Title: Maybe It's a Good Thing

Prompt: Is it a groove or is it a rut?

Character: Tobe

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

War and necessity could bring anyone together, but Tobe liked to think that for them, it was something more. Sometimes things just fit, like that first time you ride the perfect horse and two blends into one to make something so purely right that you know it will save your life someday. And he and Kel were one of those things- she made him eat his vegetables, he made sure she didn't skip meals; she taught him to defend himself with staff and bow, he brought her glaive and helm when the horn calls rang out bright and clear above the enemy raiders. She had saved him once, years ago, when she had taken him from the past which was still written in scars across his back and mind, and she saved him again every day by showing him how different life could be. And he repayed her in turn, or tried to whenever possible, seeing that enemies were thrown from their mounts in battle or more simply by just being there, always.

But now his mind was full of leaving. It sounded strange to his ears still, telling the people who had become his family that he dreamed of Corus and of trying his luck with the Riders. They were proud of him, he could see it in their eyes, though no one said very much- it seemed as if the world had gotten more quiet in the years of war, or maybe it was just his imagination.

No one ever would have guessed that he would be the one to leave. He had clung to Kel from the start, afraid to get close but even more afraid to get too far and watch her walk away once more. He had seen to much lost in life to take any chances, and he could still feel the breaking in his heart the morning that he woke to find she had left for Scanra without him. But years pass and people grow, and every day now he felt like the walls of camp, once so strong and protective, holding out the fearsome world, where closing in farther and farther, keeping him shut in instead. More than anything, he wanted to see, and it was time to step out into the sun. He knew it would be dazzling, especially at first, but maybe it would light the way to whatever it was that he searched for still.

More than anything, though, he was doing it for Kel. She wouldn't see it that way, not at first; he knew that, and was afraid of the pain that he would cause, because pain was the last thing that Lady Kel deserved. After all she had given him, it was strange to think that he had given something back, enough to be noticeable when he took it away. But he had seen recently the way she gravitated towards him at night, when Neal and Yuki were in Headquarters and Owen sat on the patch of grass behind the stable with his betrothed, and the fires framed men holding their wives and lovers close. She was lonely in a secret way which few could see, like a flickering shadow which danced so swiftly across her face at certain moments that you could only catch the merest glimpse of it from the corner of your eye. So they sat and played chess together, or she taught him to do sums, and sometimes he sang to her in the fading light to hear her laugh and watch the load that she bore upon her shoulders lighten for a shining moment.

Maybe it's a good thing, his leaving. That's what Tobe tells himself as he begins to make plans, letting it be real for the first time, because he is not a dreamer, not usually. He tells himself that he is not taking her smiles away, because she is the type of person who needs to smile, and who shouldn't be lonely. She will find someone else to take his place, someone her own age, maybe Merric who would do anything for her; or the young refugee man who always wins the archery contests until the Lady Knight comes to watch and he can barely hit the target. So maybe it's a good thing, his leaving, because when he is gone she'll have to find someone else to be with, someone else who fits her as well as he does; and maybe this time, it will be the person who will stay forever.