Scene 3

The Difference Between Males and Females

Hearing this, Paul snaps out of it.

N/P: Huh? What's that supposed ta mean?

Nakita: Well, I'll use my childhood friend, Lance as an example. Lance never had a nickname for me, until he found out my secret. When he did, he avoided me for a week and back then the only changes I had were my hair would get a little darker, my eyes would change, and my lower part... yet he avoided me for a whole week.

Nancy: A week for pre-puberty?

Nakita nods.

Nakita: But I've never had anyone find out since I started puberty (besides you, and that took a long decision process, Nancy).

Nancy: Ah. That makes sense, Nakita. Although it was either you show me or I figure it out wasn't it?

Nakita: It's weird but yah, basically, Drew.

The door is flung open by Lance Xing. Paul and Nancy turn to face him. He shuts the door and mouths to Principal Ivory.

Lance: Does everyone in the room know?

Principal Ivory gives a thumbs up. Lance takes a big breath.

Lance: GendBend!

Nakita whirls to face him.

Nakita: Fight Master!

The two get into ready position for battle.

Principal Ivory: No fighting! Although this is a good school for that. But you can do that later. I want to introduce Nakita Baker to the other assistants, not Damian Chameleon. Plus they're supposed ta get 'ere soon and what happens if they catch Nakita/Damian dressing? Or did you two not think that far ahead?

L/N: No, we're sorry. It would be bad if I were caught changing, so we're extremely sorry, Electra.

Principal Ivory: Good.

Nakita: Why would you change, Lance?

Lance looks at her.

Lance: What do you mean?

Nakita: God, here we go again. Pretendin' he didn't say anything weird.

Knock, knock

Principal Ivory: Come on in.

The door opens to reveal Barbara Cain and Victor Rafiki.

B/V: Nice to meet you.

Everyone turns to face them.

Everyone: Hello.

Victor: Ladies first, Barb. (whispers) Googly-eyes.

Barbara: Thank you, Vic. (whispers) Dweeb.

They walk into the room.

Barbara: I'm Barbara Cain.

Victor: I'm Victor Rafiki.

Principal Ivory: Electra.

Paul: Paul Baker.

Nancy: Nancy Ivory.

Nakita: Nakita Baker.

Lance: Lance Xing.

Barbara and Victor look around the room.

Both: Aren't we missing someone?

Everyone else: Who do you mean?

Barbara: Damian Chameleon.

Everyone else: They sure are perceptive.

Victor: What? Did she say it wrong?

Nakita: Oh, no. Nothing like that. I'm sorry I've only got one body...

Barbara: Then where is he?

Nakita sighs. She takes out a throwing knife from her sock.

P/B/V: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT?

Nakita doesn't answer. She just closes her eyes and then whirls to the right, and throws the knife at the equivalent of a fastball in baseball. The knife got the target and pinned him to the wall. Paul's, Barbara's, and Victor's jaws drop.

Nakita: Padawan! What are ya doin'?

Padawan: Nothin' much. Just hangin', really.

Barbara: Who's he? He's a hottie!

Nakita walks over to Padawan with her hands on her hips.

Nakita: Not funny, Padawan. I don't need my bodyguard on the day before school and you can see Lance anytime ya want. Explain clearly why you're here, please.

Padawan gulps and nods.

Padawan: Yes, Mistress. Your grandfather gave me this and your mother gave me this.

He holds out the scrolls. Nakita pulls out her knife and puts it away.

Nakita: So, you're back as errand boy, basically?

Padawan looks down.

Padawan: Yeah. Basically.

Lance: But isn't that your role, anyway?

Padawan: Of course not, Almighty Fight Master. I'm Mistress' bodyguard and that's all.

Nakita smiles and chuckles.

Nakita: So it's Almighty now?

Lance blushes bright red. Nakita takes the two scrolls. She opens the one from her mother.

Nakita: Dear daughter, I have some very good news. Your grandparents are getting old... So? And they want to see you in a wedding dress. WHAT? They compiled a few suitable suitors for their precious granddaughter... What do you mean by suitable? Among them was Fight Master. Huh? I knew you and Fight Master are inseparable but you love each other like brothers, so that option would be impossible. Thank goodness. I went through each one and I found two possibilities. Two? Am I some sort of object ta sell off ta the highest bidder? One is an Englishman and so I thought he'd be a last resort if this first choice doesn't work out. First choice, huh? It works out that he and his family live in a large enough house for you to move in with him. Move in? I most likely haven't even met the guy! Your father and his father are best friends from middle school and they're now business partners. So instead of just you moving into the house, we all are. At least you have some decency. And will you please tell who this guy is? You may already know him. He goes to your school. Oh, great. I don't know most o' the people who go ta this school, so what good does that do me? His name is Victor Rafiki. He's always seen with his childhood friend, Barbara Cain. Wait, WHAT? NO WAY! NOT POSSIBLE! Don't worry though. Those two have no romantic feelings toward each other... Love, Mommy. What the...? Jeez! That's not what worries me. The geekazoid is who I have ta fall in love with?

Nakita throws her mother's letter/scroll on the floor. The others pick it up and start reading it while Nakita had started opening her grandfather's letter.

Nakita: Dear Nakita, your grandfather and I are so proud of you. We love you, dear. Be the good girl I know you are, and you can make any guy fall for you. Love, Grandma. Aw. I love you too. Wait, there's somethin' else... P.S. What your grandmother was trying to tell you Nakita, was to have lots of SEX and give us great-grandchildren. Grandpa.

Nakita and Victor turn into stone statues. Padawan waves his hand in front of Nakita's face.

Padawan: Hello, Mistress... Are you there? Almighty Fight Master, Mistress is actin' weird!

Lance, Electra, and Nancy walk over to look at the scroll in Nakita's hands. After looking at the letter only Electra is unfazed. She walks back to her desk but Nancy freezes up like Nakita.

Lance: That's one... um... blatant grandfather. Hard to see how they're related. I'm sorry, Nakita.

He's about to put his arm around her when he remembers the others. He takes Nancy's arm and pats Nakita on the back. Barbara and Paul walk over to see what's written in the second letter. Afterwards, both of them give off a disgusted look.

Paul: I'm glad he's not technically my grandfather!

Barbara looks from Nakita to Victor and giggles.

Barbara: These two kinda suit each other, don't they?

Nakita snaps out of her position then. She rips the letter in half and neatly folds and puts away her grandmother's part, keeping it in perfect condition. But her grandfather's part she rips into tini-tiny pieces. She then runs out the door. Padawan bows to everyone and then jumps back to the windowsill. Standing on it, Padawan "falls" backwards out of the room.