Chapter 3: Broken Glass

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Frontier or any of the characters.

Author's Note: A huge thank you goes out to all the reviewers and alert adders for chapter 2, you guys rock! Here's chapter 3, I hope you like it!

'I will go to the ends of the earth and back just to see you smile.'

The dull grey of the heavens turned a shade darker as they let loose a barrage of faint water droplets from their lofty hold. The icy bite of the air cut through the thin fabric of my suit, but I couldn't have cared less. My eyes frantically searched Koji's vacant mask of desolation over and over again in the vague hope that some logical reason would appear and account for the sudden flip. In all thirteen years of knowing my brother, it was amazing that it only took one fifteen minute phone conversation to bring him to his knees like this. My unabashed concern broke free. "Not coming? What do you mean she's not coming?" His silence was killing me. I had to know what went so horribly wrong so that I could fix this… so that I could fix him. I wanted to see that aloof smirk twist around his lips again, I needed it. "Damn it Koji, answer me!" I cried, slapping my hands forcefully down on his shoulders. Looking into his eyes, I immediately regretted my brusqueness. The blue of his irises shimmered with an unimaginable pain. His mouth hung open slightly for several moments before giving me a response, as if he was remembering how to speak. "She… she said she couldn't go through with it." My eyes narrowed as I tried to process what he was saying. "Couldn't go through with the wedding?" He nodded blankly. This wasn't making any sense at all. What the hell came over Yue, and why did she have to wait until TODAY to spring it on Koji? Already, a numb fury rumbled from deep within me. How dare she hurt him like this! "Koichi?" Koji's hoarse murmur disrupted my irate musings. My eyes lifted to meet those tormented windows again, but this time my breath disappeared completely. Even in utter grief, his beauty was hard to miss. "I'm cold" he mumbled, taking a step towards me. At his words, the big brother in me took over. Taking him by the hand, I led him in a quick march across the pebble-strewn trail back towards the limousine, praying that this would somehow right itself.

A few minutes later, we entered the comforting warmth of the luxury vehicle. Usually, I consider Dad's freehanded management of money far too liberal for my taste, but this time I was grateful for the opulent splurge. Any other surrounding wouldn't have given the privacy needed for the ice man sitting next to me to open up emotionally. I kept my mouth shut and waited for him to make the first move. Despite my urge to interrogate him with a million questions, I didn't want to push him. He was in a fragile state of mind right now – any form of pressure could break him beyond return. I watched him with hawk-like eyes as he dropped his head, taking in every detail of his utter despondency. His posture went lax, and he gave into the leather embrace of the seat. He smiled sadly at the floor. "Was it my fault?" he asked quietly. "Did I force her into something she didn't want?"

"Of course not. She loves you." I had to coerce myself into saying those last three words. If Yue really did love Koji, she wouldn't have done this to him. He shook his head. "She said…" He took a shaky breath in to calm himself. "She said she couldn't handle it anymore. It was going too fast." I maneuvered myself closer to him across the yielding expanse of the seat. "What was?" I asked gently. "Me. Our relationship. Just everything." I laid my hand on his and gave it a small squeeze. That was all it took for him to break: he turned around and shoved his head into my chest. A myriad of muffled sobs escaped from him as his salty tears stained my shirt. This was such a far cry from the Koji I was used to. The typical stubborn confidence and aloofness had given way to a bottomless melancholy. I was taken aback at the sudden transformation, but my shock would have to wait for later. My little brother was in pain, and I had to be the one to end it. I placed my hand right under his elegant ponytail and stroked my thumb across the silken strands of sleek ebony hair. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I kept silent and let his stifled moans flow through my ears. Every so often a violent shudder would accompany his weeping, but I held on to his body and comforted him as best I could. After what seemed like forever, he lifted his head from my torso. The faint red veins in his eyes ruined those dark icy irises. "Koichi," he whispered thickly, "how did this happen?"

"It'll be alright Koji, I promise" I said softly, rubbing small circles into his back. He shifted his gaze sideways. "I loved her so much."

"You still do." His eyes moved back onto me. Never had I seen such a raw, open need in them. They radiated a smothering need for numbness, for this torturous pain to evaporate. They begged me for it all to end. "Take me home" he murmured. "Please." I nodded and gently lifted his body off of me. Moving to the door, I took one last look at him. He stared back, his face completely devoid of the earlier bliss he'd shown. "It'll be OK little brother" I told him. "This won't last forever." The empty watch that answered my statement told me that the magnitude of heartbreak he felt overrode my attempted assurance. He wasn't convinced that this would pass, and truth be told, neither was I. What if this was just too big for him to be the same again?

During yet another brisk walk in the frigid air, a disturbing thought popped into my head: what if this entire scenario was my fault? It maybe silly, but karma may have slapped me across the face for my forbidden yearning. Maybe I wanted Koji so much that the universe punished me by granting my wish – except at his expense. No matter how many times I've tried to rid myself of these thoughts, they always seem to come back like some wanton boomerang, and today it really hit me in the head. Yes, the love I have for my brother goes beyond simple sibling affection, and yes, I want nothing more for us to be together but not like this. No matter how hurt he is now, Yue is still his one and only. I can't allow myself to take advantage of this… not when he's so damaged. Perhaps this is the time to let go: God knows I'll be better off rather than nursing some sick, twisted fantasy in my head. I love Koji so much… too much, and it's leaving scars all over me, and now that punishment is beginning to transfer to him. Letting go – this will be the final act of my love.

Stepping onto the crushed vermillion carpet, me eyes immediately sought out Mom and Satomi. With a strong sense of urgency pounding in my every step, I strode towards the front pew. They were involved in some deep conversation, or at least Satomi was trying to make a conversation. Mom appeared to be barely tolerating her one-sided verbosity, so my timely appearance was a godsend to her. "Koichi, there you are" she smiled, the relief cracking unashamedly across her face. "Where is your brother?"

"He's not coming." Satomi's eyes arranged themselves into perfect spheres. "Not coming? What do you mean? We spent a fortune on this wedding! I mean the church alone was like buying a house-"

"Koichi," interrupted Mom with a consternated frown, "what's wrong?" Damn these stupid questions. Every minute I'm in here, Koji's sitting in the limo blaming himself for the marriage that ended before it started. There was no telling how far down he would sink into an isolating depression. "Look, I'll explain later OK? Just tell all the guests to go home. There isn't going to be a wedding today."

"Why?" piped up Satomi. "Would tomorrow suit them better?" I threw her a dark stare. Seriously, what was wrong with this woman? "OK, let's rephrase that. There isn't going to be a wedding. Period." Finally, the thought sunk into her. She pulled her mouth into that classic O of understanding, but immediately erased it with a thoughtful frown. "Does this mean the honeymoon's off too?"

"Mom" I sighed exasperatedly. My mother dutifully nodded. "We'll take care of things here. Go be with your brother." As I cut a beeline for the door, I heard Satomi's voice utter one final enquiry: "I told Kousei not to go with Hawaii, but does he ever listen to me? No, he just goes and does whatever the hell he wants!"

To say describe the ride home as 'tense' would be an understatement. Koji had done another drastic metamorphosis, this time becoming completely unresponsive. Like the ride to the church, he spent the entire time gazing outside the window, albeit without the bold hope this time. As for me, my palms were chafed raw from rubbing them together. It was totally selfish of me to think this, but this entire thing had affected me too, and not just because I felt that my brother needed me now. When Koji first announced that he was engaged to Yue, I felt a storm unleash inside of me. Each night since then, I would stare at the ceiling in my bed, torn between waves of sadness and jealousy. On one hand, I was happy for him, because this marked a new chapter in his life. He would settle down into the role of a doting husband, and eventually the caring father; and that would be great, it really would. But with light must come darkness, and my circumstance was no exception. I would silently fade into nothingness because the only person I've ever fallen in love with left me behind to pick up the pieces of my life, and that was the killer. I've broken my head over this conundrum so many times; I think I deserve a PhD in psychology for my 'research' into the dark perversions of romantic homosexual incest. But given current happenings, what do I do now? It's so difficult to say goodbye to that person who you've completely given yourself to, even if they don't know it. I've fallen so hard for Koji, he's become more important to me than the air I breathe – he's the essence that makes my life worth living. If I end my feelings for him once and for all, where would it leave me? I stole a glance at the silent wolf sitting an arm's length away from me. Such utter devastation, but such glorious beauty at the same time. With every passing second, he became just that more shattered, but just that more angelic. The illicit roar of my quixotic fantasies answered my question. I can't go on living like this. It isn't fair to either one of us for me to sit there and pretend that everything's fine when my heart in fracturing in agonistic degrees. I don't have to be honest with him, I never can. He'd end up hating me, and that was a fate worse than death to me. The only thing I can do is move on from whatever this is and pray to God that it never comes back. My dear sweet brother… my life, my death, my everything. I will walk in darkness, if he's sure to walk in light. Now, it's up to me to find myself again in the hopes that my struggle ends, even if that means giving up the love of my life.

After about thirty minutes of unvoiced soul searching, we entered the stilled atmosphere of Koji's apartment. My eyes did a quick scan of the modern furnishings and I felt a cold shiver run through me. Without Yue here, the airy layout exuded a lonely echo. She was always the one who encouraged Koji to brighten up the place with some flowers or at least something red to shake up the steely whites and blues. Now, all of that would just bring up empty memories for him. Watching Koji delicately place himself on the ebony leather couch, I remembered when Yue first moved in here. Dad practically had a nervous breakdown for fear of the family name being dragged into disrepute. "What would people think of them living together before marriage?" he would ask every time I spoke to him. I guess he was worried that his future daughter-in-law would actually turn out to be a gold-digging seductress who wanted to get her talons on his accrued wealth. Well, either that or he was worried about having a bastard grandchild, but in any case he freaked out big time. Mom also protested against the idea, but her reasons were different. She knew that Koji inherited Dad's workaholic tendencies, and she didn't want to see her younger son take the same path in a relationship as she had done with her husband all those years ago. Despite their vehement misgivings, Koji didn't budge an inch. He loved Yue, and nothing was going to stop him from being with her. Now, the poor man's probably wondering whether it was right of him to place so much trust in one person. As I cautiously walked over to him, an electrifying surge of sympathy for him rushed through me. There was no way I could know what he was going through. "Want me to stay over?" I asked softly, sitting next to him on the couch. He vaguely acknowledged my presence with a peripheral glance before staring at the blurred reflection in the flat screen TV in front of us. "Why would you?" he replied slowly. My gaze continued to behold his impassive magnificence. "Because I care for you."

"Your being here won't change what happened" he stated blankly, his eyes fixed at his unclear image. "And it won't make me feel any better." There it was; the rebellious defense of segregation. I dropped my gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry" I apologized quietly. We sat there in silence for a few minutes before he turned to face me. "Thank you" he whispered. I looked up. "For what?"

"For caring." I gave him a small smile, which he returned after a slight delay. "Go home Koichi. I'll be fine."

"Look Koji-"

"This isn't your mess to deal with." I frowned. "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean you should go through it alone. I'm here for you." That sad smile returned to his face with a heartrending pathos. "You always are, aren't you?" I stared at him deeply, my eyes brazenly etching his every detail into my mind. I silently scolded myself for these thoughts surfacing in me again. Koji needs me as a BROTHER, nothing more. "Koji, be honest. Do you really want me to leave?" He considered my question carefully before replying. "Yes." I sighed at my twin's stubbornness, and stood up. "Promise me that you'll call if you need anything."

"I won't, but whatever." Shaking my head, I turned around and headed for the door. When the cool metal of the door handle chilled my fingertips, my head spun around of its own accord to look at him before I left. My angel was so broken, maybe even beyond repair. Biting my lip, I walked out into Tokyo's unforgiving cold and prayed that this hell would somehow right itself.

"So how was the wedding?" I took one final shot of the blonde goddess in front of me before handing the camera over to my assistant. "Reload please." I turned to face the supermodel again. "Alright Alex, take five." She bounced on her heels excitedly and covered up the divine statue of her body with a silken nightgown. I smilingly shook my head. In a way, I'm glad my dream of becoming a doctor got highly detoured into the world of photography. There's just something about ensnaring the essence of the moment in front of you and permanently documenting it in film that can't be replaced with any other experience in the world. As a photographer, I can simultaneously be a part of that split second in time, and yet be detached from it all. The beautiful irony of it all just did it for me, much more than the clinical ambiance of sterilized scalpels and all that other medical junk ever could. I'm proud to say I've been an avid member of this worldwide group of observant hippies since age sixteen, and I don't intend to stop anytime soon.

I expectantly raised my eyebrow as Alex came up to me with a huge grin plastered to her face. "I want details Kimura."

"I have a first name."

"But your last one is so pretty. Kimura, Kimura, and wait for it… Kimura!" she sang. Rolling my eyes, I wondered how on earth this eccentric loveliness came into my life, let alone becoming my closest friend. Alex was a transfer student from Los Angeles, who came to Tokyo to study Japanese art at the same art institute where I studied photography. After meeting through one of the inter-faculty group projects, I decided to show her around the city. It was a hopeless case of love at first sight for her, and she decided to make Japan her new home. To support herself, she became a model for TokyoPop magazine, instantly capturing the eyes, hearts and erections of men across the country with her startling green eyes, bronze hued skin and lusciously golden hair. Known by her working name, 'the American Idol', she became a staple of the magazine's centerfold spread and increased her star power by endorsing various products for companies like Nintendo and the Japanese branch of Nike. When I first came to work for TokyoPop, Alex was the first assignment I ever received. With such an overwhelming response to our creative efforts, the editors decided to pair me up with her every time she graced the magazine with her presence. "So, how was it? Was Yue stunning? Where there tears, did you cry?" I laughed softly. "Actually, there wasn't a wedding." Her mouth dropped to the floor. "Shut up! How come?" I contemplated my answer carefully before speaking. More than anything, this was Koji's business and I didn't want to broadcast his heartbreak to the entire world. But then again, Alex was a good friend, and I would feel bad for lying to her. "Yue stood him up." The repeated clapping of her hands deafened my ears. "Oh God, this is like something out of Grey's Anatomy!Speaking of which, you need to lend me your season four DVDs. But oh my God, why would she do that?"

"I don't know."

"How's Koji taking it?"

"The usual way: isolating the ones who care about him. I wish he wasn't so stubborn." Her face fell into a serious expression that was extremely uncharacteristic of her. "He must be devastated."

"Tell me about it." I felt a strong buzz in my pocket, and after a considerable amount of fishing amongst my keys and secret stash of bubblegum, I pulled out my cell phone. Dad's number flashed repeatedly across the screen. He probably wanted to know about yesterday's happenings, not that he bothered showing up anyways. "I have to get this" I whispered to Alex, and walked off into a quiet corner of the spacious studio. Hesitating slightly, I let my thumb press down on the answer key. "Hey Dad."

"Koichi, thank God." His voice sounded alarmingly urgent, as if he was almost on the verge of tears. Even though he can be overly neurotic, I have yet to see my father cry. This must be pretty bad for him to call me in such a troubled state. "Dad, are you OK?"

"Come to the hospital quick. Koji's in trouble."

Uh oh… sounds like trouble. So I hoped you guys like this chapter Please indulge me and leave a review, pretty pretty please…