Chapter III
Harlem Hospital Center, NY
His knees were still wobbly when he finally left Beckett's room, after much prodding, cajoling and reassuring by the young nurse.
"Richard?" His mother jumped from a chair in the waiting room and came towards him. Slipped an arm around his and guided him slowly into one of the seats while Alexis watched on.
"Dad?" His daughter looked terrified. "Is Kate okay?"
"She, uh- " Castle barely noticed his mother pressing a Styrofoam cup into his hands. But he took it gratefully because his mouth was so dry. It was an herbal tea of sorts and he was grateful for that too, because caffeine was the last thing he needed. "She went into cardiac arrest. Her heart stopped," he explained after taking a sip. "But they were...they were able to start it again. They gave her another dose of that drug- " His muddled brain couldn't remember what it was called. He, who usually remembered every obscure fact he heard, was incapable of retaining anything tonight. "This drug that counteracts the effects of the heroin."
"She'll be okay with that?" Alexis wanted to know. Her voice sounded small and young. His daughter loved Kate too and Castle wondered whether Beckett ever gave that any consideration when she walked out of both their lives.
"They hope so. She's been breathing normally since and they haven't put her on a ventilator. They're telling me that's a good sign."
Hopefully. It was the same word the doctor had used on him for a second time tonight. What scared Castle the most was that the doctor didn't seem at all surprised by her cardiac arrest. He'd almost expected it.
"Is she awake? Can we see her? Maybe seeing us will help..."
Alexis didn't finish and Castle didn't get a chance to answer her because Javier Esposito showed up, along with Detective Kevin Ryan, who was tightening his tie as though he'd come straight from one of his second jobs to work this case.
"Any update on Beckett?" Espo asked.
"She's, uh..." She nearly died. Again. "Hanging on."
Ryan's face was sombre. "Good."
"She's tough," Espo reminded them. Castle guessed that he was saying it for his benefit as much as he did for theirs. "I talked to the guy who brought her in. Didn't get much from him but I'm hoping we'll pull something from a partial plate number he gave us. Couldn't get a hold of Vikram at the precinct but I've had another tech run it and he'll let us know as soon as he gets something."
Castle didn't know what to say to that. Was that supposed to be good news?
"Hopefully Beckett can give us more than that once she comes around," Ryan added.
"Yeah." Castle added. Truth was he couldn't care less about answers right now. He just needed her to make it through the night.
"We need to head back to the precinct," Espo told them. "Keep us posted if anything changes with Beckett, 'kay, bro? Let us know as soon as she's up for talking with us."
"We have two uniforms posted outside the room she's in," Ryan added. "She's safe."
"Okay." He was numb, unable to digest what that meant.
"Castle," Espo gestured to him. "Can I talk to you for a sec? Alone."
Rick got up and stepped towards the detective who motioned him into the hallway along with his partner.
"Ryan and I want to put a detail on you and your family as well."
"A what?"
"A protective detail. At least until we know who did this to her. We wanna make sure we take every precaution."
"You think my family and I are in danger?"
"Not sayin' that," Espo told him. "But until we know more, we wanna make sure. At least the next twenty-four hours. I offered it to Leon too. That's the guy who brought her in. But he refused. Couldn't convince him to have a cop around twenty-four seven."
"Alright." Castle gave them a silent nod goodbye and watched them head towards the elevator.
Then he stepped back into the waiting room and sank back into a chair.
"Darling," he heard his mother tell Alexis. "Can you get me another coffee?"
"Sure. " His daughter got up and made her way down the hall in her flip flops, and Castle knew Alexis was only humouring his mother's need to talk to him alone.
Martha Rodgers scooted closer to him. As close as the flimsy partitions between the plastic chairs allowed. "Darling, how are you holding up?"
"I'm fine, mother."
"You are not fine, darling," she hissed. "Not even close."
"I will be."
"Are you going to tell me what's going on with Katherine?" She cast a worried glance in his direction.
Castle leaned back and exhaled. He really was drained. Thoroughly exhausted from the unfathomably long minutes during which he'd watched Kate die and come back to life. For a second time in this lifetime. "I don't know what to tell you...I don't know much myself."
"Heroin overdose, Richard, what in God's name is that about? Is that why she left?" Martha questioned, lowering her voice. "Does Katherine have a drug problem?"
"What?" It took a moment for the question to sink in and when it did he shook his head vehemently. "No. No...of course not. Someone did this to her...they tried to kill her. They injected her with what they hoped was a lethal dose." Just saying the words out loud nauseated him. What the hell was she involved in? Was he even certain she didn't have a drug problem? That she didn't do this to herself?
Yes. He was. Whether or not he hadn't talked to her in weeks, didn't change that certainty.
Beckett was a lot things. Infuriating, frustrating, maddening things. She might even have one too many drinks after a terrible day. But she didn't shoot up with drugs and she wasn't suicidal. He'd stake his life on it.
Martha gasped. "Is that why there are two policemen standing outside her room?"
"Yes."
"Has someone notified her father?"
"The boys tried getting a hold of him. Apparently he's got a voicemail on his cell saying he's out of the country for some legal symposium. They left a message for him to call me. But nothing yet."
"Oh, poor Jim," Martha sighed. "That girl's penchant for danger has aged him, I tell you."
"Mother, can you do me a favour?"
"Of course."
"Take Alexis home."
"I think she might have something to say about that. She wants to be here with you. She loves Katherine too."
"There's nothing either of you can do right now."
"We can be here for you."
"Mother..." He wanted to make sure she didn't take this the wrong way. That this wasn't about not wanting them nearby. "I just need to be with Kate tonight."
Understanding dawned on her features. Underneath the flashy outfits and her penchant for the melodramatic, his mother was so much more intuitive than he sometimes gave her credit for. "Of course you do. You need to be with her without worrying about us. I'll explain to Alexis when she comes back."
Castle leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."
Martha smiled. "In spite of my all my efforts, you turned out so beautifully, kiddo."
"Because of. Not in spite of," he corrected her softly.
Castle embraced her before making his way back to Beckett's room. It felt like he'd already been away far too long. So much could have happened since he left her side.
The same homeless man Espo pointed out to him earlier caught his attention on the way there. Castle stopped when he saw him. "You're the man who brought her here, aren't you?"
The man put down his coffee and looked up at him with bleary, lined eyes. "You mean the lady cop who OD'd?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, that was me. You here to talk to me too? The other detective said I could leave. All I had to do was tell him where I was gonna be." He made a clucking noise with his tongue. "How the hell do I know where I'm gonna be? Gonna stay here a little longer. S'getting cold outside tonight."
"I'm not a cop. But the woman you brought here, she's my wife."
The man's expression changed. Castle saw pity, curiosity and sudden distrust. "That right?"
"The doctor told me the only reason she's alive is because you brought her here when you did. That it was a matter of minutes."
"S'that what they said?"
"Thank you," Castle blurted out. Thank you wasn't enough. Not for someone who had so little and yet had given him everything tonight. "Is there something I can...something I can give you? To thank you?"
The homeless man chuckled, revealing a missing front tooth as the distrust left his weathered face. Deciding that maybe the husband wasn't the reason Beckett had OD'd in an alley after all. "Didn't drag her here for a reward, man."
Castle cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."
"Yeah, that's what you meant. Hey, s'okay. Don't blame you. But if you gimme money..." His face darkened as he stood up, ready to leave. "Bad idea, man. Better you don't."
Castle noticed the man tightening his torn jacket around him and quickly took off his own leather jacket. "Here..." he handed it to the man. It would be only slightly big on him. "It's cold outside. You said it yourself."
The man was stunned. "You sure about that?"
"Yes."
"S'a really nice coat."
Castle managed a smile. "Looks good on you."
The man draped it over his own filthy jacket. "Thanks."
"There's a pen and some business cards in the inside pocket. My number's there," Castle told him. "If you need anything else, you let me know."
As if a leather coat could possibly measure his gratitude. As if.
"Nah, nothin' else. This is perfect. Dinner and a coat and your lady's gonna live. Shit night turned out good."
Castle thought he saw him grinning as he walked down the busy hospital corridor, away from him.
He passed by the two uniforms keeping guard next to a door, letting him know he was back near Beckett's room. He walked into it, up to her bedside, and noisily pulled a chair up next to her again. Took her hand into his once again. Kate eyes were open and she wasn't wearing the oxygen mask anymore.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey." She sounded weak and hoarse. As if that one word required a monumental effort.
"It's alright. Don't talk. No need." His thumb ran along the top of her hand. "We had a deal, Kate. I'll stay and you keep breathing. What you did earlier...that wasn't part of the deal."
"Sorry." Her hand squeezed his with a pitiful amount of force. "Tried."
"It's alright. I forgive you. But don't you dare do it again."
"Okay." A fragile smile raised the corners of her lips. "Try harder."
"Yeah, you try harder, Beckett. 'Cause I can't handle that that again." He brushed a strand of hair from her face and bent down to kiss her forehead. Closed his eyes and let his lips linger because that's how close he wanted to remain. Close enough that he could feel the warmth of her skin and the pulse of her heartbeat underneath it. Close enough to make sure.
What he really wanted was to climb into the bed with her. Debated it for a moment and stopped himself only because he feared they might kick him out if he did.
"Doc says I should try and keep you awake and alert," he told her, reluctantly pulling his lips away and focusing on the cut that ran down her temple. It was framed by a growing bruise and it made Castle wonder all over again what the hell happened to her tonight. How many other bruises he'd find on her body if she'd let him check.
Then again, this was Beckett, if someone had tried to grab her and inject her with heroin she wouldn't have gone down without a fight.
He should have been there. But he wasn't because she'd decided to take this on herself. Whatever this was.
What if that homeless man hadn't been in the alley when they dumped her? Kate would've died there alone, next to a dumpster, while he was playing board games at home.
It gutted him. Broke his heart and made him want to punch something.
How the hell did they get to this point?
"Rick..." Her hand reached for his face and almost yanked off one of the monitors they'd connected to her finger. God, she was awful at looking after herself.
"Hey...don't do that." Castle made sure it stayed on. "I'm gonna grab another chair and some magazines from the waiting room. Read you salacious, horribly-written articles on how to satisfy your man. For the next time you keep me up all night."
Maybe he was an optimistic fool but even after two months apart, he didn't doubt it would happen. That she would keep him up all night again; in infinitely more enjoyable circumstances. Two months apart, and in spite of all his anger and frustration, he never truly believed his marriage was over.
He doubted a lot of things about Beckett lately. But not her love for him.
That got another smile out of her. That was still one of his favourite skills. Making her smile.
"I don't satisfy you, Castle?"
He leaned back into her and kissed her again. On her lips this time. His need to feel her skin on his was ridiculous tonight. It had been too long. "Oh, you do. Plenty."
Did. She did. Back when she still came home to him at the end of the day.
Castle made good on his threat. He found a well-worn issue of Cosmopolitan, dragged a second chair next to her bed across from his, so he could put up his feet and turn it into a poor-man's recliner. Then he started going through it. Articles about the art of bedroom eyes, the joys of jealousy and when to start using Botox. They were so fabulously awful he couldn't stop. Best of all, the steady lull of his voice kept her awake and sometimes even made her laugh.
About an hour later, he saw her start to drift back off, and struggle to breathe again, as the heroin tried once more to gain the upper hand in the battle of drugs raging through her body. The doctor came back in and gave her a final dose of naloxone which brought her back into full consciousness.
"This should do it," the doctor told him. Should. Not hopefully. Castle picked up on his choice of words and it flooded him with relief.
It meant Beckett was too uncomfortable to sleep, but apparently that was a good sign too because four hours later the doctor told him she was in the clear and Castle, after downing three cups of coffee, finally set down the last magazine (Vogue this time, which wasn't nearly as hilarious, although he did learn a lot about snake-skin patterns) and gave in to his exhaustion. Let himself close his eyes and drift off.
Just for a few minutes.
Later
Kate watched him sleep after he dozed off. He told her he wouldn't sleep, just close his eyes, but she that wouldn't happen.
He was hunched over her bed, his face plopped down sideways on top of his folded arms, one cheek squished right into them.
It used to be a familiar sight, that morning face pressed into a pillow next to hers, sometimes right into hers, back in the days when she still woke up next to him. Usually before him, because he loved to sleep late in their gorgeous bedroom at the loft.
Home.
She still thought of the loft as home even though she hadn't lived there for nearly two months. Before that she only lived there, truly lived there, for less than a year before she moved out, so maybe it shouldn't feel like home. But of course it did. Because he was there.
Castle was home. And now he was here.
He'd stayed here all night and did everything in his power to make sure she'd live to see the morning.
It took her breath away sometimes; the depth of his love for her.
It made Kate want to grab him, hold on and beg him to never to let her go again. She wanted to tell him that hurting him was the last thing she ever wanted to do. Wanted to say it over and over again, until he believed it. No matter how long it took.
But another, less vulnerable, part of her wanted to do whatever it took to push him away.
This was so wrong. Him clinging to her like this in a public hospital and letting the whole world know how much they meant to each other; was stupidly dangerous.
She was toxic right now and last night was ample proof of that. Castle being near her was only going to get him killed and she'd rather let her heart shatter into a million pieces than risk the thought of a world without Richard Castle in it.
Even though right now, she had neither the heart nor the energy to do what it would take to get him to leave.
So she watched him sleep instead.
Watched the subtle flicker of his eyelids and their long, beautiful lashes in his half-dream state. They way they deepened the laugh lines that she adored and how his lips occasionally scrunched together, as if there was had something he wanted to say.
She let her eyes soak in all the details, unblinking.
It was a good distraction from how awful she felt. Every fibre of her body was sore and off somehow. She was so nauseated she was afraid that Castle would wake up to the sound of her emptying the contents of her stomach into one of those kidney-shaped pans on the bedside table. Her head throbbed so hard it felt like her skull might explode and her entire abdomen was wracked with fierce, unnatural cramps that made her want to curl into a ball.
This was definitely worse than the worst hangover she ever had.
"Yo, Captain." She heard Javier Esposito's voice before she saw him enter her room. For someone who was marked for death, she was doing a terrible job of staying aware of her surroundings.
"Javi." Kate wondered if she looked as awful as she felt.
"Doc said you're doing better."
"Yeah," she told him. "Gonna live." For now.
"There are a lot of people that are damn happy about that," Espo said. He grinned after he said it and turned attention over to Castle. "Especially this lump over here."
She chuckled. Javier Esposito was always a good antidote to her morbid thoughts. "Watch it, Espo. That's my lump you're talking about."
Kate bit her tongue. It was a slip. Her protectiveness over Castle; letting Javi know how much she still cared about her husband. Both him and Ryan had tried more than once in these last two months, to ask her about her separation from Castle, about her strange decision to walk out on her marriage less than a year into it. But she'd kept them and their curiosity at arm's length. Hadn't given them much of anything in terms of an explanation. So she wasn't surprised that Javi sat here now, staring at Castle sleeping at her bedside, trying to figure it all out.
"I'm glad you're okay too," was all he said.
She also wasn't surprised that Javi was here to talk to her, not Kevin.
She'd always consider Kevin Ryan a friend. One of the finest detectives and most decent human beings she knew. He was sweet and kind, open-hearted and open-minded and sometimes he reminded her so much of Castle. They were alike, and she suspected it's why they got along so well; Kevin and Rick.
But with her and Javi it was different. The two of them, they were brothers in arms and deep down they were cut from the same cloth, no matter how dissimilar their backgrounds.
Javier was the only who stood by her when she decided to go after Maddox alone. The only who understood why she had to do it. He was also the only who knew what she was going through years ago, when she hit a wall and spiralled out of control, unable to handle the pressure of working a sniper case only months after she'd been shot by one herself.
Espo was the one who made her face her demons, no matter how much stubborn resistance she put up.
"You up for some questions?"
Kate pushed herself up a bit, so she wasn't entirely horizontal. "Sure."
"I won't take long," he said softly, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Castle, who was snoring softly.
"I'm good, Javi."
"Okay." He acknowledged. "You wanna start at the beginning?"
"I was at the garage, the one at the precinct, walking to my car..."
"Time?"
Kate closed her eyes. Good question. She often left the precinct late in the evening these days. But not yesterday. Yesterday she had plans to meet up with Vikram.
Shit.
Vikram.
She had to get a hold of him. They'd hit a major lead yesterday and then she'd been kidnapped and almost killed. What if he-?
"Beckett?"
"I, uh...I'm not sure. It wasn't late. Maybe five or five fifteen. I was walking towards my car when a white van pulled into the garage. I didn't pay it all that much attention until the door opened and four people jumped out."
"Can you describe them?"
Kate shook her head. "Not really...judging from their build I'm pretty sure they were all men. But that's it. They were masked and dressed all in black."
"Four of them?"
"Yeah." She paused. Her recollection of it all was more than a little fuzzy and she had to concentrate to remember. The splitting headache didn't help. "I remember drawing my service weapon...trying to anyway."
"Were they pointing guns at you?"
"Yes."
"But you still drew your weapon?" Esposito questioned.
The moment the four men jumped from the van Kate didn't think she stood a chance because she knew exactly that LockSat had sent them. Didn't think then that she was going to leave the garage alive. It's why she drew her weapon. But she wasn't going to tell Javi that.
"I barely had a chance to pull if from my holster. They were too fast and too close. One of the guys tackled me and threw me to the ground. He was crazy strong." Kate remembered slamming her head on the concrete floor so hard that she saw stars.
"Then what?"
"They dragged me into the van and..."
"Espo? What's going on here?" Castle roused from his sleep and cut her off, while pushing himself off the bed.
"Just asking Beckett some questions," Esposito explained. "Sooner we know more about what happened to her last night, the sooner we can find out who did this."
"Kate?" Castle rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He couldn't have slept for more than an hour and still looked bone-weary exhausted. "Are you up for this?" He asked her, glaring at Javi.
"Castle, it's fine. He needs to do this."
"You need to rest."
"Look, bro, longer we argue the more it's gonna wear her out," Esposito countered.
"Did you know her heart stopped last night?"
"Guys...come on." Beckett cut in. She did not have the energy for this. Not that she blamed Castle. She'd probably have pushed Espo out of the room if the tables were turned and she were in his shoes.
But she needed to get this over with. Give Espo what he wanted so as to hold him off for at least a day or two.
"I'll be quick," Esposito promised. "After they pulled you into the van...what did they say?"
"If you keep insisting on playing with fire, Captain, it's inevitable that you'll get burned."
The man behind the face mask had a deep, cultured voice. He was educated. Not a street thug from the Bronx or Brooklyn. That much she could tell from his speech.
Kate shivered at the recollection. Couldn't bring herself to mention it to Espo, knowing it would unleash a whole other set of questions that she wasn't ready to answer.
"Beckett?"
"They didn't say anything."
"You sure?" Espo's brows narrowed. "Nothing at all?"
"I think you'll be impressed at the poetic justice of this evening, Captain. That the heroin you've been chasing has found you in the end."
"I was out of it," she told Esposito. "Hit my head pretty hard."
"Do you remember how long you drove? You have any idea where they took you?"
They drove for some time. Some time after they restrained her, before she felt a needle in her arm.
"Something to relax you before you think about causing us more trouble tonight. It'll reinforce the effects of the heroin. Added insurance for us."
"They injected me with something," she told Esposito. "That's the last thing I remember."
"They gave you the heroin in the van?"
"Heroin?" Kate stared at him. "No, I don't think it was heroin. Least not at first. It was a sedative or something and it made me pass out. That's the last thing I remember before waking up here...in the hospital."
That was a lie too. There were other snippets of conversation but she pushed them from her thoughts. Forced herself to focus on something mundane instead.
Like the way Espo's thumb kept flicking the top of his pen, pushing the little knob in and out. In with the pad of his thumb and out with the tip of his nail.
"The doctor said they found other drugs in her system, aside from the heroin," Castle added. She could see the concern on his face, in the way his gaze lingered on her for too long.
"Beckett," Javi closed his notebook. "Do you have any idea who's behind this?"
She shook her head. "No."
"This whole thing- " Esposito paused and frowned, as if debating how to spell this out while hoping that maybe she'd do it for him.
Fine. She'd give him that much. She had to. She'd be the lousiest cop ever if she tried to make this out to be a random attack.
"I know" She replied. "It doesn't seem random. It wasn't a mugging and if they wanted me dead they could have shot me in the garage."
"It's more than that..." Esposito added. "The fact that they dumped you in an alley, in Washington Heights, Vulcan Simmons' old territory. The place where your mother first stood up to those guys."
"What?" Kate hadn't known that. That detail threw her for a loop. "I didn't know." Between salacious articles, Castle had told her that someone injected her with a near lethal amount of drugs, but he hadn't mentioned that they'd dumped her in an alley. Left her to die there just like her mother. Her voice suddenly sounded far away to her ears.
"It's a helluva message, Beckett. You really have no idea who this could be? Maybe a case that..."
His voice was starting to sound distant too. Kate closed her eyes.
"Espo...stop." Castle cut off the detective. "That's enough."
She opened them again. Her lids impossibly heavy. "Wish I could give you more."
"Nah, it's good," Esposito insisted. "The time frame you gave us, the location where they took you, that's big. The garage has security cameras. There's street cams around the block. We should get an ID on the white van with that."
Kate exhaled. "I hope so."
"If anything else comes to mind when you're back at the loft-" Esposito stopped, as if suddenly aware that they weren't together anymore. "I mean, once you're outta here, lemme know if remember anything else. Alright, boss?"
"I will."
He told her to get better, to stay away from the precinct a for couple of days and then he left them both to head back to the Twelfth.
Castle didn't take his eyes off her during the entire exchange.
"I don't even know where you're staying," he finally whispered after Esposito was gone. "Don't know where my wife has been sleeping for two months before they found her shot up with heroin, half-dead in a back alley."
It broke her heart. The look in his eyes when he said it.
But Castle not knowing was what would keep him away. It would keep him alive and right now that's all that mattered. His safety was the one thing she would not compromise in this godawful mess.
"But- " his blue eyes locked with hers, a swirling mix of love, anger and determination. "I do know that I'm taking you home today."
