Chapter 3


Author's Note~ Okay so I once again procastinated this until late last night. This is where the insanity starts. But it gets worse from here just so you know. So, a flamer told me that I might as well call my characters Mark, John, and Kevin. I'll take that advice to heart. Thanks ;) All your reviews make my day. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist is not mine. I just enjoy torturing the characters.


It was now lunchtime, thank god. Both of the Elric Brothers were starving. Al, because he needs to fatten his body, and Ed, well because Ed is just a pig.

"What is this shit?" Ed complained loudly. Al rolled his eyes,

"It's called steak, Brother," he sighed.

"I know what steak is, stupid!" he snapped, "I wanna know what it's made of!"

"Probably meat." Ed glared at him.

"When did you turn into such a smart-ass?" he grumbled.

"I didn't. I just grew up. You should try it sometime, Brother," he said dryly. Ed sulked.

"Are you still mad at me because of the sweatervest?" he pouted.. Al didn't respond and ate his food(if you could even call it that) in silence. Two girls, a brunette and a blond, walked up to their table.

"Hi, Al," The brunette said flirtatiously.

"Oh. Hi, uh…" he trailed off.

"Molly!" she piped up.

"Right, sorry," he said sheepishly. "Did you need something?"

"Actually, yes," she said, taking a seat next to him. Ed narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't right. He did not like the way those girls were looking at his younger brother. But before he could call them out on it, he heard a voice calling him. A high-pitched, annoying voice that grated his ears. Geez, was this how normal girls sounded? A girl with red hair glomped him, almost knocking him over.

"What the hell?" he screamed as he fell to the ground, the stranger falling on top of him. The girl looked down at him.

"Hi, Edward!" she said brightly, hovering over him. Ed flushed bright red when he realized that she was indeed female, and he had to turn his head to the side so that her uh…well y'know…wasn't right in his face.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked in horror. She made no moves to budge. In fact, much to his dismay, she seemed rather comfortable hovering over him like that.

"Julie! I'm in your math class!" she giggled, and he thought his ears were starting to bleed. He didn't even think it was possible to have a voice that annoying. Even that bratty bean-sprout girl would be a blessing compared to this.

"That's great," he said through gritted teeth.

"You're really hot! Can I play with your hair?" she asked seductively. He glared daggers at the girl, still trying to cover the blush.

"No," he barked, "Now get off of me!" She pouted, trying to look cute. He swore that if she didn't get off him, he would punch her. And then, he would rip out her vocal chords.

"Aww, what's the matter, Eddy?" she teased, making his temple throb. "Are you embarrassed?" She pinched his cheeks. That was the last straw. He stiffly grabbed her shoulders and shoved her off roughly. She fell on the floor with a high-pitched grunt, and pouted at him. She got a sly grin, "Oh, I see. You're just playing hard to get."

"When I'm done with you, the only thing that's gonna be hard to get is your head rolling on the ground," he said acidicly. She gasped,

"You really are a bad boy!" she chuckled, doing a swiping motion with her hand, "Mrrow," she fake-hissed. Ed tried to ignore her as much as possible. He drew his attention back to his brother and noticed the girls were gone.

"Hey, Al, what did those stupid girls want?" Ed asked rudely.

"Brother, don't be rude. They just invited me to a party," Al reassured.

"I don't like this, Al. These girls give me the creeps," he muttered darkly. Al rolled his eyes at his brother's paranoia. Julie, one of the said girls, came up to their table again. Ed scowled severely.

"Hi, I'm Julie! You must be Eddy's brother!" she chirped. Al looked startled for a second but then brought his hand out.

"Yeah, I'm Alphonse. Nice to meet you," he said cheerfully.

"Al, don't talk to her!" Ed snapped. "She might try to seduce you."

"What do you mean?" Al asked confused.

"Well, I don't know. She tried to rape me a few seconds ago," he said disdainfully. Julie didn't seem bothered by this accusation. Instead, she slid over to Ed, her face mere inches from his.

"Would you like me to do it again?" she whispered lustfully.

"Hell no!" Ed yelled, "Fuck off!"

"Brother!"

"As you wish," she shrugged, "But I'll be back later, Eddy-kins."

"Never call me that again!" Ed threatened. She glanced at him and smiled.

"Sure thing!" she said brightly, then added, "Eddy-kins." Ed finally stood up and went to go beat the shit out of this girl.

"No, Brother!" Al dissuaded, grabbing his arms.

"I'm gonna kill her," Ed hissed.

"Brother, don't! That won't help anything! If you get in trouble for fighting, we'll have to stay here twice as long!"

"Dammit!" he swore, "I guess I need to kill the bastard first." And once he did, he'd be free to beat the shit out of that stupid-ass girl.


"Hey, Al!" Al turned around to face-to-face with the brunette girl again.

"Oh, hello, Molly. Did you need something?" he asked politely. She didn't say anything, but she nodded at the blond girl whose name was Emily. She started patting his arms, face, and legs. His face turned bright red when Emily accidentally brushed up against something more private.

"W-What are you doing?" he asked flustered.

"Relax," Molly said sweetly. "We just want to make sure you're fit enough for the party tonight. The forecast is calling for several inches after all." She smirked. Emily gave her a thumbs-up. Al was slightly on edge now. He felt officially violated.

"I hope you know that you'll be the only boy at the party if you show up," Molly said nonchalantly.

"What? You didn't mention that earlier," Al said in surprise, the blush starting to recede.

"Guess I forgot," she shrugged, "But you know now."

"Couldn't you invite other guys?" he asked cautiously.

"No way! Where's the fun in that?" she said in outrage, "Parties are always the best with about 5 girls and one guy!"

"But why just one?" he asked. She smiled maliciously.

"Let's just say…that the games we play only work with one guy present," she said cryptically. Al wrinkled his brow in confusion. What did that even mean?

"What kind of games do you play?" he asked in fear.

"It's a secret," she said, giving him a flirtatious wink. Al gulped. Something wasn't right. He had a feeling that if he went to this party tonight, he would never be the same again.

"Relax," He jumped when Molly put her hands on his shoulders and slid them down his chest. "It'll be fun," she whispered, spreading herself on his lap, her hands traveling to the forbidden area. "You're the biggest guy we've gotten so far," she said satisfactorily. When she removed herself from her lap, Al didn't have to look in a mirror to know he was tomato-red. He knew then and there that going to this party would scar him for life. That is, if he wasn't already. These girls were a little too touchy for his comfort.


Ed decided that gym was his favorite class now. He felt all his anger and frustrations go away when he punched the giant, heavy bag in front of him with all his strength. This was also a good way to strengthen up his atrophied right arm. A smirk of sadistic glee crawled up his face when the bag went flying out about 3 feet.

"Wow, Curtis. You're pretty strong," some kid named Kevin said. "Do you work out or something?"

"Something like that," Ed shrugged. Little did the rest of the students know that the main reason he was able to punch the bag so far was because he imagined a certain bastard general's face on it. Ed felt all the admiring eyes of his fellow classmates as he continued to beat the shit out of the bag.

He stopped when he heard a high-pitched squeal. Was that a fire alarm or something? No, maybe the coach was scratching his nails on a chalkboard. His answer came when he saw a flash of red and fell to the floor, a weight on his chest. He looked up at his attacker and felt like going into a corner to sob. Why did people insist on torturing him?

"Oh, Eddy-kins! You're so cuuuute!" Julie squealed. His eye twitched.

"Dammit, woman! Get off me!" he screamed, red-faced. She hugged him tighter, her chest suffocating him.

"Why would I do that? You're so cute! Like a teddy bear!" she gushed. Yeah, a teddy bear that's going to kill you in your sleep, he thought darkly. He tried to push him before two more girls piled on top. He gasped for breath.

"Hey, Julie! Don't hog him to yourself!" he heard one girl say angrily. Oh God. There was more of them? He'll be lucky if he survives til the end of the day.

"I call his shirt!" another one chirped.

"Well, I call his pants!" the first one argued.

"Well, I get what's in the pants!" Julie yelled.

"AHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAKS!" He yelled, trying to scramble away. They pinned his legs so he couldn't move. He saw Kevin and a few other guys looking at him with bewilderment and slight jealousy.

"Help me," he cried desperately to Kevin, reaching his hand out. Kevin grabbed his hand and Ed's eyes sparkled with relief. Kevin was now his angel. But instead, Kevin shook his hand vigorously.

"Yeah, Curtis!" he chuckled, "Get some!" Then he laughed and stepped away. Edward felt the knife in his heart. His angel had betrayed him. He tried his best to shove the girls off. When he managed to pry their wandering hands off of him, he ran out of the gym as fast as he could. The only thoughts that were going through his mind were to get the hell out of there! But, where to hide? He saw an open locker and quickly jumped in, praying to whatever the hell God there was that the zombie bitches wouldn't find him.


"Brother! Hello? Ed!" Al called. It was after school and Al had been trying to find his older brother for the past 10 minutes.

"He better not have ditched me here," he muttered to himself. He called out again, "Ed!"

"Al?" he heard someone call distantly.

"Brother?" he called hopefully.

"Al, I'm over here!" Ed called again. Al thought his brother's voice sounded muffled as if he was blocked by a door or something. Al followed the direction his brother's voice came from and wound up in the hall by the gym.

"Brother?" he asked warily.

"Al, I'm in here!" Ed said, and pounded on something. Al whipped around and walked up to the locker.

"Brother, are you in the locker?" he asked in shock.

"Uh-huh," He heard Ed mutter, "It won't open from the inside, so can you let me out?" Al would've questioned why his brother was inside a locker or even teased him about the fact that he could fit inside but he didn't. He tried to open it but found a silver padlock on the handle.

"Uhh…Brother? How are you in there if it's locked?" he asked skeptically.

"What do you mean it's locked?" Ed started raising his voice, "Fuck! The janitor must've locked it!" He started pounding the door. "Get me out of here, Al!"

"I can't! I don't have the key!" Al freaked out, "Oh man, what are we gonna do? You're gonna be stuck in there all night! I'll go see if I can find the janitor!" Before he could run off and leave his brother, Ed yelled at him,

"What are you talking about, stupid? You can use alchemy!"

"Oh, right," Al chuckled sheepishly, "Forgot about that." He clapped his hands and placed them on the locker, a blue light shone, and a new door was created in the locker. His brother stumbled out, gasping for air, and fell on him.

"I couldn't breathe in there," he whispered.

"All right, Brother. Let's get up. We need to call General Mustang," Al prodded him.

"What for?" Ed hissed.

"I've been having a few problems with some girls, and I need a little advice," Al said in shame.

"You too?" Ed asked in surprise. Al nodded. Ed sighed, "I hate to admit it Al, but you're probably right. If we don't figure out what to do, we won't survive the rest of the week."

"Right, so let's go," Al said, pulling his brother's arm. Ed didn't budge.

"I don't wanna. I wanna sleep," he whined.

"Brother, the floor's dirty," Al reasoned.

"So?"

"So you need to get up," Al grunted again, trying to carry his brother off the floor.

"Carry me. I'm tired," he deadpanned. Al rolled his eyes.

"I can't carry you! You're heavy!"

"I'm only 180," he muttered.

"That's 70 pounds more than me." Ed didn't respond and continued to lay on the floor.

"I guess I'm leaving you here, then," Al threatened. No response. Al started walking away. "Last chance, Brother." Ed didn't budge.


"Thanks, Al. You're such a good brother," Ed said drowsily. Al glowered at his brother's golden head. His brother was heavy! Not to mention, it was seriously warm outside and he was wearing three layers of clothes. It took all the decency he had to not strip on the street and run around shirtless like Ed did. How does he always get stuck being his brother's crutch? He sighed in relief when he reached the phone booth.

"Brother, we're here," Al said, poking him in the stomach. He jumped, and shot Al a dark glare. He grumbled to himself about being 'constantly fingered' and 'personal space.' Al wasn't really sure he wanted to know what that meant. Looked like he wasn't the only Elric who got violated. Ed walked in the phone booth and inserted a coin. After about five minutes, he saw a vein in Ed's head twitch in annoyance. Wow, a new record. This is the longest it's ever taken him. He spoke too soon when he saw his brother slam the phone down, shattering it completely. Ed opened the door.

"Hey, Al," he said calmly, "I need you to fix the phone." Al sweat-dropped.

"What?" Al's voice went up an octave, "Brother!"

"Sorry. They pissed me off," he said weakly. Al slapped his palm to his head.

"Fine, Brother, I'll fix it. But you're not allowed anywhere near it now," Al groaned.

"When you get ahold of him, tell him I'm gonna kick his sorry ass," Ed said nonchalantly.

"Why didn't you tell him that?" Al huffed.

"I never got ahold of him," Ed shrugged.

"Then, who were you talking to?" Al asked warily, massaging his temples.

"The operator," Ed growled. Al sighed for the 10th time that day at his brother's antics. How did other people deal with him? More importantly, how did they tolerate him? But if he was having the same problems as him, then they needed some advice from a man who was familiar with women before it got out of hand.


A.N.~ Grr I hate the ending. I couldn't find anywhere else to end it. Ehh oh well. Next chapter features the Mustang squad!

Review, please! :D