Hey guys, thanks for the positive reviews it is really comforting. This chapter is in Edward point of view. Alice visits him and tells him about Bella's amnesia.
As always please comment, thanks!
-IWISHIWASNTATWIHEART
EPOV
I haven't hunted in weeks, I am so thirsty and yet I am in one of the most popular bars in Rio, not so good for a vampire to be absolutely surrounded my humans when it is this thirsty. Alice said she would meet me here, said she wanted to talk to me. I guess this was going to be another attempt to get me to move back in with Carlisle and Esme. Although there is a part of me that missed my family, it is over-ridden with the extreme longing to see Bella again. To hold her in my arms, to whisper I love you and hear her whisper back that she does love me to, to be able to watch her and protect her and be with her. My thoughts were interrupted by yet another pathetic human having a crude fantasy about me, I wish I could tell her what would happen if my lips got anywhere near her body with how thirsty I am at this point in time, surely she would stop polluting my mind with those images then.
Finally I hear Alice's excited mind over the deep beat of the music. If the music were about anything other than getting drunk and 'hooking up' then I would have more respect for it but then again these days I am down on everything. Something about losing your soul mate, having your heart ripped in half and having no reason for living really is starting to curb my mood. Alice was almost at the bar I was sitting at now, another half minute and she would be next to me. I haven't seen Alice for months when I visited the whole family and the Denali's. But a combination of being around perfectly matched couples and being heartbroken myself and Tanya's pursuits to court me made me leave within the first few hours of the stay.
"Edward!" Alice squealed,
"Hi Alice" I said not as enthusiastically.
"How have you been? I mean are you dealing with things okay? You haven't called in a while…" She looked upset now, her mind was showing me how much she missed me, I tried to block it out, I was feeling bad enough already without feeling guilty from not talking to Alice.
"I am very much the same as last time we spoke, which is why I didn't call. There is nothing new to report."
"Aww Edward, you are still moping? And you haven't eaten in months I would say. Come on lets get you something to eat, I could fit some more in I think." We both knew that Alice was lying, although she was trying to hide it, her last hunting trip was only several days ago and she had gutted herself, drinking excessively so she wouldn't have to hunt for at least another month.
"Fine so that wasn't true but you look like hell, so lets go. Then we can have a talk."
"Fine, whatever." I shrug. I have to eat sometime, may as well go now. The chat however I am not looking forward to.
After 4 hours my eyes were back to their topaz colour, I was not the biggest fan of this colour but I remember Bella loved them, ah pain. It is painful to think about Bella, it feels like my heart is ripping into two in my chest.
"Okay Alice, now what did you want to talk about?" I say, getting straight to the point.
"Why don't we go somewhere more private, I assume that you have an apartment, right?"
I do have an apartment but I know for a fact that Bella is not going to like it, "Yeah I do. Lets go back to the bar and I will drive you."
We speed off back to the bar and again I find myself thinking about Bella. It is a habit I must stop, the pain is too strong.
As we climb into the cheep black car I rented I long for my Vanquish or even my silver Volvo. They were back at the main Cullen house, as was all of the other furniture. I wonder how the house looks now, ridden with dust, filled with cobwebs. It most likely looks like a real vampire house now, haunted and spooky.
When we reach the building I hear Alice gasp, I know what she is thinking, literally, I chuckled to myself at how that sounded, but it was a dry cracked laugh, it sounded fake. I had not laughed a real laugh since Bella's 18th birthday party. I shake away the thought. Alice is thinking about how I have been neglecting myself and is again thinking he should move back home. Oh well if this really is just visit to persuade me to go back to my family it will be short. The answer no doesn't take long to say.
"Number 3" I say and we walk up the grimy stairs to number 3.
Alice briefly nods.
As I swing open the door her jaw drops. I know what she is seeing, blacked out windows, grimy carpet, a bed, if you can call it that, a TV with a couch beside it and a mountain of diaries. Ever since I became a vampire I have written diaries, taking about the time that I live in, who I have met, my moods. Some decades I am depressed, some elated. That was the difference Bella brought to my life, elation. But when I was with Bella I stopped writing, I decided that I should like in the moment, but now here I am again writing diaries.
"Edward, why didn't you get a nicer place, why didn't you go to a different town where there is no sun? Why can't you come home with us?"
"Look Alice the reason I can't come house is because there are three perfectly matched couples there, all in love. I used to be a perfectly matched couple Alice, I still am in love. It is too painful to be around the family. And as for why I chose Rio, I don't know, it doesn't matter where I am though. It is not like I am going to sightsee." I know that is harsh but I am angry now, why wouldn't they stop hassling me?
"Look Edward there is something I need to tell you, why I asked to meet you. Something happened to Bella."
Happened to Bella? Alice wouldn't be here if it wasn't something serious. I grab Alice's shoulders and shake her a little; my life hanging by a string, if Bella was dead the pain would be too to keep living.
"Alice, what happened to Bella?"
"You are going to need to stop shaking me." I stop, "She had an accident, well it was more intentional. She jumped off a cliff. Some say it was a suicide attempt but no one really knows because when she woke up after her fall, she had amnesia. She doesn't remember anything about us Edward." She finished, not sure how I will take that information. The love of my life now doesn't know I exist. Doesn't know what I look like, doesn't know my name. And I am here stuck mourning over her every single damn hour. But there is another part of me that is happy, all the pain I caused, she will now forget, she can't remember any of it.
"That's good I guess, she doesn't remember the pain she was obviously in."
"But the reason I came was to tell you that she is going to remember everything Edward. Almost all amnesia patients get all their memory back, imagine if she suddenly remembered you were a vampire, she would freak! We need to be there when she remembers, to stop her from accidentally telling someone or something like that. I can see her Edward, I had a vision of her curled up in the corner, frightened muttering the word vampire over and over."
Would she stop reminding me how much Bella was in pain? I feel like my chest is empty, tearing to shreds, ripping me apart from the inside.
"But then again she doesn't know you yet, not everything about you. You can have a fresh start with her. She fell in love with you the first time, what is to stop it happening again? Anyway I better go. But before I go I need to tell you that Carlisle is going to be her doctor, she needs someone to be monitoring her. She is living with her mother in Arizona. I love you Edward and I miss you. Bye." and then speeds of not giving me a chance to say my goodbye.
I sit down and think about this logically. So Bella doesn't remember me, that is good but bad as well, for me. I know that she will remember me, that is going to scare her. I know that I miss her and I love her. Can she love me back, it was a risk i was willing to take, after all if she couldn't love me, it was just my heart that would break.
If anything is clear it is that I am going to see Bella Swan again. I am going to go to Arizona and grovel and beg for her to take me back. I will explain anything that she wants me to and leave if she dosesn't want me, but i am going.
The temptation of a fresh start is too much.
