Fetus

Summary: House wanted to kill the baby. Cuddy wanted to save it. Cuddy turned into House. House stopped trying. What happened?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in House. I wish I did.

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He yelled at me and for once, I didn't care. I couldn't shake off the glowing happiness that was seeping through my pores and demanding that I give into giggly fits of laughter that is so unlike myself. It wasn't the fact that I saved a life. It was the fact that I saved two lives against all odds and all doubt, including House's.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I saw myself in that woman's position. I'll be the first to admit that I desperately want a child, the only problem is my body seems to be in disagreements with my mind. Giving up is right before me, yet I can't make myself step over the line quite yet.

I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the miracle that is a child, a miracle that I couldn't just give up on. So I turned into House and sat back and watched. I took risks I never thought I would. I took steps and crossed lines that I should have watched and refused. Yet I was completely blindsighted.

Truth be told, I don't regret one second of it.

When I look at House, I'm confused. I will never be able to understand him. He's famous for pushing his patients to all sorts of limits, finding out just how durable each patient is, yet he was completely unmotivated to act on this patient. He wanted that baby gone. All he was doing was focusing on the women and with no trace of the usual cynicism and the risk taking factor that I have learned to connect him with. It was as if he cared about the women's life and wanted nothing to endanger it.

However, I'll never forget the look on his face when that baby grabbed his finger. He hesitated and just watched it. Something I have never seen House do. Perhaps the tin man does have a heart.

I don't regret nearly killing him though. I knew he would jump out of the way, just like he knew I would keep going. That's the part of relationship I completely trust to always come through. Predictability.

When he told me that my maternal instinct caused me to do what I did, I felt the first flicker of hope. He told me I sucked a mother, though I have long ago forgiven him for that. My maternal instinct saved two lives. Maybe I won't be a hopeless mother afterall. I'm trying again. Screw the heartbreak I'll probably suffer, but not trying is even harder.

I bought him a plane ticket partly out of guilt partly as a peace offering. I knew he wanted a vacation and I forced him to stay. He obeyed to my surprise. Something tells me that I wasted my money, however. He won't go. I know he won't. I don't know how I know, but something tells me that the last thing he wanted to do was leave. Tomorrow when he shows up to work, I won't be surprised. I'll smile at him and then assign him another case. This time, however, I'll step back. I did my part last time. I understand where House comes from now and I've learned new respect for him, but I'm still Cuddy and he's still House. The lines between us have just been blurred.

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She's crazy. I am thoroughly and completely convinced that she is mad, insane. Or at least bipolar. She's the one that always keeps me from stepping over the line. What happened to her?

Truth be told, I know the answer to that one. I know why she did what she did and I don't believe it's selfish. I saw one thing and she saw another. However, in the end it was our beliefs were the things that were different, our view of the patient was one in the same. She was Cuddy, and the parallel was frightening.

That damn camera got a picture of me looking at that patient, only I never saw the patient. I saw Cuddy, so of course I cared. I told Cuddy that she saw herself in the patient. I did too. That's why I didn't give a damn about that baby. I have nothing against children or babies, and I would've tried to save both had it been any other patient. This time, however, I saw it through unobjective eyes.

I saw Cuddy and I saw her dying. The solution was the child and so the child had to go for Cuddy to live. Yes she would've been miserable had I actually done the abortion, but she would've been alive.

I need Cuddy alive and with me. I know I make her life miserable and I know how upset she would be if she lost a child, but I don't care. I need her as the one stability in my life, damn all consequences.

If that's selfish so be it.

Then Cuddy pulled a number I never through she would. She saved them both. She took chances I never expected from her. A completely different Cuddy. I'm not sure she was even all in there for a moment, except I knew her motivation. She cared. I did too, that's why I did what I did.

That baby grabbed my finger and I almost lost it. It was the strangest feeling I'd ever had. I caught Cuddy watching me and well for one dangerous moment, I let myself think of what it would be like to father her child. For one dangerous moment, I was everything I wanted to be and everything that I'll never have.

I tried to quash her efforts, tried to make her feel guilt as she handed me a plane ticket to Vancouver. I don't know why. I still saw it my way. It was either Cuddy or the baby and I chose Cuddy. I saw in her eyes that despite my harsh words, she was still delighted. I could've gone further, hit her in all the areas that I knew would scar and hurt, but I didn't. I realized I liked seeing her as a doctor, friend, happy.

I tore up that plane ticket for a reason. A simple logical reason. She told me to go away and be happy. Well I am. I'm happy right where I am. Right beside her, annoying her until she loses her temper at me, because at that point I know I'm the only one in the world that can make her that angry and also the one that she would trust with her own life and child.

That was a simple, primal trust that I'll cherish.

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Author's Note:

That was an inspiration from last night's episode. I thought it was amazing. I'm so happy. OVER JOYED! Lol I love seeing Cuddy as the doctor and love seeing her right even more. This is my take on the reason for House's behavior, but what do I know? I'm just a crazy Huddy fan. Enjoy everyone!