Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
Jake tenses. At the same time, the tremors are now worse. Much worse. Although he feels the chills run down his back at the horror he feels, the heat radiating from within his spine is threatening to overtake them. Here we go. Before his shape can blur and let the wolf take form, he hears the tinkling voice he's now grown accustomed to since becoming a member of the Cullen household.
"Jake."
She says it so low that even with his werewolf hearing, he still has to strain to catch it before it slips away. He swears for a second he can see an emotion flit across her face before it changes back to the lifeless mask he had been staring at everyday. He can't name it, but it's familiar to him and he hasn't seen that expression on her in a long time. Well, he didn't have the time to focus on it now. He'd think about it later. If he was able. His tremors lessen at the sound of her voice, out of habit really, him automatically refusing his wolf the chance to come out and hurt her, but they do not disappear.
"Bella?"
He knows she can hear through his gritted teeth but he can't help it. It's instinct. She's thirsty and his blood, while tainted with the "stench of animal", still runs through his veins. Keep it together. Keep it together. As he works to regain control, he hears the soft bell-like sound again.
"Jake."
Bella gently removes her hand from around his wrist and slowly begins to step back. Her hands are cautiously raised in front of her, almost as if to show him that she means him no harm. He allows his shoulders to relax a little and immediately concentrates on forcing the heat away, putting the wolf back into its cage. He unclenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. His heart is thumping like crazy and he knows she can hear it all too well. Blood in, blood out, blood in, blood out. He watches as she stares intently at him, patiently waiting for the control he needs to calm himself. About a minute later, his heart begins its return to its normal steady pace. His mind begins to hope but he quickly shuts the lid on it, refusing to allow even a piece of it to escape. No. Got to be ready. Her black eyes move back and forth, studying his expression as he studies hers. Neither of them move to speak again, an uncomfortable silence filling the air around them except for Jake's now quiet breathing. It takes some time, but eventually he sees her relax her stance and shift her weight onto her left side. He knew this was merely a habit, most likely to make him feel somewhat comfortable around her as the bloodsuckers always do for their prey, taught well to her by the Cullens.
"Jake," she begins quietly. He makes no motion to indicate he has heard her nor that he intends to exchange any words. He promised himself he would give her the option of talking first should she choose to. He would listen. He hears her heave a sigh. Another human habit. Strangely, this still doesn't comfort him as he sees the eyes that spread horror to his very soul dart back and forth, almost in a way to make him think she is trying to gauge his mood. As she does her assessment of him, he stands fast but his mind slowly starts its spiraling thought track again. How can he do this? Didn't she realize it was tearing him into pieces to think he might have to destroy her? Did she even know how close he came to it just a few minutes ago and how that had hurt him deeply? How much that would have hurt Nessie and hurt Charlie? Hurt him? Did she even care?
"Jake, I need a favor."
This catches him off guard. A favor? She had just been about to attack him and now she was asking him for a favor? If Jake had not lived in this absurdly weird scenario every day of his life for the past nine years, he'd swear he was stuck in some damn twilight zone. He decides to find out what she wants but remains noncommittal.
"I'm listening."
And just when he thought he'd heard everything in his young life, Bella surprised him. Again.
"This has to end."
His head snapped to attention at that one. Did he just hear her right? What the hell did she mean by "ending" it? Was she getting ready to attack him again? To finish it with one of them walking away and one of them not? His jaw clenched again as he waited to feel the familiar heat initiating his phase. But as he readied himself, he found himself looking directly at her, studying her features. Again. And this time, he was able to read her like the open book he had always prided himself on knowing by heart. No. She hadn't meant it that way at all. No, she had more sinister intentions in mind. The pieces of his heart that had been left standing after she had broken it repeatedly when she was human, were shattered and came crashing down in one devastating blow. She wanted to "end" it and she was going to ask him to do it for her. He felt like someone had sucker-punched him. He couldn't swallow. He gasped for air, the wolf inside, growling in anticipation, momentarily forgotten. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he processed the subtle meaning behind her request.
But, just as quickly as he had been shocked beyond belief, the feeling vanished and anger came rushing in. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" The snarls and growls came in quick succession, behind every statement that shot out of his mouth, punctuating the words. "BELLA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOLY CRAP! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!"
Not once did she flinch as he yelled these words at her. Mere minutes ago, he had been suffering, in pain at the thought that he might have to take down his best friend in order to protect those he was responsible for. This pain had haunted his very dreams, his waking thoughts, every moment of every day since the Cullens had left. Every time he looked at Nessie and saw the trust and love in her chocolate brown eyes. Every time he spoke to Charlie, the man who had been a second father to him, entrusting him with the care of his only daughter since he could not help her himself. Automatically, their trust was in him and he knew each day he didn't deserve it. Each day that the thought he might have to act as judge, jury and executioner played in his mind. This was like her infamous cliff dive on that day so long ago. So selfish and completely devoid of any thought for anyone else. Devoid of the thought of the pain she would inflict on everyone else by her thoughtless actions. Only caring for her own pain. Only hers. He recalled that day he had pounded life into her that day on the beach. This day was an eerie echo of the terror he had felt that day. Only worse. Much worse.
"You have a daughter! Do you even think about her? What the hell is wrong with you? It would kill her, Bella! She only has one parent left now!" That made her cringe, he could tell. But he continued mercilessly. She had been ruthless in her intentions, he would be just as ruthless. "You know, Bella, I've told you time and time again how it killed me when my mom died! How me and my sisters would have been lost without Billy! How I still need him around! You know this and yet, you're being so goddamn selfish and you want to 'end' it? GOD!" His tremors were out of control. He clenched his fists and placed them on his temples, closing his eyes and attempted to stop them. His teeth were gritted again but he spoke in a lower menacing tone. "You are so goddamn selfish, Bella. How could you? And to ask that of me? What's wrong with you? Think of your daughter. Do you think Edward would do the same? Do you think Edward would kill himself and leave Nessie in pain?" He knew that the name was hurting her but he couldn't stop himself now if he tried. "Edward gave his life for her. He didn't do it so you could die too and leave her all alone. You do that and what he did means nothing." He was calmer now, more in control. His tremors had all but ceased, only the slight quaking in his hands that were now clenched in fists at his sides. His eyes now bore into hers as he spoke. "Edward would be ashamed if he could see you now."
That did it. There was the snap he had been waiting for only minutes earlier. He had only seen that look once from her since she changed and that had been after Bella found out about his imprinting on Nessie. Her black eyes were now on fire, if that was possible, as they narrowed at him. "HOW DARE YOU?!" She was unleashing fury in her voice but somehow it still sounded musical to his ears. She was now stalking closer but he stood in place, facing her with equal amounts of venom in his stare. "Screw you, Jacob! You have no idea what this feels like! He's gone! Never coming back! I lost him! He was my soul, my everything! And now I have to face eternity without him! So screw you!" He was now toe to toe with her, she staring up at him, quiet snarls escaping her chest as her lips bared over her teeth. She spoke lower now, being mere inches away from his face. Her tone, a strong echo of his own menacing one from earlier. "How would you feel if you lost Renesmee? Tell me. Would you want to go on? Wasn't it you who told me that the pain would be unbearable? Nothing around to even equal to the amount of it or compare it to? So tell me. How would you feel? What would you do?" She spat these last words out at him in challenge.
He was angry. He was not happy that she had dragged Nessie into this. He had mentioned her name to try to make Bella see reason. She had mentioned her daughter carelessly, only as a weak defense for her incredibly selfish behavior. He stared Bella down for a moment before answering. "If I had a daughter, yes, it would hurt, but I would stay around. For her. I wouldn't be that selfish. I would keep going as Ness would've wanted me to." She continued to glare at him for a minute and then he saw something flash across her eyes. She ended up breaking her stare and looking down at the floor beneath them. "You're strong, Jacob. You always have been and I don't doubt that you would do that." He took a second to swallow but never tore his eyes off of her. She slowly raised her head and looked back at him. If she could cry, he was certain she would have been, tears streaming down her once peach-colored cheeks. "I'm not. I never have been. You saw what happened when he left the first time. You saw how broken I was. This is worse, Jacob. So much worse. Just because my heart doesn't beat doesn't mean I'm not in pain." She spoke these words so softly he was pretty sure she was whispering. Whispering her pleas to him for mercy.
Dammit Bella! She knew what she did to him. No denying that. That look of pain so evident on her pale face. She knew he hated seeing her in pain. All this time and everything that had happened in between had not changed that fact. But he wouldn't do this for her. He couldn't. Nessie would never forgive him. He'd never forgive himself. He took a deep breath and relaxed his brow. He closed the remaining space between them and clasped her hand again, never flinching at the dramatic difference in their temperatures. He was used to it by now. His eyes rested upon hers and he leaned his face forward a little. As softly and gently as he could, he gave her his answer.
"No."
Her head dropped in defeat. "What if I make you?" Another whisper. "I still won't do it." "Even if I threatened to feed on the town of Forks? La Push?" He could feel his instincts kicking up again at her words but he squashed them down just as quickly as they had flared up. He knew Bella. He knew her inside and out. She would never do it. He had feared all this time that she might attack one of them out of her thirst because she had cut them all off. She never gave them anything to work with to indicate what she might do. But now that he had forced her to reconnect with him, he could read her like that open book again. Sure, she was thirsty, no doubt about that. But she would never attack anyone. She had lived the Cullen way of life too long and the fact that she had resisted the thirst this long spoke volumes. No, she wouldn't do it.
"No."
She closed her eyes when he again offered his refusal. "I can't be without him." She seemed to speak these words to their joined hands as a final plea. He shook his head slowly. "You have to be. For her. For him." Her eyelids tightened in response and she let out a breath she had been holding for who knows how long. He could hear some quiet sound escaping her throat similar to the sound of a sob but he knew it wasn't possible. She couldn't cry. But that didn't mean she couldn't feel pain like she had said. He could feel the urge rising strongly in him to take her into his arms, hold her and rock her, soothing her as he always did in the past. Before he knew what he was doing, he kissed the top of her head and then leaned his forehead against hers, his next words coming out in a hushed whisper.
"Do you have any idea how much it would kill me not to have you around, Bella? Do you know how my heart was breaking thinking that I might have to-"he could feel the lump rising in his throat but he swallowed his way past it. There was nothing he could do about the choking husky sound of his voice, though "-what you wanted me to. I couldn't bear it. I'd die, Bella." Tears formed in his eyes but he refused to allow them to shed. He heaved one last heavy sigh and slowly encircled his arms around her, pulling her into him. The wolf was worried. There was a vampire in his arms that had not fed in however long and he was holding her close enough to have his neck within reach. He could feel the animal inside losing control, urging him to let it out to attack, to defend, to protect. But Jacob knew better. He would get her to hunt right away. If she didn't, he would go out right now, take down an animal and bring it right back. He would do anything for her. Well, anything except that.
She kept her head buried in his chest for what seemed like forever. He rubbed her back soothingly like he used to do back when she was still alive. The sob-like sounds that came from within her resounded throughout the quiet room. "I love you, Bells." Before he had time to process what he had said or why he had said it, Bella had ceased to make a sound and slowly lifted her head up to his. Jake couldn't fathom what was happening. His heart started to beat faster and he began to feel a little light-headed. Uh oh. He knew he had said the one thing he shouldn't. She was now looking intently at him and he just stared back, just as shocked. He needed to backtrack and fast. What was he thinking? "I'm sorry, Bells, I-" But before he could finish, Bella's cold lips were on his, her hands now pressed firmly into his chest. All thoughts in his head turned into mush. For a second, he forgot who he was, where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He felt Bella's small stone frame underneath his hands and he pulled her into him, deepening the kiss as he did so. He could feel her cool tongue on his lower lip. Without a second thought, he granted her the entrance she was looking for and without hesitation, she took it. Her hands had been grasping his wide shoulders but now moved up to entangle themselves in his cropped dark hair. He felt a slight tugging sensation as she pulled his head farther down to her. He didn't allow himself a second to think. If he did, it would be his undoing. He knew this was wrong but he couldn't stop himself. No, no thoughts. Not now. He hadn't known how much he had needed this until it happened. All his fear, his pain, his worry, his sadness all melted into him at this moment and he threw it into the kiss. He pulled her body tighter into him. It felt as if he couldn't get close enough. As he did this, he heard her emit a small moan. This only excited him further. He buried his hands in her hair, fistfuls of chestnut as he crushed her face into his. He needed to stop this. This was wrong. So wrong on so many levels. But he couldn't. His lips moved in ways with hers that they hadn't in years. Sure, her lips were now stone but still, they elicited a response out of him that he hadn't felt in so long. He began to back her up against the glass, never breaking contact between them. No matter how tight, how close he got, it wasn't enough. He needed her. He wanted her. For so long. So long. She was moving against him in a way that earned a small growl from him in response. He then grabbed her right leg and hitched it up around his waist. Another small moan escaped her. This was driving him wild. Mindless. Driven. Instinctual need. That was it. To his pleasant surprise, Bella jumped up in a tiny fluid movement and wrapped herself around him completely. He couldn't contain the growls. He pushed her against the glass again, which seemed to be shockingly strong in the face of their combined strength and weight, and she ground herself against him. He nearly came undone. He turned them around and threw them down onto the floor with Bella on her back with him on top. He had always taken great care to be mindful of his weight whenever Bella was a human but now there was no need. His hands roamed all over her, all the while grinding back against her evocative movements. He still couldn't get close enough. He moved his lips away from hers and began to kiss his way down her marble neck. Now unrestrained, her moans were louder and matched the rhythm of his hips. He was going mad! He trailed his kisses back up her neck and to the spot behind her ear. And in one swift action, he ground into her harder than he had in all the others and was rewarded with a small gasp.
This stopped him in his tracks. He lifted his head and looked down at her. Bella's eyes were half-lidded, still black with their hunger. But now it was hunger for something else. "What's wrong?" He didn't respond. Reason was starting to come back along with common sense and their annoying counterpart, the conscience. "Jake?" Still, he didn't say a word.
That gasp. It sounded so much like when Ness-Oh shit! He leapt up from her and darted across the room as if he had been burned. Oh my God! Oh my God! Bella was now sitting straight up, staring over at him as if he was now the one who hadn't fed in weeks and had the eyes of a thirsty crazed killer. "Jake, what-?" He couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of her daughter at all during that. Never mind her. He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought of Ness. His imprint! Not once! Guilt consumed him as he felt the ache in his chest encase his heart. His mind was reeling, flashing images at super speed in his head. Ness' face, Ness' smile, Ness' eyes, Ness' kiss...What the hell had he done?
