A/N: Just to let you guys know, so that you aren't confused, this story takes place right before Jade's freshman year at Hollywood Arts, and before Cat dyes her hair red. Also, I edited the other chapters, so you may want to read some of the things I've changed!
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or Les Miserables.
CHAPTER 3: Flirtatious
The things that occurred between Beck and I last night almost confirmed that I am gay. We didn't go all the way, but I just know based on the fact that I didn't even want to go all the way with him.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't just tell Beck, he wouldn't understand. I wanted to get closer to Cat though. She's like a magnet, and draws my attention. So, the next day at rehearsals, I'm planning on talking to her. I'm not going to make it an awkward conversation like we had in the bathroom though.
At rehearsals, I practiced all my ensemble parts. I ended up in the ensemble! What the fuck? Well, there were still a few small parts that they hadn't casted yet, and I determined to get one!
"Hey" I said as I sat next to Cat. We were sitting in the house of the theatre that we'd been rehearsing at for the past week.
"Hi Jade." I smiled as she said my name.
"You remembered my name?"
"Haha, yeah." My smile grew bigger, but then it disappeared as quickly as it came. I can't give away my feelings. She could get creeped out and never talk to me again.
"So, are you excited to be going to Hollywood Arts?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Yeah. I feel like it's where I belong, you know?"
"Yeah, I feel that way too. So, what did you get in for?"
"For musical theatre, and dance. What about you?"
"Oh cool. I didn't know you danced." Cat didn't look like the type to be a really good dancer. I have to admit, it really turned me on. "I got in for musical theatre, and vocal. Maybe we'll have a few classes together."
"That'd be cool." She smiled.
"So, do you know anyone here?" I asked.
"Yeah, I know quite a few people actually. The guy who's playing Javert, his name is Josh. He's my ex." I got tense when she said that he was her ex-boyfriend "And then, the girl over there..." She pointed to a tall girl with brown, frizzy hair. "...her name is Macy. Let's just say... she isn't too fond of me. And well, I know a lot more people. Haha, do you know anyone?"
"Well, I only know Beck. The guy over there." I pointed to my boyfriend.
"Oh, he's cute."
"Yeah... he's my boyfriend." I said defensively.
"Oh, cool. You have good taste." She said, and I blushed. Fuck, this was the straightest chick ever! There is no way in hell that she would ever be into me. But the conversation we had was going a lot better than I had expected. We had only known each other for a little while, and she already trusted me with a lot of things. She told me how Josh, her ex, has been avoiding her since they had broken up, and how Macy hates her because she dated Josh. It's a bunch of shitty drama, but I felt special because she was venting to me.
I can't help but to have this tiny spark of hope in me, that maybe I could make her love me. Just maybe. Ugh, I really do feel like Eponine now because that's what Eponine tries to do to Marius. She has that tiny spark of hope that Marius will love her back, but no, he loves Cosette.
As the days went by, Cat and I got closer and closer and I keep feeling that she may like me. But then, I remember that she's straight.
The first week was over, and before we went home, they were going to announce the smaller parts. "Jessica, you'll be girl number 5 in the factory. Jade, you'll be a Lovely Lady and whore number 1." Great, so now I'm a whore. Oh well, it's better than nothing.
Cat started to become really close with this other guy named Robbie. Oh, how I hated him. It was obvious that he liked Cat. And Cat knew that he liked her. She told me that she didn't like him like that, but I still didn't like it. I had to hold it in though. I didn't want her to know that I was gay, at least, not yet. It could ruin everything. I feel like I'm making it too obvious though. The way I look at her is a dead give away. I just can't stop looking at her. She's the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen. Her large, dark brown eyes, and her tan skin. It's so perfect. And I love her brown wavy hair.
Yesterday was our last rehearsal in our small theatre. Now, we were moving to the large theatre that we would be performing in. It had 1,300 seats. When I stepped onto the huge stage, I was overwhelmed. It was amazing. Cat was so excited and it was adorable. She couldn't stop smiling! That's when I noticed the dimple in her left cheek. It was so cute...
We got to take a tour of the entire venue, and it was an amazing place to get to perform in. Now, it was time to be assigned to our dressing rooms. I crossed my fingers, hoping to be in the same dressing room as Cat.
"Okay... so in dressing room 224 is Sarah, Candace, Macy, Lexi, Hailey, Emily, Caroline, Julianne, Rachel and Cat." Our stage manager said. Shit... my name wasn't said... "That means, the other girls will be in dressing room 223." Well, at least I'm in the dressing room right next to Cat's.
I was sharing a dressing room with Ava, Grace, Kaitlyn, Samantha, Lindsay, Megan, Makenna, Jessica, Emory, and Maddie. I didn't really know most of them that well, but I had a feeling most of them would get on my nerves.
We spent a few hours in our dressing rooms getting to know one another. A few of the girls were pretty chill, like Samantha, Maddie, and Ava. The rest of them annoyed the shit out of me! It was going to be a hell of a week, but I wasn't the only one annoyed with the other girls. Even Maddie wanted to be in the other dressing room.
I was glad I could still talk to Cat during rehearsal though.
"So do you like your dressing room?" I asked Cat.
"Yeah, it's pretty chill. Haha, do you like yours?"
"Ugh, not really. Most of the girls are kind of annoying."
"Well, you could come hang out in our dressing room sometimes." I smiled when she said that.
"Thanks."
"Hey guys! We have some unfortunate news, Tess had to go to Florida." Tess was in charge of us backstage, so she was the one that kept us under control and told us when we couldn't talk and things like that. But Tess was really nice. "So Trina will be taking over for Tess." Trina walked forward and I could already tell she was going to be a bitch.
It was Wednesday and we had a really late rehearsal. I was exhausted. Cat was sitting next to me, and we were talking. We were talking about how Macy kept talking behind her back. Then, I felt a hand on my head. "Stop talking." It was Trina. She's been pissing everyone off. If she even see's your mouth moving, she'll come over and tell you to shut up. But the thing that REALLY pisses me off, is that she keeps flirting with Beck. Trina is only a year older than all of us, but it still makes me mad that she can do what ever she wants, and we have to listen to her.
Once Trina was out of sight, Cat and I started talking again. "Ugh, I hate her. Don't you?"
"I don't really hate anyone." Cat said innocently.
"Really? Not even Macy? Or Josh?" I asked.
"No. I mean, I try to get along with Macy. It's just some of her decisions that I don't like, and some of the things she says. Other than that, I don't have a problem with her. And with Josh, of course I don't hate him. I just don't really like the way he's avoiding me." I wasn't quite sure if I believed that she didn't hate Macy, but I don't think Cat would lie to me, so I went with it.
"So... do you still like Josh?" I asked, hoping she'd say no.
"Yes..." Damn it. "...But not like that. I mean, I still care about him. But I don't like him in a way that I would get back with him."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." I was happy that she didn't still have feelings for him. It made my spark of hope glow brighter. Although, the hope is still dim because, Cat is straight.
I went home that night, happy with how my day went. Just being around Cat makes me really happy. Beck used to be able to do that, but now, I realize that I just wanted him around because he was my only friend. I understand the difference between a crush, and friendship now.
I needed to talk to someone about this. I called Beck as soon as I got home and told him that I may be gay.
"Jade... you're not gay! You're dating me... we're in love! Right?" I paused when he said this. I don't want to lose him. Maybe I should just forget about it and stay with Beck.
"Maybe you're right..."
My mom was extremely quiet during dinner. She looked like she wanted to say something, but it didn't come out.
"Mom?" Her head snapped up to look at me. "Are you okay?" She was looking at me differently, like she was disgusted.
"I'm fine. However you are not. Jade, are you gay?" I froze as she said this. I couldn't tell her the truth. She wouldn't understand, but if I lie, I would've just sinned again. She'd be pissed. "Jade, answer me." How the hell did she even know in the first place?
"I... I don't know." I answered honestly. I wasn't sure what was going on with my feelings right now.
"We need to pray about this Jade." My mom was really concerned.
Lately, I've been spending more and more time away from my mom. When I'm around her, it's just really awkward. I wish I could've hidden it from her until I was positive about everything. She doesn't understand though. She thinks I'm choosing this... but I'm not! I can't help that I may be gay. It's not like I want to be...
A/N: I hope this chapter was okay! Tell me what you think! And if it's too confusing, let me know. Sorry if there are any errors, I haven't had time to correct everything! Review! xoxo
