Numb

Chapter 3


Sheppard had refused to let anyone take Teyla from his arms, not even to lay her on the gurney the med team had brought with them. Instead, he had insisted on carrying her all the way from the Jumper bay to the infirmary, the blanket still wrapped around her, a corner of it dangerously close to tripping him as it brushed against the floor. Likewise, the entire team followed behind him, though Major Lorne was forced to slow down a little in order to fill Colonel Carter in on the details as they went.

Jennifer Keller burst through the doors of the infirmary first, and John subconsciously turned sideways in order to keep the swinging doors from hitting Teyla, even though Keller's team had already moved in to hold them open for him. Only when he was standing in front of an empty hospital bed, with Rodney holding a pile of borrowed blankets in his arms and waiting patiently beside him, did he finally let Teyla out of his grasp. Laying her carefully on the sheets (which he thought were too cold), he took a blanket from Rodney and snapped it open, then settled it lightly over her still form. Rodney followed this with a second blanket – the comforter from his own bed – cautiously tucking it around her neck and shoulders.

"Okay you two," Keller said quietly, lightly touching Sheppard's shoulder, "let me help her, now."

Sheppard nodded wearily and stepped back, nearly tripping over a nearby chair. Kicking at it angrily, he took up a space near the waiting area instead, his feet pacing from one end to the other even as his mind raced.

"John," Carter's voice broke into his thoughts, and he lifted his eyes to hers. He wore his most pitiful "puppy-dog" expression on his face, the corners of his mouth turned down as far as they could go. Seeing him this way pushed her into what her friend Daniel Jackson called her "Big Sister Mode", and she wrapped her arms around him, her chin resting on his shoulder. "She'll be okay," she told him, believing it herself even as she spoke. "She's a strong woman."

Still too upset to say much, he managed to reply, "I know."

When she stepped back from him, her eyes found Jennifer's, and she said, "Keep me updated, okay?"

"Of course," Keller replied with a nod. Then, to Sheppard, she said, "You should go and get some rest. I can do your post-mission later."

He shook his head. "I'll stay."

"Are you sure, John?" Carter asked, her blue eyes filled with concern. "You've been up over 48 hours so far..."

"I'm sure," he cut her off.

She moved to say more, but his frown deepened, and she quickly snapped her mouth shut.

"I will not let her out of my sight until I'm certain that she's okay. If I'm not here and she..." he swallowed, unable to finish that particular line of thought. "I'm not gonna lose her a second time, Sam."

Understanding, Carter gave him a nod. "Okay. You can grab some sleep in here, at least."

Catching the undercurrent of a command in her reply, he nodded in return. "I'll commandeer the bed next to Teyla's as soon as Keller and her team clears out."

"Good thinking." Carter smiled. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

He nodded again. "Thank you, Colonel."

She left the infirmary, followed by Major Lorne, who told the group that since Teyla was in good hands, he was going to get some sleep. Sheppard let him go, knowing how tired his second-in-command was. He watched the pack of medical personnel working around Teyla's bed, and as soon as he found a gap wide enough, he slipped through them, coming to stand between her IV drip and the wall. Keller shot him a warning look, but said nothing. She knew Sheppard well enough to know that he needed to be close to his team, especially when they were in trouble, and it was that reason alone that she let him stay. The team finished up a few minutes later, and soon only Keller herself stood at the end of the bed.

"How is she?" Sheppard asked her, and she blew a strand of strawberry-blond hair out of her eyes and shrugged.

"She's okay. She should wake up pretty soon, now that her body temp is up around normal."

His eyes trained on Teyla's sleeping face, he said, "Rodney raised the Jumper's heat a little at a time to help warm her up. And we wrapped her and me up in a blanket together." A little more softly, he added, "Her skin was so cold."

Keller nodded. "You all did a very good job, Colonel. She was in moderate hypothermia when you found her. Another hour or so and she might not have made it."

"How long're you gonna keep her here?"

"A few days, probably. Just to be sure there's no lasting tissue damage." She glanced over at the bed beside Teyla's, then looked meaningfully back at him. "You should lie down now."

"But I'm not tired..." he began, stopping abruptly when her gaze turned hard.

"I said lie down, not sleep. Besides, you promised Sam." She pointed at the empty bed. "Go."

He tried the puppy-dog eyes on her, but it failed miserably. Defeated, he cautiously ducked around the IV pole and slunk onto the bed Keller had indicated. She spread a spare blanket over him and gave him a smile.

"It's only for a while," she told him.

"It better be," he growled, though his eyes had begun to itch with fatigue.

"I would watch your tone," she said playfully. "I know where the sedatives are."

He gave his lopsided grin. "Point taken." His eyes drifted closed, and he had almost fallen asleep when he suddenly jerked wide awake again. Bolting upright, he caught hold of Keller's lab coat just before she stepped out of reach, and she jumped and spun toward him in surprise.

"You'll wake me if she wakes up, right?" he asked, and she nodded quickly.

"Of course. Now, get some rest."

Nodding, his eyes blinking frustratingly slowly, he lay back down against the pillow. He was dead to the world in less than a minute.


Sheppard snapped awake at the sound of someone crying. Though he was disoriented, unsure of just where he was, he got out of bed and moved to stand beside Teyla's bed. Her head was turned in to the pillow, as if she were trying to muffle her sobs, and her hands clutched fistfuls of the blankets. Cautiously, he bent down until his face was inches from hers.

Softly, he called, "Teyla?"

At the sound of his voice, she slowly turned her head until one of her eyes was clear of the pillow. "John?"

"That's me," he said with a nod.

She blinked, and a tear ran down the side of her nose. "I did not mean to wake you."

"You didn't," he lied. "I was just keeping my eyes closed so Keller would think I was asleep."

She shook her head in disbelief, but said nothing. He inched closer and put his hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Sniffling, she pushed herself up and turned over so she could see him with both eyes. He only just succeeded in keeping himself from wincing at the bruise around her left eye, and moved to sit on the side of her bed.

"Do you need Keller to give you more painkillers?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you, John."

"Well, then what's the matter?"

She took a breath to consider her words carefully before she spoke. "Nothing is wrong. It is just that when I awoke, you were the first thing I saw, and I was just so glad to be home..."

"That your emotions ran away from you," he finished for her, and she nodded.

"Exactly."

He reached down and patted her hand. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm really glad to see you awake again. You were on the edge there for a while."

"And he was nearly dead on his feet," Keller put in as she passed by them, smiling at her patient. "He wouldn't leave your side until you woke up."

"Really?" Teyla asked him.

Suddenly very uncomfortable, Sheppard blushed. "Yeah. But I would've done the same for anyone on my team."

Giving Keller a knowing smile, she replied, "Of course."

Just then, he remembered the papers he'd found, and pulled them out of his pants pocket. As he set them on her lap, he explained, "I found these when I carried you out of the prison cell. Figured you might want 'em back."

Her whole body froze as she saw her own familiar handwriting, and without looking up at him, she asked, "Did you read them?"

Frowning, he said, "No. I just shoved them in my pocket. In fact, I completely forgot about them, until now."

"Oh."

Her eyes were glued to the pages, and her sudden change in demeanor puzzled Sheppard. He took her hand in his, careful not to pull on her IV line.

"Teyla," he said softly, and she finally lifted her gaze to his face. "I may be really clueless sometimes, but I'm not completely stupid; I've been held against my will before, too. I already guessed that those papers – whatever they are – are private, and that if you wanted anyone to read them, you'd give them to that person yourself."

"I was afraid you would never find me," she whispered, carefully folding the papers in half and setting them on the nearby table.

Unsure of what to say, Sheppard simply squeezed her fingers, smiling when she squeezed back. Teyla blinked slowly a few times, her hand covering her mouth as she yawned, and he took that as his cue to leave.

"You should get some more sleep," he told her as he stood up. "You've had a rough couple of days."

She nodded and wriggled down under the covers. "That sounds like a good idea. Thank you, John."

He moved to walk away, but she pulled him back with the hand still twined with his. A question – and something else she would rather not explore right then – was in his eyes, and her mouth felt suddenly dry. Licking her lips, she said, "Please tell the others 'thank you' for me."

"Sure," he agreed. "But I have a feeling that they'll all be in here at one time or another, so you can tell 'em yourself."

Again, he started away, and again she tugged on his hand. "John," she said, her voice at once desperate, pleading. When she realized how she sounded, she dropped her gaze and let go of his hand, afraid that he would think she was being childish. Sheppard merely sat down beside her again and waited patiently, his expression as neutral as he could possibly make it. He'd had an idea of what she had been through, but as he hadn't spoken to either her or Keller, he couldn't be one hundred percent sure. And while Keller would feel obligated to give him a full report, because he was the military commander on base, there was no such guarantee that Teyla would do the same, and that was completely understandable in his eyes. Still, he needed to know what kind of trauma she had endured, so that they could properly handle any potential fallout from it.

The silence stretched out a little further, and then, softly, she began to speak. "They grabbed me in the forest, while I was out collecting some food for breakfast. I tried to call out for you, but they injected me with some sort of drug, something that put me to sleep. I remember them dragging me through the Stargate, and then I must have fallen completely unconscious; the next thing I knew, I was in the prison cell you found me in. At first, they only said that I was being held for ransom, but after the first night, I knew that was not true."

"Why's that?" He asked, at once almost afraid to hear her answer.

"Because if they were planning on returning me, they would not have treated me so poorly. They would know that you – the people of Atlantis – would not take kindly to my black eye or bruises on my arms and legs. And they would surely know how you would feel about what they did to me after that."

Her eyes filled with shameful tears, and even though she had not yet explained what she meant, he felt his chest tighten in anger. No one made a woman cry and expected to get away with it, not when John Sheppard was involved.

"It's okay," he murmured, gently rubbing circles on her blanket-covered leg. "You don't have to talk about it. It's okay."

She shook her head, defiantly wiping away her tears. "No. I should tell you. I..."

"Listen," he interjected, leaning just a little closer to her, "we don't have to do this now. Why don't we wait until you're out of the infirmary and feeling better?"

Teyla stared at him, confused. A moment ago, he had wanted to hear what she had to say, and now he was basically telling her to be quiet. Why could he not see that she needed to talk about it? That she needed someone to...to what? To sympathize with her? John could never understand what she went through, what she was feeling right now.

Finally, she nodded. "Very well."

"Rest up, and I'll come spring you from here as soon as Keller gives the word."

Her lips curved into a smile at that. She knew how much he hated the infirmary; apparently he thought she did, as well. At that moment, she could see no harm in letting him think so.

As he stood up, she said, "That would be lovely."

He stayed beside her bed for a moment, then slowly bent down and pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closed. "Glad you're back," he whispered.

Teyla quickly closed her eyes to keep the tears from forming, and whispered back, "As am I."

He was gone before her eyes fluttered open again. She shuddered out a breath and turned onto her side, pulling the covers back over her shoulders. Then, she remembered the papers still laying on the bedside table and reached for them. Tucking them under the pillow, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.


TBC...