Chapter 3
Makeover and Matchmaker
Hello, everyone! Sorry for the wait. I had school wrapping up and I was trying to think of where this story was going. I couldn't think of anything so here is just the next chapter. You will hear more from the soldiers and others as the story progresses.
Disclaimer:
[With Pom-Poms] Who does this story belong to? Disney! Disney! Gooooo, Disney! Yeeeeaaaa! [Awkward half splits]
Now on to the story!
Chapter 3:
[Cut to the town with Fa Li looking worried]
Bath Lady [poking out of her building]: Fa Li, is your daughter here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. [She goes back into the building]
Fa Li: Of all days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.
"Ma Ma, I'm only like twenty minutes late. I'm sure the Matchmaker will understand," says Mulan.
"The Matchmaker is known in the town as being very grum- I mean pleasant lady who this town is lucky to have," exclaims Fa Li, changing directions mid-sentence after spotting the Matchmaker out the corner of her eye.
"Hmmmm…" mummers the Matchmaker, pulling out a writing pad. This Mulan was going to be one of her girls this morning. Might as well get started early. She was sure that Mulan was going to be a lot of trouble to match.
Grandma Fa [walking in with a Cri-Kee in a cage]: How lucky can they be, they're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Speaking to Cri-Kee] This is your chance to prove yourself. [Cri-Kee chirps approvingly. Grandma Fa covers her eyes steps into a busy street]
"Grandmother, stop!" yells Mulan.
Fa Li [excitedly]: Grandma No!
[The traffic barely misses Grandma Fa as she crosses the busy street. But two horse and carriage collide causing a big accident. She arrives at the other side of the street, uncovers her eyes and looks at Cri-Kee]
Everyone heaves a sigh of relief.
Grandma Fa: Yep, this cricket's a lucky one. [Cri-Kee falls over out of fright]
"Looking forward, that might not have been a good idea to test out the luckiness of a cricket," says Grandma Fa, sheepishly.
Fa Li [sighing in relief]: Hai.
[Mulan arrives on Khan jumping over the recent accident in the street and jumps off with hay stuck in her hair]
Mulan: I'm here. [Seeing a stern look from her mother] What? But Mama I had to-
Fa Li: None of your 'xcuses. Now let's get you cleaned up. [They walk together into the preparation area]
[Song: Honor to us all]
Bath Lady: [all the while Bath Lady undresses Mulan and pushes her into the Bath] This is what you give me to work with?
"There's singing in this?" Asks Yao, groaning.
"I bet you don't sing, Yao," Jokes Ling. "No one wants to hear your mooing."
"Are you saying that I sound like a cow when I sing?" Growls Yao, hitting a fist against his other hand.
"Well, it's more like a dying pig," exclaims Ling, bursting out laughing.
"Why, you-"starts Yao. Chien Po picks him up and starts rocking him.
"Thanks, Chien Po," Katy says. "Moving on."
Well, honey, I've seen worse.
We're gonna turn this sow's ear
Into a silk purse. [Bath Lady moves the silk partition aside showing Mulan in the bath]
"Did I just get insulted?" Mulan murmurs.
Mulan [spoken]: It's freezing.
Many men look away, while blushing, to give her privacy.
Fa Li [spoken]: It would have been warm if you were here on time.
Bath Lady [washing Mulan's hair]:
We'll have you
Washed and dried
Primped and polished
till you glow with pride
Trust my recipe for
instant bride
You'll bring honor to us all
Fa Li [grabbing a sponge and Mulan's right arm to start cleaning her. She notices the writing] [spoken]: Mulan, what's this?
Mulan [Drawing her arm back and batting her eyelashes] [spoken]: Ahh, notes, in case I forget something?
"Oh, no. Looks like it wasn't dry." Says Mulan. "Now it will be hard to read."
Grandma Fa [spoken]: Here, hold this [hands the cricket to Fa Li]. We'll need more luck than I thought. [Mulan looks on with an air of disappointment]
[Cut to the hair dressers]
Hair Dresser 1 [Brushing and combing Mulan's hair much to Mulan's chagrin]:
Wait and see
When we're through
Hair Dresser 2:
Boys will gladly go to war for you
Hair Dresser 1:
With good fortune
Hair Dresser 2 [Finalizing the hairdo to look exactly like hers]:
And a great hairdo
"Why did she give Mulan her hairdo?" asks Ling.
Both:
You'll bring honor to us all
Fa Li and others: [Mulan following her Mother passes a xiangqi game and
pauses to make an impressive move. Mulan has a smug look on her face when Fa
Li comes back and drags Mulan away]
She's smart too. Thinks Shang. He knew how tough a game of xiangqi can be. His grandfather was a master player and he could never win a game against him.
A girl can bring her family
Great honor in one way
By striking a good match
And this could be the day
Dresser 1 [Dresser 1, Dresser 2, and Fa Li dress Mulan]:
Men want girls
with good taste
Dresser 2:
Calm
Fa Li:
Obedient
Dresser 1:
Who work fast-paced
Fa Li:
With good breeding
Dresser 2 [Pulling the dress tight around her waist]:
And a tiny waist
Mulan [expressing her waist being squeezed tight] [spoken]: huh.
All Three:
You'll bring honor to us all
"That is majorly sexist," Katy says. Everyone looks at her in confusion. This was how it always was. Guys liked the skinny homemakers.
Chorus: [Mulan follows Fa Li and sees boy stealing a doll from a girl. Mulan
grabs the doll from the boy and returns it to its owner]
She's also so nice and caring. Both are great qualities in a wife and mother. Thinks Shang. This was a girl who he could proudly bring home to his father.
General Li looks at his son from the corner of his eye. This girl is clearly something and Shang looks more interested in her than in any of the ladies at his military school. If this showing turns out well, I might have to bend the Matchmakers ear about her.
We all must serve
our Emperor
Who guards us from the Huns
A man by bearing arms
A girl by bearing sons
Make-up Lady/Fa Li: [Putting on Mulan's face, powder, lipstick and eye liner]
[in a 3-person round]
When we're through
you can't fail
Like a lotus blossom
soft and pale
How could any fellow
say "No sale"
You'll bring honor to us all
[Make-Up Lady holds a mirror, so Mulan can see her reflection. Not looking
pleased, Mulan takes her single, short bang and brings it down in front of her
forehead and smiles]
Fa Li sighs. "You always have to be different, don't you?"
Fa Li [spoken. Fa Li places a hair comb in Mulan's hair]: There, you're
ready.
Grandma Fa [spoken]: Not yet! An apple for serenity [putting an apple in Mulan's mouth] ...A pendant for balance [places a yin-yang pendant under her sash] [sings]
Beads of jade for beauty [putting beads around Mulan's neck]
You must proudly show it [Grandma Fa raises her chin high with her hand]
Now add a cricket just for luck [putting the cage with Cri-Kee under Mulan's
sash in the back. Cri-Kee doesn't look pleased]
And even you can't blow it
Mulan: [Walking to catch up with the other maidens]
Ancestors
Hear my plea
Help me not to make a fool of me
And to not uproot my fam'ly tree
Keep my father standing tall
"Oh, Mulan. You have all these concerns. Just focus on showing the best side of you. She is going to love you," Fa Zhou says.
Maidens and Mulan: [Mulan taking the parasol from Fal Li and running to fall in line with the other 4 maidens]
Scarier than the undertaker
We are meeting our
matchmaker
All Townspeople:
Destiny
Guard our girls
And our future
as it fast unfurls
Please look kindly on
these cultured pearls
Each a perfect porcelain doll
"Is it just me, or are all these girls trying to look the same?" asks Yao
Maiden #1: Please bring honor to us
Maiden #2: Please bring honor to us
Maiden #3: Please bring honor to us
Maiden #4: Please bring honor to us
Mulan and Maidens: Please bring honor to us all!
[All Girls and Mulan arrive before the Matchmaker crouched down behind their parasols. End of song]
Matchmaker [looking at her clipboard]: Fa Mulan
Mulan [Jumping up and raising her hand]: Present.
Matchmaker: Speaking without permission.
"Ooooh, not a good beginning. Hopefully it goes better from here," pleas Fa Li.
Mulan: Oops.
Grandma Fa [to Fa Li]: Who spit in her bean curd?
"Mother!" Exclaims Fa Zhou, hitting his head.
"I like her," chuckles Ling.
[Mulan walks into the Matchmaker's building with the Matchmaker following behind and closing the door]
Here I go. Whatever the Matchmaker decides will change my life forever. I really hope I make a great impression. Thinks Mulan with anticipating dread.
Matchmaker [looking over Mulan]: Huh, Hmm, too skinny. [Cri-Kee escapes from
his cage. Mulan struggles to catch him] Hmph, not good for bearing sons.
"I thought men liked skinny?" asks Chien Po.
[Mulan puts Cri-Kee in her mouth when Matchmaker turns around to face her] Recite the final admonition.
Mulan [nodding and smiling]: Mmm-Hmm. [Takes out fan and covers her mouth as she spits out Cri-Kee] Ptu
Matchmaker: Well...
Mulan [with dignity]: Fulfill your duties calmly and re...f-[looking at her
arm with smeared writing] spectfully. Reflect before you snack [surprised,
Mulan looks at her arm again] act. [now rapidly] This shall bring you honor
and glory. [Fanning herself rapidly and sighing in relief] Huh.
"You cheated! That is not an enduring quality for a young lady, especially in my house," shouts the Matchmaker.
Matchmaker [snatches the fan and looks at it on both sides looking for notes
not finding any. Mulan smiles big when Matchmaker looks at her. Matchmaker
grabs Mulan's right arm pulling her along while smearing the writing and
leaving some ink on her hand] Hmmm, this way. Now, pour the tea [Pushing a
teapot towards Mulan]. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a
sense of dignity [Matchmaker smears ink around her mouth. Mulan staring at
Matchmaker pours some tea onto the table then notices her mistake and pours
the tea into the cup] and refinement. You must also be poised. [Mulan
notices Cri-kee in the tea-cup as Matchmaker takes the cup]
"That cricket is going to ruin it for Mulan," groans Fa Li.
Mulan [quiet and timid]: Um, pardon me.
Matchmaker: And silent! [Matchmaker sniffs the tea]
Mulan [reaching and grabbing the teacup]: Could I just take that back...one
moment.
[They struggle for the teacup and it turns over on Matchmaker and Cri-kee
jumps down matchmaker's dress]
"Oh, no. No, no, no," says Mulan, almost freaking out.
Matchmaker: Why you clumsy-[Matchmaker feels Cri-Kee in her dress and dances
around] Wooo, woooo, wooooooo, [Matchmaker knocks over her pot of coals, and
sits down on the coals. Matchmaker jumps around screaming] Ahhhhhhhhhhh
[Mulan grabs her fan and briskly fans the charred area on Matchmaker's behind
causing it to flame up. Mulan looks surprised about her mistake]
[Cut to outside Matchmakers building showing Grandma Fa with much noise coming
from Matchmaker's building]
Grandma Fa [to Fa Li]: I think it's going well, don't you?
"Going well? How is it going well?" Asks Fa Li.
Matchmaker [running out of the building screaming]: Put it out! Put it out!
Put it out! [Mulan takes the teapot, throws the tea on Matchmaker and puts out
the fire. She bows, hands the teapot back to Matchmaker and covers her face
as she walks toward Fa Li and Grandma Fa] [with anger] You are a disgrace!
[Matchmaker throws the teapot down smashing it to pieces] You may look like a
bride, but you will never bring your family honor!
Oh, no. No, no, no. I am a disgrace. I will never bring my family honor. No man is ever going to want me. My father is going to be so disappointed. How will I ever make this up to my family. I can never show my face in town again. Thinks Mulan in humiliation.
Poor Mulan. I know how it is to disappoint my family. I didn't always make the best choices in military school. But for someone to say that to you, it can make you feel like a failure. I wish there was something I could do to comfort her. Thinks Shang, in sadness.
Oh, my. I really act like that? I look like a disgrace. And everyone is afraid of coming to me. I am so mortified. Thinks the Matchmaker in horror.
Hmmm. I'm going to have to talk to her. As the Matchmaker of that region, she has to be approachable and friendly to everyone. If going to her causes dread, and she looks so unprofessional, then she needs to become friendly, or she needs to get out of the profession. Thinks the Emperor. These Matchmakers come to the palace to coordinate their choices of males and ladies. They answer almost to him. So, things need to run smoothly and efficiently.
[The townsfolk who have gathered whisper and walk away]
A/N: And there we go. Another chapter out. We have the thoughts of others in the story, including the Emperor. Where did that come from. Oh, well. If you have any ideas for this story, please send me a review. If you like the story, please send a review. If you want more, please send me a review. Get the picture yet?
REVIEW!
\/
