Hey guys, sorry for the long wait I have been very busy.
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I was on a hospital bed being rushed through the hospital to the appropriate area, conscious but feeling dead, like nothing else mattered in the world except that baby and now I have lost it. I just feel empty. At first I didn't expect to feel the way I do for this baby, I thought I was going to just live with it but it turned to be a part of my heart that can't be repaired for a long time. How were doctors meant to fix a broken heart? Fill that hole that is just sitting there not getting any smaller? I am worrying everyone yet I don't care. Are people just going to expect me to think this is a blessing, it's not going to get in the way of my dream. Do they really think I am going to be ok with this? "Get her some water" I heard the doctor say. What was water going to do? As they got me the water, I drank it. The doctor walked out of the small, dull room and started talking to my distressed friends, my worried boyfriend. I just sat there for the next hour until Santana made me talk. "Rachel, are you just going to sit there for the rest of your life?" I could tell she was really caring for me. I just looked at her. "I lost the only thing that was keeping me driven through tough times" Santana started getting frustrated. "Rachel, you have us. Don't you get it for over an hour Finn has been sitting in the seat right next to the door and every time a doctor walked out would question the, like they were a murder suspect." As I took these words in I looked at Finn and just cried. I heard Santana say a rude comment but couldn't make out what it was. "How much longer do I have to stay here" I managed to squeeze those words while crying into Finns chest. I was answered with a sympathetic tone from Kurt. "You can go home when your ready" I let out a sigh of relief. "Please can I go home, this room is the most depressing room ever." And with that we left to go home, still feeling dead inside but somehow starting to feel alive again.

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I was lying in the arms of Finn and feeling terrible for shutting him out. The whole time he was here I never told him about the baby, it was his. Just thinking of the baby was making me upset. 'Did I do something to it? Did I kill it' the thoughts made me to have a panic attack "Finn, Finn" I was worrying. My breathing started to become heavy and I felt like I was being closed in a box. Finn woke up straight away. "Rachel what's wrong" I didn't answer but he knew through my heavy breathing some was happening. He turned the lamp on and comforted me. "I am going to get us some tea" Finn said releasing me. i got up with him because I knew I couldn't be alone right now. As we were trying to move around the apartment without waking Santana or Kurt up there was a knock on the door. "Who would be visiting us at 2 In the morning" Finn went to answer the door with me holding a knife as security just in case the person was a rapist or murder, you never know what will happen in New York. Finn opened the door and to our surprise at the door was Blaine. "god Blaine I thought you were going to rape or kill us" I said running into his arms. "Am I really that scary?" Blaine asked and we all shared a little laugh, the first for me in a very long time. "Blaine what are you doing here?"

"Look guys, I don't know what I am doing here. School is almost over and I guess I just wanted to see Kurt, and you guys." Blaine let out a sigh of relief after holding those words in for a very long time. "Rachel, I heard. I am so sorry and I will do anything to help." I just thought to myself for a minute then said almost screaming "why does everyone keep saying their sorry? It's not going to bring the baby back" I ran back to my room not even feeling bad for waking Kurt and Santana up. I just wanted to get she/he back. "Sorry man, she is just going through a really hard time." Finn said in an apologetic tone as he rushed to my aid.

"Rachel, look I know it's still a fresh wound but someday were going to have so many talented, beautiful children." I knew Finn was just trying to help but all I could think about was this baby "Finn I feel like a murder, the baby was inside of ME and it died inside of ME." I didn't care about holding back my tears now. I could see Finns face and I could tell he understood but didn't know what to say. "Rachel, you didn't kill the baby. What happened was meant to happen maybe to make us all stronger people, be able to stand through the toughest things in life without giving up. I said it once and I will say it again. YOU did NOT kill the baby."Finn always knew what to say, it was one of his best traits. "You know this is one of the reasons I fell in love with you." A smile formed on my face and for the first time in weeks I felt happy, filled like that hole was being filled up with Finns love. "Now lets go and say hi, properly to Blaine.

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We walked into the kitchen to see Blaine and Kurt really welcoming each other. We quietly walked it and back to our room. "Finn, I've missed you." He could hear the truth in my voice. "Rachel I have missed the real you, not the Brody/new York you. I am glad to have you back. I love you and only you" just 3 words could make me feel like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world "I love you more" his lips met mine and we shared a long, passionate kiss before being interrupted but Kurt and Blaine breaking something. "Tomorrow I am going to show you New York they way you have missed it for almost a year."