Moscow Mariachi!

Mestizos, Accordions, and Stalin in a Bikini!

You know you want it.

Monty whistles happily, swabbing the deck with a moldy sponge. With each push of the mop, the water reaches a fat arm across the deck. As the ship rocked to and forth, the water's path curved to meet with it.

Russell was at the promontory of the ship, scanning the horizon for far off treasures. None could say what would lie beyond, so it was Russell's job to report and investigate after the fact. It was always exciting to behold a fatten ship, laden with gold and silver, or a bunch of naval noobs who don't even know port from starboard, to feel the build-up to the sacking. It was much more exciting than burning down his wife's house, Russell thought.

Igloo was steering the small pirate ship, not much larger than a sailboat. But what the Carr lacked in size, she made up for in speed, and creature comfort.

As was the ship on a regular day.

This was not a regular day.

"Russell, it's to damn cold to sale, mate!" Monty shouts letting his otherwise subdued Australian accent come out. The Sea otter laughs, wagging a finger at the platypus.

"Oi, you shouldn't a' come onboard if it's too cold, Pussy!" He scolds playfully.

"Shut up, Russell, 's not like you don't complain!" Igloo barks. A Man by the Name of Thomas Huxley often said Dogs and Seabears are related. The raging bark he uttered just then lends a bit of proof to the idea.

"You're a seabear! You guys live in frozen ghettoes, for God's sake!" Russell smiles.

"Dead Arm!" He barks again, tossing a crate sized paw into Russell's forearm. The Otter leaps into the air, shouting a string of swears.

"Damnit, Igloo, what the Hell!" Monty shouts, as Russell comes in for a touchdown on the platypus, after leaping a good six feet up. The seaotter narrowly misses the platypus, instead landing on the railing.

Monty and Igloo go over to inspect the damage caused by the massive polarbear's hand.

"Are you alright?" Igloo asked. Monty reached out a hand to tap his shoulder, just as Russell slid off the railing into the blue sea.

The two rush for the falling body, only to be too late, having heard the 'splash' of a body into the brine.

Monty turns to Igloo, both having a look of shock and dread upon their visage. Monty grabbings Igloo's shoulders, shaking him wildly.

"WHAT THE HELL, YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED RUSSELL!"

"I DID NOT KILL RUSSELL! WHY WOULD YOU EVE-"

"YOU'RE A CANNIBALISTIC URSINE!"

"TAKE THAT BACK, KIWIBUGGER!"

The two were about to draw pistols and send each other off to Hellheim, when a faint voice came from the abyss.

"Yar, before yar' shootin each other's brains out, help me up, I found a map!" Russell shouted, trying to keep his head bobbing above the water.


"So did Monty and Igloo solve things the Sam Peckinpah way?" Toothy asked, eyes filled with a most disturbed and corrupt hope.

"No, they helped me up, and we read the map." Russell explained.

"What's important about a map?" Petunia asked, playing Devil's Advocate.

The Pirate chuckles, "Oh surely, I must tell you, for it changed my life forever."

Return of Sealegs! and Deadliving!

For those of you who are too 'new' to FF, it was a story I am very proud of until the Flippy-Flaky and OC Fanaticism came about. Then I leapt onboard with 'Laichzeit','Up in Arms', Ich Hasse Sie Mein Liebe', and such other things.

So, I have most unfortunate news.

BoulderTheDragon, one of the best authors (if not the best) on this site has left HTF, but you can still find him on Deviant Art as JaredvonDoom.

Review!