This one is a little graphic, you've been warned. Otherwise, enjoy the story and please review!


Emily jiggled the key in door lock, encouraging it to keep working just another couple of days. It worked again, as it had for the last four months, when she and Matt decided they needed a new lock, but just hadn't gotten around to getting it yet. She dumped her purse on the little table by the door, and meandered toward the bedroom. Something felt different in the apartment, she wasn't sure what, but something was definitely off. The phone on the night table was unplugged from the wall, much like the one in the living room had been, and Matt's cell phone was sitting on the bed, it's battery yanked out beside it. Maybe more surprising, the bed was actually made, and there were no clothes in sight; Matt had cleaned up.

She continued toward the bathroom, where she heard the shower going, and pulled open the door. Three candles burned pleasantly on the counter, bathing the room in warm light, and filling it with a clean, musky ocean smell. So this was what he needed to leave early to do? Cheryl let him leave early for this, it wasn't even an anniversary? Not that she was complaining by any means, she would be very happy coming home to this any day. Deciding pondering it further wasn't worth delaying joining the shadowy figure behind the shower curtain, Emily stripped down.

The hot spray wasn't completely blocked by his body as she climbed in behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, and kissing her way along his neck. He turned toward her, his face holding a small smile, his eyes lit with a passion for her, a desire just for her. He kissed her delicately, softly at first, but then it was if he couldn't hold it in any longer, and the kiss become much stronger, as he wrapped his arms around her. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around him, as he pressed her against the back wall, Deepening a kiss past even his expectations.

Matt had been aching for her all day, even though he'd had her the night before, twice. Today was something special, something he'd taken his time planning, and the excitement of that made the passion he felt for her almost unbearable. He tried to take it slow, allowing his hands to roam her body, his lips kissing along her collarbone, his eyes searching her and finding the same passion he felt burning inside. When he entered her, it began much like the kiss, slow and gentle, but again he just couldn't wait, and Emily made it pretty obvious she didn't want to. Their breathing grew heavy and rapid, till it was almost gasping when they finally hit climax, and settled against each other, finally brought back to Earth and conscious again of the spray hitting their bodies.

Once they both caught their breath, they got down to what the business of a shower is supposed to be, giggling and kissing their way the washing. Thirty minutes later they tumbled out, once again spent and breathless, unable to wait for the bedroom for their second go. It was just that good between them. Matt wrapped a towel around his waist, and tossed a wicked grin Emily's direction. He couldn't resist when he saw her standing their so calmly, fastening the towel around her chest. He swept her into his arms, and carried her giggling and half-protesting into the bedroom, where he'd left another surprise waiting. After setting his girlfriend on the bed, Matt grabbed a bottle from the night table. Emily began to sit up, but he stopped her.

"Just relax," he told her softly, gesturing for her to roll onto her stomach. With a raised eyebrow, and a dimpled grin, she complied, assuming the bottle was massage oil.

Matt squirted the liquid onto his hands and rubbed them together, smiling as it responded just as the bottle promised. He began to gently work his hands over her back and shoulders.

Emily gasped and moaned in surprise and pleasure, as Matt's hand began to work over her body, her flesh growing warm and tingling from the oil. Matt grinned, very pleased with himself; he'd made a good decision with the special massage oil-lubricant product. He continued working his hands over her gently, at some point running his hands over her body more than massaging it. He loved to touch her, to feel her soft skin beneath his hands, and the sheen from the massage oil was sexier than any bimbo pushing her breasts at the camera in Playboy.

Much as she was enjoying this, Emily decided she couldn't have all the fun, and rolled over, pulling him closer to her. She pressed her lips to his, and locked her legs around him, rolling them both over, holding the kiss a while longer, before breaking it, and straddling him. She grinned coyly, and motioned him to roll onto his stomach, moving to grab the bottle. Matt moaned happily as Emily worked her fingers into his muscles, and ran her hands along his body. Emily breathed heavily, feeling a quiver inside her; his pleasured moaning was getting her off.

After a while, he grabbed her and began kissing her again, running his hands along her hips, grabbing her butt. He reached blindly for the bottle again, squirted some more liquid on his fingers, and began working them inside her. Emily gasped and began breathing heavily, arching her back, as Matt's breath quickened, and his blood surged south. At the right moment, he entered and began thrusting, both of their breath rapid and erratic, hearts pounding out of control, sweat pouring off them. Then they hit peak, and the screams they emitted were loud enough to piss off any neighbors at home.

Collapsed against each other, in the sheets, sticky with the oil, their breathing slowly evened out, heart-rates returned to a normal speed. Both pairs of eyes fluttered closed, and they slept for nearly an hour, before waking hungry for each other again. Again, their neighbors either weren't home, and proved themselves to be very understanding, because their screams must have echoed through the building.

"If we do that one more time, I won't be able to walk tomorrow," Emily breathed, resting her head against Matt's chest.

"Don't worry, Cheryl gave us off tomorrow." He smiled and kissed her head. It was a Friday, but he'd negotiated with Cheryl.

Emily suddenly pushed herself up, and looked down at him. "Okay, Cheryl let you off early today, gave us both off early tomorrow, and I come home to a few chapters out of one of those bodice-ripper novels, what's going on?"

He brushed a piece of hair behind her ears, eyes burning into hers. "Hang on a second." He hopped out of the bed, and disappeared for a moment, before returning back to the bedroom, on hand clutched around something. He climbed back on the bed, stowing his possession a moment, away from her eyes. He sat facing her, and took her hands in his, placing a delicate kiss to her lips, and resting his forehead against hers for a minute.

"Four years ago today, we were sent on our first field assignment together. The woman who took her abusive husband and kids hostage, you were primary. I listened to you talk to that woman like you actually felt what she went through, and then I watched you talk to her two little kids until social services came. Their mother was arrested on federal charges, their father on state assault charges, but everyone was alive. You went into the bus, and collapsed on the couch in the back, this tired smile on your face. I decided then not to tell you that I was afraid of dogs."

"So this is what…fourth anniversary of the day you decided that you liked me?" She was amused and touched, but still felt like there had to more; he'd never mentioned that day specifically to her before.

"Yes, sort of. I decided it would be a good day to tell you that I love you. I want to tell you that these last three years together have been…indescribable. I didn't think I could love somebody this much, that I could spend so much time with you during the day, and still be dying to get you home at the end of the day, so I can kiss you, and touch you. I want this forever Emily. I want to wake up with you everyday until I die, and I want to go to sleep with you in my arms every night. I want to make a life with you, I want to see glow with my baby inside you, and I want to get up in the middle of the night with you to the sound of crying. What I want to tell you is that I want to marry you…so Em, will you marry me?" He pulled the little treasure he'd grabbed, and opened the box holding the ring out to her.

Emily stared at him wide-eyed, chest heaving. As he spoke, and she began to realize what was going on, her breathing became heavy with excitement. Her eyes pricked with tears, and she wanted to say yes the moment he said he wanted this forever. But then he said the one thing that changed everything for her, and her eyes pricked with another sort of tears, and her stomach churned sickly. With her head down, Emily shot toward the bathroom, and locked the door, leaning against it, struggling to breathe. Her clothes were still on the floor, and she gathered them quickly, dressing before throwing the door open.

Matt was standing there, looking worried, scared and heart-broken. Her head down staring at the floor, she shook it miserably, trying to hold back the tears burning her throat.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." And with that, she took off, out the door, leaving Matt with a diamond ring in his hand, and a proverbial knife in his heart.


Lia struggled to pull Duff off of her at the sound of the doorbell being pressed frantically. It was growing late, nearly nine o'clock, generally too late for random visitors, and she decided, as she pushed her half naked boyfriend back onto the bed, whoever it was better have a damned good reason. Duff groaned, wanting nothing more than to get Lia's clothes off, but remained flopped on the bed. Lia shot him an apologetic look, and hurried for the door.

"Oh my god," she breathed at the site of her best friend with tears streaming down her cheeks, hands shaking. "Emily, what happened? Is Matt okay?"

She guided her friend in the door, and to the couch, just as Duff came out, worried after hearing Lia.

"Shit, what happened?" Duff was only in boxers.

"Oh god, I didn't even realize, I'm sorry, maybe I should--" Emily looked mortified at her friends, realizing what she'd interrupted.

"No, you shouldn't. Now tell me what happened." When she wanted to be, Lia was very commanding.

"I'll go make some coffee." Duff sensed Emily would probably be more comfortable talking to just Lia about whatever was going on, so he left for the kitchen.

Lia watched him leave, mouthing a silent 'thank you'. "So?"

"I got home today, and Matt had this wonderful evening set up, and it was great, but then, he...he asked me to marry him."

"Wow, that's…wait, you don't want to?" Lia was about to say it was great, but if it was, Emily wouldn't be sitting on her couch sobbing.

"No! No, I do, so much, but, but I can't. Remember what I told you months ago? I can't." Suddenly, Lia realized what was upsetting her friend so much, and it wasn't something she could fix.

"So, you never told him?"

"No, I meant to, but I didn't even try. I didn't, I don't want to lose him." Head in her hands, Emily stared dejectedly at the ground, damn it.

"Em, you kind of have to at this point. Don't you think?"

Emily nodded. "But, it will be over then, Lia. He made what he wants pretty clear, and he can't get that from me."

"There's other ways Emily. Matt loves you, he might surprise you." She squeezed her friend's hand, and they sat there a while longer talking, until Lia told her to crash in her guestroom.

"Thanks, I don't think I could face him right now, after how I left. He probably hates me." Lia was about to comment when the phone went off, screaming through the apartment.

"Hello?" She grabbed it quickly.

"Lia, is Emily there with you? She left almost two hours ago, and hasn't come back." Matt's stressed voice came over the line.

"Yeah, she here, you can stop worrying."

"Oh thank god. Is she okay? She just kind of took off, and I don't know why. I think she was crying." It was clear he was a lot more worried for her, than he mad or hurt.

"She's alright, yeah. She'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Lia turned to Emily for confirmation, and the negotiator nodded.

"Alright, just tell her that I love her, and I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, we can work it out," he pled, his perfect night shot to hell.

"Will do. Goodnight Matt." Lia hung up and looked at Emily.

"He doesn't hate you. He asked me to tell you that he loves you, and he doesn't know what's going on, but whatever it is you can work it out."

Emily nodded slowly, eyes filling up again. God, what was wrong with her tonight, why was she such a damned wreck? Then she shook her abruptly. Matt deserved better than what she was putting him through tonight.

"Thank you Lia, but I have to go home and see him. I need to talk to him." Lia nodded, secretly rejoicing inside; by tomorrow morning, they better be engaged.

"Are you okay to get there?"

"Yeah, I took a cab here, I'll take another home."

"Just call when it's all said and done, and let me everything's fine, alright?" With that, the negotiator hugged her friend, and left quickly.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Duff walked back into the living room, completely bewildered.

"Reader's Digest version, Matt and Emily are getting engaged. Long version, it's not as simple as you'd think." Lia sighed, thanking god, her relationship with Duff was always a lot simpler than her friends'.

"Wow, that's good news…but, then why was Emily crying?" Lia grabbed his hand, and made for the kitchen, it was going to be a long night.


Once again, Emily jiggled her key in the lock until it gave, and pushed the door open, just as Matt came rushing out of the bedroom. She closed the door, and regarded him, a guilty little piece of her heart suffering from having run off and left him to worry. Matt seemed to forgive her quickly, because he quickly closed the distance between them, and held her tightly, almost afraid she'd disappear again.

"I'm sorry, Matt," she whispered against his neck.

"What's going on Em? Just give me the truth, if you don't want to marry me, just say it." He pushed back a little, eyes filled with hurt at the idea.

"No, it's not that. I want to marry you, and be with you forever, I want all those things you described, but I can't give you all of it." She felt tears spring to her eyes again, and breathed in deeply to keep from breaking down.

"What do you mean? What can't you give me?" Matt was so confused now, he just watched her dumbfounded, waiting for further explanation.

"That beautiful image you have in your head, of me carrying our baby? I can't give that to you…I can't give you a baby."

"You can't have children?" He was confused by this, never had he even thought to wonder if Emily would be able to have children.

She shook her head, eyes facing to the ground. "I got one of those old IUDs when I was a teenager, had it all through college. On day I go for my yearly exam, and the doctor tells me she has to take it out, they're yanking them from the market. She does, and tells me my uterus is covered with scar tissue, that I'll never be able to carry a baby." Tears were trickling down her face now, as she waited for him to talk.

Matt didn't say anything, he was still trying to process what she said, and wondering why she never told him before now.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you, but I was afraid. I don't want to lose you. I love you, Matt, but I can't give you everything you want. I'm so sorry." She fell onto the couch, arms wrapped around herself, head down. When the doctor told her, she'd been upset, but she'd gotten over it. She didn't trust people enough to have many relationships, and they were hard enough. She didn't really want kids anyway. But, when you fall in love, everything changes, and you find yourself imaging marriage, a home, domestic bliss, and a little boy with his dark hair and brown eyes. For Emily, you also realize with crushing disappointment, you'll never have that.

Matt fell onto the couch beside her, stunned and saddened by her confession, but not angry, and certainly not any less in love with her. He brought her face up to face his, and studied her eyes, willing her to search his for any sign his commitment had wavered.

"I won't tell you it doesn't matter, that it doesn't hurt that we won't get that experience, but Em, I love you, and I want to marry you. Not your uterus."

She managed a small smile at that. "Can you really live with that, Matt? You need to be really sure, because I don't want you to end up resenting me years from now."

"I'm sure. One day, if we want, we could adopt or get a surrogate, there are other ways to have a baby. I can live with it Emily, but I can't live not having you. Can I ask you again?" Her eyes were still tear-filled, but now at his words, so she nodded.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes, I love you so much." She wrapped her arms around him, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too."