Chapter 3: Regret

"Hello?" Nate called out as he walked into Chuck's penthouse. He had gone to St. Judes early after his breakfast with Blair only to see that Chuck wasn't there yet. Not wanting to deal with the surprised, curious and somewhat pitiful looks from his classmates alone, Nate hailed a cab to The Palace in hopes of catching up with his best friend.

Nate walked down the hallway until he reached Chuck's room, he pushed the door open cautiously, not sure exactly what he'd find. Chuck was on a bender, and his past exploits in such a mindset were…Nate wasn't exatly sure what word could describe the things he'd seen.

Chuck was lying on his bed in his silk pajamas while a beautiful woman in bizarre fullbody makeup held a cold glass of scotch up to what appeared to be a newly formed blackeye.

"Nathaniel! You're back, wonderful!" Chuck greeted as Nate entered the room.

"Chuck, ugh whose your friend?" Nate asked as he eyed the woman.

"This is Tiffany, or maybe its Tanya. I'm not quite sure." The woman made no move to clarify her name, which wasn't suprising considering how strung out she looked. "Darling, I think its time you go." Chuck said as he took the glass from her hand and got up. The girl only nodded, before grabbing her dress and shoes and heading out.

"She seemed nice, a little quiet."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you heard her last night." Chuck smirked as he downed his scotch.

"Dude, what's with the eye?" Nate asked as he looked at his friend.

"I had a disagreement with a fellow patron at a club downtown. But it wasn't all bad, I got to take Tessa home. She was one of those living statues there. May I ask what brought you here this morning?"

"I came by when I didn't see you at school."

"School?"

"Yeah, its Friday dude."

"How time flies when your having fun."

"Is that what your're calling this? Dude I'm working my ass off to get Blair to take you back and you're not making it easy."

"Don't waste your time. She hates me. She'll never speak to me again, let alone take me back."

"Well can you blame her, you slept with Serena."

"Yeah, umm about that. I'm really sorry Nathaniel. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't, well atleast not with your brain."

"Do you hate me too?"

"Lucky for you I'm in short supply of friends." Chuck sighed in relief. "But seriously man, I'm getting really tired of you sleeping with my ex-girlfriends."

"Haha, fine your next ex, totally off limits."

"But seriously man, why'd you do it. Is there some underlying tension between you two I missed?"

"Please, I don't give a shit about Serena. She was just another distraction. They're not as distracting as they used to be. No matter how many girls, all I can do is think of Blair. Imagine Blair. And I fucked it up like I always do. She'll never ever forgive me, I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"You don't deserve her."

"I know, believe me there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about that."

"So you try proving your worth after she's kicked you to the curb by fucking every socialite insite?"

"Like I said, I'm a fuck-up. Its what I do, and Blair's perfect to a frightening degree. I don't know if I should even try to win her back. I'm not sure its fair to her."

"Its not. She's too pretty and she's too smart for you, yet for some reason, which none of us will ever understand, she picked you. Two years ago she dumped me because she chose to be with you. And she has continued to choose you ever since, so stop getting in your own way and just be happy. Pray to God that she finds it in her heart to muster up her last shred of forgiveness, and if she does, don't fuck it up, or I will fuck you up. Freshman year style, brawling in the street infront of St. Judes. I'll give you a matching blackeye."

"…If…she forgives me, then maybe I'll believe there's a God. Or maybe a devil, I'm not sure which would help me."

"Shut up and throw your ass in the shower you smell like a strip club."

"You would now wouldn't you? Fine, give me twenty." Chuck headed into his bathroom. Nate walked around Chuck's room. Nate spooted a stack of old leather bound books on Chucks desk.

"Since when did Chuck start reading?" Nate asked himself, he grabbed the book on top opening it to the bookmark. A small bag of fine white powder fell out and landed on the desk soundlessly. Nate picked up the bag to examine it, he'd seen it before, he knew what it was, he just couldn't believe it. Chuck had been clean for months, Blair had made sure of it.

At that moment he heard the water in the bathroom stop. Without thinking Nate shoved the bag back into his pocket and walked back over to the window. He wasn't sure why, he had nothing to hide. It was Chuck who had the secret. He just couldn't bring himself to confront Chuck. Not be before school. He'd call him out on it later.

Blair looked down at her subjects, the wheels of her mind turning as she concocted the perfect way to humiliate Serena.

"We could text Gossip Girl that someone knocked her up!" Hazel suggested.

"Gossip Girl won't post anything that she can't confirm." Blair barked, she'd heard nothing but terrible ideas all morning.

"We could throw a Nairtini at her, take away some of that long blonde hair she's always flipping around like she's above us." Kati throughout.

"Nairtinis, really? What, are we in the eighth grade? You're thining to small, you're all thinking to small."

"We could invite her to Kiss on the Lips, douse her drink with my moms painkillers, when she passes out we ditch in some seedy motel and call the cops. They'll send her to the Ofstroff Center!" Isobel squealed.

"I don't want to kill her, Isobel. But I like the direction you're heading in. Listen, I already have a plan so these pathetic schemes you girls are coming up with are pointless. As you all know Serena slept with Chuck Wednesday night at The Palace Hotel. The intel I gathered from Chuck's bragging buddies says it was in the hotel kitchen of all places. What Serena didn't realize is The Palace recently installed cameras in all the staff populated areas. I was with Chuck when Bart told him." Blair smirked reminding the girls of how she was the only one to tame the Bass, eventhough he was currently running astray.

"But the hotel won't just give us the tape." Interjected Hazel.

"No they won't, but I already have a plan as how to get it. Kati and Is, you two will be helping me with that part."

"So once we get the tape, do we send it to Gossip Girl?" Isobel inquired, growing giddy with excitement over the takedown.

"Perhaps afterwards. But first we are going to have a premiere screening of the tape…at the Ivy Week Social at Constance next Friday."

"Serena, will be ruined. There's gonna be a rep from every Ivy League school there. She'll be blackballed at every major university." Kati said in residual shock of the Queen's master plan.

"I know." Blair smirked with satisfaction. "Then she'll remember why you don't screw over a Waldorf, or screw her boyfriend."

"So I've decided what we are going to do to celebrate your first night back." Chuck announced to Nate as the blazed up in Chuck's limo. "This new bar just opened up on the Upper West Side, and we are going."

"Are you sure a night of drinking is a good idea?" The little bag of coke had been waying on Nate all day. He couldn't concentrate in class, not that he would of understood it, but it had been eating at him none the less.

"Of course it is, don't be stupid. We will drink and be merry. Maybe find you a nice rebound."

"I'm good on rebounds."

"Really? Nathaniel have you been holding out on Uncle Chuck. What's her name, or was there more than one?"

"You know I'm not like that. Just one, her name was Juliet. Her brother taught at Cornwall."

"A townie? Interesting."

"She was sweet, but it was just a fling we both knew that." The limo pulled up along the curb of the bar.

"Maybe we can find you a onenighter." Chuck said as he got out of the car.

"Wait…" Nate said as he stood infront of the bar.

"What? Did you forget your fake I.D.?"

"No, we need to talk."

"About what?" Chuck laughed as he walked over to Nate.

"About this." Nate pulled out the bag of coke showing it to Chuck.

"Dude, put that away." Chuck whispered harshly as he grabbed the bag from Nate's hand and shoved it into his own pocket.

"I thought you quit. You swore you were done with this."

"I know what I said." Chuck said through gritted teeth as he pulled Nate further away from the crowd waiting to get in to the trendy new bar. "I'm not hooked or anything, its purely recreational."

"Chuck, it's a coke."

"I'm aware, I just use it for a little boost when the normal vices aren't doing their job of taking me out of it."

"This is about Blair?"

"Its about everything. Its about my father thinking I'm worthless, its about the fact that the Basses had to donate a new library to keep me from getting kicked out of school, and yes its also because the love of my life can't stand the sight of me."

"Drugs aren't a solution."

"You don't know what you're talking about. Mr. Perfect family, captain of the lacrosse team, every girl at Constance's wet dream."

"I've gone through my fair share of shit these past months. Its this world we live in. Its suffocating. When I was with Juliet I saw how normal people live. Its not terrible, its actually kinda nice."

"That's bullshit! People in that world are just as miserable as us, exxcept they can't pay for perks to make life more bearable."

"Perks? Like that baggie of coke in your pocket? The money, the drugs, the privelages, they're just keeping us numb so we don't notice its better out there in the realworld."

"The realworld? Everyone out there wants to be us. We are what to aspire to, not run away from. Why are you so broody now?

"Its just…do you ever feel like our whole lives are planned out for us? Like we're just gonna end up like our parents?"

"Now that's a dark thought."

"Aren't we entitled to choose, to just be happy?"

"Look, take it easy Socratese. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, but happiness does not seem to be on the menu, so relax, have a drink and stop worrying about everything and everyone."

"I'm worried about you man."

"Don't be. I'm fine, look" Chuck took the bag out of his pocket and threw it in the trash. "We can go back to my suite, fire up the wii and forget this whole deep, heartfelt conversation happened.

"You can't keep running from everything."

"I'm not. Just the unpleasant stuff." Chuck said with a smile before he got back in the limo, Nate following.

Chuck laid sprawled out on the couch as he thought about everything. Nate had stumbled home about an hour ago after smoking two blunts on his own, the hypocracy was not lost on Chuck. Chuck couldn't pinpoint when things had gotten so fucked up. Things with Blair had been going great, then Chuck fucked it up. Showed up to this stupid Charity Galla high after he lost track of time with his friends. Blair had flipped, told him she was tired of his stunts. She dumped him right there infront of the Plaza Hotel. So Chuck had stormed off, ended up at some club, he didn't even remember the name. There had been lines of coke everywhere, he was mad, upset, he couldn't help himelf. It had only been a couple times since. That stupid dime bag had been GIVEN to him by some club promoter. He hadn't even snorted any of it. But if he wanted to get Blair back he'd have to clean himself up. Quit with the girls, the nonstop booze and the drugs. Chuck had reached his resolve when he heard four soft knocks on the door of his suite. He knew instantly who they belonged to.