Hi! So, this is the last chapter of The Kievan Rus, and it's Ukraine's turn to shine. I mention Ancient Rome, Germania, Ancient Egypt, Britannia, and Gaul in this. Ancient Rome is Romulus, Germania is Alaric, Ancient Egypt is Neith, Britannia is Boudicca, and Gaul is Liliola. (I think that's all the names I have to mention. I think.) I hope you like this!
The Kievan Rus
Chapter 3
Anxious
Ukraine
"Deep inside, she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind and often even funny, but somehow, her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all."
- Julia Quinn
Katyusha has always had problems talking to others.
It would happen in the middle of the conversation, after she finally worked up enough nerve to say something, and she'd see the people around her giggling and realize that she said something weird again.
She'd nervously wave her hands in the air and flusteredly correct herself, but that didn't stop the laughter. Inwardly she'd slump and return to her corner of mind and outwardly she'd act like she didn't care, but she really did.
She really did.
It hurts getting things wrong, saying the wrong thing, and getting laughed at because of her mistake.
In her mind, she'd plot out the perfect conversation, topic, or response, but when she'd say it aloud, she'd realize the mistakes in her logic or say it wrong.
Katyusha had no idea where she got it from. Natalya had no problem saying what she meant, and although Ivan was a little oblivious to social cues, he wasn't socially awkward like she was, and he didn't get nervous talking to others. Her mother had always been assertive and had always gotten what she wanted, when she wanted it, but then again, her mother had also been incredibly intimidating, much more so than Ivan, and would scare the living hell out of Romulus and Alaric and laugh about it later with Neith, Boudicca, Liliola, so maybe that was just Katyusha. But she still had no idea where she got it from, or if she got it from anyone.
For as long as she could remember, in the middle of a normal conversation she'd randomly blurt something out that she didn't mean, and almost immediately realize later just how weird she sounded or how that could have hurt someone.
It was better when she was speaking her native language, Ukrainian, because she was familiar and comfortable with it, but because most of the countries didn't speak it natively, she had to speak English, or another language like Mandarin or Spanish, and that made her nervous because it wasn't her native language and she knew that her accent butchered it.
She'd frequently panic in the middle of a conversation, completely lose her train of thought, and trail off and forget about what she was talking about.
She knew that she was one of the only countries who did this, who was this socially awkward. The idea of being too interactive made her feel like she was going to throw up, panic, and feel sick. She desperately wanted to be normal, to not deal with this, but being in social situations overwhelmed her.
Being normal was kind of like an unattainable wish that she knew she'd never achieve, so she simply watched luckier people talk with others with no problem, and desperately wish that she could be like that, that she could hold a conversation that well. But she knew that if she was presented such a situation she'd have a nervous breakdown, so she simply watched from afar and wished, wished that she could be normal.
When she was a child, she really did used to try to act normal, and she was much more social than she was now.
But she learned quickly that it wouldn't just go away, and she eventually gave up on the hope of being normal.
And now, if she didn't have to befriend others because her boss told her to, she would have had given up on talking long ago.
"I'm a lonely person at heart. I need people, but my social anxiety prevents me from being happy."
- Unknown
A/N: So. Big headcanon of mine is that Ukraine is very socially awkward and gets social anxiety. She really wants to make friends, but she has problems making them and problems keeping them, so most of the time she kind of watches from afar longing for them but not really making them until someone introduces her to someone. She has the tendency to say things she doesn't mean, and years of doing stuff like that affected her as a person. It's why she acts the way she does in the anime and the webcomic/manga. *sighs* I really don't know how much I like this chapter. The concept is fine, I think it's just the writing that is making me cringe. *nervously laughs and retreats to my black hole of self-consciousness and cries and dies inside* Leave a review and tell me what you thought of it, I don't bite. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this story, and thanks for spending the time to read this! Ciao!
