CH 3

An Unexpected Guest

My mother couldn't stop talking about the "maiden voyage ball" that was happening tonight. In a way I was looking forward to dressing up all nice but knowing my mother and father, they would scare off any man who would come near me. After coming back from lunch, I was scolded like a child for not wearing my ring and was expected to wear it at all times. I decided to abide my nagging mother and wear the damn thing but it wasn't going to be on me once we docked. For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of happiness and the very thought of him scared me and excited me. I couldn't understand why.

As I thumbed through the dresses I had, one had caught my eye. The dark blue taffeta felt so smooth in the palm of my hand. I immediately took the dress out and hung it over my vanity chair. It would give me a reason to wear the new shoes I got while in London.

"Oh my darling, you will be the envy of every girl tonight." Mother walked into my bedroom with a glass of wine.

I rolled my eyes as I opened my vanity drawer to pick out jewelry to wear. "The envy of every woman? I would think not. After all I would think you and especially father would forbid me from talking or dancing with the menfolk." I couldn't help but add my feelings. It felt liberating but also scary because my mother could be mercurial at times.

Mother walked over to me and sat her glass down. "I spoke with your father. You aren't married yet, and I feel that it would still be innocent if you were to share a dance or two with another man."

I dropped my pearl necklace and looked over at her and couldn't help but laugh out loud. "You are joking?"

Mother cocked her head to the side. "Why would I be joking?" She asked.

I closed my drawer and went over to my jewelry box and took out the engagement ring and held it to her. "This was the reason I was subjected to endless berating. I tried to explain my reasoning of not wearing it while I was getting some air but you insisted I wasn't wearing it for different reasons."

"Angela, you can't be giving off the wrong ideas to men here." She snapped. I turned my head and placed the ring on my right ring finger. "I will wear it only if I can on my right hand." I declared, slamming box lid.

Fran knocked on my door with fresh undergarments. I turned my head. "Must I wear those tonight? My monthly has come and the tightness of it will cause my cramps to become more severe."

"I will fetch you some brandy, that will ease some of the pain." Fran ran back into the main parlor.

Mother and I continued to stand there not knowing what to say.

"Angela love, we have had this conversation once too many times. You are to wear that ring, on the proper hand." She said softly.

I began tapping my foot out of frustration. "You know if father didn't have great influence on this, I would think you would be more compassionate and liberal. The only reason a girl is promised to an older man or any man for that matter without their feelings being considered is because of security." I began to walk around the room and pointed out various things. "As you can see we are secure. I am secure."

Fran brought me a glass of brandy which I gulped and slammed the glass on my vanity.

"My girl, save some for later, hear?" Fran said and lightly tapped on my shoulder.

It was then Mother's turn to roll her eyes. "I am going to see if your sister is close to getting ready." She turned and slammed the door behind her.

"Fran please don't make it too tight." I asked.

She nodded and handed me the dreaded thing and I stepped into it and raised it up. "Fran, if you were my mother, regardless of money or not, would you let me choose my own suitor?"

I could feel her start to fasten me up. "Absolutely. Love is a beautiful thing, I don't think this man deserves your heart."

"He's a fat bastard." I said softly.

Fran burst out into laughter. "You got that right." I smiled.

As Fran continued to secure my ties I couldn't help but bring up what was mainly on my mind.

"Fran, I can trust you to keep a secret, right?" Looking over my shoulder.

"Do you need to ask?" She sarcastically whispered.

I let out a breath and looked up. "Have you ever met someone, and that someone made your heart feel like it is going to fly out?"

Fran stopped. "We aren't talking about your fiancé are we?"

I turned around and shook my head. "I know I am speaking foolishly but his eyes are the color of sapphires, he has the kindest smile." I put my hands over my heart.

"He was at lunch, and I saw him sit across from me at the table, and our eyes locked. It made me feel like my head wasn't getting blood." I started to giggle. "I went out to get air, he came after me shortly after and we talked. For the first time in my life, I felt happy. Genuine happiness."

Fran's eyes reflected mine. She took me into her arms and held me tightly. "Please be careful love, you can't be displaying this in front of your mother and father." She whispered.

I held her just as tightly. "I know, but maybe this is a sign. A sign that there are better things for me out there."

She let go of me and cupped my chin. "There are, and you deserve every good thing there is."

"Let's get this dress on." Her voice cracked. I couldn't help but feel a lump in my throat.

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Eve and I walked into the ball room, both in awe as we saw many of the First Class passengers in their finest. Mother took our hands in hers and led us to large table that was starting to fill. The Dewitt-Bukaters and Mr. Hockley were seated. Rose fidgeted with her earring as her mother was busy speaking with another woman and Mr. Hockley lit a cigarette. I took my seat adjacent from Mr. Hockley and Eve sat beside me. Eve's laced dress brushed up against mine as she took her seat.

"What did mother have to say about you not wearing your ring?" She whispered.

I rolled my eyes. "You would think I was committing murder." I whispered back. Eve covered her mouth with her gloved hand to stop herself from laughing out loud.

"Girls, look sharp, Mr. Astor and his wife are here, and they are going to sit with us." Mother bent over and whispered between us.

"Who is he?" Eve asked. I bit my lip because I knew she was being smart. Sometimes she would make me laugh so hard I would almost piss on myself.

"He is a very proper gentleman and the wealthiest man here." Mother said sharply.

I looked away and caught Rose's eye. She looked rather forlorn and troubled. Nevertheless, she was beautiful in her red and black gown; I was green with envy.

I gave her a warm smile and she in turn, could only muster a half smile in response.

As the Astors made their way to the table, I noticed how young Mr. Astor's wife looked. She was also with child; I was disgusted.

My father made his way around and grabbed the seat on the right side of me. "Isn't this wonderful Angie?" He asked me as he took a sip of his wine.

"I feel out of place." I replied. I looked over at Eve and Mother, Eve picked up her fork and started playing with it. Mother suddenly took the fork from her and gave her a stern look.

"Oh dear, just think, you will be amongst the elite." Father stated. "Parties, dances, so many social gatherings."

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my wine. "You know life is more than that." I quipped. Just as I was about to add another one of my opinions, I saw him, HIM. He walked in with the Captain, another officer I didn't recognize, and a woman. The woman had her arm intertwined with his. I looked at her as her earrings sparkled in the light, her hair was up and pinned at the crown, and she sported a modest looking ring on her finger. I prayed that she wasn't with William Murdoch.

"Good evening everyone." The Captain greeted us. We naturally nodded in acknowledgement. "I want to introduce Officer Murdoch and his fiancée, Ada and Officer Moody."

Something inside me snapped and I felt like my heart was going to burst. He caught my eye and gave me another of his warm smiles. I couldn't help but not smile back as I struggled like crazy to fight back tears.

I looked up as I saw the waiter come around with caviar. I tried my hardest to look normal on the outside, hoping that the dinner would not take long.

"So Officer Murdoch, how long have you been engaged?" Mother asked. I closed my eyes in angst.

"A little over a year now." He replied. I couldn't help but notice that he didn't sound so cheerful about it.

Mother's mouth dropped. "You better hurry up and marry this girl!" She laughed. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and look away.

"Well I am not his priority at the moment." Ada laughed. Her laugh sounded so fake. "I have been so close to ending it due to the frustration of waiting to agree on a date, William is always at sea."

I looked back over at William, who wasn't even paying that much attention to her and instead was busy talking to the younger looking officer.

"Well a sea officer's first love is the sea." I heard myself speak. I immediately felt my face turn red. William and the Captain turned their attention to me and William grinned widely at me. Ada's smile faded. "And how would you know?"

I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. "Isn't obvious? He is always at sea." I managed to say. I could hear some of the dinner guests laughing. I knew in my heart that I would get scolded afterwards. A part of me didn't care.

William's eyes and mine were once again locked, this time it was more intense than earlier in the day.