Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart."
Chapter 3- Coffee with Peppermint
Elizabeth arrived in Chesapeake, dropped Susan off at her home and headed for Virginia Beach. Unintentionally, the vehicle slowed as she passed by FBI Headquarters, and her eyes were drawn to the enormous building with its soft blue lighting and high tech security. "How could he be so close and yet still so far away? If he had forgotten about me all these years ago, why did he suddenly call?" She wondered.
Onyx could sense Elizabeth's nervousness as she stuck her head between the front seats and nudged her arm.
"I'm okay. Hey girl, do you like Carson? You know, I can't have a relationship with someone if the children don't like him," she released a breath in the form of a soft laugh.
Elizabeth pulled into her apartment complex, parked in her spot and began to unload her vehicle. It was dark, almost 10pm, and she was exhausted. She held Onyx's leash with one hand, her overnight bag with the other, and her suit bag was draped over her arm as she walked toward her building. Her phone rang and she wrestled with her belongings, finally retrieving it from her jeans pocket.
"Hi Carson," she announced.
"You sound out of breath. Are you home yet?" He asked.
"We just pulled in. I'm unloading the Explorer. Is it okay if I call you back once I get inside and feed Onyx?" She asked.
"Sure. Just call me back when you get done," He stated.
Elizabeth opened the door to her apartment; Onyx jumped on the sofa and she dropped her bags on the floor in the dining room, "Home, sweet home." She walked into the kitchen, fixed Onyx's dinner, grabbed a bottle of water and headed back into the den.
She sat on the sofa, pulled out her phone and dialed Carson's number. She wasn't certain why, after all she and Jack hadn't seen each other in seven years, but she was nervous when Carson answered.
"Hi Elizabeth; I've missed you," he stated upon answering her call.
"That's sweet. It's been a long day. I wanted to call you back, but I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed. Is it okay if we just talk tomorrow?" She asked.
Carson was already in bed, but sat up when she called, "Sure. We're still spending the day together, right?"
"Oh, I do have something I need to do tomorrow morning," she mentioned.
"Would you like some company?" He asked.
"No, it's something that I need to do alone," she advised.
"Is something wrong? He asked.
She inhaled deeply and realizing that in order to move forward with Carson, she would need to be honest. She explained that Jack had called and wanted to see her.
"Oh, I see. How do you feel about that?" He asked.
"I'm not sure. Right now I just feel tired. Is it okay if we play tomorrow by ear?" She asked as she unintentionally yawned.
Feeling a little uneasy with Jack's return he stated, "I'm sorry if I'm boring you."
"What are you talking about?"
"You yawned…"
"Carson, I have either been driving or riding for the past twelve hours, and I'm exhausted. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yawn in your ear," she remarked.
"Are you sure that you don't want me to go with you tomorrow?" He asked again.
"I really do appreciate the offer, but I don't need protection from Jack…"
"Where are you meeting?" He inquired.
Knowing the answer she chose not to tell him, "I'm not sure. We'll decide in the morning."
She felt an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line, "Are you there?"
"Yes, just not sure how I feel about this," he stated.
"How did you expect me to work out my feelings without seeing him?" She asked.
"I don't trust him," he blurted out.
"You don't even know him," she countered.
She could hear the frustration in his breathing, "If the situation were reversed and I hadn't seen you in years, I would expect him not to trust me if I suddenly wanted to see you."
"It's very innocent. Nothing sneaky, but I need you to understand and trust me. I have to do this," she stated as she demanded his understanding.
"I do trust you. While I'm thinking about it, Christmas break for you starts on the 20th, right?" He asked.
"Yes, we have to go a half day. I'm leaving for Boston on the 21st to visit my family," she reminded him.
"Will you come out to Denver so my family can meet you? You did promise after all," he advised.
"I know I did. We could spend New Year's in Denver. Maybe I could fly out from Boston on the 28th or 29th? Is that okay?" She asked, doing her best to compromise.
"I'll make the arrangements and get your ticket," he stated.
"Thank you. I appreciate that. I need to say good night now; I'm exhausted," she replied.
"Okay, I'll talk with you tomorrow. I love you," he said as if reminding her would somehow make it more real.
"I know. I'll see you sometime tomorrow," she remarked as she hung up the phone.
She walked to her bedroom, sat on the side of her bed and held her head in her hands. She always felt uncomfortable when he told her that he loved her, because she never responded with the same proclamation. "He is such a good man, and I should feel so lucky that he's in my life," she whispered as her eyes focused in on a picture that held a prominent spot on her wall.
She walked across the room, standing in front of the picture as her fingers ran across the canvas. It was a gift for graduation that Jack drew and presented to her as a remembrance of a very special day.
She recalled that day as she and Jack skipped their classes and headed for the beach. She packed a picnic lunch and he took care of bringing the blanket, and music. They parked at their favorite spot, a secluded area of Chick's Beach, and he immediately spread out the blanket and turned on the boom box.
Thinking back to this wonderful memory, she suddenly felt tears pooling in her eyes. She recalled that as the sun went down, Jack pulled out two candles, lighting them before holding out his hand and asking her to dance. At that time in her life, she felt that she had found the man of her dreams. They had been together for eight years, were able to finish each other's thoughts, and she felt certain that he would be her partner for life. She remembered the last song they danced to that evening, "Who Knew" by Pink.
"You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew"
As the lyrics of the song began running through her head she couldn't help but sadly think about the irony of life. She never would have thought that they would have gone their separate ways, but less than a year later their relationship was over, done, and there was no turning back.
Suddenly she wasn't tired; she grabbed a glass of wine from the kitchen and headed back to her bedroom. She changed into her favorite flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, and went to her closet where she retrieved a box. She slipped under the covers, lifted up the lid and stared at the photographic memories of her life.
She laughed at the different Halloween costumes her mother made her wear, with one in particular garnering many awards, although she did not know why. She remembered Amy, the housekeeper, sitting at the kitchen table breaking off the blade of plastic knives and pushing the broken handles into empty single serving cereal boxes. She remembered helping Amy paint "blood" drops on the knives and running down each box with red fingernail polish. These were then stitched onto a black sweat suit.
"Amy, what am I supposed to be?" Elizabeth recalled asking. She let out a soft laugh as she remembered Amy's response, "A Cereal Killer." Although it made her laugh now, back in school she remembered being mortified.
She sorted through pictures of birthday parties, Christmases, and her special dog show wins. She took a deep breath and filed through the photos until she reached the paper that separated these from her special high school and college memories.
She grabbed a handful of memories and pulled them from the box. There was a picture of her with Jack holding a tuna she had caught off the coast of Wrightsville Beach; a picture of her and Jack riding bikes through Shenandoah State Park; a picture of her and Jack dancing the first dance after being named King and Queen at their senior year homecoming dance, and a picture of the sun rising on Hatteras Island, as she and Jack camped with others from school for a recreation class they were taking. Whether or not either of them was in the picture, the revolving theme was that they were together.
The final picture was from the night he told her that he loved her. They were attending a bonfire on the beach in Miami during spring break of their junior year. On that occasion, Jack gave her his class ring on a chain which she gladly accepted. Unbeknownst to either of them, Katie, a girl from St. Louis, took their picture as they stood facing each other along the shoreline. Elizabeth remembered Katie sending it to her and she quickly had it printed and placed it safely in her photo memory box. Even with the sadness that eventually followed, Elizabeth knew that this would always be one of her favorite lifetime memories.
She closed the lid and returned the box to her closet. Although the photos initially brought a smile to her face, it was quickly replaced by sadness and tears. She could only assume that she had made the right decision by sending him off to follow his dream, for if she had actually been more important to him, he would have fought for her. There was no sense in worrying about it; too much time had passed, she was attempting to move on and could only assume that he had done the same. Although, she had to admit to herself that finding out that he had moved on romantically would be more painful than she wanted to admit. Within hours she would know for sure.
She returned to her bed slipped under the warmth and comfort of her covers, pulled her journal from her bag and took a deep breath. She opened the book, flipped to the next blank page and attempted to put her thoughts and feelings down on paper…
"You can't go home again… well literally most of us can. Most of us have the ability, desire and the familial closeness that we can return to the comfort and safe feelings of home. However, is it truly possible to return to the way things once were, and even if we could, would we want to? I have been a firm believer in the 'Things happen for a reason' adage, and although we don't always know why, the actions of the past do lead us into the future. So, does that mean that we accept the way things are? Relationships of the past remain just that, in the past? For if they were meant to be integral parts of our later life, would they have been so irreparably damaged; with each person moving on with a simple wave of their hand, a roll of the eyes or anger that refuses to dissipate?
How do we know that the love of our past isn't meant to be the love of our life? We tell ourselves that we must be considerate to the feelings, desires and dreams of our special someone, when in reality we really want to be selfish. We want to be chosen, to have someone fight for us, to change their dreams to include us, and when that doesn't happen, we assume that it's time to move on and put the experience in our past. Is that the way it is truly meant to be? If we follow the 'Things happen for a reason' thought process, then good, bad or indifferent, according to Doris Day, que sera, sera whatever will be, will be.
Just because you may question the validity of feelings lost, a relationship takes two people and cannot survive on the emotions and feelings of one. It is important to take the time to reflect on the experiences of the past as it guides us into the present and hopefully opening doors for the future. As much as we may have believed that our life was mapped out for us and our emotional wellbeing was secure, having to move on and accept our eventual path is essential. We can only hope that in the end, everyone involved has made peace with the decisions they've made, experiences they've shared and dreams they've pursued."
Jack sat at his dining room table attempting to finish a report that was due on Monday. He was working on paperwork before calling Elizabeth earlier in the day, but once he hung up the phone, he was unable to concentrate. He found that he remained unfocused and could only think about seeing her again in the morning.
His phone chimed signaling a text…
"I'm going Christmas shopping 2morrow. Wanna go?" Brooke asked.
Besides the fact that shopping was not his favorite activity, he had other plans.
"Sorry. I have an appt. 2morrow morning…"
"Everything OK…?" She asked. "R U still sick…?"
"No. Just something I have 2 do…"
"Is it a surprise 4 me…? My Christmas present…?"
Jack thought for a moment. He had bought her a sweater for Christmas, but a recent conversation he'd had with Rosie indicated to him that Brooke was hoping for something more personal. He cared for Brooke, he couldn't deny that, but did he love her and was it enough for the type of commitment she was looking for?
"I'm meeting with an old friend from college. Just catching up…"
"Rosie and Lee want us to meet them at Cheesecake Factory at Towne Center for dinner 2morrow. Is that OK…?"
"Sure… Let me know what time. I'm tired, going 2 bed. C u 2morrow…"
"OK, sleep well…" Brooke cared for Jack. She'd even go so far as to say she loved him. She was aware that he had commitment issues, and even though they had been dating since shortly after he moved to Virginia Beach, he still had not opened up to her.
Jack re-read their text conversation, "I didn't lie. She is a college friend." No, that isn't completely true. He knew that in his heart, she would always be more than just a friend. He released a harsh breath and could only ask himself why he had lied to her. She deserved more and certainly better than what he had just given her.
The next morning Jack arrived at Starbucks thirty minutes early. He grabbed a quiet table in the corner by the window so he could watch for her. He wasn't certain how he would feel when he actually saw her; would those same feelings be there; would she have moved on, and was she happy? Not only did he have Elizabeth to think about, but Brooke's feelings also warranted some concern.
He pulled out his wallet, looked in the secret pocket as his fingers tugged on a picture. As he pulled the photo out, he recalled the evening when it was taken. He and Elizabeth were attending a bonfire while on Spring break in Miami. He remembered telling her on other occasions that he loved her, but this particular night was magical, and the feelings attached to the words made everything seem more real. This was and would always remain his favorite photo of them as a couple.
Working for the FBI, he had the benefit of knowing what she drove. When her vehicle, bearing the "SHO LABZ" license plate pulled in, his heart rate increased dramatically as he watched her park her Explorer. He waited for what seemed like forever before her door opened and she stepped out. She appeared to scan the vehicles, looking for something that she thought he may drive.
Was it actually possible for her to be even more beautiful that the last time he saw her? All he knew was that she immediately took his breath away. Physically their seven years apart had been kind to her, but he was hoping to find out how she had fared emotionally.
He wasn't certain if she had seen him but she stopped suddenly about twenty feet from the entrance and turned around.
"No, no you can't leave…" he stated, not aware at the time that the words had actually passed through his lips. By the time he reached the door and rushed outside, she was almost to her vehicle.
"Elizabeth…" he yelled causing her to immediately stop. "Please don't leave!"
Her eyes were closed and she could picture him. It had been seven years, but she knew his voice. She wasn't thinking about Carson; she wasn't even thinking about Jack, or the lucky woman who she could only assume was now receiving the benefit of his affections. She was thinking of herself, and how she could have ever let him walk away.
She attempted to take a relaxing breath before turning around; although she felt the air enter and exit her lungs, she was far from relaxed. Her heart pounded and she quickly wiped her eyes before turning to face him, "Hi Jack."
'You weren't leaving, were you?" He asked as he approached her.
"No, of course not," she replied, although both of them knew she was.
He opened his arms for a hug, and she entered in, quickly feeling his strength envelope her. Their initial nervousness was replaced by a familiar feeling of home, and a sense that neither one wanted to let go.
They released each other and headed for the door. Always the gentleman, he held the door for her and directed her to the table he had secured in the corner. He helped her with her coat, hanging it on the rack by their table as she took a seat.
"I'll get the coffee, would you care for anything else?" He asked. Once she said "No thank you," he was gone. "You don't know what I drink," she said softly before realizing that she would graciously consume anything he brought back to her.
A few moments later he returned to the table, placing her coffee before her. "If I recall correctly, during this time of year you drink the grande Christmas blend with four Splenda, and three pumps of peppermint," he stated with arched eyebrows and tilted head. "Am I right?"
"How did you remember that?" She asked, finding it hard to believe that after so many years apart, he remembered something as insignificant as her coffee choice.
"I remember everything," he reminded her.
They steered clear of any topics surrounding current romantic involvements, and the reasons that caused them to separate. No other topic was taboo, and after an initial period of 'not knowing what to say' they found themselves laughing and enjoying their time together. Then the emotional questions were asked by both…
"Are you happy?" He asked.
"I think so," she quickly replied. She didn't feel that she was being dishonest, because she was content in most of her life. Even regarding Carson, she cared for him, but would it ever be the same as what she felt for Jack?
"Did you ever get married? Any kids?" He asked, but was relieved that he already knew the answer.
"No…You?" She asked as she felt her breath catch in her throat.
"No," the proclamation rushed passed his lips. What he wanted to say was that no woman, even as special as he found Brooke to be, would ever hold his heart as she had.
She brought the cup to her lips, "Are you seeing anyone?"
He didn't answer, just a slight shake of his head gave her the answer that she knew, but secretly hoped she wouldn't learn.
"What's her name? How long have you been seeing each other?" She asked as she choked on the words.
Jack was an FBI agent, trained to read people, and he was putting all of his experience into reading her. He noticed that her eyes suddenly drifted from his; she began fidgeting with her hands, and her beautiful smile had disappeared from her face. "Her name is Brooke, and we've been dating for about seven months."
"That's a long time. Is it serious?" She asked.
Now it was her turn to attempt to gauge his response.
"She is very sweet, and we have had fun together, but serious? I'm not sure yet," he replied.
His response made her sad and not for the reasons she thought. She assumed that she would want to hear him say that she was all he ever thought of, and that moving on with someone else would be impossible. However, she felt sadness because he hadn't allowed himself to move on, but then again neither had she.
Elizabeth's phone chimed as she looked down before returning her eyes to his.
"Boyfriend?" He asked.
"Yes, but I told him that we were meeting, so I'll call him later," she responded.
"How long have you been dating? Is it serious?" He asked.
Elizabeth began tapping the screen of her phone as she thought for a moment before answering. "We started dating last January, but we broke up for a few months during the summer. We've been dating again since July." She took a sip of her coffee, shrugged her shoulders and pursed her lips, "As for serious? If you asked him, I think he would say it is. I enjoy spending time with him, but we are far from sending out wedding invitations."
Her last statement, for reasons he hadn't fully examined, sent a feeling of warmth that spread throughout his body.
Elizabeth's phone continued to chime, but she refused to respond to the incoming texts.
"Do you need to go?" He asked, silently praying that she wanted to stay.
"Jack, I think both of us need closure here in order to move on," she began, quickly reaching up to wipe a stray tear that threatened to slip down her cheek. "Are you able to stay longer?"
"I'm yours today, so let's talk," he replied, realizing that information presented now could potentially end the uncertainty that he had lived with for the past seven years.
"I'm sorry that I led you to believe that you weren't important to me," she felt the tears coming, and although she willed them to remain hidden, they began to flow unrestricted.
"Why did you push me away?" He asked, reaching over and without thought took her hand in his, squeezing it slightly. He waited for her to pull away, but she didn't.
Elizabeth felt the familiar feeling of electricity that moved through her body with the simple touch of his hand. "Jack, we had known each other for so long. I knew you wanted a career in the FBI. When your chance came along, I was tied to the contract I had signed. I couldn't leave, and you couldn't stay. We had talked before about long distance relationships, and how we didn't want that. What else could I have done?"
He jumped in, "You should have been honest, and told me how you felt. We could have made it work, or I could have taken a position with the local police department. I just wanted to be with you." He reached over and gently wiped the tears as they fell down her cheek. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her like he used to, quickly realizing that he had not felt this way about any other woman since her.
Elizabeth looked around, thankful that the place was relatively empty, but still feeling self conscious at her emotional outpouring.
Jack grabbed her coat, and took her hand, "Come with me."
She grabbed her coffee and they headed for his truck. He opened her door and helped her inside. He jumped in behind the wheel, started the engine and turned on the heat. "Now we'll have some privacy."
"Now, why couldn't you tell me the truth? I loved you, Elizabeth. I would have done anything for you," he stated in a tone that was full of emotion.
Although Elizabeth knew that they had moved on, or attempted to, she felt as though she had been kicked in the gut when he stated that he had loved her, implying that it was in the past. "Jack, I don't think you would have been happy working for a city police force. All you ever talked about, from the time we met, was that your dream was to protect the President of the United States. I couldn't keep you from having that opportunity."
He looked around, becoming emotional himself, and thankful that they had moved out into his truck. He could feel tears welling in his own eyes at the thought of all the years lost. "You didn't have the right to make that decision for me. Did you love me?"
"It's not important now," she replied.
"It's important to me. Did you love me?" He asked again; this time his voice was louder and full of emotion.
She closed her eyes before lowering her head, "More than my own life."
"Then why did you push me away?"
"Why didn't you fight for me?" She softly cried. As she looked into his eyes she saw sadness, and knew that she was the cause. "I can't do this. I have to go…" She grabbed her jacket, purse and phone, opened the door to his truck, got out and ran for her vehicle.
He followed her calling out to her to stop.
She reached her hand out punching the key code to open the door. Three times she tried, and each time she was wrong. In frustration she placed her hands above the door and rested her head on her arms.
Jack put his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her around to face him, "Please talk to me. I have waited seven years to find out what I could have possibly done that turned you away from me."
"You were you, perfect you and you deserved everything," she finally got the door code correct and the lock opened. "You would have given up on your dreams to stay with me, and I couldn't live with that. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I thought I was doing what you needed."
Elizabeth leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek. As her lips touched his skin, his eyes closed; memories of them together flooded him, as tears slipped from his eyes.
Before he realized it she was in her vehicle and pulling away without another word.
Jack watched her pull out of the parking lot, heading down the road and possibly out of his life. "I needed you…I wanted you…I still love you," he whispered.
To be continued…
