AN: The characters belong to DC not me.
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"No Bruce, we are not using black for our wedding decorations."
"But ,Clark, black is far better than blue and red. Black has character."
"It's our wedding,Bruce, not our funeral."
"Exactly Clark, it's our wedding not a Superman fan club meeting."
"At least they are not as depressing as the colour scheme you suggested, Bruce."
"But Clark-"
"Would the two of idiots shut up?" Barry had reached the end of his patience. The party was hijacked by some robbers. Bruce Wayne decided it was the perfect time to show his non existent bravery and did not cooperate with them. Not that Barry wanted to help the robbers. The robbers took offense and took Wayne and Kent hostage for ransom. Unfortunately, they wanted to be more secure and Barry and the rest of the League except Diana ,Superman and Batman, were taken along with them. All of them were transported at gun point from the gala to some cliche abandoned warehouse.
Now they were shackled to the wall with no mode of escape without using their powers which they couldn't use as there were civilians involved. Barry was pretty sure that the rest of the league did not want to expose their secrets to Wayne and Kent considering the latter's profession. So they were in a tight spot. Oliver and Hal seemed to have realised the fact that Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman were their only hope for saving their identities from being revealed. John looked resigned. In the middle of all the chaos instead of panicking Wayne and Kent was bickering about wedding decorations of all things.
"Aren't you guys scared? We've just been kidnapped," asked Oliver. From the tone of his voice Barry knew he was annoyed as well.
"Wayne, you and Oliver should be more careful considering both of you are the ones with cash for ransom," said Hal.
"Don't worry, Ollie. The Justice League will save us," Wayne told cheerfully.
Barry wondered whether he would be so calm if they told him that majority of the league were prisoners with him. He was tempted to tell him so just to wipe that cheery smile off Wayne's face. He hoped that the other three rescued them soon, as he was at the brink of his patience and he might do something idiotic if he had to bear any more of Wayne's and Kent's bickering. He knew he should be flattered for their confidence in the team. But after listening to their petty arguments for hours, he just wanted to get rid of them. They were worse than Batman and Superman and that was an achievement. Their arguments during league meetings were so legendary that he and Ollie sorely missed pop corn at those days. Especially if it was their usual why-did-you-risk-your-life-for-me-I-had-the-situation-under-control' arguments. That would go on for hours and was the most entertaining. He wondered how Wayne and Kent even got engaged if they were like that
24/7.
'I guess love works in strange ways,' he sighed as they started another argument. This time it was their honeymoon destination.
"We could just stay in Gotham, sweetheart. I have lots of work to do."
Wayne was giving Kent what Barry thought was his version of puppy dog eyes. Apparently, Kent was immune.
"Bruce, we are not spending our honeymoon with you checking your computer all the are spreading yourself thin, honey. You need a break."
"Clark, you're speaking about Bruce Wayne, right. I'm sure he have plenty to people to work for him," said Oliver.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ollie. My company doesn't stay in the top by itself."
"That's why you have Lucius Fox, Bruce," said Oliver.
"You're just jealous that Wayne Enterprises is better than Queen enterprises," Wayne gave Oliver a smug smirk. Oliver looked like he would strangle Wayne if he wasn't in his current predicament.
"Guys, no need to be hostile. We're all friends here," Hal intervened before Oliver could speak his mind.
Barry was thankful for small mercies. If he had to endure the two billionaires bickering about stocks on the top of everything that happened, he would do something he would regret, preferably it would include escaping and breaking someone's nose.
"We still haven't decided a honeymoon destination, Bruce," said Kent distracting Wayne from Oliver.
"There are so many options. I am confused, Clark."
"When are you not?" muttered Oliver and was ignored.
"Why don't you go to Paris? It's romantic," asked Barry.
"Paris is so cliche, Wally. Everyone goes there."
"It's Barry, not Wally."
"You can go to the Himalayas then. No one would go there," Hal said sarcastically.
"You're a genius, Hal. That is a great idea," said Wayne, giddy with excitement.
"Wait, what?"
"Bruce, I don't think we can go mountaineering on our honeymoon."
"Think about it, Clark, it could be fun. Just you and I in a remote valley with no interruptions," said the billionaire winking at the reporter.
"Now, that sounds like a good idea." There was a crazed smile on Kent's face. Barry didn't want to know what was going through his mind.
"I know a nice spot in Tibet. It's peaceful there."
"I would like some peace and quiet."
"It's fixed then, Clark. Himalayas for our honeymoon."
"The two of you crazy dorks are made for each other," said Oliver.
"That they are, Oliver. Never doubt that fact," said John seriously.
'Poor John. He might be able to sense them. It must be hard to be and empath. He had to tune out their thoughts and emotions along with the whining.,' thought Barry. Hal and Oliver were also giving their Martian friend sympathetic looks.
All of them vowed to make it up to him when they got out of that mess.
"Thank you, John, Oliver, I think, we will take that as a compliment," said Kent.
"Where is our rescue, anyway? The Justice League is late," whined Wayne.
"Scared already?" asked Hal.
"Nope. We had plans tonight. I guess they are ruined now," Wayne sighed tragically.
"You are being kept hostage and all you can think about is your date?" asked Oliver.
"He is not worried about that. We can have another anytime. We don't want to waste Alfred's wonderful dinner," said Kent defending his boyfriend.
"Yes, Alfred is the best," said Wayne. Barry was surprised by the sincerity behind that statement. It was the first time that Barry had seen him to be serious. Then as if he had imagined the moment Wayne became his usual uncaring self again complaining to his boyfriend.
"Excuse me, Mr Wayne," interrupted Barry, " Can I ask you something?"
"Fire away, Wally. Don't hesitate."
Barry didn't even try to correct him.
"Does this Alfred disappear at night?"
"Barry, don't be ridiculous," huffed Oliver.
"I need to be sure, Ollie," said Barry looking pointedly at Wayne.
"Of course, he disappears at night."
"He does?" asked Hal and Oliver together.
"Yes, he disappears into his room to sleep," Said Wayne as if the rest of them were idiots. For a moment he reminded the rest of them of Batman. But they dismissed the ridiculous thought instantly.
"The Justice League should hurry up. It's been so long," complained Wayne again.
"I am sure they have genuine reason to be late," said Barry.
"I hope Superman comes to our rescue. I love the boy scout. He is beyond words," said Wayne.
Barry gagged at the dreamy look on his face. He did not want to know the reason for that expression. He was glad that Supes was not there to be traumatized. Kent blushed at his boyfriend's words.
'Poor guy, he must hate seeing his boyfriend lust after Superman,' Barry felt sympathy for the clumsy reporter.
"I don't think you are his type, Bruce, " said Oliver. He knew their fearless leader will be a good imitation of a tomato if he ever heard Wayne's thoughts.
"You don't know that, Ollie. It might be possible," said Wayne.
"I don't think so," muttered Hal.
"Anyway, he is totally my type. I have always been attracted to complicated, beautiful, people," said Wayne.
Barry failed to see how Wayne's boyfriend was complicated or beautiful.
John just shook his head and sighed cursing his fate.
"I rather prefer Batman to Superman. He is cooler," said Kent joining the conversation.
"Considering your job shouldn't you love Superman?" asked Barry
"With the number of times I have written about him anyone would be bored of the guy," said Kent.
"You love the dark and mysterious, don't you , sweetheart," said Wayne.
Again, Barry failed to see anything dark and mysterious in Wayne for the reporter to love.
"That's not all, Bruce. Unlike Superman, Batman doesn't have any powers. For me that's what makes him greater than Superman," said Kent.
"No , Superman's better. Batman has a bad fashion sense. He is so gloomy and rude," said Wayne.
'You are right about that particular fact,' thought Barry.
"Interviewing the Bat and publishing it is in my bucket list," said Kent.
"Good luck about that, dude. You will need it," said Hal.
"He will scare you to death," said Barry. Oliver nodded along with him.
"Don't worry, Clark. I will protect you from him," assured Wayne.
"My Knight in shining armour," cooed Kent with a sappy expression.
"I don't want anyone hurting the sunshine of my world," said Wayne with a matching expression.
Barry wanted someone to save him from the cavities.
Hal and Oliver wondered what the world's finest would think about those two idiots arguing about them. Hal would love to witness the bizarre event of Wayne giving Batman fashion advice and trying to fight the scary Bat for his boyfriend. Maybe, their gloomy team mate might dangle him from the top of the tallest building in Gotham. It would be a worthy sight.
Before they could continue their banter, the door was banged off the hinges and Wonder Woman came in with her sword like an avenging angel to rescue them along with Gotham PD. Needless to say everyone except Bruce and Clark were relieved to see the Amazon. Clark could see that Bruce was extremely disappointed in her for ruining his fun. Too bad. He was starting to enjoy himself as well. Their best friend had bad timing.
John wanted to kiss her for saving him from his misery. If he had endured them any longer he would have did something stupid like giggle and blow his cover.
"Princess Diana, thank you for saving us. We knew you would save us. I would have prefered Superman, but it is an honour to be rescued by a beautiful woman like you," said Wayne after they were freed and their captors were taken to prison. He gave her an exaggerated bow.
"It was my pleasure, Mr Wayne," said Diana sharing a conspiring wink with Bruce.
The rest of them muttered their thanks as well. Diana nodded at them, gave Clark and Bruce a subtle glare that said 'Fill me in, later or you will face dire consequences,' and flew away with a smile.
"I guess, I will have to wait for another opportunity to interview Batman," said Clark with a defeated sigh.
Barry felt bad for him. He might not be Superman but Kent was a dedicated reporter. He hoped that Kent did not do anything stupid and get himself killed trying to do the impossible.
"Batman will come around, Clark," Oliver patted his back.
"I am inviting all of you to our wedding next month. We will sent you the invite," said Wayne.
"Please come. We want all our friends with us," added Kent.
"We just met. You don't know us," said Hal in disbelief.
"We know you now. I have known Ollie for years. All of you got kidnapped because of me. It is the least I could do," said Wayne.
"At least come for the free food," said Kent.
Barry caved when he heard the word food.
"Send us the invite we will come."
Hal shook his head in exasperation at his friend's love affair with and Oliver found themselves blinded by Kent's smile when they reluctantly agreed with Barry.
"See you at the big day, my friends and you at the golf club, John," said Wayne. He and Kent said goodbye and walked to the limo that came to pick them up.
"I guess, they are okay if we ignore the constant bickering," said Barry.
"You're only saying that because they invited you to their wedding," said Hal.
"We are forgetting today's main objective, guys," reminded Oliver.
"We solved that one, Ollie. Richard White and Harvey Dent," said Hal.
"Yeah, we can tell them on the next meeting," said Oliver.
"Hey, do you think Batman would give Kent an interview if we ask him nicely," asked Barry.
"Batman, being nice? Are you hearing yourself, Barry."
"Sorry, Hal. That was stupid."
"Speaking of Batman and Superman, why didn't they come to rescue us?" asked Oliver.
"They might not want us to figure their secret out easily," said Hal.
"Too bad for them. We figured it out already," said Barry in triumph.
'Too bad indeed,' thought John with a sigh of defeat as his friends obsessed over the wrong conclusions.
