Our front door always had a tiny creak, despite the fact that our flat was fairly new and "modern." So, when I opened up the door drenched in puddle water, Camille jerked her head instantly. I thought I was going to witness the Hulk in action, since I left and slammed the already-creaky door as she was in the midst of becoming a ticking-time bomb. But instead, I saw sympathy and sadness in her dark brown eyes. She then stared at me for a couple seconds; probably wondering what the fuck happened to me. It was a couple of seconds until her facial expression morphed from complete "what the fuck" to utter confusion, as she slowly made her way off the couch and inched towards me. Even after the arguments we would have there would be this silence between us for a small bit, until one of us had gained the courage to speak. Usually, it would be me who would muster up that courage, but today it was her.
"So, before you tell me the story about you got kidnapped by a mud monster after you stormed off, I have something to say. I am sorry, Amelia. I am so sorry for flipping shit on you earlier. I guess I've been having a difficult time adjusting to London too. You were totally right about me avoiding the issues and just trying to change the subject. I… I know you do so much for me. You've just been depressed; I should've known. I thought the both of us escaping from our broken families to a city we love going to school to be able to attain a career we loved would solve everything. It solved some things, but other problems appeared as those ones disappeared. I..I c-care about you so much." Camille started to slip on her words, breaking eye contact with me; biting her lip from trying not to cry. It was weird, because Camille never expressed herself like that before. She always deflected her problems with humor and had trouble admitting her mistakes. To have her sharing her feelings and vulnerability was utterly huge for her. I've known her since I was nine years old and even then she wouldn't admit her insecurities and problems with me.
"I'd hug you, Cami, but you're right, I was kidnapped and taken hostage by a giant mud monster also known as Clumsiness The Horrible and I'm sure you wouldn't want that all over you. I understand where you're coming from; you don't have to say anything else. I forgive you. I know how hard it is for you to be vulnerable and admitting your mistakes; it's okay. You are my best friend. Now, before I become as cheesy as a giant pizza, I should probably change." I comment as she chuckles. I start to veer off towards Camille's bedroom where all of my clothes are kept, when Camille notices my hand scrunched up.
"What's in your hand, Lia?"
"Um..nothing." I mumble. Dan's number. I completely forgot about that as she recited her huge emotional breakthrough speech. What was I going to tell her? 'Oh yeah, I tripped and fell face first in the man you're in love with and fell into a puddle and then he awkwardly gave me his number.' That'll go over well.
"I know that's bullshit, Amelia. But since you're dragging mud water all over the flat, I'll let you go change and you can tell me about which cute guy's number you got afterwards."
We could only afford a one-bedroom flat, as London is massively expensive. So, I agreed to sleep on the futon, while she got the cozy bedroom. I just had a dresser that was dedicated to my personal belongings in there, as it would look mildly weird to have a dresser in the living room. Her room was always so meticulous; everything was always so organized and put back exactly where it belonged. I peeled off my wet clothes and set the crumpled paper, which contained the key to Camille doing my every command, on my old dresser. You could tell the old beat up dresser was mine, as there were always clothes strewn on the top. But that day, there was nothing. I just assumed she got sick of it and put my clothes away.
As I rummaged through the mess of clothes, trying to find something remotely clean, my thoughts were running rapidly through my head. What was I going to tell her? She would get so insanely jealous of me and insist that I let her call him. But in a way, I didn't want that. Sure, I didn't like Dan. But he could become my key to meeting and befriending Phil. If I gave her his number, she would become an obsessive fangirl over Dan and then she would ruin my chances of ever even being remotely friends with Phil. I also couldn't lie to her; Camille always knew when I was lying. I managed to find black sweats and a white clean camisole. I took the paper of destiny and put it in my built-in bra in the camisole. I left the bedroom and noticing the aroma of fresh pizza filling up my nostrils.
"Did you order pizza while I was changing in five minutes, because wow, that's some great service to whoever you called?" I yelled out.
"Nah. I just heated up some frozen pizza. If only delivery men were like the Flash. But if you think that's going to avoid from the conversation of which cute boy you're going on a date with, then wrong! You are dead wrong, mi amigo. Now come over here and spill the details."
I slumped onto the futon, trying to figure out what I was going to say. How was I going to tell her? Oh fuck, this better not turn into another fight.
"Uh…" I mutter, not looking at her.
"Amelia, you know you're gonna end up telling me sooner or later. Might as well do it now! What? Did you run into a YouTuber or something?"
I couldn't make eye contact with her, but I knew that she knew. I didn't have to glance her to know that she was making an 'O' shape with her mouth.
"Oh my fucking god, you did, didn't you? YOU GOT A YOUTUBER'S NUMBER?! Whose was it? Luke Cutforth? Jack or Finn? Alex Day? Alfie? WHO THE HELL WAS IT, AMELIA?" Camille began to scream.
"Well…" I started to say. My eyes
"OH MY ACTUAL GOD IT WAS PHIL WASN'T IT!?" Camille interrupted, her pitch getting higher with each word.
"Close…." I whispered. I look up at her, her eyes were now starting to flicker with jealousy and at that moment as I finally met up with her eyes, she knew.
"You. You got Dan's number? You, who doesn't even like Dan Howell, got Dan Howell's phone number? What. The. Fuck. If you do not share this with me, I am disowning you as a friend and kicking you out, since you don't pay rent right now." the pitch of her voice started to go down, but I couldn't help but notice there was some bitter resentment in it. I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. She stormed away from me, and judging from the smell of slight burning in the background, I could only hope she was checking on the pizza.
"Camille... I know you like Dan a lot. But...you're also...well kinda really fangirly towards him. I mean...if you met him or called him or whatever, would you scream? Would you act like.. I don't know. A normal fucking human being? I mean think about it. You wouldn't be able to act in any way fangirly towards him, if I gave him your number. And if I did and you did it, then I would disown as my friend, because then you would've ruined my chances with Phil." I adjusted my body to see where she was.
She was indeed attending to the pizza. Thankfully. It was at that moment I remember that the key to my dream-boy lied in my bra. I didn't dare take it out, as I knew Camille, with her Spiderman senses, would detect it, snatch it, and take a run for it.
"I see how it is. You meet Dan, you realize how much of a great guy he is, and now you want him all to yourself." she snaps as she slammed the oven door shut.
It was at that moment that I could feel the anger just bubbling up inside of me. What was wrong with her? Why was she doing this? I didn't know whether to cry or flip out. Camille had just been so...irrational. She has never acted so jealous before. It was strange, seeing this side to her.
"No, Camille. That's...not it at all. I don't like Dan. I just want to meet Phil. I don't want you to fuck that up for me, okay? Is that so hard to ask for? God, why are you being so bloody irrational?" I snapped back.
She takes a piece of gooey pizza onto her plate and just walks over to her bedroom. Not looking at me at all, before she opens the door, she says one final last thing before I saw her for the last time that night.
"I'm not jealous of you at all. I am worried about you. When we first discovered Dan and Phil and vowed to move to London together when we were fourteen, we both pinky promised each other that whoever met them first would get the other one to meet them. I thought you out of all people would take that shit seriously. I was wrong." she slams the door.
I had night terrors again that night.
The next morning was a blur. You know those mornings where you know that you did something awful the night before and then you wake up with the feeling of guilt lurched inside of your stomach just twisting and turning inside of you? That was how I was feeling. I looked around the apartment. I had guessed that she left. I know I would've too after what had happened. I just wanted to cry; I hurt my only friend that I had. I realized that damn paper was still inside my camisole. I leaned up on the couch and just stared at it. How could a piece of paper completely fucking wreck my friendship? A lump had formed in my throat. I didn't know what to do. I had to do something. I had to make it up to her. I could give her the number, but the selfish part inside of me had come up to the surface. I know she would just fuck it up for me. I knew that. I scrunched it up in my hands. I dragged myself off the couch and went towards her bedroom to see if Camille was there. I knocked lightly on the door, but no response. I figured as much. I walked in and went towards my dresser, finding suitable clothes to wear out. Only a walk could help me get my thoughts together. I threw on an oversized sweater and skinny jeans and stuffed the number of doom in the front pocket. I checked myself out in the mirror on top of the dresser. My thick blonde hair was a mess, but I didn't care. Dark bags dressed the underneath my dark blue eyes. I looked like a wreck, but at least it would reflect how I felt. I stuffed a beanie on top of my head and I found myself on par out the door.
It wasn't raining that day. I kinda wish it did. As it always calmed me down. But in a way, it was better that it didn't. Rain was probably one of the reasons that I got into that damn mess that I was in. I had no idea what I was going to do. My best friend hated me, I had no job, I was failing art school, I was most likely going to be homeless, everything around me was falling apart. I walked through the crowds, hoping that it would help me not fall apart. Hoping that I could find the solution to my problems that it would hit me, like a light-switch, but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was numb; devoid. I didn't even feel like crying. I was apathetic to everything around me.
I found myself halted in a stop. I was in front of a chocolate shop. It was one of those old-fashioned chocolate shops with pretty-decorated boxes with ribbons and bows that made the chocolate inside of the store. The aroma of fresh chocolate filled my nostrils and a pang of hunger lurched inside of me. I hadn't eaten since yesterday and even though, I didn't want to eat and didn't have a lot of money, I took a step inside.
I was in a daze. I just wanted to eat all of the chocolate; but alas I couldn't. So, I just stood around, trying to find the most cheapest chocolate, I possibly could get, when I bumped into a rather tree-like person.
"Oh, sorry." I muttered, looking up. It was...no, it couldn't be? Again? Seriously?
"That's alright...wait I recognize you. You're the chick who fell face first into me and fell into a puddle, isn't it? Long time, no see!" Dan exclaimed.
I paused, trying to quickly muster up words to configure. The reason for my fucking issues was standing right in front of me. Part of me wanted to kick him in the shins and run for it. Another part of me wanted to be a total asshole to him. But I was raised better than that.
"Yeah..hey. How's it going? Going for a chocolate binge, I see?" I awkwardly mumbled.
"Hahaha, yeah. Can't have enough chocolate. Your name was Amelia, wasn't it? Doing better than yesterday, I hope?" he looks away from me, grabbing a medium sized box.
I chuckled to myself. If by better, you mean my whole fucking life has crumbled because of you. Then sure, I'm doing "better."
"Eh. I guess."
"It sounds like someone needs chocolate. Can I buy you some? I know I barely know you, but it seems that you just really need some chocolate." he grabs another box from the pile he just got from. "You like mint chocolates?"
I just stared at him. If he was gonna expect me to share my sob story, like those girls in fanfictions do, he was wrong. So, I took advantage of the situation of a cute boy buying me chocolates who was best friends with guy I was hopelessly infatuated with.
"Yeah, I love mint chocolates."
"Great! Well, let us go and pay for them, then!"
He and I walked towards the till and I couldn't help but notice how truly awkward he was. I always thought that was an act; a ploy to get the so-called "socially awkward" teenage girls groveling at his footsteps. But he was different. Although, I didn't trust him just yet. Something in my mind changed about him. I mean, he was buying chocolates for an exceedingly rude and even more-so clumsy girl who he's only met twice. I bet this didn't happen often.
As we left the store back into the hustle and bustle of the London streets, we devoured our chocolates. There was silence between us. But it was a comfortable silence. It was a silence that only people who were best friends for years could experience. I still felt hostile towards him, but I could feel it alleviating from my shoulders, with bits and pieces as the minutes passed. We found our way towards a park, where we finally sat down and that silence broke.
"So..." he whispers.
"So..." I repeat back to him.
"I'm sorry you seem to be having a bad time. I know you probably don't want to tell me your issues, as we barely know each other. I get that, but is there anything I could do to help you feel better, perhaps?" Dan asks.
"You've already done so much, Dan. I mean you bought me chocolates and didn't try to pry into my issues. I appreciate that." I could feel my words starting to stutter.
"How about a hug? Would a hug help?" he asked politely.
I couldn't resist a hug. Even if it was from a guy, I didn't like. I needed a hug more than anything and at that moment in time, I didn't care who it was from. It could've been from a diseased old homeless man and I wouldn't care. So, he leaned in towards me and gave me the most nicest hug anyone had given me in forever. I felt warm tears starting to fall down my cheeks, staining his spiky black jumper.
"Thank you. Really." I whimpered.
"Anytime. Really. I mean, I was kind of hoping you were going to call me. So, I'm glad I ran into you today. Would you...like to hang out with me sometime again, soon? I can bring Phil along too, if you want."
I could just feel the joy star radiate inside of me. Phil, I could meet Phil? Yes, please. I almost forgotten about the intimate moment I just had with Dan and all of my attention was focused on that. Of course, I approached it, non-chalantly.
"Yeah. That would be awesome. Why don't you phone me instead? I mean... I forget a lot. Do you still have some that Pokemon note paper from yesterday?" I asked.
"Sure! And yeah, I always carry that with me. Just in case, I have to give my phone number to clumsy girls and buy chocolate for them." he grabbed out of his pocket a pen at hand. I scribbled down my number and we said our goodbyes.
What the fuck just happened?
