Chapter Three
In Which Haruhi Crosses Several Lines And Kyon Has An ODOUR Problem
Kyon shook his head, he really had to stop thinking of Asahina-san like that, especially not when he was on a mission. Operation Dispose Of Unbearable Reindeer or ODOUR for short. It wasn't his first choice to go to the teachers. He'd much rather sort this out himself ,but boy did he hate that reindeer and it had to go and he couldn't get rid of it on his own. Kyon had no real desire to hurt Haruhi (getting her upset could have disastrous consequences), well maybe he did enjoy pissing her off a little, but he hoped the teachers could make her see sense so she would give up the reindeer of her own free will. That way she wouldn't be too upset and hopefully wouldn't take out her anger on Kyon.
Who am I kidding! He thought. She'll know it was me if I rat her out. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. He began pacing. It did nothing to ease his troubled mind. He was starting to wish he'd never thought of ODOUR. It was just a reindeer. A harmless reindeer. A reindeer that ate hats, drooled too much and was taking Kyon's place in the SOS Brigade. It was taking his place! Wasn't it?
Kyon gasped and leant against the wall. Had that been Haruhi's plan all along? Replace him with a cute foreign creature, a creature willing to do her bidding unlike Kyon. He could not let that happen! Only I can be Haruhi's bitch!
Wait, what?
"Gahhh!" Kyon cried, racing off down the corridor. Paranoia was preventing him from thinking straight. At least he hoped it was.
~#~#~#~#~
The first thing Kyon noticed as he rounded the corner was the principal. Just the person he was looking for. Then he noticed the tall man with bad teeth talking to the principal. The stranger was dressed in a livid green outfit much like the one Asahina-san had been wearing the previous day, only his covered much more skin and had a logo reading 'Santa-san's Christmas Experience' on the back.
There was something odd about him, apart from the fact he was a grown man wearing an elf outfit and he was at a school. Then Kyon connected the dots. Elf outfit, Santa-san, sleigh...and reindeer! This man must be looking for Rentier-san! Rentier-san must be from this 'Christmas Experience' show.
Kyon slowly walked backwards until he was hidden behind the corner. Neither men had seen him. Time for a little eavesdropping.
"Mr Principal, sir. I have credible eyewitnesses that say they saw my sleigh and reindeer heading this way. They can't have just disappeared! Do I have to remind you my Santa-san is missing too? My employee!" the elf said. He didn't sound happy.
"There was no one here that late at night! You're free to look around again but I have no idea where your reindeer or your employee could have gone!". The principal didn't sound happy either.
Kyon had heard enough. So that was where Haruhi had gotten the reindeer from, but if that was true she must have seen the sleigh and Santa-san too. Knowing her she had probably hidden the sleigh somewhere but Santa-san would have been harder to hide...
He retreated down the corridor. It was time to confront Haruhi. Her little crime had gone too far. As if on cue a muffled sound caught Kyon's attention. It was coming from a closet to his right. There was no one else in the corridor. Kyon had a horrible feeling of dread. She wouldn't? Oh go...gopher she would..
Reaching for the door handle, sweat dripped from Kyon's forehead, his fingers shook. Scrunching his eyes shut, he threw open the door. The muffled sound got louder and Kyon dared to open an eye. Sitting in the closet bound and gagged was a man. A man wearing a red fur trimmed suit. Santa-san.
"Sa-sa-saaaan t-t-t-t-gahhhhhh?!" Kyon screamed, his words mixed in with a scream.
Haruhi had actually tied up a man in a closet. That had to be a crime not to mention it was down right creepy. The victim of this crime looked up at the teenager before him. Kyon looked down at Santa-san, one eye still closed, horrified expression frozen on his face. Santa-san tried to say something again but the gag changed his words to an annoyed muffle.
Kyon opened his other eye and ran his hands through his hair. This is bad. No, worse than bad. This is illegal, very illegal. He began pacing again. It really did nothing to help yet he continued to walk. Santa-san let out a few more annoyed grunts. Kyon ignored him and tried to think of a way to get out of this mess.
"Maybe we could hit Santa-san on the head hard enough to give him amnesia then dump him somewhere?". Kyon glanced sideways at Santa-san who squealed and tried to retreat further into the closet.
"No, he might remember or we might kill him...Wait a sec? We? I'm not involved in this! It's all Haruhi! Yes, all Haruhi..."
Santa-san squealed some more. The boy looked to be on the verge of psychotic and it looked like he wasn't going to free Santa-san any time soon.
Kyon turned to the bound man, eyes glinting with mischief.
"I was never here Santa-san," he said in a sing song voice. "Right?"
Santa-san nodded vigorously and with that Kyon slammed the closet door shut in his face, dusting off his hands like he was pleased he had just left a man tied up against his own will.
He was about to return to the club room to tell Haruhi he knew all about her crazy scheme when he spotted the principal and the elf guy heading in his direction down the corridor. Slipping into a classroom Kyon surveyed them as the walked past.
"Suzumiya-san is rather eccentric so forgive her but I'm sure she'll be glad to help," the principal said to the elf.
So they knew Haruhi was involved. That meant they were probably heading to the clubroom right now. The clubroom which was concealing the missing reindeer. So it was only a matter of time before they discovered the truth and found the bound and gagged Santa-san. Which in turn meant it was only a matter of time before they realised Kyon was involved.
Much to his displeasure Kyon could not allow Rentier-san to be found. His own reputation was at risk, not that he had much of a rep, his future reputation was at risk. This unfortunate turn of events meant he had to help Haruhi. Damn.
Clearly not thinking straight for the hundredth time that day, Kyon barged out into the corridor and shouted the first thing that came into his mind.
"SKIMPY BUNNY GIRL SUIT FOR THE WIN!"
That was when he noticed the corridor had suddenly filled up. Over twenty pairs of eyes turned on him. Looks of disbelief all around. The principal and the elf stared at him. The principal looked slightly angry but mostly shocked. Muffled laughter surrounded Kyon. Everyone was so stunned by his sudden declaration that he chose this opportunity to sprint off towards the clubroom.
No one followed but Kyon could hear laughter floating towards him. He was never going to live that down. But Asahina-san looks so cute in that outfit...gah snap out of it! Time to execute OSTRICH!. Operation Save The Reindeer, Ignore Cruel Haruhi.
Kyon barged into the clubroom and wished he could have chosen a better time to enter the room. Asahina-san was on the floor with Haruhi on her back. Itsuki was sitting at the table staring at the crazy scene before him and Yuki was randomly standing around in Mikuru's elf outfit. Haruhi was also in an outfit. A Santa-san outfit. The reindeer was standing by the window still munching on the remains of Kyon's tie.
"Kyon! You're back!" Haruhi said happily.
"We-welcome ba-ck Kyon-kun!" Mikuru stuttered. Her eyes screamed at him to save her.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Kyon replied staring at them like they'd grown two heads.
"We're having reindeer rides!" Haruhi smiled.
"ON ASAHINA-SAN? YOU HAVE A REAL REINDEER RIGHT THERE!" He pointed at Rentier who gazed back at him innocently.
"He got scared"
"And you don't think Asahina-san is too?"
"She's fine with it" Haruhi shrugged.
"I've been gone five minutes and it all goes to hell..." Kyon muttered as he absent mindedly pushed Haruhi off Mikuru and helped his beloved to her feet. She smiled gratefully at him.
"Hey!" Haruhi cried from the floor.
"You have some explaining to do, Haruhi" Kyon stated, pulling the girl to her feet before she could get too mad at him.
She huffed angrily and flopped into a chair. "Explain what?"
"Why there's a pissed off elf looking for you and Santa-san is tied up in a closet?"
Haruhi froze and a crooked smile formed on her face.
"Uh..."
Kyon sighed. "You actually stooped that low?"
"I wanted a reindeer, ok!"
"But kidnapping?"
"Well he wasn't just going to give me the reindeer, was he?"
"You do realise you're going to have to get Rentier-san out of the building?"
"Can he stay at your-"
"No".
"Not even for one-"
"No"
"Fine! How are we going to sneak a reindeer out of here?"
The members of the SOS Brigade shared a glance then Itsuki and Kyon's gaze fell on the heaps of dress up clothes against the wall.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Kyon?" Itsuki asked.
"Bunny suit?"
"Um...no"
"No then".
"Care to share?" Haruhi demanded.
"How about we dress Rentier-san in one of Asahina-san's costumes?"
A hushed silence fell around them.
"That's so crazy it just might work!" Haruhi declared.
Kyon sighed. This is going to be so much fun...
Aurora Note: Yay for chapter three! =D I apologise for any out of characterness of any of the characters as I haven't actually watched the show for about six months so it's all from memory -_-'
Two more chapters left! BIG THANK YOU to all who reviewed chapter two!
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