"Tony, you shouldn't eat that."
"It is a fully balanced meal, Captain."
Steve was siting in the kitchen eating an apple looking at his lover. Tony was, you couldn't call it eating, devouring a burger, sitting at the kitchen counter. An enormous, juicy bacon burger with extra cheese which looked delicious to Tony and repulsive to Steve. He had to use both hands to hold the bun in place while he took a bite. A bite is gentle word for what Captain saw. He looked in horror as nearly a quarter of the burger disappeared in Tony's mouth.
"In what way this is a full balanced meal?" he gave him a disapproving look. Tony lift his finger, giving him a sign, that he will answer after he swallows the chunk. Steve was waiting observing Tony's jaw movements. After he swallowed he wiped off his mouth with his hand.
"There are napkins for that, you know," Steve said in a strict tone. Tony smiled.
"Shush, if I want to wipe off my mouth with my own hand in my own kitchen I will do it," he said, accenting the every "my". Captain rolled his eyes. The Avengers Tower was no longer Stark Tower but Tony insisted that it is still his property.
"So, how is your burger a balanced meal?" Steve asked again.
"Because it has everything in a small, handy package" he said, taking another, this time smaller, bite as he intended to continue talking. "It has all the carbs, proteins, vegetables.."
"And all the sugar, salt and fat," Steve interrupted him. The brunet responded with a shrug.
"I like that stuff," he said, taking another bite. Steve sighed heavily.
"I'm not telling you to completely cut off burgers, but you ate one yesterday. And a day before that."
"You're exaggerating, I didn't eat any burgers three days ago," he retorted.
"That's because you had pizza," the blonde gave him a look.
Tony was chewing slowly with a grimace, processing what Steve was trying to say. Then he shrug it off and took another bite just to anger him more.
"You know.." Steve observed as Tony swallowed and was planning to sink his teeth into the bun for another bite, "If you continue to eat like this, soon enough you won't fit in your Iron-man suit."
Tony's hand froze in half-way to his mouth. Steve liked his expression now. It was a mixture of disbelief and shock. He snorted, getting Tony back to Earth. The brunet looked at Steve's stupid grin. If he wants to mess with him he will payback the favor.
"Hey Cap, do you want sea-food?"
"Sea-food?"
"Yeah. See.." Tony took out a huge bite from his burger, chewed it for a while and then opened his mouth showing Steve roughly processed pieces of meat, bun and vegetables. "Food" he finished pointing to contents of his mouth.
Steve was staring wide in disbelief and then he turned around, disgusted.
"You're such a kid, Tony," he blurted. Steve turned back when he heard a muffled giggle coming from the brunet. Tony took the last bite and chug the wraps into the bin.
"What do you like to eat?" he asked Steve.
"Me?"
"Yeah, as far as now I have only see you eat stuff I would feed to the rabbits. Like this," he said, pointing at the bitten apple.
"Oh," Steve looked at the apple. He forgot about it. He took a bite. It was crunchy and sweet, just the way he liked it.
"I don't know, probably some army food, at least that's what I'm used to" he said, getting back to the topic.
Tony's face contorted.
"That must have been disgusting."
"It wasn't so bad," he smiled seeing Tony's face. "A lot of the food was coming from cans as it was easier to store it. It was tough to get fresh fruit or vegetables. You're lucky that now you have such a wide variety of green groceries from all around the world," he said munching on his apple.
"I guess you're right.." Tony sighed. Then his eyes went wide as he saw Steve eating the apple core in two bites. "I didn't know you can eat it."
"Sure you can eat the apple core. It is as nutritious as the rest of the apple and has the same vitamins. Throwing it away would be a waste," he said in a soft voice he used every time he had to explain something, he thought as obvious, to Tony. Like that you should chew with your mouth closed, but that was a lesson Steve had to repeat with him.
"So you like fresh stuff, anything else?" Tony asked getting interested in the topic. Steve thought about it for a while.
"I like apple pie," he answered with a timid smile. Tony grinned.
"That's as much as food as my burgers," he pointed out.
"Maybe, but I don't eat it every day," Steve retorted.
"I thought you didn't like sweets," brunet looked at him suspiciously. Captain returned the glare.
"I like them, but anything with sugar in it is always magically disappearing from this kitchen."
"Yeaah.." Tony's eyes drifted to the side. "You must definitely talk to Thor about that. This dude has a problem," he said, scratching the back of his neck.
Steve snorted. He knew that Thor was not the only one with this problem.
"Is there something you don't like to eat?" Tony inquired.
"Corned beef," Steve said, to what Tony frowned.
"What's that?" he asked.
"You don't know?" Steve looked at him with disbelief. It was rare that Tony didn't know something.
"No, I don't know. So, what is that?" he asked again.
"Um, it's.." Steve thought about it for a moment, "It's minced meat in a can. Technically it should be beef, but it was expensive back then and they were putting all kinds of scraps in it. I never liked it as you couldn't tell what it was made off so I usually gave my portion to some other soldier," he said, shuddering at the memory of pinkish slices of something that pretended to be beef.
"Huh.." Tony said with a confused look, "Oh! I think I once saw something like that at the market!" he beamed. Steve laughed again. He should expect that Tony, being a rich kid, ate only sirloin.
"How about you?" Captain asked him.
"Err.. watermelons.." he muttered, looking at his shoes.
Steve couldn't help but grin at how sorry the brunet was looking right now.
"Why?"
"Bad memories," he answered, referring to his birthday party some time ago. When he had thought that he was dying, got drunk and blasted few bottles over the heads of people present (Tony couldn't call them guest, he didn't know the majority of them). Then he had blasted a watermelon. For a long time he was still finding the chunks of the scattered fruit all over the apartment, remanding him of his stupid behavior that got him in a fight with, back then, only two people he loved. Since then every time he looked at watermelons he felt a lump in his throat.
Steve dropped the smile, after he remembered that story, once told to him by Pepper.
"Tony, I…" he started, but Tony made a gesture with his hand showing Steve to not worry about it.
"Beside, watermelons are water like in 90%, if I want to drink something I would get it," he said jumping off the counter.
Tony walked to the fridge, took out a soda and turned around to see Steve looking at him with scrunched eyebrows. He turned back to the fridge, put the can down and took a bottle of water. Facing Steve he took a gulp of cold liquid. Captain smiled.
"Smart choice."
sorry Tony, dating Steve means some changes in your menu c:
yup, a Marvel fact - Tony loves burgers, Steve loves apple pie. So they both love American cuisine.
I think the reason why Tony loves fast food are two – kind of a rebellion, because everybody tell you that you should eat helthy stuff and he doesn't follow orders, and because he has no idea how to cook. or clean. or do laundry. no, Tony, inserting pop tarts into a toaster doesn't count as cooking!
Captain on the other hand knows how to cook. but with old fashioned equipment, new appliances look hostile to him.
Food that they don't like was based on my own thoughts. sorry if some of you like corned beef, remember to read the ingredients lists as producers are cheaters now! once I bought a strawberry jam WITHOUT strawberries :/
the blasting-watermelon scene is from Iron-man 2
the "sea-food" joke comes from some kid show I saw a few years back, I don't remember the title, but I thought it was hilarious
