When I woke the day to sunlight streaming in through slider I groaned. I hadn't expected to fall asleep and even though I knew I had I still felt like I hadn't slept in a week. The sun was actually a little painful to my eyes for a moment before they adjusted and I sat up. The couch cushions were halfway off the frame like they were every morning I slept there, my blanket was a tangled mess and I had to kick my foot to get it off me. I knew my hair was a mess but I didn't really care. It took me a minute to realize what had woken me up wasn't the sun but the sound of someone in my kitchen. Hope would be at work right now and she was allergic to eggs so there was no way it was her in there as I could smell omelets. My eyes went to the little window separating the living room from the kitchen to see the back of a pinstriped suit and crazy brown hair. I remembered what had happened last night as soon as I regained consciousness but the sight of the Doctor confused me. I hadn't expected him to be there even though the first thing I'd seen when I opened my eyes was the blue box.
"What are you doing?" I asked my voice scratchy and full of sleep as I stood up and crossed over to him. He was placing the omelets on plates that already held sausages and hash browns.
"I made breakfast." He said turning to me and handing me a plate.
"Yeah. Why and where did you get it cause I know this wasn't in my fridge." I said watching him suspiciously my voice returning to semi-normal.
"I had the stuff in the TARDIS kitchen. And I wanted to apologize. I overreacted." He said watching me with a similar blank look that he'd been sporting last night. This one was different though it was an almost hesitant blankness. I took a fork and went back to the couch giving him a look to say sit down and continue while I eat your peace offering.
"Before I landed in your flat."
"Apartment. Flats are something completely different than this hole in this country." I interrupted and he nodded with a slight grin.
"Before I landed here yesterday, I had a companion, well, she was more than that. She was my best friend. Donna was her name. She was, there's no good way to describe Donna. But something happened and I had to make her forget me. I had to remove myself from her life completely. She doesn't know who I am and she never can or it will kill her. What you said back at Torchwood about being able to do something horrible to the people close to you because you don't have another choice, I understand that. Wanting to do something and being able to are very different and I just needed some time to remember that. We really aren't that different." He spoke slowly and calmly like he was weighing each word to make sure he said it right.
"And how long have you been analyzing this apology to make sure you get it just right?" I asked raising an eyebrow and he scratched the back of his neck looking sheepish.
"Since we got back." He admitted and I nodded.
"Well it sucks." I said and his head shot up looking shocked.
"You forgot my coffee."
"Ah, right." He said jumping up and rushing back to the kitchen. He was back in less than a minute with a mug of coffee and one look inside showed he'd made it just the way I like.
"I could smell the proportions yesterday." He explained I just nodded again and took a sip while he sat on the edge of the couch watching me like he was waiting for something or would jump back up at any moment.
"This is good. Alright. You're forgiven." I said and that manic grin crossed his face and I couldn't stop the smile that crossed mine. He relaxed and we ate the breakfast he'd made chatting about the different food and the best ways to cook it and the differences on various planets. I don't know how it happened but sometime throughout our conversation we ended up back on the subject of musicals and were sifting through my collection while we listened to Wicked again. I would randomly start singing along under my breath and then quiet down again. We laughed and told stories about experiences we'd had with our favorite songs and shows. He seemed to pause every time I'd start singing but then pick up again as soon as I'd finished almost before I'd noticed. This happened about ten times before I really caught on and I stopped mid note and looked at him.
"Why do you keep doing that? Just because I'm mumbling words doesn't mean I'm not listening." I asked slightly irritated.
"I like hearing you sing. You have a lovely voice." He shrugged and I looked away a little embarrassed. I knew I could sing but still, something about this particular being saying I was good was a little more than my ego was used to.
"I just wish you'd not do it under your breath so I can really hear."
"Ha, yeah but if you can really hear me then I won't be good anymore." I said jokingly and he shot me a condescending glare as if to say I'm obviously wrong. I rolled my eyes and got up to turn up the music so I'd feel more comfortable singing at a normal volume. I picked a song that I knew once I started I would forget about my nerves and just get sucked into the words. It took a few lines but then my plan worked and I ended up finishing off the song like I was born on Broadway or something. My brain wasn't exactly paying attention so it took me a minute to realize that the Doctor was grinning widely and standing in front of the couch clapping. I grinned back and felt a little bit of a blush forming so I turned back to the stereo to hide it.
"You think that's good you should hear me do one that actually means something to me." I said flippantly.
"Yes, do one of those." He said and I could almost hear him bouncing in excitement. I laughed and skipped through the disk.
"I should let you know, this one in particular will probably give you more insight into me than you were looking for when you asked." I said as I stopped pushing buttons. I took a deep breath and kept my back turned as I started singing again. I let myself get completely lost in the words, my voice filled with the emotion the words were trying to portray growling out or near choking with tears and then determination. I felt my body moving with the music too, not dancing but giving the music the added benefit of speaking with my motions as well. When I was done this time there was silence and I took the time to recompose myself, letting the music not necessarily leave me but locking it back up somewhere inside of me. I still refused to turn around as I didn't want to know the Doctors reaction to my rendition of No Good Deed. I felt a soft touch on my shoulder and my whole body tensed.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice was quiet and there was nothing else that needed to be said. I took another deep breath and turned. His face was sad with years of regret and pain and I knew he understood the feeling I had with connection to that song.
"Hey, it happens when you're literally stalked by chaos. Anyway, how about something funny next?" I said quickly moving back to the disks we'd been looking through and randomly grabbing one and throwing it in to try and forget what had just happened. He stayed standing where I'd left him his face still sad but almost shielded now.
"Is that really what it's like for you?" He asked cautiously. I nodded.
"Even in this life, I can't do any good it seems. Karma seems to work backwards for me. I help someone and I get hurt. I broke my finger once helping my dad get firewood. I went along just to help him and a log he was throwing onto the trailer hit my finger wrong. He was so proud because I didn't cry once. He also laughed because I jumped off the trailer swearing up a storm and got several funny looks from the Amish guys that we were buying the wood from. And then he told me we couldn't go to the ER until we'd finished loading so I grit my teeth and went back to loading." I said smiling at the memory.
"That sounds more like bad aim and uncaring." He said still sounding depressed.
"Nah, that's just Dad. He didn't have the time to go back out there and he didn't force me to keep going, actually told me to take it easy while he and my brother finished up. But the faster we got it done the faster I could get scanned. It was an accident but it's not the only case, just the funniest. I had a shelf in the grocery store fall on my head one time because I got a toy for a kid off the top shelf. He was a kid he couldn't reach but I could easily so I grabbed it and handed it to him and he ran off. As soon as he was out of the aisle the shelf collapsed and the store was terrified I was going to sue or something because I was still trying to dig myself out from underneath it when they found me. I help, I get hurt. So I just don't anymore unless I can claim selfish reasons. If I'm being paid or getting something out of the act than I can help without a trip to the hospital." I tried explaining and he still seemed like he didn't quite believe me but was going to let it slide.
"So when is Hope coming back?" He asked letting the subject drop.
"I don't know. When she'd leave?" I asked moving back over to the couch.
"Early this morning. Five or so." He answered moving with me.
"Probably around two then." I said flipping through the CD's some more just to keep my hands busy. He nodded and was quiet for a moment again.
"What are we listening to?" He asked suddenly and I took a moment to listen to what I'd put in and then burst out laughing.
"It's Disney." I said and he gave me a one eyebrow raised questioning look.
"You have to know Disney, it's crack."
"I don't know about that but I don't know of a musical called Disney." He said his face not changing.
"Not a musical. It's a mix of songs from Disney movies performed by various artists. Every song on here is from one Disney movie or another." He nodded at that and I kept chuckling as his head kept bobbing along with the beat.
"How do you figure Disney isn't crack? It so is."
"Crack is a drug." He said like it was obvious.
"So is Disney. Think about it, they hook you young and then the rest of your life you're addicted to them. They create emotions and delusions and give you an incredible high and what's worse is that when you get older your need for it still hasn't gone away so you drag kids into it just so you don't feel stupid about being an adult watching cartoons hooking the next generation." I said and his eyes got wide like he'd just uncovered the secret of the universe.
"I should probably go meet Walt and make sure there's not something going on there." He said seriously.
"You'll do no such thing. Disney is Crack but it's amazing crack and the world would be a much darker place if we didn't have it. You leave my cartoons alone or I'll show you just how much crazier your life can be with my chaos added to your daily routine." I threatened and he gave me a calculating look before nodding in agreement with a grin on his face again.
"So tell me more about Hope." He requested after another couple lines from Pocahontas. I shook my head.
"Nope, I don't know what she doesn't want you to know. You got questions about her, ask her."
"She's not here." He pointed out.
"Then wait until she is." I used the same tone he had and he sighed dramatically.
"I have a time machine that I travel around in constantly. What makes you think I can wait for anything?" He sounded like the fact that he had to ask that question made me the dumb one here.
"Not my problem now is it? You don't want to wait for her to get home then jump in your time machine and skip forward." He seemed to debate it for a moment before shaking his head.
"I wouldn't want to leave you by yourself for that long. And I'm guessing you wouldn't come with me based on your suggestion of waiting." The second part was more of a question than a statement so I answered.
"I'm still recovering from my last trip with you." I said giving him a look that said he really was that bad of a driver when he gave me offended eyes. He then grinned and nodded his agreement.
"Yeah, but it was fun." This time I nodded.
"Except for the drama there at the end," I reminded him slightly raising my coffee mug to indicate the need for an apology breakfast.
"Speaking of, don't think I didn't notice you sending those files out of Torchwood. I had the TARDIS keeping an eye on the systems while we were there." He was hinting and I knew it. It was my turn to sigh and I picked up my laptop.
"It's gonna take a bit to load. There was a lot of information." I warned him, and he nodded like it was to be expected and he already knew. While I started up the computer I let my mind drift away into the music again. Sure, it was kids music but I found it fun and some of them were actually really good. I started singing 'I won't say I'm in love' from Hercules while we waited. The benefit of my doing so seemed to be the Doctor forgetting about the files for a bit while I sang. When the song ended and the files still hadn't loaded I started on the next song just to keep him distracted.
"Hey, this is the Lion King." He said smiling fondly.
"My first world saving battle in this body I was giving a speech about the human race and got the words mixed up. Of course it really did fit what I was trying to get across."
"See, I told you Disney was good." I said grinning before letting the confusion cross my face.
"This body?"
"Huh?" He asked the confusion on his face now too.
"You said the first fight in this body like you've had others." I repeated and he nodded his understanding.
"Yup, time lords have this ability to regenerate when we're close to death. Like your rebirth, all the memories but a different body." He explained and I nodded waving my hand to dismiss the comment.
"I knew that. I commented on it last night. I was asking how and when you wound up in this body. Sorry, I'm not used to talking to people who can't keep up with my half conversations." I was actually sorry because it meant that I was going to have to remember to actually complete thoughts which was harder for me than it should have been.
"It's fine. Around Christmas a couple years ago in London was the battle. When the spaceship was over London." He said to try and give me a timeline and I shook my head again.
"You missed that?"
"Might of heard something about it but I don't really follow the news." I told him shrugging.
"All of the worlds A positive blood types were perched on the rooftops and you missed it?" He asked not believing me for a second.
"I wasn't outside so I didn't see and again, I hardly watch TV at all and when I do it's not the news." I was a little frustrated that he didn't believe I had no clue what he was talking about.
"Even if I had seen it, I still wouldn't remember how long ago it was. I can hardly keep track of the days of the week lately let alone something that happened around a Christmas somewhere on the other side of the planet."
"I see your point. Anyway, I regenerated because I was saving my companions life. Something went wrong though and I ended up in a kind of healing coma. When I woke up to the invasion I was a new man. I was trying to figure out who I was and scare away the aliens at the same time. Needless to say it was highly impressive." He boasted his chest puffing up just a bit.
"Uh huh, I'm sure it was." My tone said I didn't believe him but was humoring him anyway but I was smiling so he didn't take it to personally. His face still fell just a little and he deflated a bit.
"It was." He sounded like a child and I thought it was adorable.
"How many people do you know can save the world right after waking from a coma in a pair of borrowed jim-jams?"
"Off the top of my head?" I glanced at the ceiling like I was counting.
"Five, myself included."
"Really?" He asked his voice a little disappointed squeak and a pout on his face.
"To be fair I counted you as one of them to make the number bigger." I said patting his shoulder sympathetically.
"That's cheating." He said perking up a bit, the gleam returning to his eye.
"I'm a demon. No one ever said I couldn't cheat. In fact it's expected." I pointed out and he just grinned at me.
"How often do you wake from healing comas in borrowed jim-jams anyhow? And who are the others?" He asked after a moment, the questions bursting from him like he'd been fighting asking them and they burst from him without his permission.
"More often than I'd like to think about and Harley, you, me, my friend Reggie and the newly met Captain Jack who I don't really have proof can do it but I'm assuming he's woken up in stranger outfits." I held up a finger for each person as I listed through them. At the mention of Jack, the Doctor chuckled and nodded that I was probably right.
"Who's Harley?" He asked curiously.
"Harley is Hope's demon name. It's the one she uses throughout her lives. Hope is the one given to her by her parents this life. She prefers Harley though." I explained and he nodded his understanding this time.
"What about you? Do you have different names?" His eyes said he was looking for more information than the question asked for but I wasn't going to give it. I remained silent and he raised an eyebrow in question.
"My other names aren't used anymore." I finally explained when it became clear he wasn't going to let it go.
"Some have been lost to time and others just aren't relevant. My human name is only used by blood family and I'm not telling you any of them. The only reason you know Harley has two names is because she uses both regularly. I'm just Jack these days."
"Why won't you tell me your human name at least?" He asked cautiously. Again I got the feeling he was digging for information.
"What's your name?" I asked him simply and his face immediately closed up.
"The Doctor." He answered instantly and I scoffed.
"That's why I don't tell you my name. You know the power behind a name. Just having Jacqueline gives you more than you should rightfully have with that knowledge and you know the other two that go with it as well. I won't speak the names of those long passed who no longer reflect who I am out of fear of them coming back into me with the acknowledgement of the name. As for my human name, that's just more power than I care to give anyone I just met. Especially when they know what you do. I'll share mine when you give me yours." I bargained and he finally agreed after thinking it through for a minute. Finally, my computer let out a quiet beep to say that the download of my files was complete and I moved to sit closer to the Doctor so we could both sift through the information.
"Is Harley mentioned in any of these? Did you see when you were looking at the pictures?" He asked mocking me just a little as I sorted said pictures into a digital photo album and kept the actual written reports in a separate file.
"I get more information out of the pictures than the words. I wrote most of them so I didn't need to really read them last night to find out what I needed to. And yes, she's mentioned a lot since she's with me most life times at some point or another." I informed him opening up one of the pictures I was shifting just to annoy him. In the picture I appeared to be some kind of wood nymph, tall and willowy with long flowing hair. On my shoulder was what appeared to be a small fairy. I blew the picture up so he could see the small woman better and sure enough there was even a resemblance to Harley now in the fairy.
"How much detail on both of you is there in these files?" He asked when I went back to the reports and started skimming through them. He seemed to be doing the same thing and when I glanced at him it was to see his glasses perched on his nose again and him leaning closer to me to see the screen better.
"Enough for anyone who knows what they're looking at to understand it but not enough that it doesn't just look like a work of fiction to the casual reader," I answered still watching him. He glanced up at me and it only occurred to me then how close we really were. He seemed to realize it too because he cleared his throat and sat back up at the same time I handed the laptop over and got to my feet quickly.
"Feel free to browse. I'm gonna clean up the mess from breakfast."
