Chapter 3: A Moment of Recklessness
"You do not have to stay with me," Byakuya said, looking up at the red-haired man who stood, looking out the window near his hospital bed, "I imagine that things will move quickly once confirmation comes...if..."
"So you're going to go along with it?" asked Renji, "If it turns out you are?"
"What choice do I really have?" the noble said softly, "Although I feel conflicted, the rules, in this case, are clear. I have to allow them to end it."
"Why?" Renji inquired, frowning, "Taichou, if you feel that the law is unfair or wrong, then you can argue against it. You do not have to accept it quietly. And no one should rush you into anything. You were hurt by that bastard! You have to be feeling..."
"I am fine," Byakuya said quietly, "And I will do as the law dictates. After all, if we are going to have laws, then we must be willing to submit to them, as well."
"But not if they're wrong," Renji objected, "Taichou, the truth is...if I thought that accepting this was really what you wanted to do...if that was where your heart was, then I would understand. But...I'm looking at you. I know you. I know you're not comfortable with this. Can't you ask for some time? Shouldn't you be allowed that...to process? I mean, you tried just ignoring it, but you can't ignore this. If you are pregnant with Aizen Sousuke's baby, then you have no way to escape from the facts of what he did to you."
"And you think I am so weak that I cannot master my emotions about being victimized by him?"
"I don't think you're weak," Renji said, shaking his head, "But the thing is, you still don't remember what happened. You don't know how you would react to something like that until the emotions hit you. It's like...a storm inside a person...like..."
He broke off, looking suddenly uncomfortable.
"Anyway, you shouldn't assume anything. You don't know until it happens to you..."
"You speak as though something like this had happened to you...or to someone close to you," Byakuya said, narrowing his eyes.
Renji bit his lip gently and lowered his eyes. He started to answer, but stopped as Unohana taichou entered the room with a troubled look on her face. Byakuya read her expression and released a soft, anxious breath.
"I imagine that I do not have to ask what you found," he said, his hands folding across his midsection, "The child is his, then?"
"Yes," said the healer solemnly, "So, by law, I am required to report this to Central 46 and await a confirmation order to terminate the pregnancy. You will have to remain here until that order is confirmed, then the procedure will be done. I have a counselor coming in to speak to you about what will happen, and to answer any questions and address any concerns you have."
Byakuya sat in silence for a moment, just looking straight ahead with a blank, unreadable expression. Renji had seen him look that way before, and knew that he was struggling inside.
"Arigato, Unohana taichou," the noble said finally.
The healer nodded sadly and then left the room. Renji moved away from the window and sat down in a chair by the bed. Byakuya continued to stare blankly ahead, saying nothing, but engaging in a mental battle that Renji understood all too clearly.
"You okay, Taichou?" he asked, already knowing how Byakuya would answer.
"I am fine," the noble said, as he had expected the man would.
But having known and observed his taichou for as long as he had, Renji saw the things that other people would have missed...the deep torment beneath the calm in the noble's smoky eyes, the slight tremor in the hands that remained folded across his abdomen, as though protecting the baby inside him, the very slight quickening of his breathing and the deep undertone of tension in his spiritual pressure. He bore it for as long as he could, then he met Byakuya's tired, anxious eyes and just let his thoughts escape him.
"I can tell you're not okay with this," he said in a low voice.
"That is what the counseling is for, Abarai," the noble answered, "It is hardly expected that anyone would not have reservations, about having blocked out the memory of a sexual assault, about being pregnant by one's rapist, and about the idea of ending an innocent life. These are extremes that push the heart to the fringes of its tolerance, but as far as having the child, my feelings don't matter. It is the law. I have to obey it."
"Yeah, I get that," the redhead said, shaking his head in frustration, "But...I just...I thought that after what happened with Rukia, that you were convinced that sometimes the law isn't perfect."
Byakuya looked back at him and sighed resignedly.
"Just because the law isn't perfect and I don't agree, doesn't mean that I can openly defy it. Renji, there is a difference between walking on the edges of the law, but still obeying, and going against it altogether. Central 46 does not change the laws according to a person's feelings about them."
"Yeah," Renji agreed, "But there has to be a way to change a law that's wrong or unfair. There must be, ne?"
Byakuya paused, thinking.
"Well...there is, however, I don't know that the way to change this law is for me to disobey it. You know that I have committed myself to obeying the law, Abarai."
"I know," said Renji, unhappily, "I'm just...worried about you, even though you think I shouldn't be. I think that...you are going to have feelings about this that you don't expect. And I think that if you rush through it and don't consider things carefully, you will get hurt even worse than you already have."
The door opened, putting an end to their conversation. A slim, bespectacled woman with graying hair and solemn brown eyes entered the room.
"Kuchiki taichou," she said, nodding in greeting and taking a second chair by the bed, "I am Akimori Chiyo. I was sent by Central 46 to assist you in understanding and coming to terms with the procedure you will undergo."
She looked up at Renji.
"You are Abarai fukutaichou?" she asked.
"Yes, he is," said Byakuya, "I have asked that Renji be allowed to remain with me until the procedure begins."
"Very well," said Chiyo, smiling briefly at the redhead, "Let us begin with the incident that resulted in your pregnancy. Unohana taichou's report indicates that you were in the company of Aizen taichou before his defection, but that your memory of that night has been somehow affected. Can you tell me what you remember?"
Byakuya sighed.
"I had just been informed about my sister's death sentence. I was...taking a walk to clear my head. I wandered farther than I meant to and found myself near Aizen's cabin. I do not recall meeting him or entering his home, nor what happened that night. I woke up the next morning in his bed, wearing no clothes, and he told me that we had had consensual sex."
"Did you have any reason to disbelieve him?" asked the councilor.
Byakuya hesitated for a moment.
"I...no. Except for the fact that I didn't find him the least bit attractive and knew of no reason why I would have gone to bed with him."
Renji opened his mouth to speak, but stopped at the sight of the sharp glare Byakuya gave him. Chiyo caught the exchange and lowered the clipboard that she was holding. She looked from Renji to Byakuya and sighed softly.
"Kuchiki taichou," she said, looking into his eyes, "Perhaps I should ask again. Do you know of any reason why it might be true that the sexual contact between you was not consensual?"
"I do not know of a reason to believe that...no," the noble answered.
"Were you injured?" the counselor asked.
Renji bit his lip hard and looked at the floor, then looked up again and sighed in relief at Byakuya's answer.
"I was...but Aizen claimed that it was the result of rough lovemaking."
"Had you ever had sex with another man before that?"
"No."
"Have you since?"
"No."
"Kuchiki taichou, do you consider yourself to be heterosexual? Homosexual? Bisexual?"
"I have always considered myself heterosexual. And the only one I have had sexual relations with was my late wife, Hisana."
"Do you feel that you were raped that night?" asked the counselor.
Byakuya froze, remembering the damage to his body, the pain he had been in, and Renji's shocked reaction when he walked in and saw.
"I do not know if I was or was not," he replied stiffly.
The counselor met his eyes squarely.
"I asked you what you feel happened."
"And why does that matter?" Byakuya asked, his gaze turning stony and icily calm, "It does not change either the fact that I am pregnant with Aizen's child or the fact that I will be forced to have the pregnancy terminated."
"How do you feel about this child?" Chiyo asked.
"What?" Byakuya asked, looking surprised, "Why does that matter? It does not change the child's fate, no matter what I feel."
"Kuchiki taichou," she said, giving him a sympathetic smile, "I understand that. I am trying to decide the best way to assist you in dealing with your feelings about what is happening to you. You were very likely sexually assaulted, but have no memory of it. You are pregnant by a convicted murderer and traitor. And whatever your feelings about the child are, you have no control over what happens to the child."
"I am accepting of these things," Byakuya said calmly.
"You are discounting your emotions about these things," the counselor said with certainty, "However...I do feel that you have done something positive in allowing your fukutaichou to remain with you. He seems to understand very well what happened and what you are saying and not saying. Still, I want to be sure that you understand the procedure you will undergo, and that you plan ahead for the likely aftermath of it."
"I was informed that it is not a difficult or painful procedure..." Byakuya began.
"But it is the ending of a child's life."
"Are you attempting to make this more difficult for me to endure?" asked the noble, "I am resolved to obey the law and have the procedure. Why do you ask questions that seem meant to ignite my emotions about that? It is not as though Central 46 is going to change their decision because I want to keep this baby."
The counselor's eyes softened.
"So...you do not truly believe this pregnancy should be terminated?" she asked gently.
Byakuya went silent for a moment.
"I am determined to obey the law," he said solemnly, his defenses snapping into place around him.
"But, Kuchiki taichou," the counselor said with equal poise, "You just told me that you want to keep this child."
No one spoke for several awkward minutes.
"The procedure is, as you say, a matter of fact," Chiyo said finally, "It will happen as soon as the confirmation order arrives. Is there anyone else besides Renji and me who you would like present to wait with you before or to tend to you after?"
"Will there be a need to stay after?" Byakuya asked hesitantly, "I thought it was a simple procedure."
"It is...physically," said the counselor, "But we will meet afterwards to determine your needs, as far as the other effects are concerned. Considering what you have told me, I am thinking that you should plan for several counseling sessions after the procedure."
"Why?" Byakuya asked, "If there are no physical effects to be concerned about, I can manage."
"There is no shame in allowing yourself to be counseled," Chiyo assured him, "And given the facts of your situation, I would strongly recommend it. But of course, you will not be compelled to accept help unless you wish it."
"You should think about it, Taichou," Renji said quietly, "Sorry for butting in..."
Chiyo smiled.
"Kuchiki taichou wanted you present, Abarai fukutaichou. You are not butting in."
"I will consider it," said Byakuya, looking down at where his hands rested on his abdomen.
"Very well," said Chiyo, "I will leave you to speak privately for a while. I will be back to prepare you when the confirmation order arrives."
"Arigato," Byakuya said, nodding in parting.
The counselor rose and left the room. Renji sat silently beside Byakuya, watching the noble's face out of the corner of an eye. Byakuya remained where he was, still looking down at his trim abdomen and resting his hands there.
"Is...is there anything I can do, Taichou?" Renji asked, "You want me to tell Rukia what's going on? Find anyone else? Anything?"
"No, Abarai, arigato. I am grateful to you for asking."
"You're welcome, Taichou."
He watched the slow rise and fall of the noble's breast as he breathed, and felt a sad twinge inside at how his breath quickened and his hands trembled softly whenever footsteps sounded out side the door. He knew better than to say anything else, but the emotion simmered inside him and increased his own nervous responses as they waited together. And when the footsteps finally stopped at Byakuya's door, and the door opened, Renji saw Byakuya's breath catch and his body quiver and could barely hold back.
"Kuchiki taichou," said Unohana taichou, entering the room with the counselor behind her, "The order for the termination of your pregnancy just arrived. The surgical team is preparing, and I will prepare you for the procedure."
Byakuya said nothing, but nodded in response.
The healer walked to the bed.
"I will need to sedate you for the procedure," Unohana explained, "Then we will move you to the surgical unit to perform the operation. I will apply a compound to break down the cohesiveness of the area over the reiatsu chamber, and will then remove the chamber and allow you time in recovery for the anti-cohesive to wear off. The procedure will take about a half hour, with two hours in recovery after, and you will be able to go home after that, as long as everything goes as planned...which I am fully expecting it will."
"I see," said Byakuya in a low, controlled tone.
"Do you have any other questions before we begin?" asked Chiyo.
Byakuya shook his head quietly, but Renji's heart broke at the tension he sensed in the noble's body and reiatsu.
Damn it, he's not okay with this. I know he's not.
But what can I do?
He watched as Unohana leaned over the noble and lifted his arm, preparing to start the IV and make him sleep. Byakuya flinched, his eyelids fluttered and his lips twitched as the healer prepared to insert the IV.
"Wait," he said, pulling his arm away and looking at her with widened eyes, "I...I need a moment."
Unohana looked at him sympathetically.
"I understand," she said, remaining where she was.
Chiyo stepped forward.
"Are you all right?" she asked, "Is there anything I can do?"
"You cannot delay this?" he asked, shakenly.
"No," said the counselor, "And you must realize that it would only be more difficult emotionally for you if we did."
Renji caught his breath in surprise and felt another jolt of emotion inside as Byakuya's hand slipped into his. The touch seemed to calm him. He nodded to Unohana.
"Go on, then," he said, closing his eyes.
The healer inserted the IV, then prepared to add the anesthesia. Byakuya watched with still-widened eyes as it went in, then sudden emotion rose onto his face and he tore the IV out of his arm and leapt out of the bed.
"I c-can't do this," he panted, his eyes glazing over from the anesthesia that had gotten into his system.
"It is all right, Kuchiki taichou," Chiyo said calmly, coming around the side of the bed and starting towards him, "It will be over quickly."
Renji caught sight of a syringe in her hand and felt his control disappear. He was on his feet in an instant as Chiyo flash stepped forward and injected the sedative. He caught the noble as he collapsed and held him close, backing up to the window.
"Abarai fukutaichou," said Chiyo, "You may think that you are protecting him, but you are only going to make things worse. In addition to placing your taichou on the wrong side of the law, you will face trial yourself."
The door opened and a hospital security team entered the room. Renji glared at them and raised a hand, threateningly.
"Don't come near us," he warned them, "You are not touching him. I am getting him the hell out of this place!"
He didn't wait for an answer, but turned and blasted the window out, then threw the unconscious noble over his shoulder. He flash stepped away, ignoring the calls for him to stop and the sirens rising up behind him.
"Shit, shit shit," he panted as he ran, "What the fuck do I do? How do I get us outta here?"
A general alarm began to sound as Renji flash stepped through the rainy streets, thankful there weren't many people around. He heard his name and Byakuya's mentioned over the loudspeaker and knew his time was running out.
"Damn it!" he gasped, ducking into an alley and watching as a search team passed, "Damn it! What do I do? I can't get through the senkaimon. They'll have it closed down before I get there!"
He backed into the shadows, taking cover behind the dumpsters at the back of a bar. As he sat, holding Byakuya against him and wondering what to do, he saw two men walk out the back door of the bar and look around. Not seeing anyone, one of the men withdrew something from his pocket and a small garganta opened.
"Wh-what the fuck?" Renji whispered.
He heard voices at the end of the alley as the two men disappeared and the garganta they had opened began to close. Knowing that it was the only thing left to do, he picked up Byakuya and ran for the opening, slipping inside, just as it closed. He saw an exit just ahead and raced towards it, hoping it would lead somewhere relatively safe.
He dropped down, out of the exit and found himself in a place that was obviously Hueco Mundo, but stunned him for the fact that humans, shinigamis and hollows seemed to be everywhere. The area was a small collection of bars, dance clubs and gambling halls.
"Damn," he whispered, "I've heard these places existed, but I never..."
"Hey," said a gruff voice, "Is your friend, there okay?"
Renji turned and found himself face to face with a huge, male hollow with surprisingly friendly yellow eyes and well groomed brown hair.
"Name's Ryota. I am a bartender here, but I also know some healing. You need some help?"
"Y-yeah," Renji stammered, "I...look, I need to avoid any...you know, trouble."
Ryota gave a hearty laugh.
"Well, then, you're in the right place for that...erm...?"
"Oh...Renji," the redhead said, shifting Byakuya's limp body to shake the hollow's rough hand, "And this is Byakuya. We need to get somewhere out of the way. We have some people we're kinda anxious to avoid."
"Don't we all," chuckled the hollow, "Well, come this way, Renji. I just got off a shift and was about to go home. I can heal your friend and give you a place to stay for the night."
"R-really?" asked Renji, "But you don't..."
"I have a pretty good sense about people," Ryota said, turning to lead them on, "And I can tell you're not a bad sort, Renji-san. Come now, people will start to notice if you hang about too long."
Renji patted the unconscious noble's back.
"Don't worry, Taichou. Looks like we bought some time."
He shifted the noble on his shoulder and followed the big hollow down the crowded street.
