An Ever Fixed Mark – by Darlin

Chapter Three – We Only See What We Want to See

A/N - Sorry for the late update, had some personal problems. I got better. ;D Please excuse my bad attempt at Remy's accent; I'm too lazy to go over this chapter better though I will later. One more chapter to go.

-xox-

When Remy came down for breakfast Jean, who was reading a note, quickly slid the small card under the newspaper that was spread out on the kitchen table. As she did this she glanced at Rogue who was poring over the comic section and not paying attention to anything else. Though Scott was absorbed by the sports section he happened to see his wife's swift movement and wondered what she was hiding. Trusting her however, he said nothing though he did follow her line of sight when he noticed the slight twisting of her pretty lips, something she always did whenever she felt guilty. The two both observed Remy scanning the room so intently it was clear to them that he was looking for something or someone in particular.

Remy quickly placed everyone, Logan sitting beside Hank talking sports and Rogue and Scott absorbed with their paper but when his eyes met Jean's before she quickly looked away Remy's face changed drastically, something both she and Scott took note of. Jean thought he looked as if he'd been caught doing something very wrong and her heart went out to him.

"Coffee anyone?" she asked as she got up with mug in hand. She glanced at everyone inquiringly before giving Remy a reassuring smile. But he didn't see it. He was looking towards the door as if expecting someone to come in any moment. He was looking for Ororo, he couldn't help himself.

"Stormy not up yet?" he asked causally in a sleep thick drawl as he sauntered over to the refrigerator.

"She's gone," Rogue said, now looking up, her face brilliantly happy.

"Kinda early – somethin' goin' on?" he asked nonchalantly as he stooped over and started rifling through the fridge.

"Ororo won't be back fer a long while sugah," Rogue replied pleasantly.

"Pardon?" Remy exclaimed and he gave up all pretense of hunting for breakfast.

"'Ro's gone?" Logan asked.

"She told me ta tell y'all – both of y'all . . . ah mean that is ta tell everyone. She just said she needed a vacation."

"When did she say she'd be back?" Remy inquired his red eyes boring into Rogue.

Rogue avoided those eyes that always made her stomach do little flips. "Didn't say," she said with a careless shrug.

Logan got up, slapped his palms hard on the table and stared at Remy who was absently shutting the refrigerator. Remy didn't notice the other mans glare, he simply turned and walked out.

"Everyone deserves a vacation," Jean said, watching Remy go as she refilled her mug before sitting down beside her husband again.

"We haven't been so busy that we couldn't spare her," Scott chimed in, supporting his wife.

Logan looked from Jean to Scott. "She say where she was spendin' this vacation?" he asked rather surly.

"I'm afraid she didn't want me to tell anyone," Jean said.

Rogue looked at Jean, her mouth falling open. She'd thought Ororo had confided in her as they were best friends, she hadn't considered that she would've told Jean as well.

"She left a note," Jean explained. Her hand slid under the pile of newspaper sheets and retrieved the note card she'd been reading earlier and she held it up for Rogue to see.

"She didn't say why she left did she?" Rogue asked as she watched Jean slide the card into her back jeans pocket.

"I think if Ororo wanted you to know she would've told you, Rogue," Scott said.

Jean hid a smile as she leaned over and pecked her husband's cheek before getting up again. "See you at lunch," she said.

"You aren't going to finish your coffee?" Scott asked.

"Too much caffeine already," she replied, giving her husband a wink.

"We could all use a vacation or a little time away," Hank said, "perhaps we could acquire Mets tickets."

"Yankee tickets an' yer on," Logan said and he plopped back into his seat.

"Someone going to see the Yankee's?" Bobby asked as he came in.

"Affirmative, providing we can acquire tickets," Hank answered.

"I'd be interested in that," Scott said though he looked a little preoccupied. He had a feeling something was going on that he should know about and wondered when his wife would fill him in.

Similar to yesterday Jean was on the hunt and like yesterday when she found Ororo's coffee and Remy's towel abandoned on the stairs and she'd quietly removed them she had no intention of telling her husband anything. With Ororo gone, her note safe in Jean's keeping, she was determined to find out what was going on. She had a strong feeling that Remy was the key. But he wasn't in his room or on the side porch Ororo had told her he favored, or in Ororo's attic where she thought he might have wandered off to. She finally found him outside on the terrace looking out at the pool. He turned slightly when he heard her, their eyes meeting briefly before he turned away. He glanced up at the sky, idly blew a smoke ring through his lips letting his cigarette dangle from his fingers.

"Don't want company," he told her as he watched the smoke dissipate into the air.

"Trust me I'd rather not disturb you but . . ."

"Den don't," he said.

Jean looked at Remy's rigid back and sighed. "Ororo's going to kill me for this, Remy but I think you need to know why she left."

He turned towards her then, no longer resisting her intrusion, his stance completely different now, his face open even vulnerable. Jean was certain that not only would Ororo want to kill her but Rogue would too after she told Remy what she suspected. But if she was able to open his eyes maybe he could put them all out of their misery.

"She left because she felt she was coming between you and Rogue," Jean said.

"How could she t'ink dat?" Remy demanded, "It ain't her fault Rogue won't give me de time of day."

"Remy, I think you and I both know Ororo has deeper feelings for you than she cares to admit, and if I'm not mistaken you have some serious feelings for her yourself."

"We been through a lot, Jeanie."

"I know, and I understand but I think it's a lot more than that."

"Don't know what ya mean." He took a long drag on his dying cigarette before dropping it and stubbing it out under his boot.

Jean sighed again. "Remy, I hope you're picking that butt up and I wish you wouldn't pretend not to know what I mean. Ororo's going to be furious with me as it is; I can't say anything more than what I've already said."

Remy ran both hands through his hair and inhaled deeply before murmuring as if to himself, "She said she wouldn't leave without tellin' me."

Jean heard despair thick in his broken voice. She came up beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Remy, Ororo was falling in love with you," she whispered.

Remy stared at her with eyes so wide she knew he'd never guessed at Ororo's secret.

"She doesn't even realize she's in love with you," Jean said. "Or maybe she did realize and that's why she felt she had to leave. She never said anything to me about it, Remy but I know her and I could see how she felt about you every time you were together and it was eating away at her. Rogue's a good friend, Ororo couldn't, she would never intentionally come between the two of you."

"Jen e crois pas – je suis desolé – sorry, I mean to say Remy don't t'ink so, Jean. You're wrong. Ororo don't see me in dat way."*

"Think about it, Remy. The way she's been acting around you, how unhappy she's been. You must see that I'm right. She left out of the blue for goodness sake, without a word to either you or me, the two people she'd never leave without speaking to first. We both know she can't stand to see you and Rogue going through . . . your . . . rough patches but it's so much more than that. I don't know why you refuse to believe it. She loves you both, she'd die rather than come between you two. But she has to be dying a little each day watching you and Rogue hurt each other whether it's when you're arguing or ignoring each other. Believe me I know! When Ororo's hurting I feel that too. When you love someone you feel their pain and you want to help them, you want them to be happy. That's . . . that's why I had to tell you even knowing she'll be angry with me."

"Dere ain't nothin' ta come between, no reason for her ta feel dat way. Rogue an' me are jus' friends on de outs right now," Remy said.

"Right. Well, sometimes we only see what we want to see, Remy," Jean said and with a soft pat to his shoulder she left him to digest all she'd guessed at.

Remy shook his head slowly as he stared at the hard flagstone tiles beneath his boots. He kicked at the squashed cigarette butt but didn't move to pick it up. Everything Jean said had a ring of truth to it. Jean knew Ororo better than most and she read minds. Had Jean read Ororo's? But even as he asked himself this he knew she hadn't because she hadn't read his. If she had she wouldn't have felt pity for him, she would have felt abject disgust.

Back inside the mansion Jean watched Remy kick at the cigarette butt she'd told him to pick up and thought how obedient he would've been had Ororo been the one who'd told him to pick it up. She hoped her best friend wouldn't be too terribly mad at her but by the way Remy was acting it was unlikely Ororo would ever find out she'd stuck her nose into Ororo's business. It was a rare thing for Jean to betray a confidence. Ororo hadn't told her anything in her note except that she needed to get away and would stay in touch but Jean had watched her best friend suffer in silence for the past year. She didn't need to read her best friend's mind or Remy's; their feelings were in their actions if not on their faces. Every time she heard their shared laughter or Ororo angrily scolding Remy or Remy playfully teasing Ororo what they felt for each other was there. She didn't despise either of them for falling for each other without being aware of it. She loved Ororo as a sister and just as Ororo had suffered with Remy's unhappiness so had Jean suffered as she'd watched her best friend try daily to deny the love that was growing against her will. Now Jean hoped she'd done the right thing and that Ororo would forgive her if Remy acted upon what she'd revealed. It would hurt Rogue yes, but Rogue was stronger than they often gave her credit.

-xox-

Although every day of the X-Men wasn't filled with crime fighting and universe rescuing, Remy wished this long hot summer day was actually one of those days, anything to take his mind off of what Jean had just told him. He walked down the terrace steps and paced the length of Ororo's favorite flower garden. Tiger lilies, snap dragons, black eyed Susan's, queen Ann's lace and more were in full bloom. He could see Ororo kneeling in the dirt, grass stains on her jeans, content, just days ago.

He brushed at the air as if trying to rid himself of a bothersome gnat or a mosquito but in reality it was his way of trying to vanquish visions of Ororo. But it didn't matter what he did, he could still see her in his mind's eye, as real as his fidgeting fingers. And that's always that way it is, when you don't want to think of something, someone, you can think of nothing else. He felt a headache coming which matched the ache in his stomach.

Kneeling down on one knee he ruthlessly snapped a purple gladiola from its stalk. It was a beautiful flower that bloomed voluptuously – just like Ororo. Those flowers bordered Tante Mattie's house in Louisiana and they reminded him of home. Ororo and home – the two things he missed most he thought morosely. As he peered at the flower he remembered one of the last times he'd seen Ororo, the proffer flower he'd given her destroyed petal by petal. Why? He had a million questions about so many of her seemingly inconsequential actions and no answers. He plopped down on the grass remembering the other day when he'd sat there with his back planted firmly against Ororo's back just enjoying the warmth of her body despite the heat of the day, the trickling of sweat in every crevice. Out of habit he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and then his lighter. Smoking helped keep him calm and focused. Cigarette between his lips, he cupped a hand over the lighter and flicked it into life with his thumb. He held the lit cigarette between his lips for a moment without inhaling as he stared at a very irate Ororo.

She stood before him, not as the adult that so frustrated him now but as the young girl that he'd first known, hands were on her slender hips looking like some incensed mother lecturing him on the dangers of smoking. He'd promised her he'd try to give the habit up and he had tried, had even cut his habit considerably, at least when he was around her. It wasn't as if it could stunt his growth after all he'd japed with her.

The memory felt like a forgotten dream one full of hope and possibilities and it left him aching through and through. But he didn't ache for those long ago days – he ached for his Stormy as she was now. With her gone he felt as if there was a gaping hole in the world as he knew it. He took the cigarette from his mouth, held it between two fingers that he noticed were stained darker than the others. Did he smoke that much? Ororo had been right then, he thought. He looked at the cancer stick for a long moment as if entranced by the pungent scent that called to him, the smoke weaving out and upwards temptingly. And then, his mind made up, he charged the cigarette, one of his mutant gifts, then tossed it aside. He grinned when it exploded in the grass just where he'd aimed it. He caught up the pack of cigarettes, spilled some more onto the grass then one by one charged them, tossed them, then watched them combust like a little boy at play.

"Tryin' ta start a fire?" Logan's rough voice caught Remy off guard though the Cajun didn't look up.

"Ya might as well be throwin' away money as much as these things cost now," Logan grumbled.

"Told Stormy I'd stop smokin'," Remy muttered.

Logan almost laughed but the somber look on Remy's face made him thoughtful. "You know it's yer fault 'Ro left," he said.

Remy looked at Logan now. "How you figure dat, homme?"

"The way you're always botherin' her, can't leave her alone even when you an' Rogue are together. Guess I don't blame her for wantin' ta get away from you."

Remy tossed another cigarette, watched it explode in the air seemingly as nonchalantly as he had before. Logan didn't notice the twitch in Remy's jaw or that his hand trembled slightly. He expected Remy to look guilty and act guilty because what he'd told him was the truth. Remy had run Ororo off just when things had been moving in the right direction for Logan and Ororo with their little fishing trip then the dinner that never came to fruition because of Remy. He felt like reaching out and smacking Remy upside his head but instead he reached down and snatched up the half empty pack of cigarettes. But Remy was faster. Gambit caught him by the wrist, leaned forward and with a deft twisting motion flipped Logan onto the ground.

"Better be careful you don't ruin, Stormy's flowers," Remy said and the smile that melted many a woman's heart flashed for a split second when thought of how upset Ororo would be with Logan.

Logan got up quickly but Remy was up too, ready for him. They tussled there in the grass, wordlessly; emotions charged as if to the victor would go the spoils. But Ororo wasn't there; she wouldn't know and couldn't get angry with Logan for hurting her pet so Logan didn't hold back. They threw punches, grappled, kicked, giving as good as they got but finally a solid adamantium laced right hook followed by a fist to the gut knocked Remy to the ground. He hit ground head first and he didn't get up. Logan, panting and ready for more, stood over the Cajun waiting for him to open his eyes. The kid gave good, but Logan thought with due smugness, he gave better. He felt good showing the Cajun just what he was made of but after a very long minute with Remy still out cold Logan almost started to panic. He thought of Ororo, knew she'd be furious, would never forgive him if he'd hurt the kid. Fortunately Remy moaned shortly making Logan feel relieved and kind of stupid. They were grown men, or at least Logan was, and he knew better than to be fighting over a woman like that was going to solve anything.

When Remy finally opened his eyes everything was a blur as if he were still caught in a dream. He wasn't sure where he was but he saw Ororo's bright face looking down at him and he grinned, glad to see her.

"Ororo!" he called out, bolting up when the vision suddenly faded. But just as quickly he settled back on the ground. His head was throbbing and three adamantium claws were pointed at his throat. Ororo was gone and the old goat was still there, he realized and without any thought for himself he grabbed the claws and summoned his kinetic power.

Logan swore. "Boy, power down now or you lose your head," he said.

Remy looked around wildly, his hand still clutching Logan's claws. He was in the grass half sprawled out in Ororo's flower bed crushing her beloved snap dragons. "Merde," he cursed dropping Logan's claws and rolling out of the flowers.

"You passed out for a few seconds when you hit but you'll live. Probably just a concussion. Head's so thick it won't hurt anythin'," Logan said then added as an afterthought, "That'd be interestin' though, wonder what would happen if you did charge my claws."

"Can't break adamantium," Remy grunted. He slid his legs up, rested his arms on his knees and let his throbbing head hang. He'd never been hit harder in all his life.

Logan held a hand out to Remy. The two men looked at each other for a few long seconds before Remy accepted Logan's hand and allowed the shorter man to help him up.

"You're a realist same as me so I'm gonna take a wild guess here. You ain't altogether stupid so I know you gotta know 'Ro's got feelin's fer me an' that's what's been buggin' you. Guessin' that's why you keep wantin' ta kick my ass ever since you joined up with us," Logan said.

Remy snorted. "You don't know Stormy," he said.

Logan held up a hand and shook his head. "I ain't blind, stubborn I'll admit, but I see the way you act when you're together. Thought it would stop, you'd move on, but when you were supposed to be movin' on with Rogue you really didn't move on did you? It ain't a question," he said before continuing, not letting Remy interrupt, "Thought maybe 'Ro an' me might get somethin' started, I mean we're both free, got no ties to anyone, but she can't make up her mind with you always hangin' around on the fringes moonin' over her like you do."

Remy laughed now. "She ain't interested in you, homme."

"She went fishin' with me and not you didn't she?"

"So?" Remy replied churlishly.

"Thing is she's bound to you so tight it don't make sense to me. You got her on the run an' Storm don't ever run. She's either gotten to the point where she can't stand your guts or she's . . . well, she likes you more 'an I figured an' realized I was right, that anything between you an' her would kill Rogue. Thought she was smarter 'n that though. Well, her loss. I'm gonna tell you somethin' an' you mark my words boy, the two of you could never last, you ain't man enough for that woman not even in your wet dreams."

Remy laughed again. "You're serious aren't you? Thought I'd seen an' heard everyt'ing by now but you, you're one conceited, egoistical, old fart aren't you? You don't know Ororo like you t'ink you do, she wouldn't be caught dead wid a runt like you fer a beau, she don't give a damn 'bout you, Logan. Don't matter how many times you go fishin' together she ain't never gonna see you like dat."

"Save it, LeBeau. I've known 'Ro longer 'n you an' better 'n you think, way better than you know her. She might be turned by your pretty boy looks but that superficial shit won't last, not with her. She's gonna want somethin' a little more substantial than what you got ta offer," Logan said and he scooped up the half empty pack of cigarettes, stuffed them into his t-shirt pocket then snarled out, "Waste of perfectly good smokes," before he stalked off.

Remy's fingers touched his jaw carefully; it felt like it was broken. But more importantly were the crushed flowers. Ororo would kill him. He got down on his knees and tried to do what he could to fix the mess he'd made.

-xox-

Days passed, still swelteringly hot and insufferably long. No one but Scott said anything to Remy as the red, swollen, bruised mess that was his face began to heal. Hank set his jaw, assured them it would heal in time though he silently wondered if Logan and Remy's relationship would ever heal. Remy told them both to mind their own business and when Jean gave her husband a warning glare he actually did mind his own business.

"But I expect full details sooner or later," Scott told his wife and she smiled and wondered how to confess her part in what was turning out to have been a very bad idea.

Remy did nothing with the information Jean had given him even after he healed. Remy and Rogue fought a little more, ignored each other less. Jean had no way of knowing that for Remy the nights were unbearable, the day's worse. He was trying to do what Ororo wanted, trying to accept Rogue's mistrust, but that meant admitting he was the one in the wrong when he wasn't; a hard thing for a stubborn and proud man.

Week by week, things got a little better for Remy and Rogue. They were even able to come together for simple things like playing cards. Seated at one of the mosaic patio tables on the terrace where they could watch the sunset Remy and Rogue were playing black jack. Rogue thought she was pretty good though it was Remy who had taught her how to count cards. She watched him shuffle the deck effortlessly and gracefully and couldn't stop herself from smiling. She was doing her best to lower some of her defenses in hopes of doing just what Ororo had told her to do but she was sure trust wasn't as easy as everyone thought it was. Nevertheless, she took a sip from her glass of iced sweet tea and sat back in her chair feeling contentment settle in, the first time in a long while.

"It a hot one, non?" Remy said for lack of anything better to say.

"Ah never mind how hot it gets, it ain't half as humid as it was in Mississippi but dang the mosquitoes are eatin' me alive!" she said and swatted at one as if to give proof.

Remy glanced at her then back at the cards. His thoughts wandered. He missed the hot, humid summer days of New Orleans.

"If it weren't fer the mosquitoes it would be a perfect ending to a perfect day," Rogue continued. "Light up a cigarette Swamp Rat, maybe the smoke'll keep 'em away."

"You know, Remy ain't smokin' now," he said.

"Yeah, yeah but you still carry 'em around so who're ya tryin' ta fool – yerself?" Rogue said with a snort.

Remy looked at her for a thoughtful few seconds before he set the cards down and pulled a pack of Marlboros from his shirt pocket. Rogue watched his slender, tanned fingers pluck a cigarette from the pack, then tap it on the table for an eternally long time before placing it between his lips. She never grew tired of watching him, those fingers, those lips. The sight of them always made her want him to use them on her. The cigarette lit, he placed it in an ashtray on the table letting the smoke drift between them. He dealt. She lost.

"Ow," she said when she smacked her arm in an attempt to send a mosquito to its demise. "This ain't workin' let's go up ta mah room."

"Why you always gotta complain? Ororo never complains!" Remy found himself snapping at her though he immediately regretted it.

Rogue blinked twice. "That's not what Logan says," she retorted.

"Logan? Like he knows Ororo!" Remy griped. He pushed the cards towards her without looking at her.

Rogue shuffled the cards in silence before dealing. They played a few more hands without speaking and Rogue was beginning to calm down. She was willing to wait this out as long as needed and as long as Ororo was gone she was sure she could. Before long they'd be back to their usual fun loving ways and she'd never think about Mystique or Ororo again. It just took time, time that Storm was willing to give them. She looked up when Remy cleared his throat before dealing out the cards.

"Remy leavin' ta find Ororo," he said, his eyes not meeting hers.

It was as if a cancerous tumor had suddenly taken root in the pit of Rogue's stomach. She felt nauseous.

"Remy need ta make sure she all right, dat's all," he said and picked up his cards.

Rogue's fingers were ice cold but she picked her cards up too. She played her hand without really seeing the cards. "Hit me," she whispered.

Remy's eyebrows rose since he could see she already had a jack of spades but he dealt another card. Another jack. He was sure she'd lost. She didn't notice she had, didn't care. She tossed her cards onto the table, the game forgotten.

"Why?" she said, her voice hot with fury.

Remy gathered up the cards and said, "I just gotta know she okay."

"Okay?" Rogue shrieked. "Okay? She's grown, Remy she ain't a little girl anymore! She can take care of herself – hell, better 'n any of us 'cept maybe fer Logan!"

"I just gotta see for myself. Your deal," he said in his deep drawl that still sent shivers down Rogue's spine despite her anger.

"Gimme those!" she cried and snatched the cards from him. Though she didn't mean to the cards scattered, some falling onto the table others floated down onto the ground. Rogue fought back tears. Her fist pounded the table and the glass top shattered beneath it. "Why are you doing this to me?" she demanded.

"I love her!" Remy shouted in the heat of the moment as he rose from his chair. But he slowly sunk down as the truth of his words struck him. He sat staring at her, his heart racing, his breath coming too fast. "You – you know what Remy mean," he stammered.

They sat in their chairs, the table in ruins at their feet. Rogue watched Remy who refused to look at her. He reached down, picked up his pack of cigarettes and retrieved one. She observed him as he drew his lighter from his jean pocket, saw how his fingers trembled just slightly as he lit the cigarette. She saw her own hands were trembling as she flicked pieces of shiny glass off of her jeans. She slid off her chair onto her knees and started picking up pieces of the table. Remy, cigarette dangling uselessly in his hand, watched her pile of rubble grow.

"Ah don't want you ta go," Rogue said when she was finished constructing a tottering pyramid of useless colored glass.

"I have to," Remy said and his voice, usually so seductive, was filled with pain.

"You don't have to, Remy! If she weren't okay she would've let us know or at least she would've told Jean."

"She's alone, she needs me," he said, voice trembling now.

"And ah don't?" she demanded.

Remy met her eyes this time, stared a long moment before he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue before speaking. "What you need Remy can't give you, chère . . . I wish I could."

Rogue stood up and kicked the pile of broken mosaics so that they went flying helter skelter.

"Like you wished you could screw mah mother?" she shouted.

"You know, Rogue, if you trusted me . . . no, never mind. Remy don't wanna talk about dis again. We've run dis same ol' argument into de ground a million times over."

"What do you want from me, Remy?" Rogue cried. "Ah trusted you an' you pay me back by lustin' after Mystique!"

"Merde! She started it, Rogue, I didn't go after her! If you trusted me you would know I never slept with dat woman! How many times Remy gotta tell you? Why is it so hard for you ta believe me, Rogue?"

"But you wanted to, that's what ah can't get past."

"You're condemning me for being a normal human being! Even if we were married I'd still find other women beautiful an' desirable; don't mean I'd act on it."

"Like Ororo, huh?"

Rogue's accusation stopped him in his tracks.

"We gotta face some facts, sugah. Ah know what's goin' on inside of that thick head of yours. You ferget ah was you, Remy. Ah had every one of yer memories and yer thoughts in mah head an' fer a hell of a long enough time ta figure you out. Ah probably know you better than you know yourself 'cause ah can look at all that mixed up mess in your head an' see it as an outsider an' as much as ah hate ta say this ah think it's time we both admitted the truth don't you? Otherwise we ain't never gonna make it."

I've sworn to you a hundred times over dat nothin' happened wid me an' dat woman you call yo' maman!"

"But that ain't sayin' you didn't want to any more than you wantin' to with Ororo. Oh, don't look at me like that, Remy LeBeau, ah know what you really think about Ororo. Ah couldn't ask fer a better friend than her but ah was so glad when she left, you just don't know! But what's really funny is ah thought things would be better between us with her gone but they're just worse now."

"Ororo don't have nothin' ta do wid you an' me, Rogue." Remy dropped his face into his hands, his elbows digging into his knees. "I love you, Rogue, I just wish you could see dat."

"You know what, Remy? Ah really do," Rogue said as she plucked the forgotten stub of a cigarette from between his fingers and angrily tossed it aside before it burnt into his flesh.

"Ororo said you'd stay with me till the day ah died even if you couldn't touch me an' ah believe you would, Remy, but ah don't want ya back if you go after her. Ah know they say if you love someone ya gotta let 'em go but ah don't believe in that sappy crap. Ah need someone who'll stick with me through hell an' high water without ever wantin' ta leave me no matter what. Maybe that's selfish, hell it is an' ah know it, but it's what ah want even if it's wrong."

"It ain't selfish, Rogue, it's what Remy want too."

"But you ain't gonna stay are ya? You're goin' after her."

Remy got up then squatted down on his haunches, his hand skimming over the cards nearest him. He felt like those cards, abandoned but too, as if all he'd believed had been nothing but a house of cards so easily blown over with the slightest wind. He looked up at the sky, brilliant blue and cloudless and felt Ororo's absence deeply.

"You've never wanted ta admit how y'all feel about each other but it's there inside you like a big ol' sign wavin' in the breeze. We can't help how we feel, ah know that, but how did you expect me to trust you when you wanted her just as much as you wanted me?"

"Dat's not true," he whispered.

"Ororo being gone, it's killin' you. We weren't all right when she was here, you an' me, but we never once argued like this – not till she left."

"You were pretty good at givin' me de cold shoulder."

"An' she gave you a warm shoulder is that it, Remy? Did you sleep with her?"

"Why don't you tell me, Rogue since you t'ink you know everyt'ing. What you t'ink?"

"Ah don't know. Ah don't think Ororo would've left otherwise."

Remy shook his head slowly. "I gave you my heart, chère an' wanted nothin' back 'cept yo love an' yo trust. We've gotten through a lot of t'ings worse 'n dis but if you don't trust me den no amount of love can keep us together."

Rogue came to sit beside him. She ran a hand along his thigh wishing the heavy cotton of his jeans wasn't there, wishing she didn't have to wear gloves when she touched him . . . wishing she could die.

"Ah miss being with you, Remy," she whispered, her voice husky from tears she was determined not to shed. "Ah miss the sex and the way you used ta kiss me an' even just holdin' mah hand."

For a time Remy watched her hand moving up and down his thigh. He missed the same things but to a lesser degree for there had always been Ororo – Ororo to hold, to kiss, to touch. Involuntarily a smile crept over his face. Rogue could see he'd left her as he had so many other times when they were together. He now had that peaceful look he seldom ever had when they were together, something she actually envied.

"What're yau thinking about?" she asked as she clasped her hands in front of her to keep them still.

"Remy always tell you de truth, chère. – be t'inkin' 'bout Ororo," he confessed.

Rogue sighed deeply. Though it wasn't a surprise it still hurt. Remy got up; foot searching for the dying stub of a cigarette Rogue had tossed aside. Finding it he stubbed it out as if he thought Ororo might appear any moment and scold him and only then did he offered Rogue a hand up. She let him haul her up but when she tried to pull her hand away he didn't let go. He looked at the gloved hand and held it tenderly.

"Remy never wanted ta hurt you, Rogue. No matter how angry I been wid you I've never done anyt'ing to get back at you in any way not even through Mystique or Stormy. Remy always thought you knew dat, dat you'd never doubt dat. You know I could've slept wid other women but because of you I didn't. Remy ain't dat way. When I love a woman I'm always faithful. I thought you would believe dat especially since you know me so well. I won't deny dat I've wanted to sleep with Ororo, more 'n I care to admit, but I couldn't do dat to her or you. It didn't mean I loved you any less." He finished his confession with a soft kiss on her gloved hand.

"Why didn't you sleep with her? She loves you so much."

"She loves me like . . ." he trailed off thinking of the many ways she could love him, the unimagined possibilities. "T'ings are complicated between Ororo an' me. All we went through when she was a petite . . . I can't see my life without her . . . I want her ta come back. I – I need her."

"It's not like she didn't say she ain't comin' back, Remy. She told me she was, so it ain't like ya'll ain't never gonna see each other again."

He looked at Rogue and shook his head sadly. "Dis ain't because Remy don't love you, Rogue, I love you more 'n you'll ever know but everyt'ing we gone through, maybe it's too much for Remy now. When I'm wid Ororo I'm never angry, never fighting . . ."

"That's a bold face lie, Remy LeBeau an' you know it! Ya'll argue all the time! She hates it when you call her Stormy, an' when you won't let her be so she can tend to her garden in peace, an' when you pester her ta get out of this place an' do stuff she doesn't want ta do, an' when she catches you smoking an' a hundred other things you do get on her nerves."

"I miss dat as crazy as it sounds. As much as she gets on me fer smokin' an' gettin' on my case for little t'ing sometimes, I can live with that, I even miss it. I miss her; I love her. I love her more 'n I ever thought. I'm sorry, Rogue."

"An' that's it?" Rogue said as calmly as if they were discussing the weather.

But she was on top of him in an instant, catching him off guard and shoving him to the ground. He could feel little pieces of broken glass pressing into the cotton material of his tee shirt but he didn't fight her. She climbed on top of him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt yanking him up so they were almost nose to nose.

"Ah wanna beat the hell outta you, Remy," she hissed through gritted teeth but as she looked into his eyes, the eyes that had mesmerized her from the first moment she'd seen them but instead, she sighed and let him go.

"Rogue . . ."

"Ah ain't beggin' you ta stay, ah got nothin' ta give ya," she said as she got up. "Guess there ain't nothin' ah can do if you're stupid enough ta think you love her like you love me, like it's gonna be magical an' all work out. It ain't. You gotta know that. But ah ain't gonna hate ya fer goin' an' ah won't hate her either, Remy. Ya'll figure out soon enough . . . she ain't me."

"Rogue . . ."

But the screen door slammed behind her. He didn't go after her.

-xox-

*Some of the harder French Translations:

Jen e crois pas – I don't t'ink so

Je suis desolé - sorry