many scents but the lingering one of the angel told him that, that was who it was that was still up there. When a sound came of happiness, pleasure...Sam brought his head down and ears back. It reminded him too much of Von. It brought back clarity to the situation. He was still a wolf and he shouldn't have been.
That was when his nose picked up something else and twitched. A sneeze left him at the dust on the ground in small increments but there. Laying his head back down he tried to drown out the sounds, closing his eyes he imagined the fox he had met when he had talked to Moriarty. Sleeping had happened occasionally and he had met that fox with no Moriarty the past two nights. Chasing, petting, rolling around and trying to pin the other. Which was surprising as he was a wolf and larger and the fox was smaller yet it appeared to happen and work. If he could have smiled he would have.
I've missed you.
And I you.
The fox could not speak in any human tongue but the sentiment was spoken through her eyes, the warm intelligent chocolate bronze orbs shone with happiness at the sight of Sam. She put her paws on his chest and gave him a tiny kiss on the nose her tail swishing elegantly behind her.
Sam growled happily as if he was smiling wide and returned the kiss, licking the side of the fox's face he rolled them over and sat beside her, his own tail having a mind of its own as it went back and forth while he sat tall. Ears reacting to the different sounds of birds and other animals moving around in the clearing they were playing in in his dream. He knew it was a dream, because there was no way there was this kind of beauty would be allowed to witness by him. Huffing he looked at the fox. Sam knew he might have to wake up soon, but no one was going to come for him yet, not for a while so they had time to hang out with each other.
It's fun being a wolf. I never really saw it till now. Thank you, you're really helping me. I've lost someone recently and everyone hates me, he thought, sending the message to the fox, he had understood what she was thinking towards him about missing him too. I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure I can possibly change back or if I want to. Can you give me some advice? Then we can continue playing. I rather enjoy these visits.
888
Dean had rummaged through the glove compartment and front seats and instead of getting out and going to the back like any intelligent person would he crawled over the seats with as much grace as a drunk man could muster. Which sadly wasn't all that much. "How many knives does one woman need?" he grumbled and moved the stash of small blades away to see what was behind them under the seats.
He would say this much, Von's Nova was about ten times more clean than the Impala. Cursing and grumbling Dean straightened himself out and climbed out of the back, slamming the door and walking around to the trunk. The end was still damaged from the demonic inferno of White Sulphur Springs and there was no sense in fixing it, no one would ever be driving this classic again.
Taking the bungie cord that was now holding down the trunk he untied it and propped the trunk up on a thick length of wood. Von was so organized; she had to be driving around an apothecary. The back was set up almost like the Impala but with smaller compartments to hold glass bottles and vials. More knives, swords, a crossbow and compound bow; jars upon jars and books. Dean didn't really know what he was looking for but he knew he'd know when he found it.
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The petite coppery white fox tilted her head to the side and her ears twitched thoughtfully. No matter your shape you are the same, you are werewolf and Luna would not have you be ashamed.
Her plush tail swished behind her as she held the gaze of the wolf. But Luna wants you to forget what you were before her, forget about you, about human Sam and about your mate Von who made her jealous. I am the last of what is left and I would not have you forget.
She cuddled into him momentarily then moved away to sniff a familiar small blue flower, remembering would help him to change back if that was what he wanted. It would not be as easy as that though but the fox was here to help him with any and all things.
Standing and observing her sniff the flower he brought his nose down as well to sniff with her. It smelled beautiful. He wrinkled his nose a few times before he sneezed and looked a little boggled from it. Hearing and watching the fox do something that resembled somewhat of a laugh he pounced on her and growled in her face, nuzzling under her chin and sighing, climbing off and onto his side as he breathed and looked at her.
Last of what is left of what? I'm confused about that. And Luna, she's amazing, but I know you are right. Dean is worried about me. He's frustrated with me. All I want to do is make things right and even go outside, show them that I'm good and not a bad wolf. I want to make things right between us. Between all of us and I can't.
Closing his eyes for a while he opened them to find the fox lying right in front of his face, nose barely touching nose and staring back at him. You remind me of Von. A lot like her. I miss her. A lot. It hurts me to think about her and I'm afraid once I remember who I am beyond being a wolf that I'll fall back into that pit.
A coy glimmer danced in the fox's eyes and she wiggled her nose before becoming serious. It's a journey you must take but you don't have to go alone if you don't want to, I will be here, if you can turn back to your human self I will not leave. This pain is useful to you Sam, you have to embrace it like you have your true self, and without it you will forget.
The fox was sorry, she did not want Sam to hurt, she wanted to comfort and snuggle and play with him forever but she couldn't go with him into the real world she could only exist here.
Sam inhaled and made a small gesture with his head as a nod. Wiggling closer he made contact with their noses to kiss and then pulled back. He wondered what was going on right now in the real world. His ears twitched and he knew he'd be waking up soon. He'd try and remember and he'd try and turn back, it might take a little while. Standing up he turned his head to the trees.
How about a run before I leave?
The vixen was already off and running towards the trees getting a good head start on the wolf. She weaved through the trees like a silvery streak of copper amidst the lush green of the forest. Catch me Sam, catch me, the fox's voice laughed joyfully inside his head as she ran and bounced carefree. She never wanted this to end though she knew soon it would, it made her sad but she knew she would always be with Sam now, he had given her a home.
