(Theme of Gilligan's island—I'm totally having fun with this )
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this shady pier
(Fat Tony's watching two of his men carry a body-sized Hefty bag into the sea)
Aboard that crappy ship
The mate wasn't really a man, so
(Pan to Stephanie crossing her arms)
The skipper strange and unsure
(Pan to Marge vacuuming at home)
Two passengers cut the rope
(Pan to that scene)
Planning to kill four
Planning to kill four
(Thunder and lightning)
The weather started acting up
That crummy ship was tossed
If not for the defenseless crew
They would have been lost
They would have been lost.
Well, the ship ending up crashing
Onto the shore of a deserted isle
With the teenager (pan to Steph)
My OC too (Isabella)
A pretty big snob (Cecil)
His best friend (Marge)
A clown's sidekick (Mel)
A homicidal baby (Gino)
And Maggie (Maggie)
Here on Someone's Island!
It had been several days, now. Almost a week. And they were still on the island. They had mostly settled down inside the huts provided, and had plenty of clothes from Izzy's mother. Except for Maggie and Gino, they had to wear Marge-made clothes.
In other words, Maggie had to wear some of Izzy's clothes, and Gino had Marge make several other shirts and a pair of shorts from some of Len's clothes. But they had settled down, the food wasn't low, there was a fresh-water well, and huts somebody else made.
Life was good right now, despite the fact they were separated from their dearly beloved.
Mel called out again, "Cecil!" (Please don't think of him in the same Krusty costume we always see him in. Please think of him in the original professor's clothes.)
"In here! Here, here, here, here," His voice echoed off of the cave walls.
"In where? Where, where whe- ooh." He sighed, entering the cave. "I thought we made it clear that we weren't to enter this cave anymore."
Cecil was bent down, picking through the gravel and pulling up priceless objects. "I know. But I lost my glasses."
"You don't wear glasses."
A pause. "I lost my picture of Maris, Neil and I at Orlando Studios," he admitted, "but look at what else I have found!"
He stood, brushing off his pants, and then held up a clay plate. It had blue spirals worn down by the dirt, and in the center some sort of engraving.
Mel looked away, like a stubborn child refusing to eat dinner. "Put it back, please."
"What?" Cecil laughed, "You're really afraid of made-up witchdoctors, a stupid tale spun by a suicidal mother on her death bed?" He was referring to Isabella's mother's last note.
"Just . . . I work with Krusty! Of course I believe in curses!"
Cecil rolled his eyes, but picked up a mask he had uncovered and left. Mel followed, not looking back. Or feeling the pair of eyes on his back as he ran to catch up with Cecil.
Back at camp, Stephanie was marveling at the objects in the Work Hut (also the kitchen, a lab Mel had set up, and several other uses). "My god," she breathed, "this is gorgeous! It's way better than anything I can make in art! Possibly."
"And Mr. Scared-Out-Of-His-Wits over here didn't want me to even touch them."
"My uncle served in the Navy. He was always telling me about curses and voodoo on Hawaiian Islands and New Orleans. I basically grew up listening to those tales."
"Hm. Wise tales? He and my grandpa would get along pretty well."
"My uncle is dead."
"Even better, they'll get along perfectly." She looked up at Mel. Stephanie had taken Cecil's advice; they were indeed stuck here, so it might as well not be miserable. She had tried her best to stay happy, and stayed away from Marge by playing with the younger kids. As it turns out, Isabella had a lot in common with her. She loved Broadway as well, and was even a pretty good singer. The same with Gino, though he only knew several Italian operas, Les Miserables, and Phantom of the Opera. But Isabella seemed a bit secretive. She was fun to hang around with, and wasn't as annoying as Bart was at that age, but when she was just sitting alone, she had this strange look in her eye. It was troubled. But they were still fun.
She found it relaxing to unwind with them. But Tasha was much missed. And hair dye. The black coloring had mostly come out, there was just a little left on the hair ends. She had tried desperately to replace it with blackberry juice, but those only lasted a few hours. And they weren't really worth three hours of squeezing onto each lock of hair, only to last less than a day, so for now she was a brunette again.
"So what else did you guys find?"
"Some jewelry that I'm donating to you and the girls, a couple of jars, vases, other masks, and basically a bunch of other stuff. It's really quite amazing, true examples of Mayan artwork." Cecil looked down at a particular mask and added, "And it proves that they were far ahead of their time. Just look at this one, it looks just like the wife of the Greek god Zeus, Helena."
Mel turned away with a look.
"Can't you even look at them?" Stephanie held up the mask in Mel's face. He turned away. She moved it, smushing it against his face.
"Will you please?! Who knows what kind of curse could be on those? Why, all of us may be hexed until those are safely underground. But for now, who knows when one can just come in and-"
Maggie opened the door. Mel was unfortunately leaning against it. He yelped and jumped, earning laughter from the rest.
Stephanie picked her up, "Yeah, my baby sis is a curse, alright. She has a rattle and knows how to use it!"
Mel blushed while they laughed. He went outside, grumbling.
"Oh, Izzy, just look at these!" Marge held up a golden necklace laced with pearls, diamonds, and rubies.
"I feel like I'm lost in a jewelry store all alone!" Izzy picked up another from the box.
Marge was sitting on a chair, her back to the young girl. Izzy was standing on top of hers, so they were literally neck-to-neck. Both put on their necklaces at the same time.
Nobody was in the clearing. Nobody saw the witchdoctor just standing outside the window, watching the two.
"How do I look?"
"I dunno, I can't see."
"Here," Marge stood. As she did, she also choked Isabella in doing so.
She made a gurgling sound. Marge quickly sat back down, pulling at the back of the necklace. "Oh! Ow! They're stuck!"
"Ow! You're pulling my hair! And don't stand up, you'll strangle me!"
"Mmmm, how do we get out of this?!"
The witchdoctor didn't understand their tongue, but he knew they were stuck. Looking down, he saw a small table with a hat and a brush. He took these two, and took out the dolls.
A couple of seconds later, the girls were both leaning forward, tugging at the necklaces. "Ooh, I guess we're gonna be stuck this way forever!" Izzy threw her hands down.
The witchdoctor put both dolls back-to-back as the girls were, and simply pulled them apart like magnets.
Suddenly, the jewelry finally gave, and both almost fell. They both grinned in bewilderment, looking at each other and the necklaces, perfectly fine.
Maggie joined Gino in their hut. She used Rattle to tell him, "Have you seen my pacifier?"
"I really do not-a think I am a one to use a pacifier."
The witchdoctor put the strange contraption inside his mouth, sucking it. It felt good. Relaxing, even. It tasted a lot like fresh baby, too, one of his favorite sacrifices.
"Speaking of missing things, my knife is gone-eh." He gave her the eye, "You have not been-a using it around the island again, have you? Lo Zio Cecil told you, those monkeys are already bad off-"
"No, I haven't seen it. Besides, I was talking about something important. What's a regular steak knife gonna do you in a jungle? We have machetes, use them."
"But papa gave it to me in Italy! It's all that I have of him out here! And what is that thing? It looks like a big bug." He pointed to Maggie's new bow.
"Something they found in the cave. It's a diamond butterfly."
"Farfalla?" He winced. "Vendetta . . ."
Marge came in, "Sweeties, there's been a little—oh, you have discovered them."
Without her conditioner, Marge's hair had gone down, revealing it to be six feet long. They had cut it down to just below her shoulders, and she kept it in a ponytail most of the time. It was a huge difference in looks, but made her look . . . real. There was no other description they could come up with, it just looked real.
"Farfalla vendetta!" Gino raised his arm, the opera night stinging into his memory. He started to stab at Maggie and the butterfly, and then stopped from a warning glance from the second-closest parental unit on the island.
"Maybe Maggie can show you how to butterfly hunt later, but for now I need that brooch."
"That-a thing? It is worthless. I have seen those in Tuscany from beggars, they are-a fakes."
"But that isn't from Tuscany. It's centuries of years old and possibly worth millions! We found them in a cave, Mel and Cecil think they were buried by the ancient natives of these islands. We need them all to examine, make a few guesses about how much they'd all be worth, and then you'll have them back."
His mouth dropped while Maggie gave him a smug look, adjusting her ticket to the top. I'll be even bigger than Burns
"Don't want it to go now, do you?"
"Just for that?!" He cried, "What else did you find?"
"Well, it doesn't really matter now. You can pick up one if you like, there are plenty more where that came from."
"Where?"
"The supply hut."
He ran off before they could even process what he said.
Mel was relaxing with Macbeth, a personal favorite. He was seated on the Stephanie-made lounge chairs; her only catch was that she got to use one for herself in a case of infinite dibs. For some apparent reason though, Macbeth sort of reminded him of Homer. After a while, Mel grew to fear both men.
Someone ran past him, a blue and red blur, and a road of white sand trailing him. Dear god. They're all going to be hexed. Well, it won't be my fault.
The trail came back, skidding along the sand. Gino stood there, panting. "I know about the cave, but where is it?"
"I—I'm not telling you."
"Why not?"
He leaned forward, "Because it is cursed! If you rifle through something that is not yours, you are hexed. A witchdoctor will put a voodoo spell on you."
"What's voodoo?"
Mel laid out his fingers, numbering them off, "A witchdoctor takes a personalized item from you. He makes a doll that looks exactly like you. And then he puts a spell to make it work, and your life his literally in his hands!"
"Don't fill the kid's head with stupid myths. School does enough of that."
"Stephanie, these aren't stupid myths. I believe what I believe, and I stay out of yours. Let Gino decide for himself whether or not he believes."
Stephanie sighed. "Gino, listen to me. Your father would kill you, your uncle, and then Mel if you mentioned voodoo. Trust me, I know your family."
Silence.
"All that I wanted to know was where the cave was."
"You aren't going alone?!"
Stephanie stifled laughter, "It's to the left of the lagoon."
Mel grabbed Gino's arm as he started to run, "You are not going in there alone!" He looked at Stephanie, "Both of you."
"Then why don't you come with us?" She mocked.
He let go of Gino and got up. "Alright, then. Let's go, if you really want to."
The rest were already in the cave when they got there. Cecil was showing Marge, Izzy and Maggie the artifacts.
Cecil looked up when he saw Mel. "Stephanie, I am proud of you. How on earth did you persuade him to step foot within a twenty yard radius of here?"
"Call him a chicken, he brakes. It's just like Dad."
"Don't compare me to that animal! No offense, Marge."
"Hey, he has feelings too! Ooh, I hope they're alright . . ."
"Mom, I'm sure they're fine. Bart I'm not so sure of, but Lisa knows how to take care. And all that dad needs to do is go to Moe's and he's fine."
"Stephanie! Show some respect for your father!"
She smirked. "You don't seem to see your husband very well, do you? Especially these last few months you two have been yelling day and night."
Marge turned red as the others stood back, not daring to step into the fire. Maggie sighed, and took Gino's hand. He whispered into her ear, "If I knew this is what-a happens to you, I would never have tried to kill you. This is hell enough."
"You apologize right now young lady!"
Both were in each other's face by now, "You raised me to tell the truth! So I'm telling you the truth! You and dad have been acting like you're gonna bring up divorce!"
"Why the hell would you think that?!"
Isabella whispered to Maggie and Gino, "This is how Momma and Father acted before they killed each other."
Despite that statement being for the toddlers, Cecil overheard this. He thought of back when it was just him, Marge and Maris. How Marge had a bad temper on her hands, what she'd do to those bullies. He shuddered at what James looked like that one time after she was through with him.
He never did speak right after that day . . . or speak at all.
And now, with Stephanie, he remembered the dam. She was pretty strong herself . . . . Despite this being between two of his brother's enemies, Cecil didn't want to take care of three children and a clown by himself. "Alright, let's try not to kill each other over departed family issues. You're making a bad example for the children."
The witchdoctor still couldn't understand any of them. But he knew that they were bothering him. And that he now had everything he needed. But first, a quick check.
Head dress, scarf, knife, contraption that goes into mouth, a slide whistle, ginger hair, and bone chip.
He still wasn't sure whether or not the man with the blue hair was with a tribe or not; he had the bone in his hair. Oh well. It was time to start. He lit the match, holding it up under the high-strung dolls' feet.
"Oh yeah, they're gonna be scarred for life. Izzy's mom and dad killed each other, Gino has gone to jail, and Maggie's witnessed mom and dad fighting and shot a crooked old man. Yeah, they're going to be scarred because of this."
Gino moved his position, stepping a little past Maggie.
Izzy shifted her feet.
Maggie shook her right foot.
"He's right." Marge lifted her foot a little off the ground.
"He's right so long as you're right." Stephanie sneered and crossed her arms. "It's always that way, you're right and everyone else is— is anyone else getting hot?" She moved her feet.
"Ow!" Cecil jumped as a particular burn got him right on the sole. "Women and children first! Out!"
They all ran outside, jumping from the extreme heat. They all ran into the lagoon; Isabella jumped in completely. The moment their feet touched the water, steam rose.
Feet stopped burning. Everyone sighed in relief, the fight out of them all.
Mel, Cecil, Stephanie and Gino were seated at the table.
"Just look at this. There is a hole in the middle of my shoe!" Gino exclaimed.
"There's a hole in my foot," Cecil was messaging his feet, which were indeed red.
Mel sighed. "Explain that, Mr. Skeptic."
"What? Voodoo? Well, it all starts from the volcano on the other side of the island. The ground beneath us heats, apparently . . . burning hot."
"Alright, even I have to admit that's not what happened. Underground lava's not that close to us or that hot if it was. Even I know that." Stephanie stood. She had taken off her shoes, letting the soft sand from underneath the sun cool her off.
"Well, do you have anything better?"
"Once again, how hard is it to believe in voodoo?"
Stephanie ignored Mel. "I don't know. But I know it isn't voodoo," she laughed, "and we have told you time after time after—" She stopped. Moving, talking, you name it, she stood as still as a zombie.
Mel sighed. "Well, I suppose my uncle was a bit crazed after the war. That's when his drinking problem started, too. Even if it was just a sippy cup, he could never aim the straw for his mouth. It would always spill on his forehead, or-"
Gino tapped his shoulder.
"What?"
He and Cecil both held their gaze. Mel followed their stare, and got up. "Stephanie? Are you alright?"
She didn't move.
"Voodoo," Gino whispered.
"No, it isn't possible . . . I mean, it can't be . . . Stephanie?" Cecil snapped his fingers in front of her face. "A zombie." He paused, "Alright. I was wrong, you were right, there. Everything that I believe in is being questioned right now; we may want to tell Marge." He dragged Mel and Gino away to the girls' hut.
Marge moaned again. Her eyes never left Stephanie as every single fight (which were many) came back to her again and again, each a punch in the face.
You're right, I'm wrong!
You used to be so sweet when you were little . . . .
Pft. If you want to baby something, baby Maggie. (Right . . .)
(You're right . . .) I don't even have the same beliefs as you! I'm just going to convert to Judaism or something . . .
(I'm wrong . . .) Like you're going to bring up a divorce . . . divorce-divorce-divorce
Awkwardly, Cecil draped his arm around her shoulder. They were the only ones out here now. It had been several hours now, everyone else was in bed.
You will cuuuuuurse the daaaay you did not dooooo aaaaaaalll that this phantom aaaasked ooof youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
"Are you alright?"
"Do you forgive me?" She turned to him.
"What?"
"For Maris and Neil. For everything. But especially that night. But dear god, I'm so sorry."
He didn't say anything for so long that she didn't think he was going to answer. Finally, he said, "I don't forgive you."
"What?" She pushed him away, "That was when you were supposed to say, 'yes, I forgive you Marge. Let's be friends again,'" She fumed.
He didn't even look shaken. "Why would you expect forgiveness? You broke my heart, you broke many promises, you married Homer. Sweetie, you could've done so much better. You have neglected both Lisa and Stephanie back in Springfield from what I have gathered, and here all you seem to do is mother everything and one. You don't notice your surroundings. Why, you still treat Maggie like she can't walk," he spat, "and you treat me like everything between us is perfectly fine."
She was taken back at that last remark. And then she got angry again, "How dare you! How dare you assume those things about my family! What do you know about them? Huh? I chose Homer because he's the sweetest husband you could ever have-"
"-And there's your problem."
She didn't stop, "-and he knows how to be a good father. Maybe not as perfect as you were with Neil, but he knows how to raise children-"
"-He knows how to strangle your children."
"-And then my children have equal attention-"
Cecil began to laugh.
"-Stephanie's always been like that, and Lisa is just going through issues right—stop laughing!"
He had his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
"And I treat Maggie that way because she's my last baby—"
"That's it! You refuse to accept the fact that your children are growing up. Like you should do."
"Uh, like you should. You're still not over Maris and Neil,-"
"-Don't even bring that up."
"-you tried to kill me because—"
"Because I wanted to see you again!" He yelled, causing her to shut up. "I wanted to look into your eyes one last time, to see your sorrow. I am over their death! I am not over the fact that my brother got me sent to jail! I am over you Simpsons! I am not over seeing my nephew hiding his misery over his parents, hiding it with joy he gets from my and your daughters! But I am over this island!" He ran his hands through his hair, backing away from Marge. They both turned at the same time, going back to their huts. Cecil didn't realize until he went back to his hut he called Izzy his daughter.*
It was a miracle no one woke up.
I had already started this chapter before I put up the poll; this was one of my all-time favorite Gilligan episodes already. But thank you for voting, whoever you people are. Please R&R, and tell me whatcha think!
And the second part will be up sometime, I had to cut the two apart because it was already thirty pages long. But I have started the second part.
*-Originally, Izzy was going to be Cecil's adopted daughter. I just wanted to draw out their relationship in this story, since I can't go straight into it.
