Notes: Sorry for the huge hiatus. I had a ton of issues to work out. I am back on track with writing. Please bear with me, and I hope the story delivers.
Afternoon slowly crept by, the bright sun darkening to an orange glow. Slowly walking, one step at a time, Sakura remained silent, slow, paying heed only to the pattern of the road, the intricate stones that felt as if leading her further and further from the Konoha hospital. As if running from conflict. As she approached the comfort of what she called home, the roads became familiar once more, as if second nature.
She hadn't had much time to ruminate, to think of where she was going, where Ino had led her. Her mind was still a blank canvas, heavy with the weight of guilt. She hadn't realized that she had arrived at her doorstep.
The familiar wooden frame stood before her. Like every time she had invited Ino over, so many years ago. She let her eyelids fall, and took a deep breath.
"Sakura, I need to be home for dinner," Ino spoke, gently reassuring her pink-haired friend. "Um… If you need anything, tell me. Let me know immediately." Ino continued, her tone as strong as iron. "Please… promise me this."
"Mhm…" Sakura nodded, albeit lifelessly. Her pain was oddly numbed now. For better or worse, she couldn't tell. The world seemed to have lost its colour, but the pain was most definitely bearable now. "I promise. If I need anything, I'll let you know immediately…"
"Thank you," Ino whispered, warmly embracing her friend. "It gets better. I'll be there."
But her trailing figure now became a reminder that she was once again alone. Sakura had never felt so drained. She had cried for hours, and now it felt like there was nothing left in her. No energy to cry, to smile, to scream. But somehow, she found just enough energy to live. Perhaps it would be for the best. Perhaps it would be enough for atonement.
Eventually her footsteps led her through the door, stepping into the familiar living room and kitchen, dark golden rays of sunlight shining through. No place like home, she felt. It had a strangely calming effect that helped stifle the ache, but only so much. Fatigue assaulted her limbs, screaming at her to sleep, to escape. Forget what happened today, if only for an instance.
But Sakura couldn't. Her mind was uneasy, and however hard she'd will herself to rest, her body would not cooperate. She reached for a cup on the dish rack, reluctant fingers pouring a generous amount of hot water. Sitting down, she finally allowed her mind to rest, lifelessly watching the steam of the water dissipate into the atmosphere. If she just went straight to bed, her parents would most definitely be suspicious. They weren't aware of what happened today, but they did know in abstract what Team 7 meant to their daughter.
Would she have to relive the trauma once more and explain?
Would she have to relive the guilt and weight of atonement once more?
"Naruto…" She whispered, feeling a single tear roll from her lifeless eyes. The pink-haired kunoichi was so exhausted, so drained, so done. It took all her willpower just to keep going. Although the initial brunt of the pain had been stifled, she also had to deal with a new harsh reality. With Sasuke gone rogue and Naruto dead, what would be the fate of Team 7?
What would be her fate? Her future? She had never whole-heartedly committed to the life of the Shinobi. It was only after enduring ordeal after ordeal with Sasuke and Naruto that she began to awaken the fiery passion within her. That she realized the significance and honour of laying down one's life for their family, friends, and village.
But with the two of them gone, where would that drive go?
How would she rediscover the passion that once drove her to carry on? And even if she could find it within her once more, a second harsh reality would present itself.
Sasuke was gone. Gone rogue. Never to return to Konoha. Naruto was dead. Never to live out his dream. Never to achieve the rights to Hokage.
Only she and Kakashi would carry on the legacy of the team. Team 7 was no more. Even if she didn't give up, even if she didn't let go of the Shinobi dream, the flame that everyone within the village embodied- carried through their veins, there would still be no foreseeable future for her to live for.
Yet… For the first time, the pain felt bearable. For the first time, she could find the will to bring her tears to a stop. She was hurting. Still hurting like hell.
But that hurt had always only lent itself to adaptation.
Sakura let out a soft sigh, her grip on the cup of water unwavering. She hadn't realized that it was no longer hot. The sun's rays had begun to burn to its darkest before dusk; the water in the cup at a standstill. If she let go of the cup, it would certainly disturb the strange equilibrium amidst what felt like chaos.
To let go would only breed more chaos.
But it was a step in the right direction.
Perhaps the world would never heed her wishes. Perhaps facts would always be difficult to tolerate. Perhaps she would never live up to anything more than someone who would never be able to have a man who had long since abandoned his roots.
But it was worth a try.
Sakura let her emerald depths take rest, almost expecting to find suffering amidst darkness. However, despite her plight, she found the very opposite. She found irony in control. She found some unlikely element of acceptance. Her breathing came to a standstill, as if she had finally felt some semblance of autonomy wash over her.
For the first time in forever. Better late than never.
She didn't open her eyes. She didn't move from her seat. Only listen to the song of the water's movement against the cup. Only listen to the slightest change in each lap against the glass. It was almost inaudible, almost undetectable. Yet it was absolutely there.
And it all came back to her.
"It's silly really. Why do I think of these things now?"
The fog that covered the bridge, that enveloped the sky was wholly unnatural. It was thick, ominous, its very composition, filled to the brim with chakra made her legs tremble. She had seen this before. During their very first encounter.
She felt the rush of blood through every vein, felt the individual beads of sweat roll unhindered. She was afraid. The air was icy cold, yet her skin felt like hot liquid, her breathing like wicked flames. Fear coursed through her, untampered and unfettered.
Being deprived of the most critical sense would strike primordial fear in anyone.
But for Sakura, she felt something she hadn't been expecting to feel.
Helplessness.
Kakashi must have been somewhere, somewhere far beyond her capacity to detect. But the worse was that she no longer had vision of the target whom she was to protect Tazuna from.
Pause.
Try to think with reason.
Try.
She willed herself to slow her breathing, in hope that it may become inaudible.
Staring into the mist, she once again found nothing. Wherever her eyes would dart, wherever her vision took her, nothing could be seen. Slowly, she recounted her lessons from the Ninja Academy. Slowly, she remembered being instructed, warned that deprivation of one or more senses within combat was far from abnormal.
She remembered it now. But when it came time to keep herself under control, she couldn't do it. She couldn't see. Kakashi. Naruto.
… Let alone Sasuke.
However hard she would strain her eyes; the wholly unnatural mist would only remind her once more of the plight that had been thrust upon her. How outclassed they, sans Kakashi, really were.
Yet despite her inability to see through the mist, one thing remained.
The sound of splashing water, the residual, inevitable result of the lightest, quickest steps possible to human told her that she was in fact, not alone.
Listen to the sound of the water. Like listening to the song of battle.
Listen carefully.
Listen.
And in the next instant, he was at her throat.
…
I'm not afraid anymore.
When Sakura's senses returned to her, dusk had come upon her. She had woken up to the familiar comfort of her bed, to the familiar confines of her room. Her arms felt numb from clutching the pillow, but nonetheless, she felt some veneer of stability. Maybe it would just be temporary, a brief shelter from a storm. Yet for once today, she felt alright. Lying on her side, her eyes remained locked on the window, where light was quickly retreating beyond the horizon. Soon, night would be upon her. And then dawn would approach, and a new day would take its root.
It was… bittersweet.
She let out a deep breath, letting go of the pillow as her gaze fell from the window to the mattress, her gaze now focused on the ripples of the fabric. She couldn't count past a few without losing count. They were as innumerable as they should have been easily counted.
Two… Three?
She was sure that it was three, yet counting still felt far too difficult. And so, she continued to lie there, staring, thinking about what could have happened. Thinking about what should have happened. The future that she had hoped for.
It was there, like watching an alternate reality through the lenses she came to call her eyes. She saw Naruto, sitting up at the hospital bed, bandaged, yet smiling. He was injured, yes, but even he would pay no heed to it. For he had succeeded. For Sasuke was back, recovering somewhere in the same unit. Everything would return to normalcy.
Sakura stood at the door, excitement coursing through her veins. She had already heard the news, but seeing them in person would mean much more than word of mouth. After Naruto, she would visit Sasuke. And after that, she would go home, breath out a sigh of relief.
Life would resume.
She smiled, for what felt like the first time today, letting an eye slip to watch through the slight crack of the door. It was as she had expected.
Everything was alright.
"Naruto?" She finally spoke, letting her presence be known. "Naruto, how are you?"
And when the boy turned, and their eyes met, she saw the warmest, brightest smile she had ever seen. Something nothing but the utmost happiness, pride, and satisfaction could bring into fruition. Something special.
"I'm okay, Sakura-chan!"
And yet in that instant, reality resumed its passage, and when Sakura readjusted her vision, she realized that she had once more lost count. Somewhere, sometime, without her even knowing, she had shifted the distribution of her weight. She would never ascertain the number of ripples that had been there before. But for some reason, she suddenly felt as if it was irrelevant. Like everything else before her. She looked again at the bedsheet, analyzing the pattern, this time her mind sharper, clearer. She counted four ripples. Exactly four.
Exactly one more than before.
I'm not afraid anymore.
To the right of her, Sakura faintly caught the noise of indistinct footsteps and chatter. Her parents were home. Surely, they must have heard something. Surely, this encounter would be anything but pleasant. Surely, this would be difficult to explain. But she had never felt this resolve before. So even when that door swung open, even when her parents, shrouded by the dark room were upon her, she didn't budge. For she knew. She knew before that door opened, knew before the footsteps had made their mark.
"Sakura?!"
"Sakura are you alright? We heard…"
No more.
Her eyes fluttered open, revealing to her the worried expressions of her parents. She saw shock. She saw worry. She saw confusion. She saw fear. But those weren't the things she was feeling right now. She felt a new sense of renewal and a will to fight. Naruto may be dead. Sasuke may be gone. But to allow that to shackle her, to allow it to pin her down was not an option that she could follow through with. If not for herself, then for her fallen comrades.
For those who would still be there for her.
Ino.
She would continue to carry the beacon of hope for Konoha in their stead.
"Tou-san, Kaa-san, I have something to tell you."
