3: Tell me, why does this bother you so?
"What the hell, it's bigger than I thought!" a flabbergast Kyle exclaimed. "There's no way I'm getting all of that into my mouth!"
"You're taking too damn long," Stan muttered with hissed breath. "Stop making me wait so much, dude!"
"I can't help it," Kyle said, eyes still wide at the sight in front of him. "There's stuff starting to drip down the sides and it's making it hard to consume all this with one swallow!"
Surely, without a doubt, most of the people sitting around their lunch table would be quite uncomfortable, and even though they were quite used to this perverseness, the idea of Kenny not being with them seemed to knock them into surprise nonetheless.
Stan sighed. "Kyle, no one—and I mean no one—can possibly eat Sloppy Joe's in one swallow. Take your time, dude."
"You just said I was taking too damn long!"
"Well… yeah, you are. Hurry up then, because we need to embark on that little quest of yours to talk to the person you like."
Kyle hesitated at the thought but nodded anyway. "Sure, just give me a minute to eat this."
"Kahl," taunted the remaining boy at their table. "Kahl, I'm pretteh sure that's totalleh not Kosher."
"Fuck off, fatass," snapped Kyle. "It's not entirely non-Kosher. Besides, that was the only thing the cafeteria ladies were selling today, no thanks to someone."
"Don't mention it," Cartman replied with a slight chuckle, completely ignoring the glaring look he was receiving. "Hey, Stan, shouldn't you and Kahl be leaving?"
"Yeah, definitely," muttered Stan. "Seriously, dude, hurry up!"
"I'm trying to finish," Kyle said with a stuffed mouth. "But it's not like Kenny's here, anyway."
"We can do it without him."
"No we can't," Kyle said a little too quickly. "It's really hard to… without him." Stan gulped at the idea of Kenny possibly being the person Kyle liked, but the assumptions in his mind caused him to shake those fears. After all, it had been blatantly obvious before that Kyle liked him and not Kenny… right?
"Fine," Stan said at last. "Kenny's probably more experienced in that field anyway. We'll wait until tomorrow, then."
"Or whenever he decides to show up," said Kyle. "Now with that set, maybe I can finally get this thing finished already."
XX
As it turned out, Kenny decided to show up the next day during lunch.
"Aw man, you missed it, dude!" Cartman said, not wasting any time in recalling the events of the day before. "So yesterday the cafeteria was serving Sloppy Joes, right?"
As Kenny nodded with sheer interest Kyle shook his head, turning slightly to Stan. "Was it really anything that special?"
"What?" Stan asked, shaking his head as if having been previously in his own world. "Oh, you mean about how you finished lunch yesterday?"
Kyle nodded. "Yeah, that. I didn't think stuffing the rest in my mouth would be all that exciting, really."
"I'm sure Kenny will, though," the raven-haired boy replied with a sigh. "Knowing him, at least…."
"The bell had already rung!" Kyle exclaimed in defense. "What else was I gonna do, anyway? I would've been late."
A laugh thereafter told both boys Kenny had enjoyed the tale remarkably. "I don't think Cartman put that in his story," Stan said smugly. "But I don't think Kenny's gonna remember that in the long run, anyway."
Kyle nodded as he glanced back at the rest of his lunch table, blushing slightly at Kenny's goofy face. Stan frowned for a while, doing his best in staring at his friend as discreetly as possible; but after much self-reasoning he finally shook off the thoughts that were plaguing him. It wouldn't be possible, anyway….
"So," Stan said with a smile, patting Kyle on the back. "Now that Kenny's back I believe we should embark on that quest of yours, now." With pure interest Kenny raised an eyebrow at Kyle, a glance only suggesting that he explain the details. Kyle knew that look too well, however he wished he hadn't.
"I… I really can't," a flustered Kyle responded, avoiding Kenny's eyes—the action going unmissed by Stan.
"Whoa, what's this 'quest' Stan's talking about?" asked Kenny, the eagerness quite clear in his voice. "Did I really miss that much while I was gone?"
"Not really," Stan said, raising his arms to aid him in his story. "You see, Kyle—" but he said no more. Despite his excitement, Stan had at least remembered his promise to Kyle… the promise of him not telling anyone Kyle liked anyone…. However, a reassuring yet smug smile (or frown, as it seemed more like) from Kyle told Stan he didn't care anymore, and so he proceeded. "Kyle likes someone, and this quest thing was my attempt to get him to ask that lucky gu—person on a date."
"Ah," said Kenny, turning to the redhead. "Dude, you should totally do it!"
"First off," snapped Kyle, "I wasn't going to ask anyone on a date. I was just gonna… interrogate… and see if I had a chance. But now that I'm thinking about it, I don't really wanna do it anymore."
"But you said you'd do it when Kenny came back!" Stan protested, but he was silenced immediately by Kyle's snappish voice once more.
"No," Kyle said, glaring at his best friend. "I'll deal with my own problems, thanks." And before Stan could complain Kyle ripped his lunch tray off the tabletop and stormed off. The three other boys—and those around them, too—remained silent for a while in the wake of Kyle's absence, Stan muttering something feverishly under his breath, and even when Cartman tried to 'cheer' Stan up with a heartless anti-Semitic joke no one spoke.
It was only after a good five minutes—four minutes after those around them continued lunch once more—when Kenny finally decided to talk. "I s'pose I'll go talk to him, then."
XX
Stan never saw Kyle for the rest of that day. Not around school, not by the lockers (where they usually waited for each other)—nowhere. Stan couldn't even find Kyle thirty minutes after the last bell so he could take the boy home (incidentally he couldn't find Kenny, either). In his mind he knew the Jewish boy hated him, and though he convinced his frowning mother at his house that he was fine, Shelley was not so easily convinced.
"Welcome home, turd," she scowled, clenching her fists. "How's about a knuckle sandwich for being my brother?"
"Morning to you too, Shelley," had been the ever-so-enthusiastic reply, sending Shelley into a world of complete shock.
"Okay, turd," Shelley seethed, grabbing at her brother's collar from behind. "I'll let you know I don't have to act nice around you anymore 'coz of those damn sessions, but… wanna tell me what's up?"
Stan turned to his rather violent sister and frowned, her fake and forced smile anything but convincing. "Who are you and what've you done to my sister?"
"Stop acting smart around me," the girl growled, using a tone that made Stan cower and remove his doubts that she was in fact his sister. "You just seem more wounded than I could ever make you, so I figured, as your sister, I could help you be happier again… so I can wound you myself, later."
"Gotcha," Stan replied, even smiling at his sister's reasoning. But a slight nod and a silent trudge to her room removed any smile he might've developed. "Well, where to start…."
"Why are you strutting around like an emo-pussy?" Shelley asked, the bitterness startling him slightly. Though, Stan figured, he probably should've expected it….
"It's Kyle," he began, and immediately she grins hard. "No, he's not my boyfriend, and no I'm not like this because he broke up with me."
"I never said anything of the sort," Shelley replied, still smirking. "Though, I'm still waiting for the day you tell me something that is true?"
"Right," Stan muttered. "We got into a fight… sorta. I really don't remember what happened, though. We were talking about an agreement we had, and then suddenly he backed out and bitched at me for it. I don't really know what it is that got him mad at me, but I know it's my fault…."
"So you're being a complete wuss for something you aren't even sure about?" Shelley asked. "Seriously, Stan, be a man, won't you? At least ask the kid what you did wrong!" She shook her head impatiently and sighed. "So basically you're having guy trouble, huh?"
"Yeah," Stan replied. "Not in that kinda way, but in a sense, yeah. But what should I do?"
"Will it take a knocking to hear me the first time?" Shelley asked, her rough manner resurfacing once more. "Ask the kid, I told you. You turds are so stupid sometimes…."
Stan left before Shelley could feed her fists his undamaged skin.
XX
Talking to his best friend that next day proved harder than he would've thought for several reasons.
1 – Stan had planned to talk to Kyle about it on their way to school, but his hopes had been somewhat crushed when Ms. Broflovski informed him Kyle had walked to school that day.
2 – Stan realized that Kenny was becoming more of a better friend to Kyle than he was, and without a doubt Kyle knew it too.
3 – Stan continued to hesitate during the classes they had together, for he remained fearful that Kyle would take his attempts to mend his wrongs the wrong way.
4 – Kyle was clearly avoiding him.
Still, he knew he'd have to do it eventually, and as he remained awake upon his muddled bedsheets he wondered if best friends were really meant to have so many arguments amongst each other.
XX
"Hey," a brave boy managed to utter as he approached a particular locker. A redhead looked up from his position, stuffing a few books into the said locker, and smiled weakly back at him.
"Hey Stan. Sup?"
"You… err, want a ride home…?" Nervousness clearly racked his voice, but despite his stuttering problem Stan did his best to hide the face that he wasn't the most confident of people. Though, Stan figured, Kyle probably figured.
"Sure," Kyle said, shrugging. "Walking home's been a pain in the ass, anyway."
"That's good," said Stan, smiling in relief as he leaned against a nearby wall. Had it really been that easy…? "Hey, so uh, I'm sorry for the other day…. I guess I'm just kinda jealous, you know? How Kenny seems to get along with you now more than I ever have in the past while."
Kyle smiled, closing the door to his locker as he stood up while shaking his head. "Stan, my dear Stan… what's done is done, no? No need to dwell on what's already happened." Stan managed a shrug as the two began walking toward the parking lot. "Besides, I don't know why I got—"
"Hey," Stan interjected. "No need to dwell on what's already happened, right?"
Kyle chuckled. "Yeah, I s'pose so." Stan reached forward to unlock the door to Kyle's side of the car. "Anyway, in the end I took your advice… did some investigating and whatnot."
Stan froze on his side of the car. Investigating…? But Kyle hadn't…. "You did?"
"Yeah," Kyle replied, and as he stepped inside Stan still had at least the consciousness to enter the car and start the car. "Kenny said I did a good job, too… said I was a real flirt at times…."
"Oh," had been all Stan could say. He pulled out of the school parking lot, ignoring Kyle's frowning face as he turned his head to look out the back of the vehicle, and as he sped away he put in his best effort to not glance at the Jewish boy next to him.
"Sorry," Kyle replied, sighing as he rubbed his head. "I forgot you had that thing with Kenny…."
"Don't worry about it, dude" Stan replied. "I'm fine." Though, as the car ride progressed, the silence that surrounded them wasn't entirely in favor of his claim. Neither had said a word until Stan pulled in front of Kyle's house, and barely even muttered a word as he waved Kyle a goodbye.
Though… he didn't leave immediately.
"Stan…?" Kyle asked, hesitance in his voice—though that seemed to get Stan's attention. "Since you're my best friend and all… can I tell you a secret?"
"Sure, dude."
What Kyle said next couldn't make him any happier—though he made sure to make it not so obvious. "I… kinda like guys…."
Stan glanced at Kyle and, noticing his worried expression, smiled cheerfully at his friend. "So what? That's it? There's nothing to be ashamed of, dude. I know plenty of gay guys…."
Kyle sighed in relief. "Really, dude? Ah, I knew you'd understand!" and before Stan could utter another word he was wrapped into some sort of hug. Granted that their positions made it rather awkward, but it was a hug nevertheless, not to mention from Kyle…. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Stan. And don't tell anyone, okay?"
"I won't, not even to Kenny." Stan managed a laugh as he scratched the back of his head, though the response from Kyle hadn't been entirely what he had expected. "Though… can I ask who the lucky guy is, then…?"
His laugh died, his smile disappeared, any cheeriness the boy might've had had now disappeared, all because of the silent and discouraging expression Kyle was now giving him. Nevertheless he bit his lip and awaited an answer from his friend, and when he got one he found his own hopes flushing away down the drain.
"Kenny… and uh, I'm sorta… seeing him now, actually."
XX
Stan was spread on Kyle's bed, shirt tossed somewhere in his room; and he was gasping for air as if moments before he hadn't been able to. He knew that close by Kyle was staring at him with wide eyes, and he knew—or so he thought he knew—what his friend was thinking at that moment. Lights barely lit, soft music playing in the distance….
"You feeling okay?" Kyle asked as he approached Stan, face towel in hand. "Here, you might wanna use this to wipe that off."
"Thanks," Stan replied, smiling as best he could—though still a blatantly fake smile. "And yes, I'm okay."
"Tired you out too much?" Kyle said with a grin, but that quickly vanished when Stan said nothing. "Look, I already told you—"
"You don't have to say anything," Stan interrupted, pausing as he wiped the liquids off his face; their previous activities had really left Stan in quite a mess…. "I told you I'm okay with it."
"If you say so." For a while there was silence, much to the disappointment of both Kyle and Stan, but as both boys tried to speak the silence proved inevitable. They could only commit to silent actions in the somewhat door, which happened to include Stan's sniffing of his towel.
"Sick, it smells."
"Maybe because it does smell," Kyle said matter-of-factly, sitting down beside Stan. "Here's your shirt. Though… it kinda smells too."
"And it's sweat-stained," Stan added, pulling it over himself nevertheless. He didn't care how retarded he looked in front of his friend at that point—he was already taken, as he found out hours before—and the large stain on his front side only gave reason for a needed laugh. Stan, initially only passing by to drop Kyle off from school, had somehow managed to get himself invited inside, and soon he found himself playing basketball with the boy.
But it hadn't ended there. He was politely invited by Mrs. Broflovski to eat with the family for dinner, and afterwards the two boys had spent quite a long time wrestling each other on Kyle's bed. Of course, it proved awkward when Mr. Broflovski walked in, but after a brief explanation he felt much happier in asking Stan to stay the night. Yet even after Kyle's father's instated curfew, the two had merely dimmed the lights to create the impression they were asleep.
"Put on music," Kyle had suggested as Stan turned off all the lights in the room—except the one by Kyle's computer. "In case the bed creaks from all the wrestling and stuff."
And Stan had done exactly that. For at least a half hour they continued to wrestle each other, each boy claiming to be stronger than the other. Quite frankly Stan was surprised at how strong Kyle actually was, but in the end Stan's more extensive athletic background became the reason he had won.
After that, though… now that had been where the awkwardness had set in. And though the awkwardness at the present moment, four in the morning, was almost inevitable no matter how much they tried, the one tow hours before could've well been avoided.
"Why?" Stan had asked, almost seething, as he pinned Kyle to the boy's own bed.
"Why what?"
"Why'd you have to go like him?" Any trace of a smile that might've been on Kyle's face at that moment vanished. "Why Kenny, of all people?"
Kyle had tried to push the boy off him but Stan only pressed harder, digging his palms into Kyle's own, Stan's legs barring Kyle's upper thighs. "Stan, get off me!"
"Why?"
"Stan—!"
"Why?" and with that Kyle pushed him off—not because Kyle had overpowered his friend, but because Stan had practically rolled to his side. As Kyle straightened himself up by his bed he watched the collapsed Stan, hunched into a small ball, clearly even more of a mess. The boy was making stains on Kyle's bed, stains Kyle's mother would probably regard as something other than sweat, but sensing some form of sympathy Kyle decided not to care.
"Stan…" Kyle had said caringly, patting Stan on his back. "Stan, you said… you said you were fine with me liking guys and all…."
"What?—no, no…. Look, Kyle. I really don't mind that at all, really. It's just…." Stan gulped; if he hadn't caught himself he would've spilt his secret to Kyle, the secret that he wanted that Jewish ass more than anyone probably ever could (in his opinion, anyway). And sure, that sounded a bit bold, but he knew it to be true…. His conflict now, though, was that now that he was Kenny's… was it worth giving up?
"Just…?" Kyle asked, fishing for the rest of his sentence.
"…just… err, just that… I… I… I don't think that… Kenny is, err… right for you…?" Stan sighed afterward; he hadn't said it. But whether his substitute had passed off well…. But he sighed yet again in relief once Kyle nodded, sitting down in front of his computer.
"He makes me laugh," Kyle said slowly, turning his chair to face Stan. "And he isn't that bad looking, either. Plus, despite that perverse exterior of his—"
"—he's got something underneath that?"
Kyle ignored both Stan's joke and the accompanying smirk. "Kenny's actually a really nice person."
Stan shrugged, turning away. "I could disagree," Stan said. In truth he actually found the couple to be rather cute—well not cute, because that word was for girls… along those lines, though. Kenny—the loquacious of the two, outgoing, somewhat athletic, and completely unorganized—matched with Kyle, the more reserved of the two… it wasn't that bad of a combination. Quite frankly, if he weren't going after the latter himself he would've congratulated his friend many, many times.
As it was, though….
"Stan…?" Stan had looked at Kyle, his eyes twinkling with some unknown glint that Kyle could not place, and as he uttered a soft reply Kyle cleared his throat to continue. "Being completely honest with me… are you sure you're okay with this?"
Stan didn't respond for a moment, shifting his position so he was seated at the edge of the bed, but in the end he nodded. "'Course I am," he had said. "Besides, what good is it if I weren't? This is between you and Kenny. I'm not involved."
"Stan, seriously…" and Kyle had stepped closer to Stan, so dangerously close to him that Stan's breath had hitched for a second. "I want you to look into my eyes and tell me so." Stan had raised his eyebrows, but the expression on Kyle's face had told him he was being completely serious.
"Kyle, I swear…." Kyle placed a few fingers under Stan's chin, raising his head upward as they met eyes. "Kyle, I swear that I am… happy… that…."
"Stop laughing!" Kyle exclaimed, hitting Stan lightly in the head with his free hand. And then, lowering himself to his level, Kyle repeated himself.
"Fine, fine," Stan said, looking away to calm himself. But looking back had only caused him to break out once more. "Stop looking so serious, then." And after that, once the two had come to that agreement, Stan told Kyle what he wanted to hear. "I swear to you that I'm more than happy for you, Kyle Broflovski, and that I support what you're doing… and that I want your babies."
"What the hell?" Kyle had exclaimed, even as he was breaking into laughter. "You can't have my babies; I won't even—" but before he could finish Stan pulled him down on to him, the mattress squeaking slightly with the added mass.
Indeed, they did talk much longer afterward—after all, it had been a good two hours before, and in that time Stan had grown closer to his best friend… as if they actually could. He had learned that Kenny had been the one to ask Kyle, that Kyle accepted with hesitation (though out of fear, not because he had someone else in mind… to Stan's disappointment)… and after their conversation Stan had collapsed onto Kyle's bed, gasping for breath (not because they had wrestled again, but because he had just learned so much about his once closeted best friend, and it was proving difficult to take in).
But now they were side by side once more, with only two and a half hours before sunrise and seriously discussing whether sleep would be an option that night.
"Let's not."
"Good call."
…and that had been that. Another silence found the two once more, a silence neither boy wanted; but again, it'd prove to be inevitable. Though the silence, their minds surely were not remaining quiet as their mouths. Stan wasn't sure anymore what Kyle was thinking but he most certainly knew what he was asking himself—that same question he had wondered of since the beginning.
With a gulped, Stan uttered (pathetically). "…Ky…Kyle?"
"Yep." The response had been so casual, almost startling Stan for a second. Still…. "You sure I can't steer you away from Kenny?"
Kyle expressed an irritated sigh. "Yeah, Stan, that's my final word."
"Okay, okay… just asking… geez." The room remained silent for a moment as Stan planned his next words (which took a whopping two seconds). "Guess I'm gonna have to tell Pete it's no go, then…."
"Pete?" Kyle asked, astonished. "Who's that?"
Stan smirked, getting the response he wanted. "Oh, no one… just a guy on my football team who seems really interested in you… he's hot too, or so I'm told." Of course, there really wasn't any Pete on his football team, but it wouldn't be something he'd tell Kyle. "Anyway, should I just tell him there's no point in trying, then?"
"I guess so," Kyle replied, shrugging. However, as Stan nodded (discreetly disappointed, as well), Kyle shook his head. "Wait, no…." A smile grew on his face, a smile Stan didn't recognize, but in the end Stan soon found that smile on his own face. "Tell him to keep trying."
"What?" Stan asked, tilting his head. "Why, dude?"
Kyle smirked. "Tell him to keep trying… and that as much as he tries he'll never have me." Stan smirked, and as the two looked at each other they burst out laughing. Sneaky, Stan thought to himself, but it proved a better result than he had planned…
Keeping that bit to himself, he got up from the bed. "I'm gonna take a shower now… and get ready for school, maybe."
"Sure," Kyle replied. "I guess I'll take one after you, then."
"Good deal, dude." Smirking, as he walked away, head raised high, Stan gave himself a silent cheer. Oh I'll try, all right… but I will have you…."
-
In the end Stan decided he wouldn't give up, and he had many reasons behind his decision.
1 – He wanted Kyle.
2 – Kyle's ass was too sexy to pass up.
3 – He'd never be able to live with the regret if he had given up.
…and the rest of the reasons he'd keep to himself and his dreams.
