Kate sprawled out on her bed. "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Smo jumped on the bed near her head. "Laser tag, laser tag, laser tag." He did his special dance, arms bent, head down, and body shaking. Kate closed her eyes. "Momma, you gonna play? You always beat us. Maybe ya shoooodn't." He flopped down on the bed next to her. "Momma?"

"Yes, Cosmo." Smo wiggled into her side and grinned up at her. She smiled down at him with love.

"I just farted." Kate's smile faltered for a minute. Then she bubbled with laughter. "I might have sharted," Smo mumbled. She rolled onto her side her belly aching. "What does sharted mean, again?" Smo looked up at her with eyes full of confusion. She wrapped her arms around him and squished him to her.

"Ah, sharted means you feel like you pooped while you farted." She smirked after her explanation. Never thought she'd have poop talks so normally.

"Oh! Well I did not shart. That sounds like shark." Smo then went on to explain how sharks were cool, but scary. Kate tried to ignore him, tried to sleep a little. The play date with Ryan ended with a hug and exhausted children. Smo refused to nap. They made a deal, nap with Momma. Which normally meant do whatever you want while Mommy tries her hardest to rest.

Smo rolled so he was on top of her, full body. He tucked his chin into her neck painfully. He nudged so his knees were digging into her ribs. Somehow cuddling with him was hurtful at times. "I love you, Cosmo James." He softened in her arms. He blew warm air onto her neck and finally settled into sleep.

After a twenty minute nap, Nico slunk into bed with Kate. Smo jumped out of bed and played army-hide-out under Castle's desk. Castle dodged the child while he wrote. Kate rolled over long enough to spoon Nico and let him under the covers. They fell asleep quickly and weren't woken until Jack crawled into bed with them. Nico moved deeper into Kate making sure his spot was safe. Jack didn't mind. He stuffed his face in Castle's pillow and laid silently, awake. Waiting for something to happen.

"Beckett!" Castle ran into the room. Kate shot up in bed. Nico whined and wiggled deeper into the bed.

"What? What? Where's Jack?" Beckett fell out of bed and scrambled after Castle.

"Jack's crying. He slipped in milk and hit his head."

"Milk?" Kate frowned at the scene before her. A white puddle in the kitchen, a pile of vomit next to the puddle, a child crying on the floor, and another child trying to smell the puke. "What the hell?" she whispered. She slid over to Jack and inspected his head.

"Cosmo!" Castle admonished. Cosmo jumped away from both puddles. "That's so gross!" Castle jerked the boy away and into the office. "Where's Joe?" Castle looked around for the boy who was the cause of most of this mess. Kate put ice on Jack's injury. He curled into her. Castle checked all corners for the blonde little dude. "Jonah," Castle called.

Jonah dashed across the room straight into Castle's legs. He had vomit on his breath and splatter on his face. Castle cringed at the smell. "Don't make me sad. Don't make me sad," Joe repeated over and over sobbing. Castle choked on his voice. He looked to his wife for help. She did not give him any. She had trouble with that at times herself. Kate kept her eyes on Jack and his big brown eyes.

"How'd you fall?" He answered in his normal paused and sloppy manner. Meanwhile, Castle in a very low voice was telling Jonah how wrong he was and asking if he threw up on purpose or if he felt sick. Joe was sobbing and falling around the room. Dramatic as Castle's come, but he pressed Castle's key points.

"You make me so sad, Dada." Oh using baby voice and Dada. Ouch. "I so sad," Joe mumbled. He covered his ears and closed his eyes. Dropped grammar and flinching. Nico stumbled out of their bedroom in his underwear and with dazed eyes. He saw his soulmate of a brother on the floor crying. Nico looked to his other brother who had an icepack and swollen eyes.

"M. Mama?" Nico whimpered. His idols were crumbling. Kate stood straighter and raised her head. Nico's eyes seemed to falter on her for a second and he turned to his father. Kate's heart was crushed. Castle of course had tears in his eyes and was crouching in front of Joe with a lost look. Nico's brow dropped, annoyed. "Momma." Nico turned to Kate fully and watched her eyes glow with pride. He stepped toward her.

A loud crash followed an exclaimed, "Uh oh." Nico turned and was at the action before either parent had released a child.

"Wow!" Nico had the common sense to pull Smo's greedy hands away from broken glass. He'd been cut before, it was pressed in his memory. "What'd you break?" Nico giggled. Smo shrugged comically. Castle came into the office with an even more lost look on his face. Nico look up at his father with a grin. "What'd he break?"

Castle's eyes hardened. Nico's eyes widened. Smo caught the anger and chirped, "Bye!" The three-year-old slipped out of Nico's hands and toward the front door. Kate was just launching off to get to the door when it swung open. Everyone gasped. Smo took one second to look in awe before he was out. Kate was tripped up accidentally by Joe. He happened to be crawling toward the action still pained by Dad's confrontation.

"Cosmo!" Kate shouted. She slammed into the wall outside their loft. Castle trapped Joe and Nico by penning them to the ground. They both grunted with superhero might. Jack slipped off the counter and tiptoed to the door. Castle didn't have any more hands. Jack simply peeked out the door. He turned back to his father.

"Where are they?" he asked. Castle's jaw dropped.

Kate pounded on the elevator. She had no idea if it was open or even near to their floor. Before thinking, she flew into the stairwell and then slid down a set of stairs. Smo knew of the stairwell, used it often with Kate, and was very good at stairs. Mastered them the quickest. "Cosmo!" she shouted again.

She didn't hear pattering of feet or any giggles. The one tell of Cosmo James Castle: he couldn't hold in the giggles. Kate just rejoiced that this wasn't Nico. She figured she had two options. Check each floor, or go immediately to the lobby. She didn't have her phone but hoped the doorman was smart enough to spot a little Castle running around and call the loft.

Kate slammed the door to the next level open, cringing at last minute thinking of Smo hiding behind the door. She didn't call to him, that just urged him on. Sweeping an area without a gun was strange, but still normal. No little round heads or blue covered feet. By the second floor down, she had fallen to begging. "You're not in trouble. I love you. You can have ice cream," and others were used as prizes. They were not taken. She couldn't find him in the hallways and hoped no neighbors let him in.

By the third hallway down she was desperate. Pictures of little bodies in the street were pushed out of her mind. "Cosmo, please! Mommy's scared." After sweeping, she looked down the stairwell seeing nothing then went into the next floor. She started knocking on doors.

"Mrs. Castle?"

"Yes. One of my sons, Cosmo. He's lost in the building. Can you help me find him?" She never thought she'd be in this position. All answers were of helping hands, except the few missing or elderly. She had everyone in pairs. She sprinted down to the lobby. "Michael!" The man jumped.

"Yes?" He held his heart.

"Smo? Have you seen him? Cosmo," she stumbled. He shook his head, but by the headphones and magazine she had a feeling he wasn't paying too much attention. "Keep a look out!" She ran out the building. Snow was on the ground and Smo was not prepared. She knew he'd get wrapped up with something exciting. Keeping her eyes open she went left. The graffiti was that way. He love the "Raffi."

His name fell off her lips too easily. She could image the headlines. Her ears opened and eyes peeled. She was jogging down the street. The scent of meat caught her nose. She turned around and went down a pedestrian alley. "Seriously?" she whispered. This couldn't get worse. That was until she stopped in front of playground. Oddly streaming with children during February. She closed her eyes and called his name, no one turned. She checked his favorite spots: tunnels, swings, and any balls. Nothing.

Cosmo was fast. She gave him enough time while checking the building to go farther than anyone would have liked. She was getting deeply worried but then her head turned to a hot pink jogger. She chased after the woman, but looked around her not at her. Again another head turn to a large group of dogs. "Dogs," she whispered. Cosmo loved dogs. She searched the group of dogs, but didn't spot that round head.

Kate was two steps toward a group of climbing trees when a voice asked her, "Are you the Mom?" She turned.

"Yes," was immediate.

"I was worried." A young man seemingly the owner of some of the dogs or at least the walker smiled. "He's over there with some birds." He pointed opposite the trees.

"Thank you." Kate was off before the man could reply. She saw the flutter of feathery hair. But he was trailing toward the street. She ran at top speed and tackled him inches from the road. He shrieked in a more alerted manner than usual. "It's Mommy. It's Mommy," Kate repeated into his hair.

He calmed after a minute. His eyes looked up at her with joy. That was until her own joy passed into anger. He frowned then got terrified. "Cosmo James Castle," she lectured. He tried to crawl away from her but she had her dead weight on him. She was not guilty about his tiny body. "You never leave home without Mommy or Daddy." Her voice was low and threatening. "You never cross the street." She could tell he wasn't getting any of this.

"Adventure, Mommy," he pleaded wiggling against her. Kate closed her eyes and pinched his ear. He yelped, "Why?"

"You ran away from home," she growled. "You left Mommy and Daddy. You do not do those things. You stay where we tell you."

"But it's fun here," he whined.

"You could get hurt." Smo was completely confused now. Kate whacked his thigh. Smo whimpered halfheartedly more for the dramatics.

"That hurt." She nodded at his fact. "That happen every adventure?" he squeaked.

"Every adventure you have without Mommy and Daddy. You need a grown up with you. To keep you safe." Cosmo started to cry. "You could have been hurt much more if I didn't catch you," she warned.

When they got back to the loft, Michael called all the neighbor guards down. Kate carried Smo over to their home. Jack still had his head peeked out of the doorway. "They're back!" he exclaimed cheering and running around the room. Castle didn't move an inch since she'd left. Nico and Joe were forced into place. All three blue eyed boys watched Kate and Cosmo walked into the room. Smo slithered down onto the floor and was tackled by the blonde Vikings. Castle gripped Kate in a warm kiss before dragging Smo into a bear hug.

The boy was loving the attention. They all knew it. "I'm back," he cheered. Castle pulled him away from his brothers by the underarms and over to the stairs. Smo kicked his legs and whined. "Whad I do?"

"You ran away. We didn't know where you were or what had happened." Castle explained all the reasons why what Cosmo did was wrong while he carried the boy upstairs to his room. "You are in timeout." Smo started to complain.

"No." Castle was firm. "You scared Mommy and Daddy. We were really scared, Smo. You left and we couldn't find you. We didn't know what had happened to you." The three year old had no idea what could have happened to him. Castle did not want to ruin the innocence. "Mommy and Daddy, well Mommy never gets scared. You scared her," he whispered.

Smo's green eyes widened. Scaring Mommy was a big deal in that house. "I'm sorry," he cried. He flung his body onto his bed and cried his heart out. Castle dropped one kiss to his head and walked out.

"Where'd you find him?" Nico pushed.

"Did you spank him?" Jonah asked. Jack was busy pursuing their collection of children's books. The twins fired questions at Kate in a never ending pace. She was on the couch and staring duly at the first Nikki Heat book on their bookshelves. Her body was limp. Jack finally walked over, crawled lightly into her lap, opened a book, and clearly spoke out the words.

After the first few pages, Kate slung her arms around Jack's warm torso and hugged him tightly. She kissed his jaw every time his voice hesitated. When one word stumbled him, she whispered the line. The twins were on their knees in front of him, eyes wide, hearts glowing, and ears proud. Kate evilly smiled behind Jack's neck. He knew a few sentences, but had memorized this book from bedtime stories. He regained idol in Nico's eyes and lifted Joe's spirits.

Story time with Jack ended as usual, "Off to Neverland we go My Boys!" He jumped in the air and they all lunged to play. Jack started them off with simple characters of made up Lost Boys. He was the leader and they tracked around the loft searching for the "Lost One." Jack called upstairs off limits and they went at it. Jack was a leader of sorts. Joe might be the "big brother" type, but Jack was the leader of their little clan. He was effortlessly creative, calm, concerned, and endlessly full of quick fun games.

Kate stayed frozen on the couch for a good twenty minutes. Even after Castle came down and wrapped her against his chest for a few minutes. She didn't sink in or move in the slightest. He kissed her cheek. "I'm going to get you some coffee," he whispered. Then he was gone and she stared at the Nikki Heat book again. Jack tiptoed over to ask if she was okay every few minutes. He got a sharp nod for an answer. He tiptoed away with a hesitant look in his eye.

Coffee was placed in her hands after they were pried open. Castle kissed her head. He went in to the office then came out a minute later with his laptop. He sat next to her, moving her so she leaned into him, and typed. After thirty minutes of roaring play and typing keys, Kate jerked and flew into her bedroom. Castle chased after her. He opened the door to find her face down on the bed. "Kate," he whispered. She sobbed in response.

She was gently moved into his arms. Tears poured down his neck. "He was inches from the street," she bawled. "I could see the crime scene." Castle squeezed her harder. "Then his face. He was. He was." She hiccupped. Castle waited patting her back. "Proud." She sniffled deeply. "Even after I tackled him and popped his leg. He's proud of what he did, Castle. I know he'd do it again. The second he had a chance. He's not afraid." Her eyes looked up at him full of terror.

"One thing scares him into order," Castle whispered. Kate looked at him with hopeful eyes. He frowned at her before creaking into a smile. "His Mommy being scared."

Before she'd crawled up to the fourth's room, she spent some time with their old Jack. He was in need of some attention. They hadn't known until he walked into their room, crawled onto their bed, rested his head on Kate's chest, and said, "How come you go on adventures with Smo and not me?" They melted.

After answering carefully that their adventures with Smo were not fun and always ended in timeout, Jack cuddled into his parents and asked, "Well if they're no fun then why does he get so much love after?"

Guilt set in quickly. Castle opened his mouth to go into a long explanation, but Kate beat him to it. "Because life isn't fair," she whispered. Jack looked up at her with big innocent brown eyes. "He shouldn't get so much love after misbehaving. But the way he misbehaves makes us scared. We think we'll never see him again and we want to get all the lovies before he tries to run away again." Jack's brow creased.

"Maybe if you don't love him after he runs, he'll stop running away." He wasn't happy with Kate's answer.

"That's why life isn't fair. We love him then punish him. Sometimes we punish him then love him. He's going through a phase. Soon he'll be a big boy like you and won't run away."

"Did I run away?" Jack leaned into her and looked with hopeful eyes. He wanted to know if he got as much love as his brother, but also if he owned up to his brother's antics.

Castle answered proudly, "You ran away three times. Once you ran away to find Alexis. You came back shortly though because you found her in the elevator." Jack's face fell a little. "But you were packed and ready to go. You had a map of the subway and city that you drew. You had you little police badge and a backpack full of food, blankets, belts, and paperclips. You closed the door and left."

"Did you know about it?"

"We knew you were preparing to leave. We didn't think you'd do it." Castle shrugged.

"Did you run after me?" Castle and Beckett shared a look.

"We didn't know you left!" Castle exclaimed. Jack bubbled with laughter. "You were so quiet and we thought you were still packing. We didn't even know you were gone until you came back with your prize. You were a ninja." Jack hid his face and smiled wide.

"The other times?" He rolled onto his back and pictured the scenes playing out on the ceiling.

Kate took a deep breath before answering. "We were going to the aquarium. I was pregnant and you vowed to protect me on the subway. A man was 'luckin add me funny' so you chased after him when he got off." Castle laughed at the impersonation. "I wobbled after you. You were seriously on the chase. You went up the stairs, followed him down the street, and into a bar. I was barely keeping up. Honestly, I was too pregnant to be going on trips in the subway. You were quick and grabbed hold of his feet before he entered the bar. He tripped up when you bit his leg. I saw you cling to him right before I got to you. You were so happy you caught the man, then I 'wed my pants.' And that was the day your brothers were born."

Jack narrowed his eyes at the impersonations of his quotes, but couldn't hid the smile. "I was so little, though." They nodded their heads. "I always came back." He curled into them.

"You always came back," Kate repeated.

"Always," Castle added.

Kate carefully walked into the daredevil's room. He had slipped into sleep after a long crying patch. Kate curled into his tiny toddler bed and spooned him. He didn't move, but seemed to relax more. Her baby was bigger. Another reminder of the possibilities. Cosmo's list of "adventures" was longer than all their kids combined. He was the one detriment to her wish.

Kate looked down at her "last baby." The urge to have another was still there, but Cosmo's pink cheeks and colorful wardrobe made her question her decision. Cosmo was so much by himself. He ran, shouted, squealed, wrestled, jumped, danced, and was one hundred percent all day long. She felt guilty for wanted to put more on their family.

The twins were troublemakers by heart, but they pulled enough pranks on each other that they mellowed out in the long run. Jack was a constant good hearted kid that only rebelled with sports and when it came to playground time. Smo was a constant worry or attention holder. Alexis barely got enough Dad time to register as part of the family on some days. Kate's heart ached when she'd find Alexis crying in the Hamptons house or during the holidays because one of the boys pulled Rick away from her.

They had so much going on. Adding another to the mix would make all the kids amp up their ways for a few months before they settled down. Kate didn't know if she could do it. She thought of the little pill she takes each morning and how she ignored them this morning. She only prayed for the Ryan's because that's what they would do. She didn't really believe in all that. She did it for Ryan out of respect. But at that moment she wanted someone of a higher power or maybe just anyone to give her a hint as to what she was supposed to do.

"Mommy, I'm sorry," Smo whispered. Kate kissed his feathery hair. "I not mean to make you scared." He flipped and curled into her neck. "I wuv you."

"I love you too," she whispered back. Another I wuv you mixed in would be a nice thing. Another cuddle monster. Another sweet face. Another Castle. As long as this kid didn't bite while nursing or projectile vomit when placed in her hands every morning, she could do it. Castle was already excited at the prospect.

"I gots ta hold ya, Mam-der." Smo squeezed her in a bear hug. Kate sighed. Mam-der was the best job in the world.

If you took the time to review or anything similar, thank you. Honestly, this is not being patronizing. I'm not trying to single anyone out. If I did, sorry (cringe face). Know you take the readers thought seriously. Thank you for reading.