Disclaimer: All right, we confess. We're actually Oda-Sensei AND Miyamoto. We collaborate together to bring you Amaxing Fan Fiction, Inc! We hope you enjoy this story as much as we do! (Author's note: Good children should not believe me!)

Cervantes Manor. 7/31. 1:00 pm.

The house was huge. HUGE. It was at least five floors, maybe one hundred rooms, and was ornately decorated with gold. Painted white and blue, its Russian-style spires dominated the rest of the town, and were the first things that could be seen from sea.

Zoro was not impressed. It doesn't have a bar in it… what's so great about it?

"How can you even think that Zoro?!" asked Nami, aghast "can you imagine how much money you could get for selling this thing?"

What the?? … Never mind…

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"ACK!" screamed Nami, frightened.

A tall, broad-shouldered man walked up to them. He was gravelly voiced, dressed in slacks, a brown trench coat, and a checkered Sherlock Holmes style hat.

"This is a crime scene!" the man continued, flashing his badge, "if you don't got business here, then GET OUT! We got work to do!"

"Listen you…" began Zoro.

Nami smacked him.

"Ow!"

"We can't pick a fight with the police, moron!"

"But…"

"NO BUTS!"

"Fine…"

"Ahem, hi!" said Nami, putting on her best smile. "We're… Mr. Amarillo's lawyers, we want to find out more about the crime!"

"Sorry, can't tell you anything, police policy" the man replied automatically.

"Aw… pweeeease?" Nami winked, put on a cute face, the whole seduction business.

"Ahem… well" the man blushed. "Ah well…I guess I could…maybe…let you guys in on some things."

"Yays!"

Yays?

"All right then!" The man said vigorously. "Come with me!"

Cervantes Kitchen. 7/31. 1:07 pm.

The floor of the kitchen has been mostly cleaned up, but small patches of blood still remained. Tape marked where the body had fallen on the floor, right in front of a window of frosted glass. The kitchen itself was three times the size of a normal one, and all kinds of equipment and cutlery were stored there.

"So… this is where it took place, huh?" asked Zoro.

"Usually" the man remarked, "when you see a body outline, that means that there was a murder there."

"I KNEW THAT!" Oh…. I get it now.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zoro saw Nami silently take a picture dial from her pocket. He cleared his throat, and the 'snap' went unheard by the investigator.

That should be useful… maybe.

"So… Mr…"

"Spade!" Spade prompted.

"Mr. Spade" Zoro finished "Umm… is your first name Sam by any chance?"

"No… it's Tracy…"

"Oh, of course, that's not cliche at all..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Anyway, can you tell us… um… about the…"

"You're not good at this, are you?"

"I don't pretend to be."

"Tell us about the arrest!" Nami chimed in.

"Well, at least somebody knows how to do this."

Damned witch woman…

"Anyway, here's how it went down! A little after midnight, we received a call from across the street. A woman there claimed to have seen a murder, and it turns out she was right!"

"Can we visit the witness?" asked Zoro, trying to reclaim some respect in the eyes of the detective.

"NO!" the detective yelled, "No influencing the witness!"

"Fine…"

"Anyway, we rushed right over, and we found Mr. Cervantes dead on the floor, a knife lying near him, and blood everywhere! Naturally, we arrested the only other person there, Mr. Nathan Amarillo!"

"Why'd you arrest him?"

"He was the only one there! Not only that, we had decisive evidence proving he did it!"

"What was it?" asked Nami.

"The knife" the detective stated.

Silence.

"Um… what about the knife?" asked Zoro.

"It was Amarillo's knife, and it had his fingerprints all over it!"

"Wouldn't it though, seeing as it's his knife?" questioned Zoro.

"YOU QUESTIONING THE WAY I DO MY INVESTIGATION, BUB?"

"No… of course not…" Luckily, detective Spade could not detect sarcasm.

"So… um… can we see the…" Zoro mumbled "biopsy report?"

"The what?"

"Biopsy… colonoscopy… turvy-topsy… AUTOPSY! THAT'S IT!!!" Zoro yelled triumphantly.

"NO!!!!" Spade yelled dramatically. "Prosecutor Laws said no releasing the autopsy to the general public!"

"But we're lawyers!" protested Nami.

"NO BUTS!"

"But… isn't there anything you can do?" Nami batted her eyebrows.

"Erm…erm… well, I guess I can give you this… Mr. Laws told me I could pretty much just throw it out anyway."

Gee, thanks. Detective Spade handed Zoro a piece of paper.

Toxicology report: At time of death, M. Cervantes was found to have 1000 milligrams of abnormally strong narcotic sedatives, causing a retardation in the nervous, muscular, and endocrine systems.

"What…" Nami asked, as she perused the document "What does that mean?"

Thousand Suns. 7/31. 1:23 pm.

"Well…" Chopper began "it basically means that he was loopy when he was killed."

"Loopy?" asked Zoro.

"Yeah. He couldn't move his muscles, and couldn't tell what was around him. I guess you could say he was really, really drunk, except on narcotics."

"Oh. That makes perfect sense now. Thanks Chopper!"

"Shut up! It doesn't make you happy when you compliment me! You bastard!" Chopper danced a strange, strange dance.

"Right… so where does that leave us?" asked Zoro.

"We've got a picture of the crime scene… and a useless narcotics report. We have no way of interviewing the witness, no way of seeing any of the evidence, and no clue what's going on. Pardon the melodramatic summary, but it doesn't look good."

"Nonsense! We've gotten out of worse!" said Zoro, half to encourage himself.

"But we have to do it legally this time Zoro…"

"Oh… not good."

"Understatement of the year, Zoro. Understatement of the year."

To be continued….

Trial next! Woo hoo!