Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters nor do I own any of the songs that make their way through my stories. Everything is inspired by OneRepublic and Stephenie Meyer.
Dreaming Out Loud
Chapter 3 – All Fall Down
Soundtrack – All Fall Down, by OneRepublic
Previously: "Edward. Bella, there's something we need to talk about. Would you mind sitting back down?"
It wasn't really an option. Carlise sat at the head of the table with Esme to his right and Edward and I to his left. "Bella, I know this is a really hard time for you and I know you don't want to talk about it, but there are some things that need to be discussed." I nodded even though I was completely dreading for what was to come next. "In your parents will they left us as your sole guardians, just as they were for Alice, Edward and Emmett. But since you're almost eighteen you can be recognized as a legal adult if that is your wish. Now you know you are more than welcome to stay here and live with us, I think we'd actually prefer it but if you would like to live on you're own well... it's your choice."
I didn't even have to think. "I'd like to stay here," I whispered.
Carlise must have heard me. "We will clean out the extra bedroom for you but it's going to take a couple of days so until then you can continue sleeping where you were." Carlise smiled.
I did not. "Is that all?" I asked, really wanting to get out of here as much as I could.
Carlise sighed, recognizing my pain. "There just one more thing. We're planning the funeral so you don't have to worry about it, but if you want to help us-"
I cut him off, "No, no. That's okay. I trust you both. You were after all best friends." I did everything I could to not look at Esme. "Thank you, but I really have to go." And with that said I ran out of the room as fast as I could only hearing Edward call my name.
I ran as fast a I could for as long as I could and although it didn't seem like it, I did have a destination in mind. A place I'd been to many times before. I knew how to get there well whereas someone who didn't know where to go, tried to follow me would only get lost.
I ran through the forest in the Cullens backyard, following the familiar trees and paths that were marked. I ran all the way there, but because I am Isabella Marie Swan, tripping and falling was a constant thing. As I ran I did my best to keep the thoughts, the emotions, the memories at bay. I did not want to bare the pain of lost love anymore and if that meant losing all emotion together for the sake of peace, it would be worth it.
I wanted to become numb, apathetic. I loved them so much, and to lose them in a matter of minutes was unbearable. I just couldn't handle it. Not now. As I ran I realized the hole in my chest had blown wide open. I made the mistake of running from Edward instead of running to him and now I paid the price.
Numbness didn't take over me as I wished. Instead anxiety took its place. I needed Edward, more than I thought possible, but still I kept running. I was almost there; I could see the break in the trees up ahead, the light there.
Just a few more steps and I was there. I looked at my surroundings, nothing had changed. Everything was just as exquisitely beautiful and natural as it was the last time I was here. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The grass was a rich green color, and the surrounding trees formed an almost perfect circle. I had found our meadow, Edward's and mine.
Only Edward still wasn't here, and although this meadow, our meadow, was a place where I'd always found peace I was only able to find that peace with Edward by my side.
I dropped to my knees, tears cascading from my eyes, and rolling on my side. I curled up in a ball, begging for the numbness, the lack of emotion, anything that would take away this unbearable pain. I couldn't, wouldn't move from the ball, even when the nagging pain in my back begged otherwise. Time seemed immeasurable in the meadow as I laid there and silently cried until I fell asleep, no doubt that my crying continued.
Somewhere between the sweet breeze off the trees and the calming splashing of the nearby creek came the nearby sounds of laughter and happiness. The sun was kissing the trees in the west and I saw two people laying in the meadow. One was a beautiful girl who couldn't be older than twenty. She was dressed in a long flowing, pure white gown. Her silky brown hair was pulled back in soft curls with tiny crystals pinned throughout her hair. Her make up was subtle, natural and amazingly beautiful. Her eyes sparkled and matched the stunning sterling silver "I Love You" heart pendent she wore around her neck. Her head was lain on a man's chest who was wearing an all black tux, and as she moved to look up at him I saw his face. It was handsome and striking and perfect. It was the face of a Gods.
And the face of Edward's.
He looked down at the girl with a look of admiration and love and respect. A look I never saw in his eyes before. He bent down and whispered something in the girls ear which made her giggle in return and snuggle closer to his chest. Edward bent down and kissed her hair and she sighed in content, closed her eyes, and reached up to grasped her pendent. As she did so I caught a glimpse of the most beautiful ring on her ring finger.
It was a simple sterling silver ring with a elegant, small diamond placed on it that sparkled in the twilight hour. On the back of the right, there seemed to be some words engraved into it but it was too small to make out. I watched Edward pull her closer as I was pulled from the dream by the sweet, tickle feeling that caressed my face.
As I tried to pull myself out of my drowsy stupor to figure out where I was, I was momentarily stunned by the dream I had had. Edward was incredibly happy with another woman in our meadow. I woke up, sitting up way too fast trying to breath while fighting the unbelievable force of jealously and sadness for myself mixed with happiness for my best friend and the dizziness that came with rising too quickly.
"Bella?" A sweet, panicked voice asked. "Bella! What's wrong?"
I identified the voice easily as I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head there, breathing in and out slowly, trying to calm my erratic heart beat. It couldn't be done on it's own. I think Edward knew that as he put a sedative hand on my back.
"It was just a dream," He said, as he rubbed comforting circles in my back. "A dream." I took a deep breath trying to aid the effort. It took a moment or two but we seemed to get my heart rate back down to a fairly normal pace.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked, grateful that he had found me.
He suppressed a light chuckle, though I could feel it run through his body. I guess it was his way of saying, "Where else would you go?" Despite it being dark outside and myself being completely freezing, I couldn't help but smile. His silent answer was right. Where else would I go?
The realization of what that actually meant instantly sobered my mood. Besides the Cullens house, and this breathtaking meadow I have nowhere else to go. No real safe haven. Not anymore.
This time I held back my emotions and the tears the threatened to escape. I wouldn't breakdown anymore. I wouldn't runaway. I would deal with what was happening best I could. And I would do it for the Cullens, for Edward, because they didn't need me running out when all they were doing was trying to help. I would stay no matter how much it hurt.
"What time is it?" I mumbled, surprised that he was able to hear me.
"Almost ten."
I sighed and started to stand up. God knows what time it is, and I didn't want to worry Esme and Carlise anymore. "Where are you going?" Edward asked.
"Back to your house." I responded, unable to call it 'home'.
Edward stood up but reached for my hand, keeping me from taking another step forward. "We can stay here longer, if you want. Carlise and Esme won't mind."
I turned and looked at him. I knew better than to think he was lying, he won't lie to me. "Are you sure?" As bad as I felt for running out on Carlise and Esme the way I did, I knew I wanted to stay here, badly. I wanted to spend time alone with my best friend in our meadow, to stare at the stars.
To try and forget.
Edward sat down, pulling me down with him. He laid in the rich green grass as I rested my head on his chest. I had a flashback from my earlier dream, where Edward was in our meadow with another girl laying with him like I was now. Only in my dream they were happy.
I shook my head to clear the thoughts, not wanting to go down a dark pathway. I wanted Edward to be happy, because if anyone in the whole world merits happiness that person would be Edward. Besides, it was just a dream anyway, though the thought that I might someday lose Edward to someone else, made me feel wrong. Selfishly, I wanted to keep him for myself. And that felt wrong, too.
"Edward?" I could barely hear myself talking.
"Yes, Bella?"
After seventeen years of friendship, I felt ridiculous asking this question, "Will you always be my best friend?" I could feel my cheeks heat up. Even at seventeen years of age, even being a few months shy of eighteen, I needed to know the answer.
Edward sat up and looked me square in the eye. His emerald eyes showed the depth of all this emotions. It showed his sincerity, his intensity, and his honesty. "Always." He spoke up conviction.
"Always?" I asked, still a little unsure.
He chuckled, lightening the mood. "And forever."
I took a deep breath and then a tiny, giggle escaped me as relief flooded through me. "Always and forever." Edward smiled and laid back down, humming the familiar song "Mercy" he had sung for me that very day, believe it or not. I continued to rest my head on his chest, breathing in his delectable scent. I did my best to keep my thoughts from anything other than Edward, and I soon realized that was an easy thing to do. I listened to his steady strong heart beats, as I let memories of us flood my memory.
My earliest memory of us is when we were around four years old. Our parents had taken us to the park. Emmett, who was five at the time, and Alice, who was three, were chasing each other around. Our parents were sitting a hundred yards away, talking and keeping an eye on us.
Edward and I were laying down, just like we were now, in the grass and picking dandelions. We didn't talk much as we were just content with each others presence like we are now. I could hear lawn mowers off in the distance, tiny babies crying, and Alice screaming while Emmett chased her everywhere. But I wasn't paying much attention to them. Instead I had something on my mind.
"Edward, why does everybody hate dandelions?" I asked.
Edward spoke in his most serious voice, causing me to giggle. "The dandelion is a perennial, herbaceous plant with long, lance-shaped leaves. They're so deeply toothed, they gave the plant its name in Old French: Dent-de-lion means lion's tooth in Old French. Most gardeners detest them, but the more you try to weed them up, the faster they grow."
"What does all that mean?" I asked, throughly confused.
"They're weeds, and look bad."
"Oh."
Just then Alice came running by with Emmett chasing her. They ran around Edward and I a couple times while I heard Alice chanting, "Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty... But what happened to you?" I couldn't help but laugh at they're antics.
Emmett seemed to be completely irritated because he was unable to catch Alice so he made a quick jump over Edward's knees, just barely missing him. I sat up straight as Alice squealed and hid behind me saying, "My best friend, Bella, will protect me!"
Emmett made a lunge for Alice, with myself in front of her, and even though I know I love the girl I couldn't risk getting pummeled by Emmett. I screamed and jumped over on Edward while Emmett tackled Alice.
"BELLA!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs. In the distance I could hear our parents and Edward laughing. I was shocked, my eyes opened wide.
"What did I do?! Emmett's the one who tackled you! Be mad at him, not me!" Alice pushed Emmett off her. How? Even to this day I could not tell you how. Emmett fell back on his butt as Alice marched over and pointed at me.
She turned her enraged face on me. "You were supposed to protect me! Now Emmett won cause you wouldn't protect me!" Her expression changed. She looked like she would cry. "I thought you were my best friend!"
I got up and ran over to Alice, pulling her into a hug. "Of course I'm you're best friend. I'm sorry, but if I had protected you, you would have a squashed best friend!" Alice giggled at my poor attempt at a joke.
"Okay, Bella. You're still my best friend."
Emmett got up, still trying hard not to laugh. "Well now that that's all settled...," He got a mischievous look in his eyes. Alice squealed and ran over the to jungle gym as their chase started again.
Edward laid back down in the grass, as he had before. I didn't because something was on my mind.
"Edward," I asked, feeling no shame for asking this.
"Yes, Bella?"
"I know I'll always be Alice's best friend, but will you always be my best friend?" I looked down, feeling incredibly nervous, waiting for his answer. Back then, this was a life or death issue.
Instead of hearing Edward laughing at me like I was expecting, he sat up and looked me in the eye, giving me his most serious face. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Always."
I smiled, happiness running through me. "Always?" I asked.
He chuckled, probably due to the ridiculous look I'm sure was on my face. "And forever." I giggled a little too, as Edward laid down with myself resting on his chest. Emmett was still chasing Alice, our parents were off in the distance talking gibberish, someone was still cutting the grass, and the world went on. But I couldn't help but think about Edward's answer. Always and forever.
I was brought back to the present, still laying on Edward's chest and still listening to his heart beat. It was soothing, so much so that I could feel myself falling asleep. I wasn't worried though, because as long as I have Edward by my side I wouldn't have any nightmares. "Edward? I just wanted to say thank you for staying with me. I don't know what I would do without you."
I heard him take a deep breath. Then he said in his most sincere voice, "You're welcome, Bella." He paused. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. There's nothing you could do that could push me away. We all fall down, but I'll always be here to pick you back up. Always."
I was almost asleep, but I heard every word Edward said causing me to smile. "Always and forever."
God love your soul and your aching bones
Take a breath, take a step, maybe down below
Everyone's the same
My fingers to my toes
We just can't get a ride
But we're on the road
If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's when you'll find me.
Lost till you're found
Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate
Jump till you break
Know that we all fall down
All Fall Down, by OneRepublic
Thanks for all your support and paitence. I hope you liked chapter three.
I'll do my best to update soon but school starts next week so I'm not sure
when I'll be able to.
BTW, Did anyone see the new Star Wars and Terminator movies? I thought
they were pretty cool! And what about the Transformers movie? I give it
five stars!!! Let me know what you think!
ALL THE PICTURES OF THE DRESS, RING & PENDENT ARE ON MY PROFILE!
