Trina's Return
Disclaimer: Do not own Victorious or CSI
A/N: It's going to be a couple chapters before she actually goes back to LA, it's all about timing. The serial killer murders are what is going to be taking her back there, you'll see.
Chapter 3 (Megan's Feelings)
The next morning, Trina was driving her silver 2030 Nissan Murano, taking Megan to school for the day. Megan was sitting in the passenger seat, though she wasn't supposed to, and her pink backpack was in the back. "Mom, why do we have an van? I always wondered about that." She had no solid answer, she just liked the feel and safety of a larger SUV. It was a bit much for a family of three. "The kids at school ask about that because they never see you dropping anyone else off at school."
"I just think we're safer in a car like this than a smaller vehicle." Vegas was a dangerous place to drive, she never trusted it all that well. She stopped at the stop sign before the turn in to the school parking lot. She wanted to go inside and have a talk with Megan's teacher about why it was that her daughter wasn't being made to participate in group activities in class.
Megan put her hand to the side of the door where the window was and gazed out, humming to herself. "You know, if you go in with me, people are going to wonder if there's been a murder." Trina laughed as her daughter perked up a toothy grin. "Everyone at school knows you work as a police officer."
"Actually sweetheart, it's a CSI agent. There's a slight difference, but police officer works fine." She winked and Megan laughed. She turned into the parking lot and drove to a parking space with blue lines, indicating visitor parking. Megan reached in the back seat for her pack. Trina watched her in silence, lamenting over the conversation she had last night with Charlie. It broke her heart to know that Megan had no friends at the school. She wanted to do everything to make things right, to make sure her daughter was happy, but this was one of those things it felt like she couldn't solve. She had to, she was a mom, she had to solve every problem her daughter had. "Sweetheart, can I ask you something?"
"Sure mom." Megan pulled the backpack up and met her eyes. She had a very sweet and caring look in her gaze. How could a child so happy have little friends? Megan tilted her head and whined out her concern. "Is something the matter, mom?"
"Well your dad and I were talking…he said your teachers were saying that you weren't being social or making friends? Is there something wrong?" Megan's lips formed a circle and she quickly shook her head.
"That's my own doing, I just like to do my own thing. I like to write, Momma. So at lunch I try to not be distracted by other kids and work on some poems and stuff."
"But if you don't socialize, then how are you going to make friends?" Socialize? She had to double back a little on that statement, for when she socialized back in the day, people never gave her a chance. Or moreover, her sister's friends never gave her a chance, she never attempted to socialize with others, except for Sinjin at least. He was a decent friend. She had to make sure her daughter didn't fall into the same trap! "Also, if you socialize with the wrong people-"
"It's okay momma, I have my reasons." Megan reached over and hugged her, then leaned up to kiss her cheek. Trina smiled at her daughter and wrapped her arms around her as well. She was afraid for her, scared that if she didn't start making friends now, it would affect her in the future. "Momma, people like me at school when I do talk to them. So if I want to make friends, I will."
"Well then, you should show me some of those poems you say you write."
"I will, Momma." She didn't understand, why were the teachers saying something wrong if nothing was wrong? Are you coming inside? Be prepared, my class might want you to talk about your job."
"Why is that?" She laughed. Megan gave her an innocent, but mischievous grin and opened up the door.
"I might have talked about you a million times or so."
"I see."
Once inside the school and the classroom, Megan rushed to the desk in the back of the room. A group of students made their way to her. Trina walked up to the teacher, a husky woman in a purple shirt and long blonde curls. The woman glanced up at her and extended her hand, smiling gently as Trina took the handshake offer. "Hi, I'm Trina Russell. Megan's mother."
"Yes, we've heard about you. Mrs. Tucker, by the way. How is work? Megan's always going on about your 'adventures', she's quite the storyteller." The woman chuckled and winked, "You may have a future author on your hands."
"Who knows. God knows I'm proud of that little girl…but I'm here because I wanted to ask about your concerns regarding her social behavior?" When she was just a kid, she actually did have social anxiety. It waned after a while, but came back full blast after Tori joined Hollywood Arts. Even throughout college, she was scared to death of trying to make friends, mostly because she thought nobody would accept her.
Tori may never have realized it, but her friends screwed her mental state up so badly that she went without a single friend for so many years. Even now, she was still closed to people and held them away at arm's length, distrusting just about everyone. The only one that ever made it inside was her initial family. Charlie, Megan of course, her mentor and father in law, and a couple members of the CSI team.
She blamed Tori and her friends for it all. She didn't want Megan going through the same troubles, but from their conversation in the car, it sounded like she didn't have those troubles.
As she looked over to her daughter, she saw her chatting with the group of kids in the corner. A curious thing, really. She was holding her notebook and pointing with a pencil at her own writing while explaining it. Was it another poem? A story? Either way, she didn't display the same social anxieties that Trina had growing up.
"She doesn't seem to have any social anxiety. Megan told me just now in the car that she just hasn't been willingly making lasting friendships with anyone, that if she wanted to, she would…"
"Right, she doesn't appear to have that, it's just as you said; she's not making friends. A girl her age should, but she's engrossed in the poems and stories she writes. I have seen her turn down an offer to play on the playground at recess so she can write." Trina rubbed her chin and frowned, glancing over to Megan once more. This wasn't good news. It was great she had a hobby, but she had to remember that making friends was important. "Now I know it's not my place to parent, and I think you're doing a wonderful job, but I think you need to convince her to at least form a friendship with someone."
"Yeah…I'll have to talk to her about that."
"Oh, and um, I'm sorry if I'm overstepping personal bounds here, but, have you and your husband considered a second child? Adoption maybe?"
"What?" She snapped her gaze back to the teacher, appalled that she would suggest that. Though, she was more stunned because it was a topic that was current in her life. "Charlie and I have talked about it, but I'm not sure if I want to make that decision right now…"
"Well. I apologize, it's just, she wrote this poem and left it on her desk a couple weeks ago…" Trina followed Mrs. Tucker to her desk and watched nervously as the woman opened a drawer and looked through the papers. She stopped on one and pulled it out, pointing to the sheet with a concerned gaze. "I think Megan might be feeling a little lonely at home."
"I don't see why she would, she has her father and she has me."
"I know a lot of people who are single parents, and there's nothing wrong with that, but Mrs. Russell…a lot of kids that grow up without a brother or sister tend to have social issues later in life. Before I was a teacher, I was a counselor, and I can tell you there are both pros and cons of raising a child as a single child."
She started to look at the poem, but took her eyes away to listen to the teacher. "And that would be?"
"Well there are many who feel one child is enough, but you have to think about both pros and cons. Sure, the pros would be there's only one child to think about, one child to care for and extra children can have the decisions such as schools and the needs of each child can differ." Right, she understood that having another child would mean more decision making. There's never any disagreements with just one child, she and Charlie experienced that essentially. "Sure another pro is that you don't have to worry about 'playing favorites'."
"That's a big one for me…Grew up with a sister, she got everything she ever wanted. She was the prize, the trophy child, I was…nobody…" The teacher paused, looking at her with a deep sorrow. "So I understand more than ever the pros of an only child."
"Right…so you don't want to feel like Megan will have the same troubles you went through?"
"I'd like to avoid that, yes. More children means I have to divide time, worry that one will feel attention isn't enough, and so on. I want to protect Megan, I don't want to make her upset in any way."
"I see…"
"So…what are the cons?" She was genuinely interested in knowing what was bad about having an only child. It was hard to believe there was anything wrong with it, and sometimes, she actually had wished she was an only child. The teacher folded her arms and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly.
"No matter what there is there's always going to be a con where there are pros, and vice versa. One thing is the most obvious, the child will become lonely." Trina felt her heart sink and she immediately wanted to protest, shout that Megan couldn't possibly be lonely, but she withheld her opinion on the matter. "If there's not a sibling to play with, the child can become lonely, bored, neighbor kids and friends may not be available to play with. If your child has siblings, they won't have to worry about that."
"Well I-"
"Tell me Mrs. Russell, you said your sister was a 'trophy sister', correct?" She bowed her head and narrowed her eyes. The teacher put her hand to her shoulder and gave her a reassuring look. Where was she going with this?
"Spent all her time with her friends, did everything possible to not include me. I never had anything to do with her, I may as well have been an only child because that's how it felt…"
"You were lonely, then?"
"Yeah…"
"You're so afraid of Megan going through the same things, but you went through that same loneliness an only child goes through."
She scoffed briefly and closed her eyes. "Move on please."
"Well. Another issue is children that are an only child might not learn much about give and take, sharing is important to teach. They won't have a sibling to share their toys with, and without another child, they won't learn to share things." She frowned at the thought of her daughter growing up not learning to share, she needed to be able to teach that essential life lesson to her. "They can also become too spoiled, expecting everything to be given to them. You can therefore afford to give them the best, they may expect the best, and that can cause some unrealistic issues when it comes to adulthood…"
"I can understand that…"
"Next you have to deal with, and this is big because your job itself raises the question of you passing." She raised an eyebrow and felt a lump forming in her throat. "Not only will their family size be very small when they have kids, their children won't have cousins or aunts and uncles unless it's on the other parent's side. The problem is also, they themselves won't have the support of a brother or sister to help them if something were to happen to you and you were to pass. They'll be alone."
"Yeah, I guess…"
"If you and your husband have already passed, your child won't have a brother or sister to rely on if they become sick or are in need of something. It's nice to know siblings that have your best interest in mind."
"Would be nice, yeah."
"I can understand your hesitation to bring another child into your family, and it's never a decision to be made lightly. Something that needs to be handled with care. In the end, everyone's opinion on the matter is different and sibling relationships are unpredictable. You said yourself, you had a bad relationship with your sister and you have a good reason for being afraid of how a sibling might affect your child. What's important though, is I think you should talk about how she feels in regards of that…Now that I've said all that, if you'd turn your attention to your daughter's poem real quick…This is the reason I'm concerned for your daughter."
With a heavy, defeated sigh, she lifted up her daughter's poem and read the words. Her heart broke as she read over words that Megan never once expressed to her.
My Mystery Aunt
I never knew you, wish I did
You hurt my mom long ago
It was her happiness you undid
Don't say you didn't know
I want a brother or sister, but can't have one
It's because of what you did to my mom
Knowing you might have been fun
Sometimes I envy mom
She had a sibling, even if you didn't care
She had someone to talk to…
Even if you weren't there
Maybe I could have had someone too
Wish you two talked again
Siblings should never be apart, I think
I would never have let my sister get on that plane
But I'd never let her sink
I guess I wouldn't know how that goes
If I had a sister, she'd be important to me
Guess it was your friends you chose
That should never be!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset
Still, I'd love to meet you!
Mom wouldn't allow it, I bet
Still, what I say is true
Well never meet and I won't have a brother
Because mom doesn't believe in that
If it's not one thing, it's another
Her decision is because you were a brat
If it were something else, I'd understand
Fact is, it's only because of you
Because you couldn't take a stand
I'm alone at home thanks of you
All the other kids have brothers and sisters
I envy them all because they're happy
It doesn't matter much
I just want momma to be happy
So I guess I'm not sure, really
Maybe I don't want to meet you, ever
It seems silly
I could take whichever
So this is to you
My Mystery Aunt
I do wish I knew you
Maybe it's better that I can't…
Trina folded the paper and pushed it into her pocket. Her eyes were misty and her heart was racing. "She never told me she was concerned about any of that…"
"Megan cares the world about you, she probably worries about whether or not you'll be in good shape if she did bring any of it up?"
"I need to let her know she can talk to me about anything…but okay, thank you for your concerns Mrs. Tucker. I'll let you get to your class." She left the teacher and walked over to her daughter, kneeling beside her desk. Megan looked over at her with a fading smile and growing concern.
"Mom? Are you crying?"
"No honey, I…" She swept her eyes and cleared her throat. "I just have something in my eyes, that's all." She hugged Megan close and closed her eyes. "I love you, sweetie."
"Love you too, Mom."
"You know you can talk to me about anything, okay?"
"Okay…" Megan raised an eyebrow and hugged her back. Trina kissed her forehead and stood up.
"You have a good day all right, and play with some of the kids, all right?"
"Okay Momma. I'll see you after school?"
"Yes sweetie. I'll see you after work."
"Okay momma, you have a good day. Love you!"
Leaving the school, she pulled out the poem and read it over once more, her hands trembled and her chest ached. Two big concerns in her daughter's life were brought to her attention, and she wasn't aware that her daughter had these feelings? She was ashamed of herself! There was one thing she couldn't help, one thing she couldn't control, she couldn't just up leave to LA to see the sister she left twenty years ago.
She understood Megan's desire and confliction over wanting to see the aunt she never met, but it was more than just a stubborn pride that was keeping Trina from allowing it to happen.
The only other thing was Megan's apparent desire for a brother or sister. How could she make her daughter happy with desires that seemed so high on the scale? These were serious matters, for serious discussion. She sniffed her nose and pocketed the poem before hurrying off to her car.
There was more to her sordid tale than what met the eye. She hadn't simply left LA because of the neglect and the name calling, no that was all a catalyst at best. Twenty years left her with little time to cope with the event that made her realize she was truly cared by no one. An event that was the final straw to break the camel's back. She couldn't simply tell her daughter what had happened to her so long ago, but Charlie knew and so did DB.
And Tori's friends were to blame. More than nearly killing her on stage by cutting a rope, more than calling her worthless and piling her with emotional abuse. They opened the door to a more physical pain, setting the stage for the biggest embarrassment and shame of her life, and it all started with that infernal song Cat and Robbie sang to her in regards to her being dumped by that boy, Seth, so long ago.
So what do you think of Megan's poem (and yes it's an original poem that I wrote!), as well as the teacher's advice? Seems Megan doesn't have the social anxiety Trina worries about, perhaps Megan will choose to get some good friends. Also about the ending thoughts at the end, yes something happened hat was meant to be more of a prank against Trina, but the details of this 'prank' will be revealed much later. Tori, never quite knew. Well, next chapter is to come
