I woke up to a pale red sky, the sun just barely creeping above the horizon. I spent a couple hours last night fixing my hut, and because of that, I didn't get much sleep.
But I didn't need sleep. As tired as I was, my body kept functioning the way it normally does. Another result of being the Ultimate Ultimate...
I sat up slowly, making sure Kyoko's book was safe and sound in my jacket. I brushed my jacket off, and then I started to run my hands through my hair to straighten it out.
As soon as my hands touched my hair, I knew something was off.
I had more hair than before. Significantly more hair than before.
It extended to about halfway down my neck, and it was indeed very messy, as I could feel. I began to think about how my hair could have grown this much, and I didn't like the answer.
Was I... Was I changing back into him?
I shook my head to regain focus, feeling my hair move around with it. I continued straightening it, so it didn't look messy like Akane's hair always was.
Imperfect hair for an Imperfect Ultimate
I threw my hands towards the ground in anger, and started walking outside to wash my face in the sea. It was a bit cold out; I'd have to start the fire afterwards.
As I walked out to the beach, the length of my hair was still on my mind.
Did it grow back because I'm letting him back into my body?
Or is what I'm doing useless, and is him overtaking me inevitable?
Both possibilities were equally concerning to me.
I knelt down next to the sea, ebbing and flowing slowly. I cupped my hands, grabbed some water, and threw it against my face, trying to cleanse my thoughts as well as my skin.
Afterwards, I pulled my head up to stare at the horizon. The sky was getting brighter by the minute, and pretty soon, the other Remnants would be awake.
Kyoko... I know you're out there... Somewhere...
As my mind focused on Kyoko, the other thoughts in my head began to dissolve. When I think of her, it truly feels like I'm one person, unconflicted. When I think of her, I'm not trying to force myself to be someone, I'm just giving myself up to emotion.
I felt the book inside my jacket for a second, and then I got up and walked over to the fire pit. I easily started a fire, and began warming my hands.
I heard footsteps not much later, and I turned my head towards the sound.
It was Akane, messy hair as usual. She stepped out of her hut, yawned, and stretched for a couple seconds, revealing some of her stomach.
Once her eyes landed on my hut, I knew what was coming. A surprised look appeared on her face. Noticing I wasn't there, she started looking around for me, and found me sitting near the fire.
"Huh? Hajime, did you build that?"
"Yes. It rained last night, and there was a leak, so I fixed it."
"Ya sure did a lot more than 'fixin'..."
I chuckled a bit at her comment. It was an empty chuckle, but I needed to try to make friends with everyone somehow.
Akane walked over and sat next to me by the fire.
"You're up pretty early." I said, trying to make conversation
"Yeah, I used to train a lot in the mornin', being the Ultimate Gymnast an' all. But... now that he's gone..."
She suddenly looked defeated...
Nekomaru was her training partner. And he's in a coma.
Hm... I can't replace Nekomaru, but I definitely can help her train and pass the time.
Of course you can replace Nekomaru. You have his talent and more.
"I think I can help you with that, Akane." I said, getting that voice out of my head.
"Huh?" She looked surprised again.
"I'll help you train."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks, Hajime! Get ready, I won't go easy on ya!"
The two of us stood up beyond the fire and in the sand, in ready stances. And for a couple minutes, we exchanged blows.
She was standing a foot away from me, with her arms in a boxing position. Her eyes were continuously moving towards the left half of my body, so it was obvious she was going to attack there. So I set my left arm up to block, and readied my other arm for the counterattack.
BAM
Her fist hit exactly where I expected, and then I punched her in the side of the stomach where she was vulnerable.
She staggered back for half a second, and then tried a kick to my left shin to throw off my balance.
However, I saw that coming too, and I corrected my stance so I didn't move. Her kick bounced off my leg, doing almost nothing.
Akane, getting angry at herself, decided to put her full force into a right handed punch.
How foolish...
On instinct, I took a step to the side, and Akane's own force propelled her to the ground, getting sand all over herself much like her fall yesterday. She sat up quickly, and on her face, I could see, among other things, a look of complete disbelief.
"Damn... Are you... Are you good at everything?"
I didn't have time to answer that question, as our sparring woke up the others.
"Hey, hey! What's with all the loud noise? We're trying to-" Kazuichi yelled, but he cut himself off when he saw my hut. He looked at me, awestruck, and asked.
"What'd you do to my hut?"
"I fixed it." I said.
Compared to my perfect hut, he would think everything was wrong with what he built yesterday. But I couldn't leave anything that I worked on half-done. It annoyed me.
Well, it mostly annoyed my old self...
"Oh..." He looked defeated.
Rightfully so...
This conversation brought out Fuyuhiko and Sonia. Akane brushed herself off and made her way back to the fire, as did I. Once we all got there, Sonia, having cut my hair, noticed how it grew overnight.
"Hajime! What happened to your hair? It is much longer than before."
"I don't know. Maybe it wants to grow back."
"Yeah, she's right. I've never seen hair grow that fast." Fuyuhiko joined in.
"Don't worry about it." I told them. Because this is my responsibility. I need to defeat him myself.
We sat around the fire in silence for a couple seconds, until Akane's stomach growled. Which was inevitable.
"All that fightin' got me hungry!" She started looking around for any chicken corpses left over from last night, but there weren't any. I could tell she felt dejected.
"So, how're we gettin' food today?" Fuyuhiko took the lead.
"We could go into the jungle again." Sonia responded.
"And find more chickens? That's what we had yesterday..." Akane grumbled
"We don't really have a choice, Akane." I interrupted
"Fine..." She grumbled again, but got up and started walking towards the jungle. After a few seconds, she realized no one was following her. She especially looked in my direction, as I was the one who caught the most chickens yesterday.
"What? You guys' comin?"
"We caught a lot of food yesterday." Fuyuhiko responded
"Yeah? So what? If we don't eat, we'll die."
"I'm just sayin' that we probably want to focus our extra energy on other things."
"Like what?" Akane asked
Fuyuhiko didn't respond for a second, so I took over.
"Our next goal would probably be to find some way to contact the outside world, so we can get more resources."
"Like food?" Akane interrogated
"Well, yeah, but also materials and-"
"Sounds good to me!" Akane grinned widely.
"We could make some sort of radio that allows two-way communication."
Kazuichi instantly took note, and spoke up
"I agree with Hajime. We should totally build a radio!"
After a second of silence, Fuyuhiko stood up from his seat and spoke.
"I'll go with Akane and help her get some food. Kazuichi and Hajime, you two build that radio. Sonia..."
Sonia looked a bit startled, but responded, "I will go with you two, Fuyuhiko and Akane."
Fuyuhiko shrugged, "Ok. The more the merrier, I guess."
Akane started running towards the jungle area, yelling at the other two Remnants to hurry up.
Which left Kazuichi sitting here with me.
"Sooo, where are we getting all these parts for the radio?" Kazuichi asked
He did have a point. This was a deserted island. But the answer was clear, even if he didn't see it.
The Neo World Program is the only human-built structure on this island. And from my observation yesterday, it'll be fine if we remove some parts from it.
Blueprints for this radio instantly formed in my mind, and all the intricacies of building it flooded my head, but I pushed back those thoughts for now.
"Kazuichi, follow me. I think I know exactly where to find them..."
I started walking back up the mountain, and Kazuichi eagerly followed me.
After we were walking for about five minutes, Kazuichi sped up to walk directly next to me.
"Hey Hajime. It seems you an' Miss Sonia get along well."
"Yes." I knew where this was going already...
"C-Could ya give me any tips? Y'know, so she doesn't ignore me." Kazuichi's eyes displayed his impatience.
Women are easily manipulable. Everyone is easily manipulable. Only imbeciles don't realize this.
As much as I wanted to ignore the voices in my head, they were right. I could give Kazuichi a thousand different ways to woo Miss Sonia, and they'd all work. In fact, if I was interested, I could do that. But there's another woman in my life...
I started thinking about Kyoko again, and the world around me dissolved. At least, until Kazuichi started yelling at me.
"Hey, hey! You better not be daydreaming about Miss Sonia!"
I shook my head quickly, and told him, "Oh, no. I was just thinking."
The look on his face turned smug, and I wanted to end this conversation fast. Honestly, it didn't feel right to give Kazuichi information that didn't come naturally to him.
Because he doesn't deserve it.
I tried to ignore my thoughts, and continued my speech by blatantly lying.
"I don't have too much experience with women, so I don't really know what'll help."
Kazuichi looked dejected, "Aw, ok. J-just stay away from her. She's mine!"
I should stay away from everyone at this rate.
I quickly turned away from Kazuichi and focused on the mountain again. We were almost to the Neo World Program.
Within a minute, I saw the room. My shoes touched the metal floor again, and it surprisingly felt natural.
Kazuichi tried to push past me to get a better look at the computer, but I grabbed him by the collar and stopped him in his tracks.
"Hey, what's that for? The parts are in that computer, right?"
"Yes. But I'm not letting you take it apart."
"I'm the Ultimate Mechanic! That's what I'm good at!"
"Wait here."
I walked over to the computer and looked at it for a second. Then, I started to take off a metal panel.
"Do you even know what you're doing?" Kazuichi yelled
I stopped my action and turned around, staring Kazuichi in the eyes. I didn't say anything, because honestly I was fed up with his incompetence.
I pulled the panel off, revealing many wires and circuit boards. I instantly knew which one I was looking for.
"Do you see this circuit board here?"
"Yeah... What's it do?"
"This contains all of the Remnants' memories. If you break this, or disconnect it, they'll never wake up."
Kazuichi may not care about the other Remnants, but I would never let anyone kill them.
Their lives are worth nothing. They don't deserve to live.
I closed my eyes and focused on breathing, so I didn't compulsively break the circuit board.
However, I could feel Kazuichi breathing down my neck to get a better view of the computer.
"Kazuichi, let me disassemble the computer. I'll give you the pieces so you can work on the radio."
After thinking for a bit, he agreed.
"Ok, fine..."
I handed him the panel I removed, and waited for him to take a few steps back before I began working on the computer again.
Within seconds I fully understood exactly what this computer was doing, and which parts were doing what. I quickly removed the unnecessary components and restructured some sections of the computer in order to take out more pieces. I tried not to look at the one circuit board, just in case my inner thoughts acted up again...
I tossed the parts, one by one, to Kazuichi, who was working on the radio. I couldn't watch him build the radio, because I knew he wasn't doing it correctly and my instinct would force myself to fix it.
Either way, I had to focus on disassembling the machine. But even that didn't take much thought, so my mind started wandering again.
Break it. Break the circuit board.
I silently cursed at my thoughts. I've noticed my former self showing more and more... Anything I look at, anyone I meet... It'll always have something to say...
Maybe I can't control it... Maybe it's inevitable...
Maybe there's no Hope for Hajime Hinata.
I finished making the improvements to the computer, and I turned back to Kazuichi.
"What's your progress?"
Not far at all...
"Well... I do have it working... It's just all staticy and stuff..."
I listened to the radio, which could only display one station, and he was correct. The radio didn't have any dials or any visuals, either...
Looks like my work here isn't done yet...
I spent the next hour or so helping Kazuichi fix the radio, so that it would be both functional and easy to use.
By the time we were finished, the sun was setting. I turned the radio on before we left, to show Kazuichi that it was working, because I already knew it would work.
"And now, it's time for the Monokuma File! 174,532 people died today! 54,352 of them died by-"
I didn't want to listen to this. Even if I changed back into my former self, I would never let Despair back in.
I turned to Kazuichi, and he was shifting into the trance-like state that I saw him in last night. It was from listening to the broadcast, for sure. I shook him quickly to snap him out of it.
"It's getting dark. We really should head back to camp."
Kazuichi nodded, and we both started walking back. The red sunset looked exactly the same as it did yesterday.
Everything is always the same. How boring.
I didn't care about the voices anymore, I've given up trying to ignore them; it was too much effort. There was no way to stop the voices, either... And the only thing that would guarantee my head to be temporarily free from these voices, was thinking of her.
It seemed like she was the only thing that mattered to me...
Not Hope... Not Despair... Not Fuyuhiko or Sonia or Akane or Kazuichi or any of the other Remnants...
Just her.
I know Chiaki wanted me to change, but... I honestly didn't see how Hope could help me, if I continued to think like this. Hope was about making the world a better place... Hope was about saving everyone from danger...
There isn't anyone else worth saving, anyways.
Well, except for one person...
Finally, something I agreed with... I felt her book again underneath my jacket. I'd read more tonight.
Kazuichi and I got back to the three other Remnants by the fire, looking exhausted from their chicken hunt. Akane looked particularly down, her eyes staring down in the sand.
Probably because there were only two chickens sitting in the sand, as opposed to the eight that we found yesterday.
The three of them heard us coming, and turned in our direction.
"Catching chickens... is tougher than I expected... those bastards can run..." Fuyuhiko spoke, breathing heavily in between sentences.
"H-hajime? Can you... catch more? We had so much food yesterday... A-and my stomach..." Akane pleaded, holding her grumbling stomach.
"Yes. I believe we do not have enough food for everyone." Sonia agreed
They should provide for themselves. You're not their servant.
As much as I wanted to help, I didn't particularly want to go out and catch more food for them. So, I did the next best thing.
"You four can eat. I'm not hungry."
I was the Ultimate Ultimate. I didn't need food.
"Really? But if you don't eat-" Akane asked
"I'll be fine. Trust me." I said
"Suit yourself." Fuyuhiko said while shrugging, as the group started preparing the chicken.
I couldn't focus while they skinned and roasted the chicken, for all the same reasons, so I started playing with the radio that we made. As soon as I turned it on, Kazuichi started bragging.
"Hey, Sonia, look at the radio we made. I did a good job, right?"
Sonia ignored his comment and started staring into the radio's screen. Kazuichi and Akane did the same, but Fuyuhiko was busy cooking.
On the screen, we could see a city landscape against the same red sky that was around us at the moment. The buildings were heavily damaged: windows broken, walls collapsed, doors nonexistent. And in the streets were exactly what we expected:
Monokuma Robots.
There were hundreds of them on this block alone, running around, trapping and killing people.
I could tell the three Remnants were falling into a trance...
Not this again...
"Even though the Despair movement in Towa City has been mostly overthrown, there are still Monokumas roaming around and causing mass panic and destruction. The Future Foundation-"
"Those bastards!" Fuyuhiko yelled from across the firepit.
"-fugitives are still on the loose, and catching them is imperative. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Komaru Naegi, Toko Fukawa, or Byakuya Togami, please submit the information to-"
I turned the radio off at this point. They mentioned Byakuya, but they didn't talk about Kyoko, so I shouldn't be concerned for her.
At least, not yet.
But Towa City... I know I've heard that name before... I was there before...
"Hey! I wanted to watch that!" Akane yelled.
"Well I didn't." I said, instinctively.
"Why not? People were dying all over... There was so much blood..." Kazuichi stated
"You guys like watching people be killed?" I asked, knowing the answer I'd get.
"Yes... Seeing the Despair in their eyes as they are tortured... That is true pleasure..." Sonia mentioned, eyes gleaming.
"I hope those Future Foundation jerks get what's comin' to 'em! Those robots should kill 'em!" Akane yelled
"Death by being ripped to shreds by a Monokuma... That sounds amazing..." Kazuichi said, displaying the same passion that he has for Sonia.
This has gone on long enough. I might not be fully committed to Hope, but I know one thing.
That Despair is wrong. That no one should fall into Despair.
Let me show them how pointless their Despair is...
"Why do they need to die?" I asked. Hopefully logic would convince them.
"Because they interfered with our plans! No one messes with Fuyuhiko Kuzuyruu and gets away with it!" Fuyuhiko yelled from across the fire. Now his eyes were starting to change, too...
"What plans?"
"To fill the world with Despair. Like, duh, Hajime..." Akane scolded
"But their plan is to fill the world with Hope. So as much as they're interfering with your plans, you're interfering with theirs as well. So you're saying they should die for doing something that you're doing also."
"Don't compare us to those bastards! We're causing Despair. They're wrong for opposing us." Fuyuhiko answered angrily.
"They deserve to die... In horrifying ways..." Sonia agreed
"Say, Hajime... Are you even on our side?" Kazuichi inquired
"Yeah... You've been acting up a lot lately." Akane mentioned
Fuyuhiko stood up from his log and started walking over towards me, pulling out his pocketknife. He was in a complete trance, just like the rest of them. The smile on his face grew wider by the second.
"Maybe we need to remind him... about how good Despair feels..."
I staggered back for a second at the threat. And as Fuyuhiko slowly moved closer, I slowly moved away, and I dropped the radio in the sand next to me.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked.
"What a stupid question..."
Fine. Your loss.
Fuyuhiko charged at me with the knife, and I dodged it easily. I grabbed his wrist with both hands and shoved it away from me, trying to pry the knife out of his hands. After a couple seconds, I could tell his grip strength weaken, and with one motion, I thrust the knife about four feet away from us. Fuyuhiko looked stunned for a second, but then started to run after it.
I instantly grabbed him by the neck and pulled him closer to me. I held him up, so I could see eye to eye with him.
In that moment, I forgot who I was pretending to be. All of the anger, suppressed emotions, and incompetence I had to put up with was instantly released.
"Where's your Despair now?" I asked, in a menacing voice that no longer belonged to Hajime Hinata.
I squeezed Fuyuhiko's neck a bit so that he understood the severity of his situation. His hands tried uselessly to release my grip, clawing endlessly. He started choking a bit.
Fighting against the Ultimate Ultimate is useless.
But at least his eyes were changing back to normal, which is what I intended. I turned towards the other three Remnants, who were surprised at my actions.
"Despair is a one-way street. Once you get to the end, there's nowhere else to go but to die. And there's almost no going back... But as long as I'm here, you all will go back. Don't forget it."
I then looked into Fuyuhiko's eyes for a second, and then threw him down in the sand as he gasped for air. I picked up the radio that I left on the ground and walked away from the campfire swiftly and quietly.
I could tell the others were watching me behind my back, but I didn't care. There's no way such useless Ultimates could influence my attention.
But as much as I hated them, I should fix them. Their Despair is making them blind...
That's why I decided to take the radio away. Because they didn't need any more bad influences.
Good thing I didn't add the two-way communication feature, or else they'd be fostering even more Despair...
I needed to be the one to control how we interacted with the outside world. To preserve our image. The outside world doesn't know what will become of us here on this island.
I needed to make sure that we didn't get on the Future Foundation's radar. Because if we did, Kyoko and I would be enemies again. And I didn't want that.
So allowing the Remnants access to such power could be very disastrous. That's why I'm controlling what they can do.
They're useless. They can't do anything right. You have to continuously do everything for them...
My mind kept giving off these thoughts, but now, I was starting to believe them a bit more.
I tried to get my mind off it by thinking about Kyoko. I grabbed the book from inside of my suit, and continued to read the words she left for me.
I was a distance away from the campfire now. It was almost a speck on the horizon. The only real light I had to work with was the light of the moon, just starting to appear from behind the dark clouds.
Not that I needed any help to read. Even my eyes are Ultimate...
Ah, yes. This is the part where we had dinner. And to think she had to be cautious of me poisoning her food... I guess that's what detectives do. I was starting to approach her more and more, and because of that, I could see under her guise to her true feelings. That's why I continued to pursue her.
The squawking of a lone seagull interrupted my reading. Seagulls normally don't fly around at this time; this one is surely taking the road less traveled by. It must have gotten lost from its group.
Or maybe it doesn't want others interfering with its life. Just like you.
My eyes focused in on the seagull. It didn't look lost, though... It must have some sort of goal... But what?
Maybe it lost sight of its goal. Maybe it's helplessly trying to pursue it, without knowing how to get there...
I continued to stare at the seagull, as I felt the sand around me. My fingers felt a hard, large seashell, and I grabbed it.
I slowly raised my arms, eyes still pointed directly at the seagull. With one quick throw, I launched the seashell in the air.
Within a second, I heard a squawk of pain, and the seagull fell to the ground. It died on impact.
Life's hard on your own, isn't it?
I walked over to its corpse, only a couple feet in front of me. I picked it up slowly, and examined it.
It looked just like a regular seagull.
Except that it was dead.
Hm... I hesitated before killing a chicken a couple days ago... And yet I feel nothing now.
Completely nothing. No remorse, no sadness. Nothing.
The only thing that made me feel anything other than frustration and hatred was her.
I turned back to the fire pit. The faint glow in the distance was still there, and I didn't want to have to deal with the other Remnants again. So I sat back down and read Kyoko's book until the light of the fire disappeared entirely.
I then started walking back to the campsite. By now, it was around nine at night. They were retreating to their huts at this point.
I eventually reached the fire pit. I sat down on my usual log, and reached for the long, thin stick that resembled a skewer.
I don't need to eat, no... But it sure is nice...
I jabbed the seagull with the skewer, and placed it above the fire. I started the fire again, and slowly rotated the stick just like I did yesterday.
And just like yesterday, my mind started to wander.
Could I even call myself Hajime Hinata anymore? In just two days, my perception has changed dramatically. I couldn't keep up being on the side of Hope... It truly conflicted with my inner feelings... Forcing myself to be someone who I wasn't just, wasn't working...
At this point, I gave in to myself. It was too much work, too much stress to keep ignoring and pushing back the thoughts of my inner self. These thoughts weren't Despair-inducing thoughts... They were just distrust... Distrust of everyone...
And hopelessness... The feeling that nothing mattered... The feeling that I'd be annoyed with everyone's incompetence forever...
The Hope that Chiaki had originally intended to instill in me has all but vanished... Pursuing such Hope was never very appealing to me... It used to be, back when I was Hajime.
But not now.
I took the seagull off the skewer and picked away to get to the meat on its bones. I began eating the perfectly cooked meat.
Kyoko... I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to join your side...
But this is who I am.
One without Hope. One without Despair.
I am the true Izuru Kamukura.
