Santana had been in Lima for about a month. She was bored as hell but she was really trying to get better at this whole school thing. Usually she just sat in the back row of all her classes and tried to stay awake, but that was more than she had ever done, right? She had had a few tutoring lessons with Brittany. Thank God Brittany was a very patient person…

"You can't multiply fucking letters!"

"Well yes, you just need to do the same thing on both sides of…"

"No seriously, what the fuck? A times Z equals the alphabeth? I hate the idiot who invented this…"

"Santana…"

"No."

And now they sat by the table in Santanas room again. Santana was in her usual grumpy mood, and Brittany was in her usual happy mood. Brittany was explaining the same thing to Santana for the third time that day.

"You just take the square root after you multiply…"

"Can we take a break? My head is going to explode."

"Yeah, of course."

Santana leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Brittany looked curiously at her.

"Have you never done it? You know, the whole 'friends-thing'?"

Santana opened her eyes and looked up at Brittany. Even though they had known each other for a couple of weeks now Santana was still not talking a lot about herself. Or anything actually. If anyone else but Brittany had asked her, she would have slayed them with her words. Probably. But Brittany was actually okay. Santana was just not the type that opened up.

"Nope," said Santana. But it was a lie. She had had friends. There was especially one friend who had meant a lot to her. Who had actually meant everything to her. She took a deep breath.

"Okay," she Breathed. Brittany looked up. "Okay ... Well. Yes, I used to do the 'whole-friends-thing'. But it was not a success. "

"Why not?" Santana looked at Brittany, who stared at her with her blue eyes. Santana swallowed and looked down at her hands. Sometimes just Brittany looking at her was intimidating, and Santana didn't know why. And it was really getting on her nerves.

"There was this girl. Amy. We became friends the summer before freshman year…"

Summer, 3 and a half years ago

"Santana! Over here!"

I walked to the other girls. They were standing outside this small coffee shop, waiting for me. Just like every other sunday afternoon. We would sit there, have some cocoa (because none of us actually drank coffee) and just talk about boys, school and stuff. But now it was the end of our summer vacation and it had been a month since the last time I saw the other girls. I smiled while I walked to them.

"Hi! How was Hawaii?"

"It was great!" I answered.

My parents and I went to Hawaii every year. It was cool and stuff, but it could be a little boring just to be with my parents for so long.

"Come on, let's go inside."

...

"So, I heard Sam is throwing a party tonight. An end-of-the-summer-party. We should go!" Sugar almost yelled.

"Who's Sam?" I didn't recall ever hearing about someone named Sam.

"Oh, he's this guy I met a couple of weeks ago. He just moved here, he's going to be a freshman too!"

Sugar was really exited. I sighed.

"Well, let's go to this party."

...

The music was really loud and really bad. There was a lot of people I haven't seen before and a few I recognized from the old school.

"Hey Santana!" I tried to find out who was calling my name, and it was a blond, pretty good looking guy. I had no idea who he was though. But he had his arm around Sugar so I guessed it must have been Sam.

"Hey." I walked over to them.

"You want something to drink? A beer?"

I swallowed. "Uhm, we're underage..."

A girl walked out from behind Sam.

"Aww, she's not used to drinking, Sammy."

I looked at the girl. She had brown hair that reached her shoulders and small cat-like green eyes. She was pretty. She looked back at me.

"Okay. I'll have a beer."

Sugar smiled back at me.

...

My head was summing. Like really. It felt like it was filled with tiny bees. It wasn't weird or anything, just... Funny.

"It's your turn."

"What? Oh..."

We were doing this 'truth or dare' game. I'd played it before, just not with alcohol involved.

The girl with the brown hair looked at me and smirked. "Truth or dare?"

I was a little dizzy. "Truth."

"How many have you slept with?" She smirked.

What? "Uhm, none." That was a weird question.

"Really? Well.. You're still just a kid I guess."

Maybe I was not more than 14, but I didn't think of myself as a kid. I didn't even knew how old this girl was.

"Pick one now, Santana." Sugar said.

I tried to focus on the others. I really had a hard time remember everyones name.

"Sam. Truth or dare."

"Daaaaaare..." Sam draggede the word out.

"Kiss Sugar."

"What? It's not like I haven't done that before," Sam said, but grabbed Sugars head and kissed her. I looked away, somehow feeling kind of awkward even though I was the one who told me to do it.

"Okay," he said after a minute, "Amy - truth or dare?"

Who was Amy?

"Dare," the brown haired girl answered. Oh. Of course, she was Amy.

"Kiss Santana."

My heart probably stopped beating for a second. Me?

"Your wish is my command," Amy said and started walking towards me.

I froze.

"What? It's just a kiss! It's not like you haven't tried that before."

I looked at the ground, feeling the heat on my cheeks.

"Oh... You haven't." I could hear Amy try not to laugh. "Well, it won't hurt."

And then she put her lips against mine. It was warm, but mostly just wet. It wasn't what I had expected a kiss to feel like. But it felt a little strange. I don't know if it was because my first kiss ended up being with a girl, or if it was because I was drunk. Suddenly Amy pulled away.

"See? It wasn't that bad, was it?"

...

A couple of days later I got a text message from a number i didn't know. It just said 'hey bitch, still recovering from your hangover? meet me at the park at 8.' I responded with 'who is this?' but I never got any answer. I shouldn't go to the park... I had no idea who had send the message. It could be some creepy guy from the party or something. But I was curious and I wanted to know who it was. I could just go, see who it was and then leave, right?

I went to the park. I was there a little early . Actually 20 minutes early. I sat on a swing next to a big oak tree.

"Swings? That's what I said. Still just a kid."

I turned around and saw Amy standing behind me, smoking.

"Here." She handed me a cigarette.

"Thanks, but I don't smoke."

She raised her eyebrows, still holding the cigarette.

"Come one, loosen up, will you?"

I eyed her. Then the cigarette. "I've never smoked before."

"There's a lot of things you haven't done. Sounds boring to me.

I didn't know if it was boring. But I didn't want to be boring. And i definitely didn't want a sophomore think I was. So a grabbed the cigarette. When she lit it it burned my throat and I started to cough. A lot. Amy just laughed.

"You still have a lot to learn. Come on."

From that day in the park I started to hang out with Amy. A lot. We would spend most afternoons sitting somewhere with a group of other people, mostly sophomores and juniors. Sometimes, when Amy had been stealing something from her parents liquor cabinet, we would get drunk too. I rarely saw Sugar and the other girls now. Sometimes Sam would hang around with me and Amy though. That was a little weird, I thought he was dating Sugar, but I didn't really care.

A few weeks in to the school year I sat alone outside school, smoking a cigarette. I've had enough of my Spanish teacher, he didn't even know a single word in Spanish. So I decided to not attend his classes. A lot of other classes actually.

"Hey, Santana..." Sugar had walked over to me. "Can we talk?"

I hadn't talked with her in a while. "Sure. What's up?"

"Uhm... Do you know where Sam was yesterday? He texted me he was sick, but when I wanted to visit him his parents told me he was out. Was he with you? Or... Amy?" She sounded nervous.

"Sweety, I'm not going to check up on your boyfriend and what he's doing."

"Yeah, no, but..." Sugar started.

"But he was with us yesterday. Or he was probably more with Amy."

Sugars eyes went wide. "With her?"

"Yeah, he's a big boy, he probably just wanted to get laid. And since you don't put out, well..."

Sugar looked hurt. "You're just like her. I don't even know you anymore," she said while she started crying.

And then she left. Her loss. I couldn't see what was wrong with being just like the most popular girl in school.

...

"Santana, what the hell is this?"

I looked at the paper my dad was holding.

"Oh... It's a D- dad, I thought you knew the alphabet," I answered indifferently.

"In Spanish. How is it even possible for you to get a D- in a language you a fluent in?"

"It was easy. The teacher is an idiot anyway." I stood up, grabbed my bag and left.

"Santana, come back here!"

I closed the door behind me and went to Amy's house. I couldn't deal with my screaming dad right now.

...

"Do you wanna go watch a movie or something tomorrow?" I asked Amy. We were in her room. I was lying on her bed while she was trying on some clothes.

"Can't. Sam is coming over," she answered, looking at herself in the mirror.

I got a weird feeling in my stomach. "You're always hanging out with Sam."

Amy finally looked back at me. "Oh, honey, are you jealous?"

"No..." I said. "It's just, I miss hanging out with you like we did this summer."

"We're hanging out now, aren't we?" Amy said, walking back to the mirror.

"I guess..." I rolled of the bed and walked over to her.

"Don't you think it's a little... Mean to Sugar? You know, she's kinda dating Sam and stuff."

Amy turned around. "They might be dating. I don't care. I always end up getting all his attention anyway." She smiled a devilish smile.

"Yeah..." I breathed.

...

I was in my geography class and I was really frustrated. After my dad found out my grades were getting really bad he had said I wasn't aloud to go anywhere besides school until my grades got better. So when my geography teacher gave me back my test and I noticed the red E on top of it I just lost it.

"What the fuck? I did great on this test, you can't give me a fucking E!"

"Santana, alomost every single one of your answers was wrong. I had to give you an E."

"Fuck you." And then I hit him. On the side of his head. The entire class went silent.

I was filled up with rage, not only because of the stupid test, but everything. Amy, my parents, everything. I don't know what happened after this. Not really. The only thing I know is that I continued to hit him until one of the boys grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me away. And then I was at the principals office. Then they threw me out. And then I was told I had to move and get some help with my rage problems.

I texted Amy the night I found out. I was devastated.

'hey. can you call me? i need to tell you something.'

'can't, with sam right now.'

'oh… okay… just wanted to say they kicked me out and i have to move like fucking 300 miles away from here.'

'sucks for you.'

I looked at my screen for the longest time. 'sucks for you.' Wow I guess she really didn't care for me at all.

"There you have it. Friends sucks," Santana said.

Brittany just stared at her with a strange look.

"What?"

"You were in love with her, weren't you?"

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated sooner. I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, but hopefully I'm on the right track again. So here's chapter 3 :) I'm sorry for typos, my head is soooo sleepy. And I hope the whole flashback thing wasn't confusing?

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