Summary: Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most.

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru

Chapter 3

Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter?

oO oOoOo Oo

There was no shortage of talk in the classroom about the upcoming holiday that is Valentine's Day.

Every Valentine's day ended the same, a year without being acknowledged. Not even obligation chocolate. My sister at the very least has the decency to get me some green tea Kit-Kats [1] from the store. Of course she'd buy a bag of them and only give me a bite-sized package while she keeps the rest of the bag… but at least my adorable little sister kept me in her thoughts.

But the hot topic of discussion was the recent assignment by Hiratsuka-sensei that should have been submitted last week. The assignment that was a love letter, the same one I had been working at the cafe before Haruno had interrupted me.

Naturally those more inclined to discuss love would be those who weren't *in* love themselves. After them are the people who believe they have experienced love for the first time. As I've found, the people least likely to discuss romance would be those who are married, seeing as they've reached the graveyard of life and have no more to say on the matter.

As such, topics of love trend towards the virgin population.

"Hey hey, so Tobe who did you write the letter to?" Virgin Ooka asked, initiating the conversation.

"Not telling!" Tobe replied.

"Hey hey, I'm interested," said Yamato, causing Tobe to rub the back of his head like he had lice or something. Either that or he was feigning embarrassment. Either way, it was a shameful display.

The trio were getting along fine without head honcho Hayama, which was all good and dandy.

"So, did you know they're doing the Cupid Express this afternoon?" Tobe said excitedly, changing the subject.

Every year there was an unusual tradition at Sobu High School:

The Cupid Express.

It's an annual event sponsored by the student council where love letters, both anonymous and signed, were submitted to be read outside the school. Typically they drag a couple of drama students to read them although it's not uncommon to have volunteers or specific people read the letter if asked. They have to be reviewed first to make sure they comply with moral codes but most of the time it's just another grandstanding event for couples. Still, there are a few every year who take the chance to ask out somebody in an extremely public manner.

It's silly considering how weak humans are with their emotions.

They're a vulgar, licentious crowd. They choose to hide behind texts and letters. They send gifts and presents or scream or shout to the world that "hello world! I'm in looove!"

'Cupid' is the ultimate manifestation of this inability to take responsibility.

They think love is better left to others to find it for you, either by acts of Heaven or your parents or your three measurements.

No wonder arranged marriages and marriage interviews are so popular!

You aren't doing much work yourself to find love. You leave it to others to play matchmaker. In a few more years, computer algorithms on dating sites will be determining your potential mate based on your favorite fetishes and there's the rub.

Is that really love?

"Really? I didn't realize they scheduled the Cupid Express so early," said the unknowledgable Virgin Ooka who scratched the back of his head. "But I guess it makes Valentine's Day the day you man up and express your feelings. Say say, are you going to request to have your letter read? I'm too embarrassed actually…"

"Same. Too embarrassing," replied Yamato, arms crossed.

"What? Hey hey hey! Don't make me the only one who's going to get his letter read! The Cupid Express helps dreams come true! Come on guys! It's so people can make Valentine's Day the big day!" Tobe jested. Naturally the one closest to Hayato and the one most keen on making a splash that will get him out of his shadow would be willing to make that gambit.

"Oh really? Who's the lucky girl?" Yamato prodded.

"Not telling, hehe!"

"What a bunch of idiots," muttered an undignified voice that belonged to Muira Yumiko. "Getting all excited over some confessions. Such things are better off said face to face between two people. That way if the confession fails the humiliation is private, but if it succeeds it becomes public."

That's great logic there Muira but trust me, failed confessions are not private.

Yuigahama laughed nervously beside Miura. "H-hey now… the Cupid Express isn't all bad."

"It is isn't?" Muira does not handle defiance to her opinions well. It is typical that when in packs, the alpha female will assert her dominance through propagating her opinions as a litmus test of sorts to see who in her pride were still drinking the Kool-Aid [2]. Any disagreement and you could expect to be purged like a Pulse l'Cie.

"Well… like, some people are shy…"

"Then they need to woman up," Muira retorted instantly.

"Um… maybe they like, convey their feelings better in words or something…?"

"Read a script."

"Some people get nervous too…?"

"Then quit school and become a NEET. There's no need for someone like that to waste space and precious oxygen in the presence of sociable, normal, human beings. Having others read your love letters for you is exactly what a sick otaku festishist who will end up marrying his body pillow or cardboard cut-out would do." Muira shuddered as what appeared to be a distantly bad memory crossed her mind. "Those creeps you see on the subway through Akihabara…" Muira finished with a sigh. [3]

"Ah..ah… I see- wait! What if they're just like, innocent and pure hearted young maidens in love!?" Yuigahama's eyes glowed at her response. "Would it be okay then?"

"Grow up."

Yuigahama's head hung in utter defeat.

"Such wishy-washy dreams are stupid-"

Finish her!

"-immature-"

Fatality.

"-and completely sick."

Brutal…

As much as I like a good proper cynical beatdown as the next ingrate, I couldn't help but feel bad for Yuigahama.

"Um… ah…" Yuigahama was at a loss for words.

Muira crossed her arms and huffed before standing up. "I need to use the restroom before class starts," she said before walking off, beckoning Ebina to follow her as well. Ebina gave one last look to Yuigahama before following off. The entire scene resembled a master abandoning her pup while having another pup following her around.

The atmosphere became awkward now that Muira left. Some students even left after her to escape the tension filled in the air. Undoubtedly it was going to be one of those days were students scramble inside to their seats before the final bell.

"Oi, Yuigahama," I called out.

As if she woke out of a daydream, Yuigahama's downcast head shot up. She looked straight at me before looking side to side and found no one else looking at her.

With a finger pointed toward herself, Yuigahama mouthed, "Me?"

I nodded in confirmation.

She walked over to me, hesitant and fiddling with her skirt. Each step felt louder, as if she got called by a principal and was about to get scolded for her poor grades. Honestly, that wouldn't be too surprising considering her study habits. Yukino's tutoring may be well and good but she's not a miracle worker.

"Wh-what is it, Hikki?"

"Don't pay too much attention to others," I said.

"O-oh. You saw that…"

No duh, Sherlock. Everybody in class saw that.

"You should try to be more like me," I explained. "Stop caring about what other people think and remind yourself these monkeys will most likely end up NEETs or corporate slaves trudging through filth and muck at the profit of their middle management overlords."

"Hikki… that's gross."

"Gross is relative. Some people don't drink milk the very minute it expires, but tell that to a poor man living on instant noodles and all his money goes to dry-cleaning his only suit for job interviews where he loses to a cute interviewee in the final round. That guy would eat the milk even if it became yogurt!"

"Hikki… that's even gross-er."

Oh Yuigahama. 'Gross-er'? I think Yukinoshita would recommend that you 'study, please… for my sake.' An expansive vocabulary is the first step in rising above the filth.

"Oh that reminds me, Hikki!"

"You clogged the toilet and forgot about it?"

"H-how did you- no!" Yuigahama stuttered before shaking her head. "I mean like, Yukinon called me yesterday!"

"So? You two are females who are friends with each other and know each other's phone numbers. Am I suppose to be surprised that one called another?"

"It's not that!" Yuigahama said, puffing her cheeks. "The thing I wanted to tell you was what the call was about."

"True," I sighed. "Continue."

"Well, Yukinon said she like, wanted to make us bentos."

"That's great," I said. "Enjoy your bentos." While I remain here, jealous that free, good food is being served. The quality of the food can be ensured by Yukinoshita's highly exacting standards. I glanced over at Totsuka who just arrived, a slight gleam of sweat from morning practice. He smiled at me and waved. I smiled and waved back. A thought crossed my mind: what if Totsuka made my boxed lunches?

Ah… that would be true happiness: Tostuka-certified boxed lunches.

"Hikki? Hey Hikki! Oi oi! Hikki!" Yuigahama was pouting in front of me for some reason.

"What is it?"

"Yukinon made bentos for us."

"Yeah, I'm happy for you. Enjoy your lunch." Is this girl actually stupid or…?

Yuigahama shook her head. "No no. She made bentos for us."

Ouch… she's really rubbing it in that I have to suffer the damnable curry bread line and vending machine struggle. "Look… I get that Yukinoshita made a boxed lunch for you and her-"

"-and you too!" Yuigahama finished.

Oh.

Oh…

By 'us', Yuigahama did not mean 'Yukinoshita and Yuigahama' but 'us' as in 'Yukinoshita and Yuigahama and me.'

Now I felt stupid, but I couldn't say no to free food.

oO oOoOo Oo

"You two have arrived," greeted Yukinoshita Yukino.

The girl with sunlight caught in her raven hair sat on a picnic blanket. It was blue and white checkered pattern. As the winter cold hadn't quite left, Yukinoshita still wore the mittens Yuigahama got for her birthday. If Yukinoshita thought it was too cold to eat outside, why did she even consider it?

"We're eating outside when it's still cold?"

"Yes. While it is a bit chilly, the sunlight will warm up the weather. Atmosphere has a strong influence on taste, and I intend for the lunch I have made to produce the most powerful impact possible under the best conditions within reason."

Within reason? What if I get pneumonia? Who's going to nurse me back to health?

… You?

"Aside from it being totally out of character from the usual clubroom setting," I said, sitting down on the picnic blanket. "If I get sick, it's your fault," I said nonchalantly.

Yukinoshita looked at me silently.

"Hikki!" Yuigahama gave me a look. "Don't spoil the mood. Did you even thank Yukinon for the food? She went through a lot of trouble to make this, you know!"

"It was nothing Yuigahama-san," Yukinoshita said softly, brushing hair behind her ear. "The dishes I produced, while delicious, were simple."

"Haha… no need to be so modest," Yuigahama said nervously.

"It's not modesty. I-"

"Hey Yukinoshita," I interrupted as I grabbed a pair of chopsticks.

"Yes, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Just eat," I said. "Thank you for the food." And after a clap with my hands I picked at a cucumber roll. It looked rolled well enough with just enough cucumber and avocado, like a delicate little present. Heh, I imagine this might taste pretty-

"-ooh… so good…" came a soft moan.

Wait… what?

Seated beside me was the perpetrator of the crime. Sitting there beside me enjoying the morsel of food meant for me. There she was sitting there, one who was stroking her cheek in delight from the deliciousness of the morsel of food I was about to eat - for me. There, right beside me, as if completely unashamed by her illegal act of not allowing me to eat my food.

The underclassman that has incurred the Hikigaya ire: Isshiki Iroha, the student council president.

"Isshiki-san," Yukinoshita addressed. "I had forgotten to prepare a boxed lunch for you."

"It's fine, it's fine," Isshiki waved off. "I'll just share with senpai, here," she giggled. What? Don't I get a say? "That would be fine right senpai? We can share?"

Ugh! We aren't in kindergarten. The entire 'sharing is caring' mantra is just an excuse for the haves to pilfer sweets and fried chicken pieces from the have nots.

"Iroha-chan, we can share," Yuigahama suggested.

"Nah nah," Isshiki waved off enjoying more of my lunch. "Senpai, feed more another piece."

"What? First you eat my food and now you want me to feed you?"

"Senpai, please… I promise I'll return the favor."

"I-I…"

"Yeah yeah," Yuigahama agreed, trying a perfectly round bread-covered item. "This fried shrimp is really good!"

"Yuigahama-san…" Yukinoshita sighed. "Slow down. You might-"

"Ack!"

"-choke." Yukinoshita held two fingers to her temple. "Here, have some tea," she said as she began pouring a cup from a thermos. Isshiki leaned over to Yuigahama's side, rubbing her back. The entire exchange reeked of such 3D that I felt like a Rook in a checker's set.

"Tehehe…" Yuigahama gave a sheepish smile after drinking the tea. "Thanks, Yukinon."

"Yuigahama-san, perhaps it might be best if you invested some time in chewing your food. If you made the same effort in eating as you did studying, I would fear for my position as the top academic student here at Sobu High School."

"Yeah… w-wait! What's that supposed to mean, Yukinon!?"

The meal continued on well enough. Yukinoshita had made each of us a boxed lunch complete with our own side dishes, portion of rice, and a small personal thermos filled with bacon and lettuce miso soup.

"Ah… this is so nice," Yuigahama said, rubbing her stomach with a satisfying expression on her face. "Really Yukinon! That was delicious. Thank you very much for the meal!"

"No need to thank me," Yukinoshita said with a smile. "I suppose that means the bento was good, no?"

Yuigahama nodded vigorously.

"It passes," I said lazily. The bento was indeed good. Superb even. But I was not going to give Yukino the satisfaction of letting her get one over me.

"Umpf. I see," Yukinoshita said disapprovingly. Her eyes narrowed. "You lick your bento clean, yet suggest it was merely acceptable."

"It's hard for me to refuse free calories."

"So you'll drink anyone's miso soup?"

"As long as it's free."

"Then what's your criteria for a dish being good?"

"I'll know it when I taste it."

"I see. The solution is simple then."

"It is?"

Yukinoshita let out a soft sigh. "The solution is that I must simply make you miso soup every day." [4]

Yuigahama looked over at Yukinoshita.

"Yu-Yukinon…"

"What?"

Yuigahama leaned over and whispered into Yukinoshita's ear but she might as well said it out loud since I could hear it from where I was seated.

"You see… when a girl tells a boy they want to make miso soup for them every day it means she wants to…"

The red cheeks told me that an epiphany had dawned on Yukinoshita.

"Terrifying. Mortifying. The very thought of me being a slave to this dead eyed fish man makes my stomach unsettled."

Oi oi, you didn't have to be that harsh… and why the extreme reaction?

"How scandalous," Isshiki gasped with her hands covering her mouth. "Hehe, maybe Yukinoshita-senpai may want to consider her letter to the Cupid Express, eh?"

"No."

"A-ah…"

Yukinoshita utterly rejected Isshiki's suggestion.

"Say Yukinon, who did you write yours too?"

Yukinoshita looked at Yuigahama before glancing at me and finally Isshiki. She eyed each of us carefully, as if measuring our reactions. Finally she sighed.

"I've ran through all the scenarios mentally. First I will say, 'Yuigahama-san, there are other things to be concerned about rather than love affairs.' You will then reply, 'but Yukinon! I'm curious!' This will be followed by Isshiki-san doing much of the same in joining your pandering while Hikigaya-kun runs off to buy a Coffee MAX."

Wow. Yukinoshita nailed that scenario right down to my drink of preference.

"Uh… um… hey no I wouldn't… but like, I am curious… ohh! Yukinon! You're so smart!"

Yuigahama went from denial to acceptance to complete admiration. It's like she skipped three of the five stages of death and reincarnated in the span of a single fragmented sentence.

"Well, the Cupid Express is interesting," Isshiki noted. "Which is why I'm here!"

"Oh?" I said turning to my hopeless underclassman. "What's so interesting about a bunch of people who can't even confess their feelings face to face? Resorting to texting? That's low."

Yuigahama fumed in the background. "Take that back for every text message confession ever!"

Text message confessions. Is that a thing? Is this real life?

Okay, hold up. So what I am hearing from Yuigahama is that in the real world there exists people who believe in the concept of love. Sure, whatever, why not. But there are people out there who, in their pursuit of desperate happiness, can't even bring themselves to speak face to face? Ha. At least when I confessed it was face to face… albeit indirectly by suggesting the first letter of my name… but… argh - where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, that's right - text message confessions? Man up and do it face to face behind the gym.

An authoritative cough cut my thoughts short. "Ignoring Hikigaya-kun's controversial opinions on love in the age of instantaneous messaging, is this a matter of personal interest or that of the service club?"

And as expected, Yukinoshita maintains her uncompromising professionalism.

"Ah-ah," Isshiki said, holding her fingers together. "I submitted my letter to be read, you see… so I was hoping the Service Club could come and support me!"

Yuigahama squealed. "Ah ah! Is it for you-know-who?"

Idiot, everybody and their grandmother's cat knows who 'you-know-who' is. Just say his name. Jeez, girls pretend things are a secret when they really aren't. The worst kind of people are liars who join up with other liars in propagating a terrible lie.

"Yep!" Isshiki squealed in response.

"Didn't you fail a confession already?"

"Hikki! That's rude!"

"It's true," I retorted.

"Yes…" Isshiki said quietly. "But love knows no limits! Try and try again! Fight and fight!" Isshiki stood up in dramatic fashion, as if this were a rounin trying for the university exams for the fourth time in a row and his parents would cut him off if he failed to get into a sixth-rate school.

"Whatever floats your boat," I said, rolling my eyes.

"See? Even Hikki doesn't mind. Let's go support our adorable little kouhai, yeah Yukinon?" Yuigahama leaned over, her face nearly to Yukinoshita's. They were close but Yukinoshita didn't seem to mind the distance.

"So yes yes, Yukinoshita-senpai?" Isshiki pleaded, now performing a low bow of respect. "Come and support me?"

Cupping a thermos cup in her hand, Yukinoshita looked down. There was a brief moment of contemplation before she set aside the thermos and crossed her hands. She had shed her face as Yukinoshita, the Famed Genius from Class J, and had taken on the look of Yukinoshita, President and Leader of the Service Club.

Though to be fair, they look identical.

"The Service Club accepts."

oO oOoOo Oo

Clubs have been cancelled today as requested to by the Student Council.

The reason being the very special event being held after school in the gymnasium.

The Cupid Express, the annual event for the Student Council to stay relevant in the Cultural Festival off-season.

"Ara ara… what do we have here?"

I felt a cold presence behind me.

"Yukinoshita Haruno," I muttered. "I suppose you're here to see if someone might break your record for the most confession letters received?"

Haruno-san gasped, rather surprised.

"How did you guess? Do you have psychic powers, Hikigaya-kun?" Haruno-san began tapping my head. She must have thought she looked playful, like a kitten with a ball of string. I felt like a piece of meat being played around with by a tigress.

"I'm not an ESPer. If I was, I would be a useless Level 0." If I had the Imagine Breaker, I'd probably end up punching everyone happier than me until I was the happiest person on the planet. Then I'd make myself some curry and fried chicken.

That'd be bliss.

"Ara ara, if you're a Psychic-type then I would be… an Onee-chan-type! And we're super-effective against Psychic-type monsters. Neh, neh!" Hey hey, are we even playing the same game? Gah! A barrage of pokes came at me like a machine gun punch combo. Jab after jab. A sweet perfume assaulted me with each strike, spearheaded by a pointed jab of her finger. Damn, another round of hits struck my elbow - there were more hits than an Omnislash.

"Oi, Haruno. I don't like seeing my students fight," came Hiratsuka-sensei's command.

Saved from a tigress by a cougar.

"What's wrong with teasing an adorable little underclassman?"

"He's the sort that won't take your teasing the wrong way." Damn right I won't. This woman would give me a run for my life.

"Yes yes," Haruno-san sighed dejectedly. "Ara… so Hiratsuka-sensei. Any good letters this year?"

"It's a good batch," Hiratsuka-sensei nodded. "Unfortunately I had to have a few students - actually just one in particular - redo the love letter because he completely misinterpreted the spirit of the assignment."

"Oi oi, I redid it didn't I?"

"You just resubmitted the same letter but addressed it to your little sister!"

A fist shot through the air.

It landed on a concrete pillar behind me.

"Y-you… could have killed me," my eyes glanced sideways towards a smoking crater.

"My hand is burning red. It's burning grip tells you to redo this assignment!"

Just how old are you, woman? To quote a finisher from a mediocre franchise spin-off!?

"There there, Hiratsuka-sensei," Haruno-san interjected. "I'm sure Hikigaya-kun meant well. After all, who doesn't love their little sister?"

"Oi… are you really in a position to make that kind of statement…?"

"Aren't I more than qualified? There's no little sister more lovable than Yukino-chan," she said with a smile.

I didn't bother giving her an answer. "I'll be waiting over there until this whole thing blows over."

"Ah… I was hoping to enjoy your company more as we did back in the gardens."

Hiratsuka-sensei whose eyes have been wandering absentmindedly shot back into the conversation. "What company? What gardens?"

Taking advantage, I activated my stealth camouflage [5] and blended in with the crowd. I'll definitely esca-

"You aren't going anywhere!" Hiratsuka-sensei had me in a vice-grip.

"Ah! Hello hello!"

A voice called out from the podium. Everyone's eyes in the gymnasium turned towards the adorable senpai with pigtails.

"This is Shiromeguri Meguri!" Meguri-senpai said. "I am here to present the Tenth Annual Cupid Express! As you all know, students are asked to submit love letters to be read. This is a special occasion where we recognize the overflowing feelings of friendship and affections on campus!"

Meguri-senpai thrusted her hand into the air and the student body bought it.

"So without any further ado… let's have the drama club read the letters!"

A skinny little girl and a bespectacled boy both got on the stage. Their names weren't important and they were clearly nervous. Heck, why join the drama club if we can see you guys sweating under the spotlight? Well, I guess it makes sense you want to work on your nerves but hey, be like me and accept your faults are beyond your control.

"S-So… the f-first love letter i-is… um…" the boy stammered.

The girl beside him coughed. "Read the letter first," she urged him. Unfortunately, the mic was on so everybody heard it. Laughter followed soon afterwards.

"A-ah… yes," the boy said, clearing his throat.

"Dear Hayato Hayama. You are my bro for life. I love you bro. P.S. I love you guys too, Ooka and Yamato."

I already knew who that one belonged to.

Everyone began snickering and clapping. Tobe was standing off to the side awfully full of himself, with everyone patting him on the back for the joke.

Thinking on it, this was a sound strategic decision on whoever was organizing these letters. It was best to start off the event with the stupid letters first. Otherwise reading a sloppy letter followed by a cheesy joke letter would spoil the mood.

And so the letters were read, one by one.

Each time a letter was read, the crowd squealed or laughed or chuckled. They were making light of love - why? Because people are afraid of commitment. It's only natural. So if you're afraid of something you have to mock it.

That's what this whole thing is, a mockery and Hayama Hayato's the biggest fool of them all.

Each time a letter to addressed to him, he does a nervous smile - like he doesn't like the attention. People clap his back or apologize to the girl he invariable declines to court. I saw Ebina patting Miura's back in comfort. Poor girl. I once knew the feeling of being infatuated with the most popular person in the school… well, somewhat popular… maybe?

It was now in hindsight that I realized that I knew nothing of the girl called Orimoto Kaori.

Then again, some couples are formed. More often than not though, couples are simply being affirmed. Previously acknowledged boyfriends and girlfriends, self-consciously in denial about the stability of hormonal teenage relationships, desperately need that clarification: we're still together, right? We're happy right? Our relationship is steady, ne ne?

And of course, some people get rejected.

Those poor ducks…

All in all, Hayama Hayato received 18 love letters.

"One more and he'll tie my record!" Yukinoshita Haruno shouted from the audience.

"Nobody cares about your stupid record! Just because you're more popular with men doesn't mean I'm not!"

"I never said such a thing, Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Those two get along so well.

"U-um," said the girl in glasses. "So we have one more love letter to read…"

"Dear Hayama Hayato-senpai! I have admired you for a long time. Please go out with me!"

The drama student sat down reading the letter, fumbling through. "It's signed from… from… um… ah…"

"What's wrong?" asked the student beside her.

"There's no name on this one."

I heard a squeal off towards the side.

Isshiki was trembling, her face flushed red, and looking incredibly embarrassed.

Wait.

Was that Isshiki's letter?

That was it? That's her letter? She wrote two sentences with a greeting and forgot to sign her name on the thing? Oh man, Isshiki. I suppose the Service Club is a chore but shouldn't one take pleasure in their work? Then again, I love it when confessions fail - it helps me forget mine ever occurred… and now I'm remembering again.

Woe is me.

"Oh… um… that's it?" the bespectacled boy muttered to himself. "Guess there's no more to this one… alright that's all the letters we have for this year! Whew!" He dropped the mic and followed the girl backstage. I hope that guy takes a shower because he looked like he walked through a typhoon.

"Ha! A tie! Well, normally when there's a tie the defending champion keeps the title!" I could hear Haruno cheering out in the front of the crowd.

What ridiculous wrestling program have you been watching with Hiratsuka-sensei?

"Like I said, no one cares!"

"Now now, Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Truly, the two of them do care. More so than the anyone else in the auditorium.

"Hikigaya-kun," said a cold voice.

Yukinoshita appeared beside me.

"Yo," I replied. "Your mood seems sour."

Yukinoshita gaze averted from mine and went towards the stage. "Isshiki-san," she murmured.

Ah, maybe she was feeling sympathetic?

"Seems Isshiki's confession failed. Again." 0-2 is not a record to be proud of. I mean, I'm just 0-1. Although if you consider how many times I asked Yukinoshita we could be friends we would probably be 0-2… or 0-1-1. I technically didn't even get to finish my sentence one of those times so I'll just call that a draw.

"Indeed. I suppose I should stay away from her for now."

Yes. It would make the most sense to stay away from a freshly rejected maiden in love… wait…

"What did you blurt out to her just now?" Knowing Yukinoshita, she probably ran her mouth and said something insensitive.

Yukinoshita shot a glare at me before continuing. "I said, 'how forgetful can you be? You forgot to sign your own love letter?' It's far from a legitimate mistake. Even kindergartners are taught to write their names on their assignments. My goodness," Yukinoshita said with a sigh, rubbing her temples.

"The mistakes of mortals get to you?"

"More than they should," Yukinoshita agreed. This woman knows nothing of modesty.

"Well, I think Hayama can do without another one…" I scoffed. Despite a 100% rejection rate, the University of Hayama Hayato was still having applicants apply - desperately showing off their resume, transcripts, and test scores. And by resume, transcripts, and test scores, I meant unbuttoning the top three buttons and leaning in really close to him.

Hayama Hayato's world must be like a marshmallow cloud.

"Ah ah! Wait wait wait everyone!"

People were already preparing to leave the auditorium.

Yuigahama was still consoling Isshiki. It's just a failed confession. Get over it. Then again, it took me a few years to get over mine… okay, on the other hand the therapy might be helpful.

"We actually have one more letter!" Meguri-senpai had taken a hold of the mic. "It seems there was a letter left behind in the pile we forgot to add in… And we can't let any feelings of love go unsent, right!?"

A small chorus of cheers followed the president. It would seem that she has really high charisma stats.

"So… without further ado…"

"Dear H.H…" Meguri-senpai stopped speaking as if confused. "H.H… Hayama Hayato?"

Another letter to Hayama Hayato?

"Hayato-kun! You've beaten my precious record!?"

"Haruno! Silence! Besides, you're both ten thousands years too young to enter into the realm of love. You haven't had the agonizing experience of realizing all men want is a woman with a house and car and to make meals for him and to pay all the bills while he tries to get his music career to take off…"

"U-um… Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Someone please write a love letter to Hiratsuka-sensei or else she'll make me write one to her!

"Ah… I'll start again," Meguri said with a slight flush on her cheeks caused by the distraction from the two older women.

"Do we really need another Hayama letter?" I muttered to no one in particular.

"It cannot be helped," Yukinoshita answered. "There are those who receive the affections of others regardless of whether they desire them or not."

"Love sounds like a pain."

"It is," Yukinoshita said, almost as if in a whisper.

Meguri cleared her throat and began reading the letter.

"Dear Hayama Hayato,

Viewed from an overall standpoint, the written medium is an inefficient method of communication."

For some reason, the opening line made me laugh. It made me think of Yukinoshita who was standing right beside me. A small number of snickers could be heard in the crowd.

"Is whoever writing this trying to get rejected?" I asked Yukinoshita.

She remained silent.

"Thoughts must be etched onto paper, which must be made, using pencils or pens, which must also be made. Paper itself is relatively weak. Water, fire, storm, snow, and the ravages of time can in but a single instant wipe out the memories of people and the legacy of civilizations. Even still, despite this, words can be misinterpreted and misunderstood and their meaning changed or lost to time."

Whoever wrote this must love to talk…

… and desperately wants to be understood.

Yuigahama was near the front, her eyes glued to President Meguri who continued reading. Isshiki was next to her, no better. Hayama looked impressed as his grouping around him paid closed attention to the words that would come next.

"If there was a more clearer method to express my feelings for you I would use it, but for now, this shall suffice."

Heh. "Hey Yukinoshita. I kind of like this letter," I said. Crossing my arms, I thought it was amusing how unromantic it was, especially for a letter to the prince of pretty boys himself - Totsuka not included.

"Nugh…"

A soft gasp came from Yukinoshita.

"Oi." I looked over and saw that she was clutching her heart. "What's wrong?"

"When you entered my life, I thought nothing of you. But as time went on, we became… closer, yet distant. It's as if our relationship was a Schrodinger's Cat, existing when you look one moment yet it would be dead the next moment."

"Hey, come on," I muttered to Yukinoshita. "Eyes open."

Yukinoshita averted her gaze from mine.

"Ara ara…" I heard Haruno-san say under her breath.

"Haruno." Hiratsuka-sensei's voice was serious. "Were you behind this?"

"Sensei, how can you accuse me of such a thing…?"

What were they talking about? Some kind of Machiavellian Scheme? [6]

I looked to Meguri-senpai, still narrating the letter.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Yuigahama turn to look towards us. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

"Our philosophies couldn't be more different. What I want is a world where there is no poverty or malice or lies. You wanted a world that didn't change, or perhaps… you yourself didn't want to change. You… you wanted a world where everyone is happy."

A world where everyone can be happy, huh…? That's certainly something Hayama would want.

Following Yuigahama's eyes, Isshiki turned around too, also staring at us. Her gaze was confused, like she was missing something. Then suddenly, it was like she had received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, [7] and began urgently tugging on Yuigahama's sleeve.

Yuigahama remained still.

I didn't understand. Why were they staring at us?

Looking away from the stage, I returned my eyes back to Yukinoshita. She was shivering, like it was the arctic in the cramped and stuffy gymnasium. Her hair hid her face - for a moment she resembled a Grudge more than a person.

"I think one of those things is a lie… but apart from that I know that one day, maybe, you'll save me."

"Nugh ugh…" The sounds Yukinoshita made were grotesque. They were like a cat struggling to breath, choking on something caught in her throat.

"D-do you need water?" I asked nervously. I wanted to take a step back, but Yukinoshita continued to draw me in. Her head hung low and her arms held herself.

"H-hey," I said.

I could feel Hayama Hayato's eyes on us now, too. I turned to meet them. They were filled with surprise and… pity?

"You always desired an ideal world. Please, let me part of it."

Wait…

No…

Yuigahama, Isshiki and Hayama… they weren't looking at us.

To be precise, they weren't looking at me.

Yukinoshita's eyes looked up from the floor. They met mine. They were glossy, the sort that looked like the wet calm before a storm.

Did that mean - Yukinoshita. Hayama. Were they…?

Was the power of a childhood friendship and precious memories that great?

"Hey, did you write-"

"Affectionately yours…"

Yukinoshita gave a sad smile. She didn't need to answer. She knew she didn't need to answer.

An urge to touch her came over me.

A wish to make sure she was alright.

But the reality is, she was far from alright. She wasn't okay. She wasn't… Yukinoshita.

The urge faded.

I'm not blind. I'm not stupid.

Maybe I was the last person Yukinoshita wanted to be around right now.

With a final dramatic pause, Meguri took in a deep breath before revealing the author of the letter which had touched the hearts of the student body. The same letter written to Hayama Hayato as a confession of love. With a smile on her face as fake as a candle to replace the sun, she exclaimed:

"Yukinoshita Yukino"

Head after head of students turned towards the writer of the letter.

Haruno-san was looking at her younger sister with eyes filled with… something, I couldn't decipher it.

Hiratsuka-sensei shared a similar expression. What was that emotion? Regret maybe?

Yuigahama was shaking her head, as if she couldn't believe it. I guess even Yukinoshita Yukino kept her secrets from her closest friends… no, friend.

Isshiki… it looked like she was in mid-tug on Yuigahama's sleeve. Her eyes were filled with hurt. I couldn't blame her for feeling this way.

After all, who'd have thought that the person who aided her most would be her greatest rival?

The virgin trio had their mouths wide open and were pointing excitedly in Yukinoshita's direction.

Miura looked like she was about to commit a murder and the only one restraining her was Ebina.

Hayama himself didn't smile. He didn't frown either.

He looked lost.

"Yu-Yukinon…" I heard Yuigahama call out.

Wordlessly, Yukinoshita Yukino left. Stares followed as her footsteps echoed through the silence of the gymnasium.

The message in her heart had been delivered.

Thanks, Cupid.

oO oOoOo Oo

Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter? Fin

Next Chapter: A Hotpot from Totsuka Saika with Love

Footnotes:

[1] Green Tea Kit-Kats - magical stuff.

[2] Drinking the Kool-Aid - an expression used to suggest someone has submitted to propaganda or surrendered to a failing system and is now part of it. Originated from a cult mass suicide.

[3] NEET, Body Pillow, Akibahara - the dream lifestyle.

[4] "I must simply make you miso soup every day." - A variation of "I want to eat your miso soup every day" which is sometimes said by male protagonist characters offhandedly to heroines who cook for them. It's an implied marriage proposal.

[5] Stealth Camouflage - Metal Gear Solid item that allows the user complete invisibility.

[6] Machiavellian Scheme - a cutthroat plan for political or underhanded gain.

[7] Holy Spirit at Pentecost - Pentecost happens 40 days after Easter. It is said in the Acts of the Apostles that on this day, all of Jesus' apostles were gifted with the gift of speech, and spoke freely and energetically to all those who would listen.