Work was going by really slow and Nicky was hungry. She didn't eat breakfast, she lost her appetite thanks to what Mendez told her, what he planned to do.
Half a day.
Nicky had been Mendez's "little spy", he called it, for half a day and already it felt like forever. The worst part was keeping it from Red. She asked so many times what was wrong or how she could help. Nicky wasn't going to risk telling her flat out because she believed Pornstache. She knew that he wouldn't hesitate to off her, that's what he wanted anyways, he was just waiting on a reason. And Nicky would rather die herself than to be that reason. Even the hypothetical thought brought Nicky to tears. At the same time, every time Red asked her what was wrong that morning, Nicky felt so heartbroken. She knew Red was just being her mother. To ease Red's mind, Nicky came up with an idea while she was trying to fix the lightbulb.
*In the kitchen just before lunch*
"Norma would you open that box and wash the lettuce? I've got to cut up the onions." Red was taking charge like she always did. Some people thought she was too snobby or rude with the little authority running the kitchen gave her but if you knew her, you would know that that is just how she talks; she cared too deeply about her girls in the kitchen to actually intend to be rude.
Nicky was walking in and stood off to the side. Almost instantly Red looked up from cutting the onions, saw her and gave the smallest of smiles, however she looked right back down and continued to chop away. Her daughter came to her, she wasn't about to scare her away by prying as to why she had come down here. Red knew.
"Hey, Ma."
"Hello, Nicky."
Silence.
"What's for lunch?"
"Mashed potatoes. But I'm also going to make a salad."
"Boxed mashed potatoes?" A little frown forming at the corners of Nicky's mouth.
"Not for you. I know how you like them: washed, peeled- but not all of the way because you like some shreds of the skin, and beat- by hand and not mixer because it's easier to make sure there are little chunks of potato in with the mashed."
"Sounds like a lot of work for only one person to eat those potatoes that way." Butted in Gina from the back behind the prep table.
Nicky's cheeks went a little red with embarrassment.
"Nonsense. I'd do almost anything for my girls, Gina you know that, you all know that." Red said matter of factly, looking over her shoulder at Gina. Looking back at Nicky she continued but in a whisper so that only Nicky could hear, "And for you, I'd do anything."
That light hearted and fluffy feeling that always came when Red made any kind of reference that she was her favorite or even just the fact that she was her daughter, filled Nicky with so much love for her mom. Being reminded of this, she decided it was time to get on with the reason why she came down here.
"So, eh, Mom. Do you have a couple of minutes to spare this evening?" She was talking like Red was the busiest sales woman she knew and she was in the middle of making a big deal.
"Yes, of course, sweetheart." Red was relieved.
"Ok."
"Do you want me to come to your bunk after dinner?"
"Umm, it's got to be later than that. Can you come at like 10?"
"I'll be there."
"Thanks."
And before another word could be uttered by either one of them, she walked away.
Nicky walked out of the back and went to sit down with the rest of the girls who were just arriving for lunch.
"Well look who it is." Boo was the first one to sit down.
Morello went straight for a hug, which Nicky could've used. "Where have you been? Are you alright? I've been so worried!" All of this was muffled due to her face being nestled against Nicky's shoulder.
"It's only been like 5 hours." Nicky said, trying to lighten her mood.
"Well...I suppose. But still, are you ok?"
"I will be. Don't worry." They sat down next to each other.
Thankfully, lunch went by like normal. Everyone seemed happy like they all usually were and the conversation flowed nicely like it usually always did. And that's the way Nicky came across on the outside. But on the inside, Nicky was filled with fear and terror. She was so afraid that she was going to tell Red something and Red would tell Mendez to back off. Even if Nicky told her that if Pornstache found out that she knew anything about his plan then he would kill her, Red would still confront him. She was stubborn like that. She was protective like that. That's Mom, Nicky's her little girl. It made Nicky think of the conversation they had just an hour ago..."And for you, I'd do anything."
Ma...
Lunch was over. Dinner was over. Before they knew it the inmates' day was coming to an end. Nicky looked at the clock in the hall: 8:15. She was walking to her bunk keeping her head down, thinking about how she was going to word this all to Red and then...umpfh.
"Hey watch were you're-"
"Where are you off to, my little spy?"
Clearly startled, Nicky tried to keep her voice from shaking, "I was on my way to my bunk."
"Not yet you're not. Come on."
Pornstache took her by the arm and directed her down the hall in the opposite direction and into a utility closet.
"Ok, this is the part where you don't say a word and take this. All of it." He stuck out his hand with a bag of heroin in it.
Nicky hesitated. She was in such a clean state that just that one time this morning didn't make her want more. But she knew her body- this would give her the cravings, she was sure of it. This would start her on that addictive path that she hated so much.
"You need to do this. We aren't leaving until you do, and even then you should probably stay behind so the high can wear off. Wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious."
Trying to stall she suggested, "Won't people get suspicious once I start detoxing?"
"Well that's just the thing, Junkie. You're not going to detox- not yet anyway. I'll give you some before that happens this time, don't you worry your pretty little head about that."
"This time? What about next time?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Now come on, snort up."
She had no choice, she did just that.
As the amount of heroin was getting smaller and smaller, Pornstache said "It's better if you don't hesitate next time. You hesitate, I think that you're second guessing this whole thing. You're showing me that you think you have a choice in the matter and let me tell you, you don't. Don't let me think that you think weaseling your way out of this is possible, because it's not. That Russian bitch is going down and it will be all your fault. I can't wait! Can you? Yeah, I bet you can, but that doesn't matter."
Nicky managed to take all of the heroin.
"Good. Now you listen to me: stay in here until you think you can go out there without causing attention to yourself. If you leave before and someone notices, the old Moscow Mule dies. Remember our agreement: she finds out about any of this, if she even gets the slightest idea, I'll kill her. I want the timing to be perfect. So she can't find out until I'm ready."
Nicky thought he sounded like a psychopath who thought this was not a big deal.
"I'll see you when it's time for your next dose." And he left the room, locking the door from the outside behind him.
She looked out the window in the door and luckily was able to see the clock on the wall. It was 9:00. It was possible that she was going to be sober enough to talk to Red in an hour. This was the worst high she had ever been on. She decided to feel her emotions. She cried, she shook with anger, she was silent when she decided to feel her fear. She was heartbroken when she thought of Red.
Red.
Mom.
Ma.
Mommy.
Nicky needed her now and where was she? Locked in a closet, high as a kite, and purposely staying away from her. Oh how Nicky wished this had been her own doing so she could just go to her mom and take whatever punishment she wanted to give her and then everything would be back to normal eventually because Nicky would never do drugs again. Not knowing what else to do, she looked at the clock: 9:55. She evaluated how she felt...she was almost alright.
I'll just go to the bathroom and wash my face before I get to my bunk, she thought, and she did. She left the room and headed to the bathroom.
After washing her face and taking a few deep breathes, she headed to her bunk. It was 10:01 and Red was sitting on her bed already.
"Where have you been?"
"Oh, Mommy." She sobbed and threw her arms around Red's neck.
Without letting go of their embrace, Red walked backwards towards the bed so that they could sit, all the while hugging ever so tightly. Once they were situated, Red rubbed small circles on her daughters back to try to calm her down. She was silent, which Red was grateful for- she didn't want to wake anyone up, but she was sobbing. Red whispered to her "Deep breathes. Shhhh. It's ok, I'm here. I'm here." As she was trying her best to soothe her girl, she thought to herself: something tells me it's going to be a sleepless night.
